Envious (16 page)

He was all in one piece. Thank God. “Hi Tony.” I saw Eric inside, sleeping on his bed. “He left you alone?”

“Yeah…well he hasn’t hurt me, but listening to his sob stories is getting a little old. It’s the same thing, over and over again. Do you want to go to the lounge? I don’t really think you would want to hang out here.”

“Sure,” I answered, hoping I didn’t appear as relieved as I felt.

Tony slipped on his sneakers and we walked down the hall to the upper lounge and sat on the back sofa by the windows facing the quad. “So, Eric told me. About what happened with you two and Aurora.”

“Oh, yeah? He’s that proud of what he did?”

“No. I don’t think so. He just kept saying how stupid he was and how he wasn’t thinking.”

“Aurora thinks he was using me to make her jealous, but I don’t know what to think. The way she said it, like she thought I was so inferior. Maybe she didn’t mean it, but it sounded that way.” I leaned back and rubbed my forehead.

“Do you have a headache?” Tony asked.

“Yeah, a little. I get them all the time. Probably stress, tension or something.”

“I took a massage therapy course. I’ll give you a free massage. Turn a little.”

I cautiously turned my back to him. I was never very comfortable with people touching me. Maybe that was because they never did, aside from Aurora. Tony began to work at my shoulders with his hands.

“Ow,” I said.

“Sorry, but you’re really tense,” and he kept rubbing and working until the pain subsided and I started to feel a little bit better. He worked into around my shoulder blades and then he said, “Hi, Eric.” I tensed up immediately and he laughed. “Just kidding.” I slowly began to relax again. Very slowly.

“So, Sandy, which do you like better? Tony or Elijah?”

“Uh, I don’t know. They’re both pretty good.”

“Well, if you want, you can call me Elijah, seeing as you’ve already proved you can say it with a straight face.”

“But I thought you didn’t
go by
that,
” I said with a teasing smile.

“I don’t know. I might be up for something new. Besides, if I become a doctor, Dr. Elijah Pascarelli kinda sounds smarter.”

I felt a change over the next few days. My life, which had once revolved around Aurora, now revolved around Mythology. Eric would arrive soon, and I would have to face him. Aurora believed he had used me, and I believed it too, yet there was a part of me that refused to believe it. There was something wrong with the way Aurora said it in her car, something very wrong that I just couldn’t place. Then again, trust had never come easily to me. I always found that when I trusted, I was disappointed in the end. One thing in my life was certain, I had now begun to trust my dreams and visions. Elijah was proof.
Will I be disappointed again?

Class began, and the seats around me were empty. No sign of Eric.

“Sandy, could you tell us what happened in the last two chapters we’ve read?”

Oh, great, our professor decided to find out if I’d read. I finished the book two weeks ago.

“Uh, what happened before?” I earned a few unappreciated laughs from the rest of the class. “I mean, I read, but I don’t remember where the class is.” I felt my face go scarlet, not only because of the embarrassing situation, but because Eric walked in. He didn’t sit beside me; he sat two rows ahead of me. I wasn’t sure if that made me happy or not.

A girl in my class helped me when my professor did not. “Odysseus just finished telling the story of his journey.”

“Oh. Thanks. After that the Phaecians…”

At the end of class, I slowly walked out the door. Eric had left already, and I wanted to give him a long head start. He seemed in a hurry to get out the door. If he wanted to avoid me, I could avoid him too. I had been curious to see how he would act around me, and now I knew.

He had looked terrible. His eyes had dark circles around them, and his messy hair was far more messy than usual. His clothes were wrinkled, and overall, he looked like he was half dead.

I walked all the way back to the dorms by myself. I had to admit, I sort of wished he was there. The campus was so dark and spooky. I could hear twigs breaking and the wind howling. Eric made me uncomfortable, but I always felt safe around him. I swiped my ID card in the door lock and stepped into the lobby only to find Eric, leaning against the wall with his book bag on the floor beside his feet. When I entered, he looked up, hopeful, his eyebrows curved in anticipation.

