Every Kiss (27 page)

“Nope,” I spit out, putting a little extra emphasis on the
“p.”

Wes lunges at me, gripping the top of my shoulders, and for
a split second, he scares me enough that I wish I hadn’t crossed him. “Callie,
why are you so stupid? Why do you . . . why are . . .” He’s seething, unable to
even form a complete sentence. “Just . . .” He groans so loud that I can feel
it rumble in my chest.

“I’m not leaving. You can kick me out of this house, if you
think that’s what you need to do, but I’ll just sit on your porch.
You
might want to run, but
I’m
sure as hell not going to anymore.”

His chest heaves in and out, and his jaw muscles bunch and
work as he clenches his teeth. I can feel his fingers digging into my shoulders
as his anger increases with every breath. “Why? Why would you stay?”

My answer to this question will either make or break this
moment. He needs reassurance. He needs to know, for once, exactly how much he
means to me. I can’t expect honesty and trust from him unless I take a leap
myself and give it to him. “Because somewhere along the way, we became more
than friends. Because I truly care about you, no matter if you want me to or
not. Because even though my life would be so much simpler without you in it,
being away from you hurts me more. Because, Wes, no matter how much you’ve tried
to shut me out, I’m still falling in love with you.”

As soon as the last sentence falls on his ears, his arms
drop to his sides. The tension and anger immediately melt away, only to be
replaced by sadness. “No, you’re not. You’re just trying to fool me into
believing it, so I’ll let my guard down. This isn’t a game, Callie. I’ve never
given you a reason to love me. And if you really knew everything about me, you
never could. There’s a lot you don’t know.”

I’m guessing he’s talking about the child he’s hiding from
everyone. “I don’t care, Wes. You’re right. There’s a lot we don’t know about
each other, but in time, we’ll get there, and we’ll work through it. I can’t
promise that it won’t ever end, but that shouldn’t stop us from trying, from
giving it everything we have. Don’t tell me you don’t care for me enough to try
because I already know you do.”

One hand fists in the top of his hair, and his eyes fall
closed. “I don’t,” he says softly. “I can’t do this with you.”

Reaching out for him, I take his face in my hands, catching
him off-guard. “You’re lying. This isn’t about your mother or about your
ex-wife. This is about you and me. For once in your life, Wes, don’t let them
have any effect on what you want. Push all of that out of your mind for just a
minute. Be honest with me, and more importantly, be honest with yourself. What
the hell do you want? If you can look me in the eyes and tell me that it’s not
me, then I’ll leave.”

His jaw clenches, and I hear the sound of his teeth grinding
together. He stands there silent for what feels like an eternity, but when his
gaze locks onto mine, I know this is our moment of truth. He’s told me that he
“felt” something for me before, but it’s more than that, and we both know it.

“Cal, I . . .” His throat works on a hard swallow. “No, I
don’t want to be with you.”

His words shoot like daggers straight into my heart. I know
he cares about me; I’ve seen the proof. But when I open myself up to him and
make myself completely vulnerable and exposed, and he can still deny his
feelings for me, then there’s a thick layer of cold steel around his heart that
I’m not sure I can ever get past.

“Fine,” I sigh, trying to keep my composure. I can feel the
tears threatening to spill from my eyes, but I can’t let them. Not yet. “Then I
guess I’ll go. But only for now. I won’t give up on you as easily as you give
up on yourself.”

Spinning on my heel, I dart out the door, determined to keep
my steps quick but steady, even though all I want to do is run. I was naïve to
think that this would work so easily and that no matter what has happened with
his mother or ex, I would be enough to make him let go of the past and finally
grab hold of his future. Clearly, at least while he’s in this frame of mind,
I’m not even close to enough.

But by the time I reach the door handle on my car, a hand
grips my elbow and jerks me to a stop. “Damn it, Callie.”

Before I can turn to look at him, before any words can
escape me, he turns me around and lunges, shoving me against the car. All at
once, his body pins mine against the sun-warmed metal of my car door, and he’s
all over me. His long fingers dive into my hair, tugging just enough to urge me
impossibly closer, and his mouth attacks mine almost brutally, bringing both
pleasure and pain every time he draws my lips into his mouth deeply or nips at
them. It’s all so intense that I want to tell him to stop and beg him for more
at the same time.

