Every Breath You Take (Oasis Book 1) (16 page)

When I returned my gaze to his, his eyes were wide. Surprise reflected back at me. He wasn’t expecting this. And I wasn’t either.

“I trust you,” I said.

His lips parted. “Thank you.”

And then his mouth was on mine, like he couldn’t hold back anymore. My hands were trapped between us, but he wouldn’t loosen his hold.

“Charlotte,” he murmured, changing the angle of the kiss so his hand supported the back of my head.

My whole body tingled with anticipation and longing.

“No more interruptions,” I told Finn.

Finn removed my shirt. “Not a problem for me.”

I smiled at him and he paused, hands framing my face. “You are so beautiful. Please don’t stop smiling like that. Ever.”

The words made my smile falter. It had been so long since I’d been able to live in the moment. And Finn was giving me that.

I kissed him tenderly on the mouth, lingering with my tongue sliding across his lips. “I don’t know what to say, Finn. You’re…”

His hands roamed on my back, and then unlatched my bra. “You don’t have to say anything, just feel.”

He dropped my bra to the floor and then stood back, eyes drinking in my bare skin. I reached for him, but he backed me to the bed. He curled one arm around me and leaned me back. A laugh of surprise lodged in my throat. Finn’s eyes gleamed with amusement and hunger.

When I was horizontal, relaxed on the soft comforter, Finn fumbled in his pants for something. The light from the window shone on the side of his face, and I blinked, feeling a familiar rush of love for him. Most of it was left over from before, when I had been barely more than a girl getting to experience the feel of being intensely connected to someone. But part of it, a growing part, was new to me. Fresh feelings for this new man who stood in front of me.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Being responsible,” Finn grumbled, opening his wallet.

I leaned up on the bed and reached for his shirt. He abandoned his wallet for a minute to let me pull it off.

“Dammit, what’s wrong with this thing?” Finn growled.

I ran my hands over his shoulders, and brought my lips to his ear. “You don’t need that.”

His eyes flashed to mine.

Ducking my chin, I said, “I mean, I’m on the pill. It was…better for when I was with–for before.”

Because Mark had liked to come home from work and let his stress out almost every day. Sometimes rough, sometimes gentle, but almost every day. And I couldn’t imagine having kids with him. Even if he’d wanted kids, he would have been a horrible father. And I would’ve been a horrible mother if I’d let my kids have a father like that.

I continued to babble because I couldn’t read his expression, and now I was nervous. “I mean, unless you’re concerned about other things. And then–”

I broke off, cheeks flushing. I didn’t even realize a tear had leaked out until Finn brushed it with his thumb. “God, Charlotte, I can’t even…” He wrapped his arms around me, hand at the back of my head to guide it to his shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

A hesitant laugh popped out. “You probably don’t want to do this anymore.”

“I disagree.”

I looked back up at him. “Okay, now I’m kind of nervous. It’s been…”

A long time. Since Mark. It had been that long. And I was scared, ridiculously scared, all the sudden.

“I’ll be gentle,” Finn said.

And he was. He removed his pants and leaned over me on the bed, raining soft kisses down my neck to my collarbone, and then over to one breast. He took it in his mouth, teasing the nipple with his tongue until I arched on the bed. I could feel his arousal pressed against me, hard and ready.

I reached for Finn, but he whispered, “Not yet,” and kissed lower. Down my stomach and to the peak of my legs. My hands clenched on the comforter.

“Oh, God,” I gasped.

Finn made a noise of approval and swirled his tongue in slow circles, making my body burst with sensation. He took his time. Unlike Mark, he spent time on every part of my body until my breath came out in sharp pants.

“Finn,” I said, reaching up again. I hooked him around his neck, using all my strength to pull his mouth to mine.

I matched his pace with one of my own, assaulting his senses to give my own body a break. To be able to hear that low groan in his throat and know he was feeling as much as I was.

Then I arched my hips to his and he entered me, slow and full. After so long, it made my body tighten up at first. Finn paused and pulled back.

