Ever Enough (2 page)
My first day at the firm, I’d really wanted to tell my Dad where to stick his job and go bury my head in my pillow. But after about two weeks I got the hang of the duties that had been assigned to me and honestly, as much as I had been dreading it, I ended up enjoying myself. I could zone out while at the office and consequently didn’t spend my whole day focused on Finn; running through all the questions that invaded my mind whenever I thought of him. More than anything, I wanted to avoid thinking about the possibility that he may have moved on. I just couldn’t bear it.
Taking it day-by-day was the only way I was able to get up and do what was expected of me. I wouldn’t say that I moved on, or that every day it got better, because it didn’t. I was essentially the same inside; broken and bruised, and my heart was still bleeding. I missed Finn terribly, and would have done anything to have him back. But I’d heard that he and Kyler had rented a place in LA, and were about to sell their first song to an up-and-coming artist. It hurt to know he had clearly moved on and was fulfilling his dream. I doubt he had given me a second thought while I’d stayed in that godforsaken town and worked for my Dad instead of going off to college, or following him to LA to pursue his music like he always wanted us to.
Before I knew it a full year had passed. My Dad hired a new paralegal who was quickly working his way up to becoming a Partner. Weston waltzed into my life, and for the first time I felt like I could breathe again. Not a full breath, but enough to make me feel like I was living again. While I didn’t initially show any interest in him, West was a persistent man. He laid eyes on me and he wanted me. After weeks of him constantly asking me out on dates, I finally agreed.
I’ll admit to feeling uncomfortable during that first date because I just didn’t think I was good enough for him. Weston was a handsome man. Standing at six feet with brown hair that he wore short—but a little spiked in the front—and dark blue eyes, he could easily have had any woman he wanted. He worked out daily before coming in to the office, so his body looked like it belonged in a magazine.
Our relationship took off after that night. We immersed ourselves in a fast paced romance that ended with him proposing to me one night on top of a mountain. Before I said yes, Finn’s face went through my mind. I had always dreamed of how he might have proposed to me, and how I would have cried and thrown myself into his arms. But that was never going to happen, and almost two years had passed since I had last seen or heard from him. Plus I’d heard he was seeing someone. Whether it was serious or not didn’t quite matter.
Weston and I had a small private wedding outside, by a lake that I had loved since I moved to Idaho. He had wanted something a bit more grand and lavish, but it wasn’t my style and he wanted to give me whatever I wanted. Not long after the wedding, West was offered a job in Chicago, by a firm who had been following his recent successes in the courtroom. This meant a huge move, but I did it for West. The salary package the firm were offering was tempting to say the least and the position would catapult him into the legal spotlight. But eight years had passed since then, and I was no longer the woman that he showered with gifts and showed everyday how much he loved her. We used to spend every waking minute together; taking vacations to the far ends of the earth away from everybody, and relishing each other in seclusion. I always felt he worshiped me, but over the past two years he’d pulled away. He started spending more time at the office, stopped calling me to see how my day was going, and—even when he was at home—he spent more time in his home office than he did cooking with me, or lounging by the pool like he used to do. I wish I knew what had driven this wedge between us but I didn’t have a clue. I’d become so used to being ignored, that I felt like we hardly knew each other anymore. I’d become a ‘stepford wife’; someone for Weston to hold on his arm at company functions.
Walking through the spacious living room and hallway to West’s office, I approached the door. I could hear him talking to someone on the phone, so I quietly opened the door to let him know I was leaving. When he looked up at me, something in his eyes shifted and he told the person on the other end of the phone that he needed to go but would talk to them later. The way he was watching me while he spoke made me feel uneasy, but quite frankly I’d never involved myself in his work affairs, and I wasn’t about to start now.
Walking over to him I sat down on his grand mahogany desk. Looking around his office at the rows and rows of law books stacked on the book-shelves, you’d think we lived in a library. The abundance of deep rich wood in this room always made me feel out of place. I’d never really liked grand and expensive things, but Weston insisted on having it all; not just in his office downtown, but at home too. I’d tried to argue that we didn’t need it all, but our interior decorator managed to convince him that this was all stuff that we needed, and it was money well spent. If you ask me, I’d say Julia Stephens—a well-known Chicago designer—really wanted in Weston’s pocket book, and his pants. Anytime I was around her she’d look at me as though I was beneath her; as if I had no business being married to my wealthy husband. Like she just didn’t see what he saw in me. But frankly, neither did I.
I heard him sigh and look up at him, “I’m leaving and I’ll be back on Monday.” I wished with my whole heart that he would acknowledge me the way a husband in love should, but I knew it wasn’t going to happen.
“Well, I’ll be busy here and at the office throughout the weekend so don’t expect to hear from me. I’ll just say goodbye now. Enjoy your trip,” he said coolly. Ever the business man I thought. I wanted to reach out and touch his cheek to get some sort of emotion from him. I was his wife, and I wanted to feel close to him again. I needed to know that I was enough for him.
