Ever Enough (35 page)

Two months later…

“Guys thanks so much for coming out here tonight. Not that listening to the ocean waves ever gets old… it can just get a little lonely sometimes.”

I’d invited Reece and Grant over for a cookout. Over the past couple of months, I’d become friends with Reece. It turned out that he was a single father and the waiter at the café—Grant—was his son. They were both so kind to me. If I ever needed anything, one or both of them would come help me out. I had no doubt it was fate that I met these two. Their company filled some of the many hours that I was alone in this house.

During my first two weeks here, I’d considered getting a part time job just to keep me busy. But I quickly squashed that because that hadn’t been the purpose of me leaving everything behind. I wanted to know what it was like to be on my own and live my life for myself and nobody else. I knew that most would think that would include working, but I needed to force the quiet on myself. I needed to teach myself that I was okay alone, that to do things because I wanted to do them, and not because it was expected of me. I cooked meals that I wanted to eat, cleaned the house when I wanted, read books on my own schedule and I didn’t have to work around whenever other people. It felt very freeing, but deep in my soul I missed taking care of someone. I’d learned quite a bit about myself already. For one thing, I’m definitely a people person. I enjoy cooking for others and I missed looking forward to someone coming home. And those little annoying messes? Well, they were still annoying, but it pleased me to take care of them.

Sitting back in my chair on the patio, it creaked as I relaxed.

Reece smiled at me. “Oh you don’t have to thank us. You’re one of the best cooks we have around here. Maybe you should open your own place?”

Grant rubbed his belly, as if the six-pack I’d seen out on the beach earlier today was protruding.

“No kidding. That was the best steak I’d ever eaten. You could put any man to shame on a grill.”

We all laughed. Making more small talk, the boys started to get up and make their way to the door. Hugging both of them, they got in their car and left while I stood there watching them. Back in the kitchen, I went to the refrigerator and pulled out the single cupcake I’d bought earlier at the store. I didn’t tell Reece and Grant that the reason I’d invited them over was because it was my birthday. I had officially turned thirty. Grabbing a lighter, I sat at the table and lit the solitary candle. Then I closed my eyes and made a wish. I wished for the very first thing that popped into my head…

Finn.

I missed him. The amount of times I’d thought of him while living here could have filled the ocean behind my house. I wanted to know how he was, what he was doing. I wondered if he’d moved on? Did he hate me for leaving? There had been many nights when I’d cried myself to sleep because I longed to be with him. Not that I regretted a single second of my time out here living on this beach. I had let the ocean water wash away the pain of losing my child, and love that was no longer. The truth was that what Finn and I’d had died a long time ago. When he lied to me it sealed our fate and that any chance of us being together was more than dead—it was buried. But I’d also made peace with him. In doing so, I began to love him in a new, deeper way than I had ten years ago.

What helped me wake up every morning was the rising of the sun. It reminded me that each day was a new chance to start over. Opening my eyes I blew out my candle. I was about to take a bite out of my cupcake when someone knocked on the front door. I looked around thinking maybe Reece or Grant had left something, but I couldn’t see anything belonging to them. Another knock came at the door.

“I’m coming!” I said loudly.

When I pulled the door open I wasn’t expecting the person I found on the other side.

“Bitch, you better not be answering the door while you’re coming. That’s something you don’t share with others.” She smiled widely at me.

“Oh my god Harper!” I pushed the screen door open and flung myself at her.

We hugged and held each other tightly. I cried and sobbed, and she did the same.

“What are you doing here?” I said sniffling and pulling back to look at her.

“You didn’t actually think I was going to let you spend your birthday alone did you?”

I cried a bit more, hugging her again. “I’ve missed you so much! Oh god, I’m being rude. Come in!”

I let her go and we both walked inside.

“Wow, look at this place. No wonder you haven’t come home!”

I smiled at her. “Yeah, it’s pretty nice. You want to sit down?”

“I do, but only if you quit being so formal with me.”

“Done.”

She smirked. “Are you going to offer me anything to drink?”

“Get it yourself, kitchens behind you.”

Harper burst out laughing. She got up and grabbed a glass of water and came to sit back down.

“So, how’s my birthday girl?”

“Good. I went for a jog this morning down the beach, read a book earlier, and just had a cookout with some friends.” I replied.

“Any of these
friends
male?”

“As a matter of fact both of them are, but it isn’t like that at all.”

She raised her eyebrow. “Em, have I taught you nothing? If they have a penis and they are good to you it is more than certainly like that.”

I shook my head grinning. “Not unless one other is old enough to be your Dad, and the other is his son.”

Her face dropped. “Who in the hell have you been hanging out with Em?”

This made me giggle. “They’re good people. Reece owns the house, and Grant is his son.”

She nodded.

“So how are you?” I asked her.

