Every Kiss (21 page)

Makenna pops her head back in the door. “Wes agreed to
forty-eight hours.”

“You’re kidding.” God, I want to smack that stupid smile off
her face.

“Nope. Not at all. Don’t get me wrong, Shane says he argued
with him, just like you did with me, but he still agreed. Kind of telling,
isn’t it?”

“No, that just tells me that he didn’t want to be the ass
that said ‘no.’ That way, neither of you could say that he never gave it a
chance. Neither of you could say he didn’t try to do the right thing and work
it out with me.”

Makenna leans against the wall and taps a finger on her
chin. “So you know you just admitted that something happened between you,
right? You finally admit that it
wasn’t
just a one night thing and you
both casually went your separate ways with no hard feelings.”

Damn it. She got me. “Okay. Yes, there’s more to that story.
Happy?”

“No, I’m not. I hate seeing you unhappy. I don’t know what
feelings there are, but I know they’re there. That’s the reason for the two
days. Work your shit out, Callie, and move on from this. If it’s just a matter
of you having the opportunity to say your piece, then do it. If it’s something
more than that, talk to him and figure out this mess. I knew it was a pretty
bold move, but this is what I wanted to give you for your birthday—opportunity.
So take it, use it wisely, and stop being so pissed off.”

I nod once, finally allowing my eyes to meet hers. I don’t
know when she grew some balls, but I’m actually kind of proud of her. “Okay.”

“Good. Shane and I are going out to the beach for a while,
so you guys can join us or stay in here and start hashing it out. The choice is
yours.” She walks out, leaving me standing in the middle of the room. I’m
speechless. It’s about damn time I rubbed off on her, but it’s just my luck
that she’s using my own tactics against me.

I wait a while after I hear Shane and Makenna leave the
house, interested to see if the coward comes up to talk to me, but as
suspected, he doesn’t. So I’m going to show him that
I’m
not scared to
face him. He agreed to stay here for two days, and we’re supposed to talk all
of this out, so damn it, I’m going to prove to him that I’m not the one running
from it.

Twisting the knob, I tug on the door, but there’s a little
more resistance than I expect. There’s also a hand on the other side of the
knob that I didn’t expect to see. Hmm, he actually came up here. Probably just
trying to stroke his own ego by proving me wrong.

“So you’re stuck with me for a couple of days, huh?” Wes
pushes the door open enough to lean into the jamb. “Why did you agree to it?”

I narrow my eyes at him. “Oh, I’m sorry. Were you counting
on me saying ‘no’ so you’d get out of it, looking like the good guy?”

“No. I just figured you wouldn’t do it. You’ve made it clear
exactly what you think of me, and I was surprised to find out you told Makenna
you’d give them the weekend to prove they’re right.”

Turning on my heel, I walk through the open balcony doors
and look out at where the horizon meets the ocean. “Wes, you made it clear what
you thought of me the morning that you disappeared. We’re even.”

“You really want to jump into all of it right now?” he asks,
appearing beside me. “You called me a damn coward, so I’m going to set you
straight. I’m not afraid to tell you exactly what happened between us, Callie.
I’ve been honest with you from the minute I met you. Not once did I think you
were some prize I had to win. I have no idea what gave you that impression. Yes,
I ran, but hell, I
told
you I was going to. I warned you that, the
minute I felt something for you, I’d be gone. And for some reason, when it
happens exactly like that, I’m somehow a coward for not being upfront with you.
Explain to me how being honest makes me a coward.”

Every single thought that I was about to voice comes to a
screeching halt when I replay his words in my mind. “Wait a minute. You felt
something for me. I wasn’t imagining it?”

“Of course, I did.” He drags his fingers through his hair and
turns to me, finally locking his gaze onto mine. “I told you that you’re
perfect, and I meant it. I don’t say things I don’t mean, Callie, especially
with you. I’ve been completely honest. I was going to tell you all of this that
day at my parents’ house, but you didn’t give me the chance. I wanted to make
sure that you knew I wasn’t ending things with you because I didn’t like you. I
had to end things because I
do
like you. Way too much.”

I feel my shoulders sag. Thinking back to that day, I know I
acted like a complete idiot. It wouldn’t change the fact that we aren’t
together, but knowing how he felt might have changed my outlook on the whole
thing. I might’ve actually been less of a bitch the last few weeks. “So where
does that leave us now?”

