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Chapter 12

“Unbelievable,”
Susanna whispered.

“I
t would seem to be, yes,” he answered, “But when Emma told me she had found you, I had reason to hope, that at least for a few nights, my life would be different.”

“How?
  How did she find me?” Susanna asked.

“Your parents signed the guest book all those years ago
. I told her about you, told her that you were the only one that was ever able to see me and she made it her personal goal to track you down.”

“How is it that Emma can see you?”

“I don’t know.  One day when she and Bill had just signed on to take care of this place they came here one evening.  Bill of course could not see me at all but she could.  She watched me for a while, as I watched them, and then she sent him off to the mainland for something and she called out to me.  She wasn’t afraid at all,” Kane smiled with the memory, “She told me it was about time I introduce myself.”

Susanna laughed, “That actually sounds just like her.”

“She’s been trying to find you for years, while I have been patiently waiting,” the corners of his mouth lifted in amusement, “Still frightened?”

Susanna was captivated by his smile,
“I’m not sure.  I don’t know what I think right now.”

“Completely understandable,” Kane answered
with a nod. 

“What brings you back and forth?  Do you
just wake up and you’re here?” Susanna asked, rubbing the chill from her arms with her hands.

Kane reached for a blanket that was lying across the couch and placed it gently around her shoulders, “No.  I usually don’t sleep.  When I’m there
, I’m lying in the bed under the window just before I die.  It’s the same thing every time.”

“So it’s just random?”
she clutched the blanket around her shoulders.

“I come with the light,” he answered, pointing towards the ceiling.

“The sun?”

Kane smiled,
“No, the lighthouse lamp.”

Susanna was stunned, “The lamp!  When it comes on it transports you back and forth?”

“Yes, there’s no set time.  But usually it’s right after sundown. 

“
The night that the fire started on its own, was that you?” Susanna pointed to the fireplace.

Amusement flickered in his copper eyes, “It was.
I couldn’t bear to watch you struggle and the thought of you freezing to death your first night here didn’t sit well with me either.”

“I knew I wasn’t going crazy!” Susanna laughed and reached for his arm, “My phone was moved, the wood was full and the front door was unlocked – I thought I was going insane.”

Kane stared down at her hand which was resting on his arm.  His body seemed to tremble under her touch.

“I’m sorry,” she said,
abruptly pulling her hand away.

“No,” he shook his head, “I’m just not use
d to …”

“Talking to anyone?” she answered for him.

“Yes,” he nodded, “I’m a little unaccustomed to this.”

She paused, not knowing exactly what to say
and yet wanting to ask a million questions, “So you could just disappear, at any moment?”

“Normally I leave in the morning, with the sun,”
Kane pointed towards the darkened window. 

“But then you
’ll return, tomorrow night?”

“
Every night,” Kane answered.

“And do you hurt … when you return to your time?  Do you feel the pain of dying all over again?”

Kane shook his head, unwilling to answer “Susanna …”

“I want to know,” she demanded
, her heart skipping a beat as he said her name.

“Yes, the pain is there
,” he conceded, “and to make it worse my memories are just that, the memories of my former life, nothing from the present.”

“So, when you
’re back there on the night you died, you don’t remember your time from the future?”

Kane shook his head, “No.”

“So when you’re taken back, you won’t have any memory of me?”

A
pained look swept across his face, “Unfortunately not.  But as soon as I’m pulled forth and brought back here, all my memories return.  The ones from my past and the present.”

“So there is no way for your past self,” she shrugged trying to find the right word, “to know that you
will be there only temporarily.” 

“Exactly.
  I just relive the same night over and over from the moment the keeper leaves me alone until the second I die.”

“So you
’re there alone, in pain and dying in this very room until the light from the lighthouse turns and brings you here again?”

“Every day,” he answered.

“For one hundred and five years,” she finished for him.  Susanna looked away, unable to bear the sadness in his eyes as a flash of grief ripped through her, “I’m so sorry for you. It has to be unbearable, living the same day over and over.”

“At times it’s bearable,” he answered
, leaning forward to place a log on the fire, “and doesn’t feel like a century.”

Susanna looked
at the clock on the wall, “It’s almost 5 a.m.,” she whispered, “What will happen at dawn.”

“I will go,” he pursed his lips together and took a deep breath
.  When he raised his eyes to hers they were full of hope, “Will you be here when I return?”

Susanna
offered an encouraging smile, “Of course.”