“Charlotte,” he murmured.

“No, it’s fine. Keep going, Finn. It feels good.”

He linked his fingers with mine, setting a slow speed at first, in and out until his arms started to shake. I reached around, cupping his butt, and pressing my hips to his to feel him as deeply as possible.

With his eyes on mine, he drove in and out, building speed until his body tightened up. I whispered his name on an intake of breath before the world shattered around me. Finn followed after, his arms coming around to hold me tight until our hearts settled into a linked rhythm and finally slowed down.

We stayed like that for a long time, arms locked around each other. Finn’s breath tickled my hair and for a moment, I thought he might have fallen asleep.

Then he said, “Did I hurt you?”

I tilted my head so I could meet his eyes. “No.”

He gripped my chin, eyes glued to mine. “Honestly, Charlotte.”

“No, you didn’t hurt me. I forgot that it could be like that. Gentle and intense at the same time. Finn…”

When I didn’t continue, he pressed a kiss to my temple. “You can tell me.”

“I really missed you.”

He nodded and in all seriousness, said, “I really missed you, too.”

Chapter Thirteen

We ate an early dinner at the table with the amazing view, and then curled up on the couch with wine and a whole lot of words that weren’t being said.

To fill the silence, Finn turned on music, a song heavy with piano and heartbreak. When he returned to the couch, he pulled my feet into his lap. “You’re not really quitting, are you?”

“I don’t want to,” I admitted.

“Then don’t.”

I looked over at him, my lips curving into a small smile. He looked so relaxed, and the idea of simply staying here was so simple. I wished I could be like that. I used to be like that. Now, I felt like I was walking on a tightrope. Always balancing, never able to fully relax because I had to pay attention. Always.

“What changed, Finn?” I asked.

He angled his head. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you used to be so…busy. Always moving, always doing something. We didn’t sit like this often or take much time to enjoy each other’s company without a distraction. And now…you’re here. Just relaxing. And I’m the anxious one, feeling like I need to be out of my seat.”

He looked down at my feet, watching his hands as he rubbed the balls. Just enough pressure to make me relax another notch.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “We don’t have to talk about before.”

He blew out a breath. “No, it’s good. It’s probably best if I get a reminder here and there that this is my do-over. I don’t want to mess it up again.”

“That’s not what I meant. I wasn’t bringing up the past to try to rub it in or make you feel guilty.”

He held my feet when I tried to pull them off his lap. “I know, Charlotte. Don’t get up. This is something we need to talk about.”

“We don’t.”

“We do,” he insisted. “Please.”

I swallowed and pulled a pillow into my lap, like it would shield me from all the things I was afraid he would say. Or that he’d expect me to say next.

“It’s not a long story,” Finn said, rubbing my feet again. “My mom and Jake were pissed when I broke it off with you. They said I’d made the biggest mistake of my life, and if I kept doing what I was doing, I’d never find someone who really cared about me like you did.” He glanced at me, and I spotted sadness in his eyes. “They were right. I tried to call you more than once, but I couldn’t get through. Or I’d lose my nerve. Or I’d convince myself you’d never talk to me again. Then Jake met Kaycee and he fell for her. Big time. She pushed for a fast engagement, and Mom and I knew something was off. We thought she was after his money. She told him she was pregnant so they got married right away. When we found out she wasn’t really pregnant, things got ugly. She wanted a lot of money and she wanted out. It was…” Finn sighed and leaned his head back on the cushion. “Shit, it wasn’t fair. Not to Jake. It was like
my
karma kicking him in the balls. He got screwed, but we both learned a lesson. I knew I had to change, and I knew I wanted you back in my life.”

“Poor Jake. You’re right, that wasn’t fair. But you know what? Life kicks you in the balls regardless of whether or not you deserve it.”

Finn turned his head, watching me. I shrugged. “Just saying. How’s Jake doing now?”

