Enough Isn't Everything (Everything Trilogy) (23 page)

He twisted his lips. “When my hat blew off on the boat and landed on his lap, I leaned in to take it back
, and I think he thought I’d seen one of the texts. He winked at me and switched his phone off, before I could ask him what’s up, and shoved it in his pocket. He looked guilty about something.”

He gave me an awkward smile
. “I thought, what the fuck are you doing winking at me, dude. It felt strange at the time it, but after overhearing his call I sort of put two and two together.” Will looked uneasy and gave me a half smile.

“He’s good though.
 I’ll give him that, how he was all attentive and shit toward you. That was the only thing that made me decide not to tell you sooner.” I quickly wiped a tear that was rolling down my face. How could he do that to me, we had been friends.

Will saw how the news was affecting me and pulled me back into his chest in a bear hug. He rubbed my back
, and I sobbed into him. Will stood silently holding me, he’d said enough. I pushed away from him, but he pulled me back and held me tightly. Will’s soft voice vibrated in his chest, “Sorry honey, it’s better you find out now than later, huh?” Then he kissed my head again.

 
I straightened up, and stepped away from him. “I need to go home Will, I can’t do today now.” I stared up at him. Tears streamed down my face. I felt stupid, ridiculous, and ashamed that I had let someone else take advantage of me.

“You look so fragile honey, I’m coming with you.”
He gave me a half smile. “There’s no way I’m letting you get behind the wheel of a car in this state.” As we walked to his car, he pulled me into him again. Every once in a while, he looked at me and wiped his thumb over my cheeks in an effort to stop my tears.

I
 felt I just wanted to go home to the UK. I had gotten everything wrong here. I’d made so many mistakes and now seeing Saffy or bumping into Alfie would leave me with constant reminders of what a stupid fuck-up of a girl I was.

I sighed heavily
, breaking the silence between us. “I’m fine Will, I’m partly to blame too. I allowed it to happen. I got involved too quickly.” He stopped walking and turned to face me, and brushed the last of my tears with his knuckles. His face was desolate, and I could see that it broke his heart to see me so unhappy.

“
I knew it was a risk to get with Max. Here’s the thing, I had no experience of sexual relationships until the week before I came to live here, but ever since I’ve made some pretty epic mistakes.” I knew I needed to learn from them and learn fast.

I sniffed and stared at Will.
 “I’m only sorry that you have had to be involved in this at all, Will. It isn’t your place to support me when the simple truth of the matter is I’ve given myself too easily.”

Will looked seriously
 at me and shook his head. “It’s only one relationship Lily, don’t let it affect you.” He looked at me supportively. Only it wasn’t one relationship with Sam and Alfie.
Sleeping with both my best girlfriends’ brothers? Having a ‘fuck buddy’?
My sex life so far… It sounded like a bad B movie in the making.

Will
 put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it sympathetically, then cuddled me tightly and drew little circles my shoulders with his thumbs. He gave me a small smile again. “Hey, come on, we’ll get you home,” he said softly. Will started driving me home, and promised he’d pick me up in the morning to bring me back to college to collect my car.

When we arrived
back, he came up to the apartment with me. “Let’s go to the beach and jam together.” I didn’t really feel like it, but he was right, I needed to move on as quickly as possible or this could consume me. He began organizing me. “Okay girlie, get your sunscreen and hat, we can’t allow your fair ass to fry out there! I’m gonna head to the surf store for some shorts; when I get back I expect you stripped and ready for the beach.” He strode to the door and it banged closed as he left to buy something more fitting to wear for the beach.

What he bought transformed him from Will, the cool sax player, to Will, the hot surfer dude. He looked great in the red and white surfer shorts and the white sleeveless
t-shirt he was already wearing. I was a little surprised by his great physique, even though I shouldn’t have been.

He’s a great looking guy, with his messy,
chestnut brown hair, that looked so shiny he could model for a hair product company. Will was quite powerfully built, and I wondered why I hadn’t seen this before. I mean I’d seen him in his boxers that one time, but I was too mortified to take in what he looked like. Anyway, I’d never really noticed because he was with Saffy.

I whistled appreciatively, teasing him. “Damn! You’re a
 hottie Will, a damn fine specimen.” I wiggled my brows at him. Will grinned kind of embarrassed and chuffed at the same time.