“Sandra, hi.” I stared blankly at him, anger beginning to bubble inside me. “I was waiting for you. Uh, I want to talk.” He blinked slowly.

“Eric,” I began, not knowing where my thoughts were heading.

“Please? I know that you don’t want to see me. Tony told me. But I really think we have some things that need to be said.” A girl walked by, staring at us, standing ten feet apart. I moved away from the door so she could get by.

“I think so too. Um…”

“The lounge?”

“Yeah.” I walked down the hall and he followed silently. We entered the mostly empty lounge; it was another night when everyone was somewhere else. One guy sat in a corner, studying with his headphones on. Eric dropped his book bag to the floor and I didn’t give him a chance to start talking.

“You are such a jerk!! You selfish, conniving jackass! I trusted you, I thought we were friends! And the whole time, you were using me?!” The boy quickly got up and left. I was being way too loud, but I didn’t care. My anger overpowered my introverted personality. “Damn you, you fucking jerk. You had a girlfriend, but that wasn’t enough. You thought I was easy?! Well you’re wrong.”

“I don’t think you’re easy,” he said facing the floor, a harsh flush covering his face. Even his ears burned red.

“Maybe now you don’t, but you did. You used me, played with my emotions and my life!”

“Sandra…”

“No, don’t you make excuses! I am so angry!”

“I know there’s no reason for you to trust me, but please, just listen to me. I wasn’t trying to use you. I didn’t mean to do anything that happened. I swear to you, I never wanted to hurt you,” he pleaded, staring right into my eyes.

“You wanted to hurt Aurora? You wanted to make her jealous?” I challenged angrily.

“No. I never wanted to hurt either of you.”

“But you did. Why, Eric?”

“I was…I…” he swallowed slowly, choking on his sentence. “I don’t know. Every time I’m around you, I just screw up.”

“So it’s
my
fault now?!”

“Not at all. No. It’s my fault. My fault for finding you so…” Eric let his sentence trail off. “I like spending time with you. You’re a lot of fun and I knew I should have stayed away, but I didn’t. And then when I drank I felt totally free from everything. And you were there, and I didn’t think.”

“Thinking seems to be a concept beyond your capabilities.”

“Sandy,” he said, taking offense at my comment, “I may not be as smart as you, but I try. I try hard. I try to do things right. I try not to make mistakes, but I’m not perfect.”

“You’ve made that brutally obvious these past few weeks. You’re not perfect. No one expects you to be. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t be a good person anyway.” I walked out into the hall. Eric followed me out.

“I’m sorry I hurt you. There’s no excuse for it, I know. But, damn it, Sandy, everyone makes mistakes!”

Blood rushed to my head and my eyes brimmed with tears. I kept my back to him. I didn’t want him to see how vulnerable he had made me.

“Who am I supposed to trust, Eric? I can’t even trust myself around you. I don’t want to think you could be so heartless, but I have no reason to believe you wouldn’t be. I have feelings for you, Eric. I really like you, and you knew that.”

“No, I knew that you
did
like me. Once we became friends, I couldn’t go back to ignoring you. Is that what you want?” he asked.

“No, no it’s not,” I admitted.

“Then what do you want?”

“I don’t know, my head hurts, I’ll see you later.”

He grabbed my arm to keep me from leaving. His gentle fingers loosely held slightly above my wrist. He turned me to face him. “I want to make you happy,” he said. “But I can’t do that until I know what you want.”

“I want
you
, okay?” I cried. “I want you in my life. I want you to love
me
.” Tears began to stream down my face. He continued to hold my wrist but he stared down at his feet.

“I can’t love you, Sandra,” he said sadly, setting me free from his grasp.

“I thought you liked me. Didn’t you feel what I felt when we kissed? Didn’t you feel it?”

“Sandy, I love Aurora.”