“Better. He’s keeping busy with work–another project I’m going to help him with once this one is done. This one was…
is
mine. And yours. I had to be here.”

I crawled over to him and straddled his lap, resting my arms on his shoulders. His hands found my waist, resting just above the band of the shorts I’d put on.

“Thank you for telling me. And thank you for building Oasis. It’s beautiful. It’s…”

“Yours,” Finn said. He put his hand gently over my mouth when I started to protest. “It’s already in the paperwork. It’s done. You belong here. Which is why you can’t quit.”

My mouth opened and closed again. This. Oasis. It was mine. But…that couldn’t be. I hadn’t done anything, just had a dream a long time ago when the world was a different place. And maybe it wasn’t the best idea for me to be tied to a place like this. A place I was already falling in love with when I shouldn’t. Not if I might have to leave eventually.

“Say you’ll stay,” Finn said, brushing his thumb on my cheekbone.

“I wish it were that easy. That simple. I want to, but I don’t know.”

“I think you do. I think you’re ready to find a home. To stand up for it.”

I leaned my head on Finn’s shoulder. “Easy for you to say.”

“No, it’s not. Because this is still your home without or without me. And that scares the shit out of me.”

My head came up. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I don’t know what you’re going to decide. You’ve already walked out of my life once. And I almost lost you today. I want you to stay for this place, and if that means I have to take a step back for you to do what you need to do, I will. I don’t want to be another Mark in your life.”

I flinched at his name. Before I could move off of Finn’s lap, his hands were on my waist again, holding me still.

“Don’t run away from this. Talk to me,” Finn said, hardness in his tone. “Or talk to someone if it can’t be me.”

“I…you…” I shook my head, trying to reconcile Finn, this new him, with the person I used to know. He’d be willing to leave this place and give it up if it meant I’d stay? “You sound so sure of yourself.”

“I sound like you. Like you did back then, and you knew what you wanted and who you wanted it with. Now I know how it feels.” He smiled at me. “And it sucks. At least, the not knowing the other end part. I know what I want, and that’s a wonderful thing. But not knowing what you’re going to choose–if you’ll be a part of it…yeah. Sucks.”

Blinking back the tears that filled my eyes, I said, “Remember that promise you made?”

He squinted. “The one in the bedroom? When you were distracting me with your body?”

“Yes, that one.”

“I remember you said you’d compromise.”

I pulled in a slow breath. I had. And I wasn’t about to go back on my word, especially not after he’d been so open with me. “Mark said he’d hurt my friends or my family if I said anything about what he was doing. That’s why I didn’t want you involved, and that’s why I was scared to say anything.”

Finn’s hands slowly clenched on my waist, a frightening amount of strength in them. “That asshole.”

“That’s why I cut my family out of my life. For their safety. And that’s why I’m scared to death for you to do anything now. That’s why I left this afternoon. Why I quit. You can’t do anything, Finn. You can’t.”

“Charlotte–” He bit off the rest of his response, and then moved me aside so he could stand. He jerked a hand through his hair, and started pacing.

“Finn,” I said, standing as well.

“He can’t do that. He can’t threaten you like that. What the hell does he think is going to happen? He’s never going to get caught? That you’ll just go back to him and let him treat you that way?”

“Finn,” I said again. I walked around the coffee table. He paced the other way, now a shadow in front of the window.

“This is bullshit. You know that, right? I–”

“Finn,” I said louder this time. “Stop.”

He paused in front of the window, eyes meeting mine. I walked to him and took his hand.

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you and why I quit. Mark doesn’t make idle threats. If you do something to him or go after him, someone could get hurt.”

Finn fought with my words. I could see his brain working a million miles an hour, considering, thinking, maybe even plotting.

“This is why I asked you to promise.”

After a moment, his hand squeezed mine. “I understand where you’re coming from. But this has to stop.”

“I have to be smart about this, Finn. I have to make sure no one gets hurt and that I have proof.”

Jaw tense, he nodded. “Okay. But I’m helping.”

