Everlost (The Night Watchmen Series Book 3) (38 page)

TIME HAS LOST ITS VALUE.

It doesn’t exist when you’re stuck inside hell. Literally.

There’s only my imagination, which has decided to grow wings and take flight, soaring my thoughts higher and higher, further away from my grasp. A million possibilities flourish within my brain. I wonder about Jaxen. About what he’s going through right now. About what’s above me that could possibly hurt him. I wonder about the Watchmen out there and what’s happening to them now that Bael and Clara have declared war.

But most of all, I wonder when Bael will send for me. When Weldon will escort me to the Unholy Seal. What time it will be when the Veil falls and the human race as we know it will be exposed and defenseless against the paranormal that will rise up in a swarm of fury and greed.

I think my insecurities about this could eat me out of house and home.

I try to reach out to them. Pray that someone will hear me, but it’s no use. They can’t hear me this far away.

After letting out the defeat through a small batch of tears, I decide that turning off my emotions is the most beneficial thing for my safety right now. I need to be on point. Need to come up with some sort of plan. But even with coming to this conclusion, I still know that deep down there probably won’t be any way out of this, and maybe it’s better that way. Maybe, after I break the seal, I can use what I have inside me to destroy this place from the inside.

Maybe that could be my gift to the human race. My way of apologizing for screwing up life as we know it.

Because if I’d have only hesitated from the beginning… if I’d have refused to put the Dagger of Retribution back together, then we wouldn’t be in this mess.

With my eyes on the blinking, red light, I swallow down my pain. My tears.

And I shut down.

“FAYE.”

It’s Jaxen. His fingers are brushing through my hair, his body pressed against my back. Warmth that feels as exquisite as laying out in the sun on a cool spring day radiates between us. I feel my muscles waking, begging to be used, so I push my arms and legs out, stretching every tendon, and then roll to face him.

He drags a finger down my cheek, over my mouth, where he takes his time toying with my bottom lip. And then he leans in, presses his soft lips against mine, spreading warmth through my body.

The light streaming in from the crack in the curtains angles across his squared cheekbones. Brushes across his face. I want to freeze this image of him. Capture it and put it up with all my other photos of my favorite moments in life, because in this moment, I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed anything so beautiful. So perfect.

“I’ve missed you,” I say, resting my forehead against his.

“I’ve been here the whole time.” His finger is on my chest now, pointing to my heart.

I don’t know why, but a sudden sadness washes over me, and I pull him closer to me.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, trailing his fingers along my spine, sending chills up my body.

“I don’t know. I’m just… sad.”

He leans back to look at me. “You can’t be, Faye. You shouldn’t be anything.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, confused.

“I mean, you shut it off. Remember? It’s time to think,” he says, his eyes darkening.

“Shut what off? What are you talking about?”

“Your emotions, Faye.”

I blink, and suddenly we’re not lying in bed anymore under the safety of covers. Suddenly, we’re standing opposite each other inside the training room back at the Academy. Dummies stand behind him with daggers decorating their weak points. He’s standing in the center of the mat, just like he did when we first met each other, pacing in front of me like a teacher would with arms folded behind his back.

“Your enemy is bigger than you. He’s also more powerful,” Jaxen says. “But you… you’re smarter, Faye. You have to use your intelligence, and you can’t use it when you let your emotions get in the way.”

And it hits me like a sledgehammer.

Bael. Clara. Weldon.

“I’m not,” I say, already feeling defeated. “I led us into a trap, and now Weldon is lost to me. This isn’t how I planned this to go.”

“Maybe not, but the endgame is still the same. Adjust to your surroundings. Make a new plan. You’re not thinking, Faye,” Jaxen says.

“I am thinking,” I say, feeling a hot rush of irritation, “and there’s no way out of this. I’m stuck. Literally. He’s going to kill my parents if I try anything. And even if I could get out of these ropes, I’m not sure what to do. I’ve already shut my emotions off, and still I have nothing.”

“Yes, you do,” Jaxen says. “Do you think your mother and father would want this for you? Do you think they put themselves in the position they did, just for you to give up? We’re Watchmen, Faye. We don’t give up. We don’t give in. Not even if it means calling Bael’s bluff.”

“His bluff?”