When he pulls away, I have to stop myself from whining, but
all is forgiven when Wes’ lips skim along my jaw and up to my ear. “Of course,
I want you.” His voice is a soft rumble, but almost pleading. Like it’s killing
him inside to make that admission. “I hate myself every time I have to lie and
tell you differently. I hate myself every time I push you away. You’re all I’ve
wanted since the day I met you.”

“Well, don’t fight it anymore,” I say, wrapping my arms
around his neck and nuzzling my face into the crook. “Just give it a chance.
Give
us
a chance.”

Every muscle in his body turns to stone. “I can’t, Callie.
You know that. I just can’t do it.”

“Bullshit.” I shove at his shoulders as hard as I can,
catching him off-guard enough that he stumbles a step backward. “You
can
.
This is your chance to prove you aren’t the coward that I think you are. I’ve
seen the calendar on your desk at work. I know about the lists, and I’ve seen
my name on them every single day. You can’t fool me anymore, and I’m not giving
up on you. I’m not letting you run away from me anymore.”

His skin blanches slightly. “Why were you snooping on my
desk?”

“Stop deflecting. That’s the only thing I saw. Just admit
that I’m on your mind, admit that you think about me as much as I think about
you, which is all the damn time.”

“You know I do,” he groans, taking a step toward me. “Every
second of every day. But you make it seem like this has been easy for me, and I
can promise you that it hasn’t. I just know that I’m better off right now, only
thinking
about you, than I will be when you leave me.”

His mindset on relationships is so freaking infuriating.
“Well, then, maybe I’m
not
the right person for you. I think that, when
the right person comes along, you’ll feel the connection between you. One that
can’t be severed by anything life has to throw at you. You’ll know deep down
that she’s worth the risk, and it will kill you inside until you take it. I
won’t lie and tell you it won’t hurt me, but I’m your friend, and I’ll stand by
your side until that person finds you. Even if it’s only as a friend, I’m going
to be here for you. Always.”

“Cal, I . . .” My ringing cell phone halts his thought and
he looks down at my pocket. I think we both know what this call is about.

It’s Eve.

My eyes fall to Wes’ bunched fists when I answer the phone.
While I listen to Eve’s news, his whole body is frozen, every muscle is tense.
I know he’s waiting to hear that she’s chickened out, that she couldn’t face
him, but that’s not at all what I’m going to tell him.

“Thanks, Eve. I’ll tell him, and I’ll let you know what
we’re going to do.” I shove my phone back into my pocket, and I look up at his
weary eyes. I can see it. He’s preparing to build his walls a little higher,
reinforcing them with the years of resentment and abandonment. But, no, I won’t
let him this time. I just hope we won’t be too late.

“Tell me what?”

“Get in,” I say, jerking a thumb toward my car. “We’re going
to the hospital.”

THE RIDE TO this hospital is silent
for many reasons. Wes is apprehensive, he’s nervous, and obviously, he’s pissed
at me for making him get into the car before I’d tell him
why
we’re
going to the hospital. Well, that and the fact that I didn’t give him the
choice to decide if he wants to go visit his mother there.

I can tell that he’s torn up inside. I know a part of him
must want—need—to make this connection, to get some answers and maybe find a
little peace. Forgiveness. But I’m sure there’s also still a lot of hesitation
and fear of getting hurt. I can’t imagine what is going on in that head of his,
and that’s one place I’m certain I don’t want to be right now.

“You okay?”

His head whips in my direction. “Shut up, Callie. Not now.”

Yep. Pissed. “Fine. Just tell me one thing.” I turn into the
hospital’s parking lot and scan the rows for an empty space. “Do you want me to
go in with you?”

“You can go in,” he says. “
I’m
sure as hell not.
She’s
your
friend.”

I want to come back and tell him that it’s
his
mother, but I have a feeling that won’t work out so well for me. “Tell you what
. . . I’ll go in first and find out exactly what’s going on. Then, you can
decide. You owe it to yourself to see this through, Wes, and I’ll be right
beside you if you want me to be.”

“Fine. I’ll let you know.”

He reluctantly follows me inside, trailing behind so slowly
that I keep having to turn and make sure he’s still there. After finding a
nurse and asking directions, I finally spot her room, but Wes stops me before I
can make it to the door.

“I, uh, I’ll wait out here.” His demeanor has taken a sharp
turn. He’s nervous. Vulnerable.