“
Yeah, I know,” he said, nodding and checking himself out, behaving as if he were in love with himself.

He then launched
 into an overacted scene. “Thank you, ma’am…” then commented, “Hey, I thought you were off men?” I paused, putting my fingers to my chin pretending that I was contemplating what he’d just said. I began tapping my lips, pretending to think.

Chuckling, I threw my head back
. “Definitely. No guy is getting in my panties without being totally emotionally connected and hanging on my every word, and even then, he’ll have to beg. I am going to concentrate on leaving the passion in the bedroom to others and put mine into my music from now on, at least it won’t fuck me over,” I said determinedly.

“Atta
 gurl!” he growled, grinning devilishly at me.

My mood was lifting
 and I pretended to give a Will my best seductive look. I leaned in and whispered, “As for you, looking great in those swimmers, who says I can’t still window shop?”

I gave him a mock exaggerated look of appreciation, my eyes widening, like I was objectifying him. “I mean, I appreciate
the finer things in store windows all the time… it doesn’t mean I have to buy anything… does it?”

Will
grinned, leaning back his hands stretched out to the sides pretending to give me a better view. “You like what you see huh?” he said in a slow southern drawl and turned nodding his head. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively pretending to flirt with me.

We both cracked up, laughing hysterically, and it felt good to have someone I could just be me around, without any demands on our relationship. I was beginning to really value Will as a friend and his loyalty to me.

It was really nice that he cared about me. We were honest with each other, and I hoped that it would always be like that between us. “Lily girl, you are a wonderful, sweet, gorgeous girl, you’re going to work this out. I know it hurts a lot right now. By next month, it will hurt a little less, a month after that? Max, who’s Max?” He looked wistful for a split second then it was gone.

“Been here, huh?” I asked.

He tapped on his heart silently. “It’s getting there.” I took that as a yes.

We headed for the beach, the feel of the sun, the smell of the sea and the warmth of our friendship enhanced our music a
nd lifted my mood to no end.

We were so productive with ideas and new material flowing. It was a lot of fun with him and our easy conversation and similar thoughts about music helped bond us closer during the day.

I was messing around with some chords when something I played triggered the memory of a song for Will, and he started to sing it. “You know that song?” I looked incredulously at him, rising to my knees on the towel then sitting back on my heels. I didn’t think that band had cracked it in the USA. Will said, “I don't know about that, but I heard the track when I was in London, so I downloaded it to my iPod. It brings back happy memories for me.”

I grinned. “Will! It’s one of my
favorite songs, can we sing it together,” I pleaded. My hands were praying at him.

I began to play the introduction to
Come Up and See me, (make me smile),
by Steve Harley and Cockney Rebel. We both started belting it out, not really caring that we were making noise around some sleepy sunbathers.

We weren’t even sure that the words we were singing were the right ones, but they fit the music, and I felt some of the stress leave me.
 I felt like I was home for a few minutes.

It was ironic that this was the song that came to his mind.
It’s about band members quitting on Steve before he became famous. It fit with my mood, not that I was going to be famous, but maybe Max will feel sorry for his treatment toward me one day.

Some beachgoers sat up to listen to us, and applauded when we had finished our impromptu concert.
 Will and I were slightly embarrassed, but grinned and laughed about our spontaneous performance, which was anything but polished. “I feel much better after that.”

He slung an arm around
my shoulders and squeezed me against him side on. “I’m glad you’re feeling stronger honey, but now I had better make myself scarce before Saffy comes home, or she’ll be mad that we spent the day together on the beach.”

Will’s eyes looked moody and troubled now. “She’s possessive as hell, and as much as she loves you Lily, she has trust issues.”

I looked wide-eyed and seriously at Will. “Agreed!” We packed up and headed back to the  apartment.

We already knew that
 Saffy didn’t like us spending time together as it was. I stroked Will’s arm as if to show him my sincerity. “Thank you so much for today Will, and for telling me. It means a lot to me that you have my back.”

He took my hand, squeezed
 it, and brought it to his lips. It was a tender thing to do. “Always.” He kissed my forehead gently. His lips were soft and warm. It felt so comforting. I turned and walked inside, rummaging in my bag for my keys. There was a text message envelope waiting on my phone.