Kane
broke into a full, broad smile that showed off his beautiful white teeth and his handsome face, “That makes me happy.”

“I hate it that you hurt when you
’re there,” she swallowed the despair in her throat, “I wish there was a way you could stay here …”

“I’ve
had that thought a million times,” he answered with a half smile.

They locked eyes for several moments before Susanna broke the silence, “Come have some tea with me, we’ll talk about something else before …” she broke off, unable to say the words,
you go
.

She rose and held her hand down to him to pull him from the floor, “Don’t forget the glass in the sink,” he said.

“I won’t,” she smiled at his thoughtfulness.

She put the kettle on the stove and reached for two coffee cups, “I imagine you have seen a little bit of everything being here all these years.”

“I have.  There’s been many changes over the years,” Kane walked to the window beside the table and reached out to run his fingers over the etched glass, “It’s amazing to think that I carved this so many years ago.”

Susanna looked over her shoulder, “You carved that?” she asked as she reached for
the tea.

“Yes
.  I was a heartbroken boy, angry and so very sick.  It seemed like the thing to do at the time.”

“I looked up the words and their meaning,” she answered.

Kane shrugged and shook his head, “I was a grown man but still very much a kid.  I was very much in love with my brother’s fiancé Rayna.  I wanted to live that night, but most of all I didn’t want Rayna and my brother to die.  Liam didn’t want me to go but I insisted.  It was never an option to stay there and wait for us all to perish on that ship.”

“So the words were for Rayna?” Susanna felt the unfamiliar stab of jealousy
which she immediately mentally chastised herself for.  She barely knew this man!

“They were,” Kane said, running his fingers over them as the sun rose in the sky outside the window, “But they’ve taken on a whole new meaning in the last century.”

Susanna turned away from him and silently poured the water from the kettle into the two cups of tea.  The only sound in the tiny kitchen was the clinking of the spoon in the cup as she stirred, “Tell me about your brother.  What brought you and your family here from Ireland?”  Susanna removed the tea bags and set the spoon on the counter, “Kane?”

She turned with the tea in her hand to an empty room, “Kane?” she called again
.  The sun’s ray spilled into the room and across the very space where Kane had stood only seconds before.  She set his cup back on the counter and walked to the window that held his words.  Reaching out, she ran her fingers over the etched glass which was cold to her touch.  She was astounded at the emptiness she felt over his absence.  After all, a few hours ago she had no idea he existed. 

Chapter 13

Susanna
sat alone at the table and slowly sipped her tea as the sun climbed in the eastern sky over the island.  She was still sore from her fall but her discomfort was minimal compared to what Kane faced when he was away.  She thought about all the questions she would ask him when he returned.  She considered what she would wear and the thought of having a hot bath and washing her hair before seeing him again made her a tad giddy with excitement.   

The day dragged on and on as Susanna waited for the sun to set.  She forced herself to take a nap after staying up all night talking with Kane. 
After sleeping for a few hours she struggled to carry pot after pot of hot water to the old tub so she could take what would end up being a very shallow bath.  It was enough to warm her and to feel clean.  She washed her hair gently, the knot on her head still sensitive, the cut still painful.  She caught site of her bare back in the mirror and was taken aback by the bruises there from her fall.  No wonder she was as sore as she was.  She applied minimal makeup before digging through her bag for her hair dryer and gently drying her hair.  She was amazed at how tired she was after expending such a small amount of energy.  She laid a few outfits out on the bed and went back and forth as she tried to figure out what to wear.

“It’s either jeans and a sweater … or jeans and a sweater,” she laughed to herself.  She certainly didn’t pack for date night, much less a date night with a man
who was confined to the house.  She felt strongly about not wearing her pajamas even though she knew they would be spending the night in front of the fire just talking, “Jeans and sweater it is.”

Satisfied with her appearance but exhausted from the effort, Susanna turned off the lights in the bathroom and put her extra clothes away.  She looked at the bed that she had not yet slept in
briefly before flipping off the light and exiting the quiet room. 

The room was beginning to get cold, the fire long since dying out with Kane not around to tend to it.  She
moved about the house to stay busy and turned on the small space heater before tidying up the living room.  She folded the blankets in front of the fireplace and closed all the blinds while looking out at the sky and silently commanding the sun to set.  She went to the kitchen and sifted through the cabinets in search of something decent she could make the two of them for dinner.  There was not much to choose from, a few cans of soup and several cans of vegetables.  She found two matching cans of soup and dumped them into a pot on the stove.  It was the best she could do under the circumstances.  While the soup warmed she powered up her phone so she could check her e-mails.  There were several from Katie and one from Michelle asking how the article was progressing.  She opened the one from Katie that had several pictures attached of the lawyer from Jordan’s office she wanted to set her up with.