I leaned in and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips, pulling back and smiling, hoping for something in return. But again I received nothing. Disappointed, I walked away from him and out of the office. I made my way to the foyer where my bags were and grabbed my purse, cell phone, rolling suitcase and keys, and walked out the front door. My heart felt heavy but I hoped I would feel better—and a bit lighter—when I landed in Boise and saw my parents.
I drove my deep red Aston Martin Vanquish along the highway towards the airport. Despite my ability to avoid all things expensive, I
had
to have this car. It wasn’t available for purchase on the open market, but West had taken on a case for some European big wig and won, so he made them throw this car into the deal. I’d always wanted a red sports car and it was a total dream to drive. All sleek and sexy, the interior was fine black leather. It had too many buttons to mess with so I just drove the car, without caring what else it did.
I made my way through the Chicago O’Hare airport to their long term parking, making sure to hide my baby at the back so there was less chance of some idiot swinging their door out into her. Gathering my luggage, I made sure to lock up and took a shuttle to check-in.
After a two hour wait in the first class lounge, I boarded a United flight and found my seat. Part of the big deal about flying first class was being served crackers, cheese, and champagne. I wasn’t one to drink too much, but I gladly accepted the champagne to calm my nerves. I wasn’t sure if I felt nervous about actually going back home or some other reason. A reason I knew but didn’t want to admit. A reason I was hoping wouldn’t pop up at the last minute. Home held nothing but memories of Finn. Gulping down the rest of the champagne, I took a deep breath, popped in my headphones and turned on my iPod. Thank god for good music and short flights. Feeling tired, I hit the play button and ‘The First Time’ by Boys Like Girls came on. How fitting I thought to myself, as I dosed off before we’d even left the runway.
We landed in Boise about ten minutes ahead of schedule, which was good because I was more than ready to get off and stretch my legs. Nothing kicked off a weekend away from home like two screaming kids in coach, and a passenger behind me who—despite all the leg room you get in first class—couldn’t keep their knees out of my back.
After exiting the plane I walked down to the baggage claim and waited for my suitcase to come around on the carousel. I looked around at all the passengers and wondered if they were here to see family, there on business, or taking a vacation from life. If I were them, I’d choose the latter.
Spotting my bag, I hauled it and myself over to the Hertz car rental and after filling out all their paperwork, went out of the terminal and saw my car waiting by the curb. I smiled to myself because Weston would have shit his pants if he’d been given this small little Ford Escort. I didn’t need anything fancy or big since it was just me. After loading up the car, I climbed inside, adjusted all my mirrors, and started making my way to the highway headed east. I plugged in my auxiliary cord so I could listen to my music instead of the radio and started blasting All Time Low through the speakers. I loved this band and I was rocking out and singing at the top of my lungs.
Taking my time and driving the speed limit, about an hour and a half later I was finally pulling into Mountain Home. Looking around, not much had changed since I left. The Wal-Mart was still at the end of town and hadn’t been made into a Superstore thank god. I smiled as I passed the local coffee shop, Beans. That place held a lot of memories of after school study sessions, hanging out, and sitting on the plush purple couches inside holding hands with Finley. It sort of felt surreal being there again. I was overwhelmed by lots of good memories, and lots of memories I’d pushed away because they caused me pain.
My parent’s house was in the middle of town but it only took a few minutes to get there. Pulling into the driveway, I put the car in park and sat for a few minutes looking at my old home. Dad had apparently found time to fix the shutter that had always been hanging on by a nail, and was literally one gust of wind away from falling off. But other than that, the place looked exactly the same. The lights in the living room and one of the bedroom lights upstairs were on. Taking a deep breath, I opened my door, unloaded my bags and made my way to the front door. “Here we go” I whispered to myself.
The front door swung open and I found myself wrapped in my Dad’s arms. Richard Tucker was the most loving man I knew. He was about six feet tall, had a little bit of a belly, and a dark head of hair that is starting to go grey. I would never tell him that though or he’d spend the next two hours in front of a mirror examining every strand of hair. He wanted to remain young forever. Either way, I loved him with my whole heart and he’d always made me feel warm and safe.
“Oh baby girl, I’ve missed you so much.” He said squeezing me extra tight. It felt so nice.
“Hi Dad. I’ve missed you too. Where’s Mom?” I pulled back a little bit to look into his chocolate brown eyes.
“She’s fussing upstairs with your old bed, trying to make everything perfect. Don’t give her a hard time. Her baby girl is back and she wants it to still feel like its home for you.” He chuckled and I leaned forward to keep hugging him. I put my head on that perfect spot between his shoulder and chest where it fit snuggly. He brought his hand up and smoothed it down my hair. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing Dad, I just missed you that’s all.” I leaned back and gave him a reassuring smile. Then, hearing my Mom coming down the steps, we both looked up. She and I looked like sisters. Everyone loved Tessa Tucker. She was part of the quilting group in town and everyone said hello when she passed them in the street. My Mom was very caring, gentle, and had little laughter lines around her mouth and by her eyes because she was forever smiling.
“Emilyn, oh honey how I’ve missed you!” Mom came over and hugged me while I was still in my Dad’s arms so that it became a group hug. She kissed the top of my head and was about to say something else when the front door flew open. We all let go of each other just as Harper came in and saw us all.