I stretch up on my tip-toes and plant a soft, lingering kiss
on his stubbly cheek, catching the minty scent of the gum he’s been gnawing on
feverishly since I told him we were coming here. “Don’t run, Wes. I’ll chase
you.”

“I may run, just so you will.” He laughs nervously.
Something in this phrase gives me a tiny shred of hope.

I pull back and grasp his chin in my fingers. “I’ve been
chasing you for weeks. You just need to stop running, so I can catch you.”

He nods, suddenly serious. “I’m trying.”

“I’ll be right back.”

I nudge the wide door open just until there’s enough room
for me to squeeze inside. The slow, steady beep from the monitor is only half
of what my current heart rate is. I have no idea what to expect when I turn the
corner into the small room.

“You came,” Eve says quietly, pushing to her feet from the
recliner in the corner. She looks past me. “Wesley didn’t come with you?”

“He’s in the hallway, being his usual resistant self. Do you
know anything yet?”

She crosses the room and motions for me to come closer, so I
take the few steps necessary to join her at the foot of the bed. “I got here
just before Hazel, her cousin, left to go get some dinner. Apparently, Chesley
started feeling really disoriented last night and called an ambulance. She was
unconscious when they got there, and she hasn’t woken up since then, but
they’ve been giving her sedatives to let her rest.”

“Do the doctors know why?”

“They think it’s because she hasn’t been eating well enough
lately. Some new medication she’s on isn’t allowing her to keep much down. Her
body is just extremely exhausted and malnourished.”

Oh, thank God. I was expecting her to tell me that there’s
no hope for her, that they don’t expect her to ever wake up. “That’s awful, but
much better news than I expected to hear.”

“Me, too.” Eve’s gaze travels from Chesley’s feet all the
way up to her face. “After all these years, I never saw this coming. I have
never admitted it to anyone, but I’ve had this day planned since the day I knew
Robert was the one for me. I knew that someday Wesley’s mother would want to
know him. Even then, he had a kind soul. Who wouldn’t want to know him? So I
plotted out exactly how all of this would go. She would show up, demanding to
see him, and I would refuse, saying that he’s my son now. She gave him up, and
I gladly filled that hole she left. I imagined myself telling her how unfit she
was and how she wasn’t worthy of even looking into his perfect blue eyes. But
all these years, I waited for that day, and it never came. I’m not ashamed to
admit that I was glad for a long time because I didn’t want her to come along and
take my son away from me. Even when Shane came along, my true firstborn, Wesley
was still my first son. Always will be.”

I watch her circle around to stand by Chesley’s side, and I
follow her, resting my hand on her shoulder. “I know he feels the same way.
Nothing will change that.”

“I know.” She covers my hand with her own. “I’m not worried
about any of that anymore. Now I just wonder if we made the right decision when
we first told him about her. Just in case she ever did come back into his life,
we’ve always been honest with him about it, and I sometimes think we shouldn’t
have. What I thought would protect him from hurt in the long run has given him
years of doubt and confusion. He’s wondered why she left him all this time, and
when Sarah left, that was the nail in the coffin for him. She hurt him more
than I thought possible, and he lost all trust in women at that point. Had he
not known about his mother, maybe he’d be in a better frame of mind now.”

“But now, finding out about it as an adult, he probably
would’ve felt betrayed by you. You did the right thing, and I’m sure he’d agree
with me on that.”

“I do.” Wes’ voice is barely audible.

I jerk my head around to find him in the same state of limbo
that I was in when I walked in. He stands just around the corner, not quite far
enough inside to even see the bed. His hands are shoved deep into his pockets,
and his head hangs low, as if he can’t bear to lift it.

“It’s weird, you know . . . hearing what people say about
you when they don’t know you’re listening.” He still doesn’t look up. He just
keeps his eyes trained on his shuffling feet. “I didn’t know you worried about
any of that, Mom. You shouldn’t.”

Eve skirts around the bed and meets him at the door, her
tiny frame looks even smaller compared to him, especially when his arms envelop
her into a tender embrace. “Wesley,” she says into his chest, “No matter how
old you are, I’ll always worry about you. I’m sorry if I’ve handled anything
poorly. I’ve only tried to do what was fair for you.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong at all.” Wes finally looks
up, his eyes immediately find mine. “It’s me who’s needs to wake up, stop being
so damn scared of life, and just live it like I want to. I’m sorry for taking
so long to realize that. I can’t make any promises, but I’m going to work on
that.”

