Enigma (38 page)

“Yeah, immortality is a privilege, not a right. We’ve been at this game a lot longer than you, little sister!” Trev said, tackling me in the floor.

With that, the other four jumped on the dog pile in my living room floor. They proceeded to tickle me until I agreed to their terms when it came to alerting them the second I felt something could be wrong.

Peeling ourselves from the floor, we all decided sushi sounded great. Splitting up into two cars, we headed to a place downtown to stuff our faces. I could not resist some awesome California rolls and spicy tuna! We all ordered different things and ended up eating from each other’s plates the entire time, so it was almost like ordering one of everything on the menu. Dorian had not joined us, and in the back of my mind, I could not help but to worry about him. Alex and Bradley kept telling me this was normal behavior for Dorian to be all worked up about things, but I wasn’t sure.

The next day came and went with no sign of Dorian. Avan told me he had been at work but left as soon as his shift ended. I had never had anyone be this mad at me in my life! I could not be the reason that Dorian stopped being a part of our family. I had to make things right with him, but how could I do that when he would not even look at me? It was killing me inside. I missed him at dinner last night and I missed knowing that he was all right now. I missed knowing that he cared. What hurt the most was admitting that everything he had said yesterday was nothing but the truth.

Dorian had hit the nail on the head; I had always looked at them as best friends and Avan’s family, but never as my own. I had seen the world as a lonely place where I walked alone until I’d met Avan. Then I had seen it only as he and I, leaving everyone else in the shadows, even though they were as much a part of my life as Avan was. I had been walking around with my eyes closed, and as roughly and daggered as it had come out of Dorian’s mouth, it was exactly what I needed to hear.

The next morning I scribbled a note that requested he meet me at the bookstore across town at 3:00 p.m. I had no idea what I was going to do for the better half of the morning, but considering the bookstore was located along the strip mall, I figured I had plenty of boutiques, stores, and restaurants to choose from for entertainment and lunch. I also had an excess amount of money in my account, and I was itching to spend some.

I had lunch at a little café that served mostly soups, salads, and sandwiches. I sat next to the window, watching the rain for what felt like hours when the waiter finally got my attention.

“Would you like a refill on your tea, ma’am?” the handsome, young waiter asked with an endearing smile.

“No thank you, I’m good. I’m just gonna relax for a few minutes before braving the storm.”

“Any coffee or dessert for you today? We have turtle brownies, raspberry cheesecake, carrot cake, and red velvet cupcakes.”

“I’m stuffed! Thank you, though.”

“Can I get some of these dishes out of your way? I’m not rushing you. You can stay as long as you want.”

“Sure, I’m done.”

“I’m Nathan. Sorry to be so forward, but you are beautiful,” he said, blushing.

“Thank you, Nathan. You are sweet! This rain probably has me looking like a hot mess!”

“Nah, I don’t think you could look any better if you tried,” he said, smiling down at me then glancing at my hand.

“Well, thank you again.”

“Yeah, I guess a girl like you would already be taken, huh? Oh well, ya can’t blame a guy for trying! Have a great day!” Nathan said as he picked up my plate, nodding at my ring.

“You too.” I giggled.

Looking down at my cell phone, I noticed it was ten til’ three. The bookstore was just across the street, and I had no idea if Dorian would be there or not. I told Avan my plan this morning, and he thought it was a good idea for me to try to reach out to Dorian in order to get things back to normal. He seemed to think if I met him alone and let him vent that Dorian would get over everything and let it go. I just hoped he was right.

I almost dreaded this meeting even though I was the one who had requested it. In my heart I knew it needed to take place; Dorian’s problem was with me. I had caused this. I was the reckless, idiotic, selfish moron who came really close to ruining everything because I didn’t listen and didn’t take into account that these individuals cared for me and loved me, accepting me into their family. It was now that I realized a family was not something that you were required to share DNA with; you simply had to share love. I had never gotten that until now.

Stepping up onto the curb, I felt his presence, the unmistakable vibe that only Dorian sent out. I was not sure of his exact location, but I knew he was close, so close that I knew I would probably bump right into him if I did not watch where I was going. The rain had lightened up to a steady drizzle, and due to the clouds, it looked as though it should be about seven o’clock instead of three. This made the meeting feel more like a bad dream rather than a chance to make things right again. I hadn’t even noticed him standing under the awning and leaning next to the window when he said my name.