Max: Missed hugging you last night. Missing me?

I found my keys, dragged myself inside, and sat down heavily on the couch before replying. 

Lily Parnell: Coping well, so much better than I thought I would
.

Max: Cool, I’ll try to come soon, won’t be able to stay away long.

I took a deep breath, I didn’t want to play games with people’s lives, and I didn’t want them to play them with mine.

Lily Parnell: would you tell Kelly it’s me you’re coming to see?

I waited for a return text, and when it didn’t arrive immediately, it confirmed what Will suspected. Well, at least Max didn’t protest his innocence, or worse, say that she meant nothing to him. I knew him well enough. He knows I know him too, so he’ll be trying to find a way around hurting me and saving face. I wasn’t surprised when the next text did arrive after ten minutes.

Max: Ah, too complex to explain by text or phone we’ll talk when I
 
come to see you.

I knew I needed to be completely honest with him and that there would be no repeat of what we had in the future.

Lily Parnell: No explanation necessary Max, we’re friends. I used you for sex, just like you used me. You’ve done all the ‘coming’ you’re going to do with me, chapter closed. Don’t hurry back, but we will get past this for Saffy’s sake.

My phone rang immediately, caller ID showed Max. I let it ring out, switched it off, and threw it back in my bag. When I did this, I knew I’d be strong enough to get past this hump in my life.

I’m not happy with the person I’m turning into here.
 Everything I was doing was so out of character for me. Maybe I was giving out vibes I wasn’t aware of, and I needed to be far less trusting of men.

The most honest thing that’s happened to me was Alfie, which
didn’t say much for me as a person at all. 
Why had I been willing to have sex with someone that didn’t care how I felt?

Worse still, I
was still coming to terms with how much I missed him, even although I ended the arrangement. I was horrified with the thought I still missed him, even when I was wrapped in Max’s arms.

Nothing about Alfie felt easy though, but his slightest touch made my body respond impulsively.
When he touched me, my body hummed and buzzed, like an electrical charge had been applied.

Correction, he even makes me feel weak without touching me. I
thought I understood Superman’s Achilles Heel ‘thing’ much better now with the Kryptonite; Alfie was mine.

Why have all my relationships been so complicated lately.
 I had to admit it wasn’t like that with Will, though, except that Saffy was an issue for us.

We had to come up with a white lie today to make it easier on her.
 Will and I agreed to tell her that I was brought home by him, but that was the extent of our contact outside of college today.

I felt bad that we weren’t able to be truthful with her, but for all our sakes, it
 was better to play it off as if our time spent outside of college was minimal, and we did just hang today, no matter how innocent it was.

I pretended that I had been sick, and as such, Will had driven me home.
Saffy still probed me about it though. “Where did he go afterwards?”

I felt bad lying, “Not sure, I think he went home.”

Well, it was a kind of honest… I mean… he did leave me and go home. Saffy seemed satisfied with this and went to change before dinner. I called home to the UK tonight. I felt I needed to hear my parents’ voices and tried to draw strength from talking to them.

I did well to cover up how I was feeling, because I knew at the first hint of discord, my parents would have dramatically swooped in and brought me home. I was sounding so upbeat when I spoke to my parents. I almost convinced myself I was fine.

They had no idea what had been going on
with me during the past six weeks in my new life, except that I had partnered up with Will.

“No
Mom,” I sighed in mock frustration. “No, mother, no romantic involvement with him, he’s Saffy’s boyfriend,” I answered exacerbated by my mom’s hope. I rolled my eyes, glad that she couldn’t see me, as she lived in the hope of me giving her early grandbabies.

My mom wanted me to be a teenage mom
, and my dad wanted me to be a nun. Looks like both my parents were jinxed with me. My mother told me about Elle’s part in a West End Musical, and how excited they all were for her.

I felt bad that I had abandoned Elle in London for America and made a mental note to call her after arranging a time by email. It was our only means of contact, due to time changes, Elle’s work, college
, and her attending auditions. She was a dancer and worked odd hours.

I knew she was going to an audition on Friday, but Elle hadn’t caught up with me yet to tell me she’d actually got the part.
 I berated myself for not being a better friend to her.