“I don’t know,” he sighs, leaning back against the railing
in front of me and making me nervous. “The same place, I guess, but I hope that
you have a little more understanding of why it has to be this way. I don’t want
you to hate me, Callie. In a way, I’m glad those two dorks planned all of this
to give me the opportunity to clear the air.”

“Me, too. I’m sorry that I called you a coward, and I
should’ve given you the chance to tell me what you had to say.”

He reaches out and drags me into him, and I don’t fight it.
The feeling of his strong arms around me. The weight of his chin resting on top
of my head. The smell of him surrounding me, enveloping me in a strange calm.
Somehow, it’s like coming home after being away for a long time, like being in
my safe place where nothing can hurt me. The only other time I’ve felt this way
in a man’s arms was the night of the banquet, when he curled up against me and
held me close before falling asleep.

“We have two days, Callie,” he says softly. “For two days,
we can be friends. We can show Shane and Makenna that everything is fine. If
you want, we can even be friends after that, but only from afar. I won’t let
myself get that close to you again. But you have to know that it’s not that I
don’t want to. I just can’t.”

I take a deep breath and blow it out slowly. “I know. But
just so you know, you’re just as good at keeping distance as you are at not
flirting.”

“Yeah, I really suck at it.” He squeezes me one last time
and lets me go. “Which is exactly why the next forty-eight hours are going to
be the longest hours of my life.”

Mine, too.

WES AND I spend the next few hours
hanging out with Shane and Makenna. They keep staring at us, just waiting to
see if a) we’re going to jump one another and start making out, or b) start
screaming and throwing things at each other. I know they’re dying to know if
we’ve talked about any of our issues, but I’m not folding on this one. They
forced us together without consulting either of us, so I’m not giving any
clues.

We’ve spent most of our day on the beach, and aside from the
strange tension between everyone, it’s been quite nice. Wes has only spoken to
me when necessary, and Shane and Makenna have been all wrapped up in each
other, so I’ve enjoyed the quiet. Just me, my umbrella, and a book.

Yeah, okay. Who am I kidding? I keep reading the same
sentences over and over again, and I don’t know what the hell this story is
about, even though I’m on chapter ten. I can feel Wes staring at me, and every
time I glance in his direction, I catch him. But he doesn’t look away. It’s
unnerving. And thank God for sunglasses because every time he goes out into the
water, I can watch the way the water glistens on his chest and the way his
muscles bunch and flex when he swims. I just have to remind myself to turn a
page every now and then.

Speaking of which, I should probably turn one now.

“Why don’t you go out and swim with Wes?” Makenna asks, her
question full of false innocence.

I slide my sunglasses to the top of my head and look out at
him. “Oh, I didn’t even realize the guys were out there. I think I’d rather
stay here and read though. This book is so good. I’ll let you borrow it when
I’m finished.”

“Hmm, I don’t think I’d like it.”

“Why not?” I look back over my shoulder at her.

A mischievous smile plays on her lips. “Looks like a pretty
complicated read to me. The words are printed upside down.”

My eyes fall to the open book in my lap, and I gasp,
slamming it closed and standing to move my chair. “I must’ve just turned it
when you started talking to me,” I explain, lying on my towel on my stomach,
facing away from Wes.

“Yeah, like a half hour ago. I’ve been watching to see if
you’d ever notice, but I guess as long as Wes is out in the water, half naked,
it would be hard for anyone to read. But that’s okay. You two can play it cool
all you want. You’ll eventually cave. And as long as Shane and I are around for
a buffer that’s not going to happen, so we’re going inside for some
private
time. We’re all going out for your birthday tonight, so be ready by six.”

She stands, crooks a finger at Shane, and walks up toward
the house. He immediately stops splashing Wes and follows her, leaving the two
of us alone. When I glance back over my shoulder, our eyes meet for only a
split second before I turn back to my book, willing myself to comprehend any of
the words despite the fact that I can hear him coming closer.

“What are you reading?” he asks as he falls on the towel
next to mine.

I pause to show him the cover and go back to reading . . .
or pretending to read. He doesn’t need to know which.

He lies on his side, facing me with his head propped into
his hand. “Is that the bikini you wore at my birthday party?”