“If he kills them, he has nothing over you. If you shut your emotions off and do what you set out to do, he can’t stop you. You’re the only thing between yourself and victory. Let go of the limits you think you have and become who you really are.”

“And Weldon?”

Jaxen steps up to me. Cups the side of my face. I lean into his hand, closing my eyes, enjoying the rough calluses against my cheek. Enjoying his warmth that feels so real.

“Weldon just needs a kick in the ass. He’s being dramatic. You know him,” Jaxen says against my ear.

“I do,” I say, wishing this wasn’t a dream. Wishing he was real.

“It’s time, Faye,” he says.

I nod against his shoulder.

“Wake up.”

So I do.

MY EYES OPEN.

Weldon’s still staring straight ahead like a good little demon. And that has to change.

I focus on the ropes binding me. Focus on the spell woven into the fabric and, little by little, I scratch at it, using the leftover energy stored inside of me from pulling on the Darkyns in the forest. The spell is thick, but it’s a standard spell. A spell that’s easily broken.

A cocky move from a witch who thinks she’s holding my leash. How typical. Clara’s so smug in thinking she has me pinned. She knows how I’ll react under pressure. Believes I’ll crumple like before under the weight of my grief.

But with no emotions, there’s nothing driving me but pure determination.

When I feel the spell dissipate, I turn my attention to the camera. I don’t want them to know what I’m up to. I need to keep the upper hand by appearing to still be under their manipulation, and the only way I can do that is by making them see what I want them to see. I chant a cloaking spell, tweaking it a little so it shows me still sitting in the chair.

With a deep breath, I stand, letting the ropes fall to the ground. I march over to Weldon and slap him hard across the face.

He doesn’t move.

I turn his head, making sure his eyes are set on mine, and then I smack him again, this time using a little volation. It sears against his skin in a rippling wave.

His eyes falter a little. He blinks, and then returns to standing there.

Volation… it works. I shock him… again and again… but it isn’t enough. I have to go deeper.

“I swear I’m going to kick your ass for leaving me,” I say, determined to wake him up. I steady my feet. Grab his shoulders. Tap into the energy flowing all around us to feed my volation. The energy is dark. Demented. Twisted.

But there’s more than enough of it.

Closing my eyes, I open myself up to Weldon, forcing my way into his heavily guarded mind. I shove through wall after wall, riding on the waves of volation. But the further I go, the harder it gets.

I cross an ocean filled with all the tears he’s held onto for far too long. Force my way through a field made of spikes tipped with the poison of all his pain. Obstacle after obstacle, I propel through, until I finally find him.

He’s standing in a barren, grey room with his nose in a corner.

My heart tightens.

“Weldon?”

He doesn’t turn.

I take a deep breath. Walk up to him. Tap him on the shoulder. “Weldon, it’s okay. I’m here.”

Still nothing.

Heat trickles down my spine. I spin him around. Suppress the wave of pain that strikes me the moment I realize he’s crying and hold tightly onto his arms. “Weldon, this isn’t you. Wake up. Come back with me.”

He’s not even looking at me, and I realize words aren’t going to work. They never do with him, so I shove him once. Twice. Too many times to count, yelling his name. Screaming out about every wall I ran through just to get to him.

“Doesn’t that mean something to you? You said you had my back! You said we were in this together! Wake up! Wake UP! WAKE UP!”

Anger and heartache spill past my lips. Cram inside my brain until I can’t think straight. Can’t see straight. Can’t see past the need to get my friend back.

Without thinking, I lift his chin, lock eyes with him, and then swing.

My hand never reaches his cheek. My eyes flick open.

“I’d call this spousal abuse, but we aren’t technically married to one another,” he says with a tired, forced grin.

My emotions flicker back to life. “Weldon!” I shout, throwing my arms around his neck.

He pulls me close, burying his face in my neck. “When we get home, we’re going to have to talk about your anger issues. It’s not healthy—”

“Shut up,” I say, laughing through watery eyes. “I thought you were lost to me.”

“Nah. Just taking a mini-vacation,” he says, trying to joke. But I hear the pain in his voice. The embarrassment. He sets me down and takes one look around the room. “I’d say we’re in a bit of a pickle.”

“Think bigger.”

“Eggplant?”