“Oh Katie, if you only knew …” Susanna trailed off.

She found one from her mother where she was just checking in and Susanna smiled as she answered her. 
All is well.  Made it through a storm and enjoying the adventure.
  It was only partially a lie.  The time ticked slowly by. The sun had set and the soup was still simmering on the stove.  Reaching for her sweater coat she wrapped it around her and went to the front door.  Opening it, the cold night air brushed over her face sending chills all over her.  She stared into the darkness, lonely for the first time since setting foot on the island. 

“Waiting on someone?” she heard his voice over her shoulder.

Susanna smiled and released a pent up breath she hadn’t realized was there, “I was getting worried.”

“Why is that?” Kane was casually leaning against the wall of the kitchen, his arms folded over his chest.

“I didn’t know how you’d come in.  I didn’t know if I should leave the door open, or if you just appear at the same place you disappeared this morning …” Susanna closed the door behind her, locking it securely.

“
I appear in the tower by the light,” he answered, once again pointing upwards. 

“I guess that makes sense,” she shook her head at the ridiculousness of her statement, “as if
any
of this makes sense.”

“I’ve had a little long
er to get used to the idea,” Kane smiled shyly, “although Emma never batted an eye.  When I told her my story she acted like it was the most normal thing in the world.  She never questioned the truth of it.”

“She’s quite a
n interesting woman,” Susanna stirred the soup, “I hope you like soup.  It’s the only thing that’s here.”

“You’ve made dinner for us?”

“Of course,” Susanna replied.

“How are you feeling?” he walked towards her, flipping on the kitchen light.

“I’m still sore, but better,” she answered shyly, “My head still hurts, I had to be careful today when I took a bath and washed my hair.”

Kane reached her and turned her around, “Let me have a look.”  He carefully separated her hair to closely inspect the cut and bruise on her scalp, “You should still take care, it’s not entirely healed.”

“I will,” Susanna blushed and turned towards him.

A
youthful grin spread across Kane’s face, “You look very pretty.”

Susanna’s shade darkened once more, “It’s amazing what some shampoo and makeup will do for you.”

“I’ll get the bowls for our soup,” the glow from Kane’s smile warmed Susanna from across the room.  He walked to the cabinet and immediately opened the right one.  He placed the bowls on the table across from one another along with two spoons.  Susanna came over with the pot of Campbell’s soup and emptied out two portions, his being a bit larger, into the bowls.

“This looks very good, thank you,” he smiled, “can’t say I remember the last time that someone made me dinner.”

“I opened a can, Kane, I wouldn’t call that making you dinner,” Susanna scoffed with a smile, “I would have, if there was more in the house.”

“It’s perfect.” Kane smiled.

Sitting across from one another at the table, they ate in silence.  Susanna took a moment to take in his clothing, something she had barely noticed before.  To the everyday person, his clothing probably appeared fairly normal.  He wore dark brown pants that were made from a thick canvas.  His thick turtleneck sweater was a faded navy and looked to be made of wool.  Knowing what she knew of him, she could see the outdated clothing for what it was. 

“Your clothes, is that what you were wearing the night …” she trailed off.

“Yes,” he suddenly seemed a little embarrassed, “I’ve never worn anything else.  Though I have seen the change in styles over the last century.”

Susanna regretted making him feel uncomfortable, “I can only imagine.  The seventies must have been extremely shocking, “she laughed.

Kane smiled, seemingly at ease, “I have tried to keep up with the changes and keep well versed in what was going on outside of this island.  Although, none of it affected me.  Everything here always remains the same.  From some of the things I have read about this country, at times I found my lack of change … comforting.”

Susanna nodded in agreement, “I can imagine. 
This place does seem a bit untouchable, out here by itself.  So close to the busy world of the mainland and yet so far removed.”

“You should use that for your article,” Kane looked at her thoughtfully.

“The article … I’ve barely thought of it in the last few days,” Susanna thoughts seemed jumbled, “it seems so irrelevant now.”

“So, what did you do today while I was away?” Kane asked her.

“I napped,” she laughed, “Since I had very little sleep last night. I also managed to haul a million gallons of water to the tub for a bath.”