“Pretty good. Business is booming right now since summer is around the corner. Everybody wants to sell their house.”

“That’s great! But what about Ky? Are you able to spend any time with him?”

“Ky’s been distracted with work and he’s been flying back and forth a lot. Even when he’s actually in Idaho, I don’t get to see him much.” She said.

I was confused. “Why is he flying back and forth?”
She looked down at her hands. “That’s part of the reason I came out here Em. Finn’s selling the house. He moved back to California.”

My stomach sank. “I guess that’s a good thing.” I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s not like I could expect him to stay in that little town waiting for me for figure my shit out. He has a life to live too.”

I put on a brave face but deep down I was hurt. If he had moved back to California, did that mean he’d given up on me? I was being selfish. I didn’t want him to wait for me, but I didn’t want him to move on either.

“He’s miserable Em. He’s been miserable since the day you left, and we tried
everything
to get him to snap out of it. Ky figured that not being in that house and some California sun might cheer him up. The guy even grew a beard and he started to smell funky.” She made a face. “Anyway, he left town a few weeks ago and asked me to list the house.”

“Does he seem to be doing better in California?” I felt terrible for hoping he wasn’t.

“Other than finally showering everyday, Ky said he’s about the same.”

My eyes welled up with tears.

“It’s my fault.”

“No, it isn’t. You had to take care of yourself before you could take care of anyone else.”

“I can’t stand the idea of him being miserable Harper.” The first of my tears hit my cheeks.

“What about you? Are you miserable?”

I had to think about that. Everything that I’d wanted to learn living on my own had happened, but when she asked me like that, I realized I
was
miserable. I missed Finn so much that I could hardly think of anything else during the day.

“Yes.” I sobbed.

She came over and put her hand on my back, rubbing it back and forth.

“Then go to him Em. Why are you sitting here in this beautiful beach house, unable to really enjoy it because the love of your life is clear across the country?”

“You are such a closet romantic Harper.”

“Don’t tell anyone. It’ll ruin my reputation.” We sat there for a moment in silence. “Well…”

“Well what?” I was wiping my eyes.

“What are you waiting for? Go pack a bag and get the hell out of here. Lover boy will probably keel over when he sees you!”

“But you just got here.”

“Pshh… I’m going to stay here if you don’t mind. I could take a couple of vacation days. Besides, if your pale ass can get a tan like that, I’m not going anywhere!”

“Wait! What if he doesn’t want to see me anymore? I don’t know if I could stomach it if he slammed the door in my face.” Just thinking about it made me want to be sick.

“Em, the guy loves you. He’s going to be so happy to see you that I wouldn’t be surprised if he strips you naked right then and there.”

Maybe she was right? I had to take a chance. It was Finn. And even if he loved me only a fraction of what he used to, I’d take it. I laughed and hugged her again. Kissing her on the cheek I jumped up and headed to my room yelling down the hall at her.

“You are seriously the greatest friend anybody could ask for.”

“I know!” she yelled back.

Belch!

I burped and Ky started waving his hand in front of his face.

“Oh my god that stinks. What did you eat, a baby diaper?”

I would have normally laughed but I couldn’t. “I’m a guy, you live with me… get over it.”

“Listen douchebag, you’re going to have to snap out of this…” He waved his hands in the air, “well whatever it is, soon because it’s getting old fast. Maybe we should have a party here or something. I could get a keg and invite a bunch of girls over.”

I really didn’t want a party. It wasn’t like we were still college kids, but maybe he was right. Being around people might help me get my mind off of the girl that walked away from me. I’d put everything off, including work. If I didn’t get my shit together soon, the record label would release me from my contract. The songs I’d been writing were terrible.

“Fine. But give me an hour to get ready, would ya?” I said getting up from the couch.

“No problem. I’m going to run into town and get the keg.”

“Hey wait a second! What about Harper? Won’t she be pissed at you for inviting chicks over?”

He turned, his eyes looking a bit lost.

“Yeah, about that… I’m not sure that’s going to work out. She’s too busy with work.”

I looked at him a second longer. “Sorry man. You two seemed good together.”

He shrugged, turned and walked out; essentially ending our conversation. Not that guys sit around talking about their emotions, but Kyler was my best friend and it didn’t take a genius to figure out that he was madly in love with Harper. She’d always had commitment issues, but hopefully she hadn’t royally fucked this one up.

I ended up taking a long hot shower, my muscles relaxing under the water. Em had been gone for a few months now and I still didn’t know what to do with myself. When she came back into my life, it had just confirmed that she was the only woman I’d ever love. I knew that there were a lot of people out there who were capable of loving more than one person, but I also knew that I wasn’t one of them. I was either going to be with her, or I’d be alone forever. A depressing thought considering I didn’t even know where she was.