He spotted my hesitation, but didn’t say a word. It was a risk. I hadn’t gotten anyone else involved in this, and now Finn knew and so did Paige. There were a handful of people’s lives I was taking a risk with now.

“Please be careful. You have to talk to me, okay?” I asked Finn. But he realized I’d given in, and he hauled me into his arms.

“I will. I’ll be careful. I’ll help you on this. You’re not in it alone anymore.”

I nodded, the fear still trickling in anyway. “Okay.”

“Don’t be scared.”

“I’m trying.”

He pulled back. “And you’re staying, right? You want your job back?”

“Yes.”

“Good. No more running.”

“No more running,” I whispered, putting my cheek to Finn’s chest.

Chapter Fourteen

My phone rang just as I was heading to Paige’s apartment, and I smiled when I saw Finn’s number.

“I’m getting ready to come down,” he said. “I could wait for you.”

“We already talked about this.”

He sighed. I heard the ding of the elevator. “I’d feel better walking with you.”

“Paige will be with me, we’ll head straight over and I’ll call if anything seems off.”

“Or if you’re nervous for any reason. Or if–”

“Yes. Any of those things. I promise.”

It was quiet on his end for a moment. I knocked on Paige’s door and waited for her to answer.

“I’m glad you stayed last night,” Finn said.

“Me too.”

And I was glad I decided to stay at Oasis as well. Now I just had to face my first day back at work knowing Mark was still out there, and this time, I wasn’t running.

Paige opened the door and smiled when she saw I was on the phone. She waved me inside and I followed her in, noticing she’d rearranged the furniture.

“I’m at Paige’s,” I told Finn. “We’ll be on our way soon.”

“I’ll keep my phone close.”

After I hung up, Paige came out of the kitchen with a piece of toast on a paper towel. “Was that Finn?”

“Yes.”

“Is his apartment like a dream? Huge? With a good view? Does he have a housekeeper?” she asked. “And a chef? Did you eat lobster when you went over there?”

Laughter bubbled out. “Lobster?”

She shrugged, eating her last bite of toast. “It sounds sophisticated and expensive. Dreamy.”

“I don’t know about dreamy…but, it was good. I mean, despite the circumstances. Finn and I still connect. But he’s so different.”

“In a good way or a bad way?” Paige held up a finger. “Wait, hold that thought. Let’s talk while we walk so you can get to work on time.”

“Good point. It probably wouldn’t look good for me to be gone two days in a row.”

“I’m glad you decided to stay,” Paige said, touching my arm as she passed to pick up her purse.

“Me too,” I murmured.

We took the elevator to the lobby, and then exited Housing for the path in the Commons. It smelled like wet soil today, and all the trees and plants were dripping with water. The flowers Finn had instructed to be planted were bright and cheerful.

“If I walked on these paths every day, from one community to the next,” Paige said, “I’d probably get in enough steps to count as exercise, right?”

“Sure. Or you could use the gym in Housing.”

Paige frowned. “Like, real exercise?”

“It’s a nice gym.”

“Yeah…” Paige sighed. “I went down there once. Got distracted by this guy lifting weights.”

I smirked.

“Speaking of the gym, I saw a flyer for one of their classes. Self-defense. I was thinking of taking it. You want to come?”

I considered this. It wouldn’t hurt to know some basics to keep myself safe. And it might make me feel better for when I was walking around alone. “Sure, why not?”

“I can sign us up tomorrow. We’ll learn how to kick ass
and
get exercise at the same time. Win-win.” She flashed a glance at me. “And maybe we’ll have a cute instructor, and he can get me in one of those holds…you know, those really tight ones?”

I laughed. “Speaking of cute instructors…or guys in general…I have a confession.”

“Uh oh. What is it?”

“I sort of invited a friend from work to dinner on Saturday. After we go shopping.”

“What friend?”

“My assistant. Tucker. But this was before I knew about your fiancé. And then I realized how wrong that was–”