“It is.”

“Are you going to keep ignoring me all day?”

I turn to him, about to say that I’m
not
ignoring
him, when he reaches out and slides my sunglasses off my face. I’m struck by
the cool blue of his eyes and the intensity behind them. His hair is still damp
with ocean water, and he has sand clinging helplessly to his dark skin.
Interesting. I can honestly say I’ve never been jealous of sand before. He’s
not helping things by looking like that.

“You look good, Callie. As always.”

I let out a sigh that’s more of a groan. “Distance, Wes.”

“Trying, Callie,” he mocks. “I want you to know that I’m
really sorry about how everything happened between us. I wish we could start
over.”

I roll onto my side and mirror his pose. “Oh, yeah? Do you
really think it would’ve ended any differently? Let’s be honest here, Wes. I
think we still would’ve been attracted to each other, and I would’ve ended up
in your bed at some point. And being how you are, you would’ve run away like
you always do. This is your pattern with every woman, so I don’t know why I’d
be any different.”

“Damn, Callie, tell me what you really think about it.” He
falls over onto his back and shakes his head.

“You don’t want to know what I really think.”

He huffs out a puff of air. “Well, aren’t you just all
self-righteous today? Go ahead and lay it on me. Tell me.”

“Well,” I begin, “I still think you’re a coward. Cowards run
instead of facing their feelings, so yeah . . . you’re still a damn coward. And
cowards don’t talk about the hard stuff because they’re afraid it makes them
look weak. Cowards are also too scared to take chances, even when it’s
something worth going after.”

He seems to contemplate that for a minute, but he doesn’t
get mad like the last time I told him that. Finally, he shrugs one shoulder and
looks over at me. “Okay. Since you put it that way, maybe I am. But I’d rather
run scared than end up hurt again. Women don’t have any problem walking away
from me, so I’ve learned it’s a lot easier to be the first one to walk away.”

Well, hello. I think he just confessed the root of the
problem. He actually opened up to me in a roundabout way. “Are you ever going
to tell me what makes you that way? You say that you’ve always been honest with
me, but you’ve never told me why you feel like you have to run. Does this have
something to do with your mother?”

“Callie, I’ve told you. I’m not discussing my mother with you.
It’s just not ever going to happen. All of that is between me and my parents.
No one else. But since you’re so intent on digging, I’ll give you a piece of
the puzzle.”

I can see the hurt just behind his eyes as he dredges
through the painful memories from his past. I don’t want him to feel that way,
and I almost stop him, but he needs to talk to someone. He needs to get it out.
I don’t know what compels me to do it, but I take his hand and squeeze it. At
first, he keeps his hand straight, and I almost pull mine back, but he turns
his hand and laces his fingers with mine. “I know it sucks, Wes, but I need to
understand.”

“Her name is Sarah. She wasn’t just my high school
sweetheart; she was my girlfriend since the third grade. I always knew we’d end
up together. If I started a sentence, she’d finish it. She could always cheer
me up, even when I didn’t want to be. She was my motivation, my reason for
waking up in the morning. I thought we had something special, you know?”

Rubbing my thumb across the top of his hand, I nod.

“Right in the middle of our senior prom, she dropped the
bomb on me that she was pregnant. The timing of it was awful, I know. We had a
lot of living to do, and it was way too early to start a family, but I knew I
wanted that with her. It was just happening a little sooner than I had planned.
Our parents weren’t too thrilled about it, but the weekend before our high
school graduation, we got married. I wanted our baby to have a good life, to
grow up knowing it’s loved every day. I fell in love with it the day that we
went to listen to the heartbeat. I was only eighteen years old, but it’s still
the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. That was my child. I was a father.”

He swallows hard, trying to fight back emotion and choking
on his words. I can’t tell if he’s sad or angry or both, but I know this is the
most raw and honest I’ve ever seen him. I know he’ll eventually close right
back up again, but just like his mom said, he’s split wide open.

“Makenna told me that she miscarried, Wes. I’m so sorry for
both of you.”

“No,” he spits out, his words full of venom. “Don’t be sorry
for her. She doesn’t deserve anyone’s pity.”