“We’re locked in a room somewhere underground, waiting for Bael and Clara to summon us so I can break the Unholy Seal, and then be used to awaken Mourdyn,” I say quickly, flipping my emotions back off.

Weldon drags in a breath, trying to digest everything. “Then we’re in Australia.”

“Australia?”

“Did you not look at the map, mouse? That’s where the Unholy Seal is,” he says.

“So then we can’t count on the others being here in time.”

“In time for what?”

“For when I shut this shit down,” I say fiercely.

“And how do you plan on doing that?”

“I’m going to destroy the Exanimator. Just like Evangeline said.”

“And I’m going to finally invent that time machine I’ve been working on,” he says sarcastically.

I blink.

His face shifts when he realizes I’m not kidding. “Look, we all know that there’s a fine line between being mental with a death wish and being brave and, most days, I’m all for playing limbo with it… Just not today. Not here, under these circumstances.” He runs his hand through his hair. “And I hate to be the buzzkill, but even if I did want to give it a go, we still don’t know how to destroy it. Seamus never got back to us with those cliff notes.”

I bite my lip and look away, knowing he’s right. “We can’t give up now. We’re already here.”

He huffs, knowing I’m as right as he is. There isn’t an easy way to do this.

“I can shadow walk out of here and bring them back,” he says a moment later.

“No. We don’t have time for that, and I don’t know what’s out there yet.”

“Hell, Faye. That’s what’s out there. We can’t do this alone. I told you that before.”

“And we can’t bring them here to their death! At least if we go alone, we won’t have as many to account for.”

He grabs me by the shoulders, forcing me to look at him. “Mouse, I know you’re scared. I am too. But we need them. We need their backup. I’m going.”

And just like that, he lets go of me, turns, and disappears into a shadow.

I look up at the camera, focusing all my energy on keeping the spell intact. Keeping them seeing me sitting here staring hopelessly at the door.

“Hurry up, Weldon,” I mutter to myself.

A second later, Weldon returns with Jaxen, Jezi, Gavin, and Cassie. “Should I go back for the wolves?” he asks Jaxen.

“No,” Jaxen says as he pulls me up into a hug. He doesn’t waste any time asking, “Are you okay?” His eyes frantically scan my face.

I hurriedly nod, feeling torn into a million pieces. Happy, relieved, scared, sad, worried… they don’t mesh well and it makes me restless.

“They’re going to be pissed if he doesn’t, bro,” Gavin says. “Especially Mom.”

“It doesn’t matter because we’re not staying here,” Jaxen says flatly.

“What do you mean?” I ask, pulling back from him. “We can’t leave now. We have to finish it. We’re already here.”

“Faye, there are things you don’t understand. Things you haven’t been told, that I don’t have time to explain right now,” he says impatiently.

His words are a shovel, digging holes in my stomach. “What do you mean?”

His face is so pale. I don’t know why I didn’t notice it a moment ago. Didn’t see the dark circles hanging under his sad, green eyes.

“What happened?” I ask, surprised I got the words out.

The words won’t seem to form for him, no matter how much he moves his mouth.

“Seamus returned. He got the information we needed,” Cassie offers up.

“It’s the Exanimator, Faye. The only way you can destroy it is if the Everlasting merges with it. Your power is too great for the machine to absorb. It would implode,” Jezi says for Jaxen. “It was created by a Divine gene, and it has to end by one. You.”

He isn’t looking at me. His eyes are on my shoulder. His mind is light-years away from me.

I don’t know what to say. Don’t know what to think. But I know what I feel.

“If that’s how it’s supposed to end, then that’s how it’s supposed to end,” I push out.

Jaxen locks eyes with me. “No.”

This is a fight he won’t bend for.

“The Darkyns have to be stopped,” I say dutifully. “I can end this. I know I can.”

“I don’t care,” he says, anger rippling through his features. He isn’t happy with me. Not with the decisions I’ve made, and not with the decision I’m about to make.

But this is war and, just like Weldon said, there’s no place for love in it.

“Jaxen—” I start to say, but then we both turn when we hear footsteps outside the door. “They’re coming.”

“What do we do?” Cassie asks, hands held out mechanically.

“Weldon, shadow walk us out. Now!” Jaxen orders, grabbing my hand.

But there’s no time for it. The door swings open.