“But you
kissed
me.” My voice quavered. “You held me. You told me I was beautiful. Why?” He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came forth. He tried again, and failed. I stepped up to him. We were so close, our clothes were touching but our bodies were not. “All I want is an answer.” I lifted my chin and gazed up into his eyes. I’m not sure how it happened. I think I may have initiated it, or our souls acted as one. Somehow, his lips and mine met. We did not touch, except our lips, which held to each other and neither of us pulled away. We couldn’t. The bond was too much. The emotions raging inside our hearts could not sort out, could not be stilled by anything but this kiss.

I do not know how long we stood there before Eric’s warm hands touched my face and pulled me away. He looked to the blank wall beside us, slowly touched his fingers to his lips, then wiped them away. He must have felt it, how could he not? He was silent.

He turned away completely and pushed his hands deep into his pockets. “I’m sorry.” I was practically on my tiptoes, waiting in anticipation for what he would say. “I…I…Aurora makes me a better person… I don’t like who I am and she makes me someone else. I fall apart without her. I…I can’t do this anymore. Bye, Cassandra.”

1205

The King’s daughter entered the Great Hall in all its splendor. She walked swiftly past Heodred and me, her cape flowing wildly while her skirts rushed along behind her. Her hood fell from her head and set loose her long, flowing, golden mane. She was a fantastic sight as she fell to the knees of her father.

“Aurora, my child,” he said.

“Oh great lord, I came first news. Please, I wish to go to him. I must be by his side.” The king nodded and she rushed through the crowd of soldiers. That was the woman who rivaled me for first place next to a great, dying warrior.

At the end of the night, I went up to see him. He was alone once again, no physician or anyone else. I sat by his side, dabbing his hot forehead gently with a wet cloth. His fever had not broken and my heart clenched with the grim realization of what was coming for my love. I took his hand in mine, pressed a kiss to his fingers, and fell asleep at his side.

I woke to find a dark, horrifying stare burning into my soul. Aurora, the king’s heir sat at Eric’s opposite side, watching me wake by flickering candlelight. I had fallen to sleep while watching over him. It was still night, darkness pierced by a single candle and the burning hate in her eyes. I didn’t blink as I stared back at her, and she turned her focus to Eric’s face.

“We’re losing him,” she said, her voice filled with darkness. She leaned away from him, much of her face hidden by locks of her golden hair and shadow. “His very grasp on life is beginning to fail.” With a slight tilt of her head, she met my gaze with a challenge. “I wonder what you would give for him.”

Startled, I began to respond, slowly, “What do you mean? I love him. I would do anything if it could save him.”

She shifted to face me. Leaning in, intently staring into my eyes, she asked, “Do you know the Agrimony plant?”

“Agrimony?” I inquired.

“This,” she answered, holding up a shriveled leaf. Her voice took on a pleading, vulnerable tone. “This is all we have, but it is not enough. Go and return with three of its leaves. You may take my horse. Herbal remedies have saved others in the past, I should hope it would do the same now.”

In the darkness of the night, in the stables, I fastened the warm, wooly cloak of the princess around my neck and mounted her horse. She told me, “The mountain where you find this is a two-day ride. I know of no other, closer place to find it. Go swiftly now, time is of the essence.” She sent me off with food taken from that night’s feast.

I rode swiftly through the night and stopped as morning light was beginning to shine out from between the distant mountains. I halted directly outside my garden and dropped from the horse. My legs and backside felt numb and sore from the long ride. I entered through the gate and knelt in the soil. I had plucked the Agrimony herb from this dirt many times, but it always came back. Never before was it so difficult to find. I picked through the brush surrounding my garden and finally found what I sought. I stuffed the plant in one of the many pockets of Aurora’s cloak and quickly sped back toward the castle.

As the sun rose, beating down on the path, bringing warm life to the world, I felt my own strength failing. I hugged the horse’s neck as I let him lead the way back to my love.
Eric must live.
I would do anything, anything at all for him.