“Yes, it is quite a challenge,” Kane sat back in his chair, “I’ve heard people mentioning the outdated facilities and couldn’t help but wonder what the modern day advances are that I’ve yet to see.  This place
has remained largely unchanged, even the kitchen and the bathrooms are fairly old.  I can’t imagine what is over there,” he motioned with his head towards the mainland, “I’ll admit to being curious.”

“You told me you were from Ireland, had
you been in the US long before the accident?” Susanna asked, pushing her empty bowl of soup away from her.

“Yes, we lived in Boston since I was teenager,” Kane sat back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest, “We all did, Liam and I and
Rayna.  They were moving to Maine after the wedding where my brother found work as an architect.”

“Why were you on the boat that
night?” she pressed on, rising and taking the bowls to the sink.

“They were meeting a solicitor about some property they intended to buy, I was along for the ride,” Kane shook his head, “It was a horrible time of year to be out on the water.  We knew the storm was out there, we didn’t realize how bad it was.  By the time we knew, it was too late to turn around.”

Susanna could hear the sadness in his voice and purposefully didn’t turn around.  She washed the bowls and put them on the counter to dry.

“The book said your brother searched for you,” she trailed off, not even sure of what she wanted to ask.

“He found me, according to the book, I imagine he was devastated.  Liam and I were very close.  He always looked out for me, protected me,” Kane’s voice was heavy with pain.

“The book didn’t mention anything else about them, does Emma know anything else?” Susanna dried her hands with the faded towel and turned to face him.

“I’ve asked and have found out very little.  He and Rayna did get married and settled in the area. That’s all I know.”

Susanna sighed, “We can talk about something else.  I’m sorry to ask … but I have so many questions.  It’s all I’ve thought about all day.”

Kane shrugged, “I’ve spent decades speaking mainly to myself and to people who can’t hear me. I don’t mind your questions,” he stood from the table, “But come to the fire where it’s warm.”

Susanna laughed, “There is no fire
. I knew I couldn’t get it started without you.”

“I’ll have to teach you,” he said, grinning at her, “although in my time it would be unheard of to allow a woman to do such a thing if a man were around.”

“I would have frozen that first night had you not made that fire,” she shook her head, “I don’t know how I didn’t know someone was here.  I told myself the match I threw in there must have been hot enough to start it.  Now I know how ridiculous that was.”

Kane chuckled and the sound brought a shy smile to Susanna’s lips.

“I thought you were going to give up and call Emma’s husband to come take you away,” he bent by the fireplace and stacked the wood on the iron bars, “I was terrified that you would leave again and I wouldn’t get the chance to speak to you.”

Susanna curled up on the floor, her back resting against the couch, “Did you know I was coming?”

“Yes, Emma told me she had found you.  It seemed to take forever before you finally arrived,” Kane lit the fire and sat back as it blazed before them.

“Where were you that night?” she asked, her curiosity getting the best of her.

Kane seemed to blush in the firelight, “There,” he pointed across the room to the empty spot under the window, “I sat there and watched you all night as you slept and I prayed ...”

“Prayed for what?”

“That I wouldn’t go back when the sun came up.  I wanted to stay … with you,” Kane moved to recline against the chair across from Susanna.

“But you did go back that day?”

“Yes.”

“And yet, when I was little, you remained here, during the day … on the day that I came?”

“Yes,” Kane nodded, “My entire life consists of two events, being there on the day I died, and being here at night.” 

Susanna felt
besieged with uncertainty, “I wish I understood all this and how I fit into it,” she whispered.

“I
don’t wish to convey such a burden to you,” Kane answered, “it’s not my intent.”

Susanna shook her head, “I know
, I just feel like I’m supposed to do more … or know more … it’s just frustrating.”

“Then let’s talk of something else,” Kane
urged, “Tell me about where you live. What’s your life like?  What do you do every day?”

It seemed like such an odd question but she understood that for him, the thought of a day that varied was unheard of, “I live in Atlanta.  It’s such a different place compared to here, it’s a huge city, like Boston would have been back in your time.  There are giant skyscrapers everywhere and the city is in such a hurry all the time.  Traffic is horrible and sometimes it takes you hours to get 2 miles.”

“And people enjoy living in such a place?” Kane asked and she laughed at how honest the question was.

“For some reason, yes … although when you ask it like that, I’m not sure why,” she giggled, “I moved there for work.  The magazine seemed like a dream job right out of college and at the time the thought
of getting away from my parents seemed like a good idea.  The older I get, the more I miss them and want to be closer.”