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” She tugs him down until he’s
low enough for her to kiss his cheek. “I’m proud of you for taking this first
step toward that. And I’m thankful that Callie facilitated all of it. I didn’t
want you to think that I was pushing you into this so I could get rid of you or
something.”

A nervous chuckle huffs from his throat. “You can’t get rid
of me that easily, you know. I like your cooking too much.”

Eve pinches his belly. “I never doubted that.” She looks
over her shoulder at me, jerking her head toward Wes. “Come here, darlin’.”

“Uh, okay,” I agree, taking a few steps until I’m an arm’s
length away. Wes watches every step I make, clearly curious about what his mom
is up to.

She takes my hand and pushes it into his. “I’m going to step
out for a bit because my heart just can’t take anymore right now.” Patting his
cheek, she looks up at Wes one last time. “Just take your time. Do whatever
feels right.”

He nods solemnly when she slips beside him to go out the
door.

“I’ll go out there with her, so you can have this time
alone, okay?” I squeeze his warm hand.

“No,” his voice cracks as his hand tightens around mine,
almost painfully. “Stay.”

“Okay, then, I’ll be here until you tell me to go.”

Wes flicks his eyes over at me, irritation framing his face.
“I’ll be gone long before I’d ever have to tell you to go. Let’s just get this
shit over with.”

When he doesn’t move, I decide to take the first step, and
he surprises me by following without any further encouragement. I watch his
gaze scan the room as we step further into it, and I’m immediately moved by his
reaction. I never would’ve expected this, especially after his last statement.
His expression changes shape from stony to withered as soon as he sees her fragile
body lying in the bed. Even though he stays rooted in place, something inside
him immediately shifts. Years of bitterness and loathing melt away, giving way
to an open mind and possibilities of forgiveness. I don’t think he truly
believed when I told him that her parents were at fault for her desertion, but
right now, this very moment, I think he actually wants to. I can’t express how
honored I feel to be the one to witness this change in him. The change in his
heart.

It’s this very moment that I know he’s going to be okay. And
the moment I know that I’m completely in love with him. Even through his
hardheadedness and multitude of personalities, I can now clearly see the man
that I’ve known was in there all along. He’s strong and dominant, but at the same
time, so yielding and kind.

“You didn’t tell me that I look like her.” His soft voice
isn’t accusatory; he’s in awe. “It’s weird to look at her and realize that this
is
her
. This person is the one that I’ve always wondered about. I don’t
know how to even begin processing all of this.”

I lean over and rest my head against his shoulder. “It’ll
take some time, I’m sure. But like your mom said, just do whatever feels right.
There isn’t a right or wrong reaction.”

“I think I want to stay a while and let it all absorb.”

I think he wants to stay a while and see if she wakes up,
but I’m not going to push him to admit it. “Okay, do you want me to—”

“Stay, Cal,” he interrupts. Stalking into the darkest corner
of the room, he eases into the chair, leaning forward and resting his elbows on
his knees. Watching her. I take the recliner right beside her bed to do the
same.

The room is quiet, except for the steady rhythm of the heart
monitor and the shuffle of feet in the hallway. As I watch the steady rise and
fall of her chest, I wonder how we’ll all go on from here. I wonder what the
future holds. I already know that Chesley doesn’t have much time, but I’m not
giving up hope that she and Wes can get to know each other a little before
she’s gone. And I wonder how establishing this relationship might change him,
if at all. I know that what his ex-wife did has scarred him for life, and I
know there’s nothing I can do to heal that part of him. I just hope that
finding this connection with the woman who gave birth to him will open up parts
of his heart that he didn’t know existed. Forgiveness has a way of healing your
heart, even when it's shattered into a million pieces.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Not at all a pleasant way to wake up.

At first I start to reach for my alarm clock, but I remember
I’m still at the hospital. I sit up in my seat and look over at Chesley. Her
eyes are wide, her breathing is erratic, and I’m immediately concerned that
she’s having some sort of attack. But when I realize what she’s staring at, it
all makes sense. She sees Wes.

I have to mentally prepare myself before I can look over at
him, but I’m relieved when I see him leaned against the wall, sleeping soundly.

“That’s him?” she asks, her voice is hoarse and nearly
unintelligible. “That’s Wesley?”

I jump up from my seat, a little lightheaded from the sudden
rush. “It is.” I cover her hand with mine. “Once we found out where you were,
we came straight here. He wanted to stay until you woke up.”