“Look, just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean that—”

He sits up and faces me, still holding onto my hand. “Stop
right there. That’s not why, Callie. I’m going to tell you something that no
one else but Sarah knows, and you have to swear to me that you won’t say a word
to anyone. Not Makenna. Not my family. No one.”

“I promise.”

“Callie . . . she . . . she
killed
my child. She told
me and everyone else that she miscarried, but before she left me, she confessed
that she had an abortion. Our innocent baby never even had a chance because she
couldn’t stand the thought of having a life-long attachment to me. She wanted
away from me bad enough that she
murdered
my child. I would’ve taken the
baby and let her walk away, just like my mother did, but she couldn’t even
stand to stay with me long enough to have the baby. That’s not something that
I’m likely to forget, Callie. That’s two of the most important people in my
life who walked away, who didn’t care what the consequences were. They just
couldn’t stand to be a part of my life, so they both made selfish decisions,
not caring what it did to me. That is why I refuse to let myself feel anything
for another woman. That is why I’ll always walk away first.”

His eyes are filled with unshed tears, but mine are flowing
freely. I can’t imagine being so selfish that I’d abort my own child to keep
from spending my life with a guy. I definitely get it now. I understand exactly
why he feels the need to run, and that knowledge makes me want to hold onto him
a little tighter. His mom is right. Someone needs to chase him, to show him
that running isn’t an option. And I’m not even going to mention to him that he
let some information slip about his mother. That’s clearly the most raw,
infected wound of all, so I’ll let him open that one up another day.

I rise up to sit on my heels, and I throw my arms around
him, holding him tight until his body finally relaxes into mine. He buries his
face into my neck and wraps both arms around my waist, rubbing his thumbs up
and down my sides. Neither of us needs to say anything right now. There’s not
anything I could say to heal that hurt, not today. And there’s not anything
else he needs to say to help me understand. I’d be scared out of my mind to get
close to someone, too, so maybe he’s not as big of a coward as I thought he
was. He just has some deep scars and doesn’t want to get hurt like that again.
It’s a defense mechanism. Survival instinct.

“I’m sorry, Wes.” I’m finally able to form those words
without feeling like crying. “You’re an amazing guy, and you don’t deserve to
feel that way. One of these days, someone is going to walk into your life, and
if it’s the right person, you won’t be able to
make
them walk away from
you. You just have to be willing to give them a chance to prove it to you. But
I also think that you’ll know when she’s the right one. Just trust your gut.”

He takes a shaky breath. “I don’t think it can be any other
way. I refuse to go through that again.”

“But tell me something.” I run my fingers through the hair
at his nape. “Are you happy with your life? Are you happy spending your nights
with Allison, just because you know you don’t like her enough to ever have real
feelings for her? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life like this?”

He pulls back and looks at me. He didn’t ever cry, but the
red rimming his eyes tells me that he came close. “I’m happier than I would be
if another woman walked away from me. This is easier. Safer. And I haven’t seen
Allison since my birthday. I’m done with her . . . not because I have any
feelings for her, but because . . .”

“What?”

“Nothing. I just can’t stand to be around her anymore.” Wes
pushes my hair back from my face. “Thanks for listening to me whine. This is
your birthday, and it shouldn’t be about me.”

Aaaaand . . . the vault closes again. “I’ll listen anytime.
Isn’t that what friends are for?”

He smirks, his aquamarine eyes brightening. “I guess so. But
you know what just occurred to me?”

“I don’t have a clue.”

“Shane and Makenna.” Wes looks back at the house. “As much
as I hate to admit it, they were right. Their stupid plan might not be so dumb
after all.”

I guess he’s right about that. I feel better right now than
I have in weeks, and I know it’s because he’s here and we’ve talked. This
weekend will end, and I know he’ll go back to his life and I’ll go back to
mine, but I only want to think about this moment. Sure, I’d love more from him,
but maybe we can actually be friends. The line may always be a little blurred,
but as long as we acknowledge it, there shouldn’t be any surprises.

“And I really wanted them to be wrong, so I could let her
have it.”

“Well, well, well . . .” Makenna calls out as she walks down
the sidewalk leading to the beach. “Didn’t take you two long to hug up to each
other.”

Wes drops his arms from my sides. “Well, it didn’t take
you
two
long to take care of business. I’ve tried to tell Shane that slow and
steady wins the race, but I think all he heard was ‘race.’”