“Mattie,” Dorian called, catching my attention as I was about to enter the bookstore.

“There you are. I have to tell you, I really wasn’t sure you’d show.”

“I considered skipping out, but I couldn’t make myself.”

“Well, I’m glad you came. Do you want to talk inside?”

“Nah, too many people in there trying to avoid the rain. I kind of like it myself,” Dorian commented looking up at the clouds.

“Okay well, I know you’re mad at me, and I want to know what I need to do in order to fix this, Dorian. I hate you being upset with me. Last night we all went to eat, and it was like there was just this empty hole without you there. You’re part of us, and families don’t split like this.”

“That’s just it, Mattie, you still don’t get it, do you?” Dorian replied through his clenched teeth.

“I do get it, Dorian! I got it loud and clear! That’s why I wanted to talk to you alone! Everything you said night before last was true, okay? You are right about everything. I don’t think before I act. I am constantly putting people in dangerous situations. You do always have to follow behind me, cleaning up my messes. I didn’t realize I was part of this family that you guys had put together. I’m a selfish, stupid little angel that was raised as an overprotected human princess by my nemesis parents who happened to fall in love and created me by accident! I freaking get it, Dorian!” I screamed as tears fell from my eyes.

The rain began to fall harder, beating the ground in sheets as I could not control my tears. I did not know what to do, but I did not want to give up! Without thinking, I turned to run away across the street into the parking lot when I felt something hard fly into me, causing me to crash into the pavement.

Raindrops hit my face, letting me know I lay face upon the ground opening my eyes. Wiping my face, I looked around to see Dorian standing in front of me holding out his hand. His green eyes glowed as the rain ran from his chin. His wet auburn hair was a mess and he was drenched from head to toe.

“Do you want help up or not?” he asked, signaling me to take his hand.

“Thanks for saving me again. You could have just let them hit me. I can’t die ya know. Maybe it would have made you hate me a little less to see the spoiled little sister suffer a little.”

With that comment, he placed his hands on my cheeks and his eyes softened from the aggravated glare they had kept for the past few days.

“That’s the problem, Matalyn Holland. I don’t see you as my sister!” he said. My heart felt cold and empty at his words.

“But I thought that everyone said because Avan is your brother that I was like your—”

“Maybe to everyone else, but not to me, Mattie.”

“But why? What does this mean? So you can’t be a part of all of us anymore. Is that what you’re saying? I don’t get it! Dumb it down for me, Dorian. Tell me what I’ve done to cause this!” I shouted through the rain that was coming down so hard that I could barely see Dorian, who stood right in front of me. I only knew he was still there by the touch of his hands on my face. I continued to cry uncontrollably.

“You haven’t done anything Mattie. I’m still a part of this family and I will do my part, but you need to know that I will never look at you like a sister, okay? You and I will never have the same relationship that you have with Declan, Trev, Alex, or Bradley. I just can’t be what they can be for you,” Dorian explained.

“Just give me one good reason that you can’t accept me as a sister like they have.”

“One reason?”

“One reason, a valid reason is all I ask. If you can give me that, I will accept your moody personality and never pressure you about it again,” I pleaded.

“I will never be able to accept you as a sister because I am in love with you, Mattie!” Dorian shouted through the rain as I felt his lips meet mine.

The kiss lasted what felt like an eternity, and I could tell he truly was in love with me, but he knew it was wrong in every way. I knew it was wrong too, but for some reason I could not make myself pull away from him. I loved Avan more than anything, and I was bound to him through an Angel’s Promise that I could never break. Why did I feel so strongly for Dorian right now?

When he pulled away, both of us were speechless, trying to catch our breath. I could not fathom that I had just shared a very intimate and passionate kiss with anyone other than Avan, but as I stared at Dorian, I knew it was not a daydream. I had to make myself process this and try to figure out how to handle the situation without causing any more damage than already existed.

“So there you go. Now you know how I feel,” Dorian said as his voice cracked a little.

“Dorian, I—”

“I know, you and my brother are together and there’s not one thing I can do about it.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Your kiss said enough, Mattie. You love me, but you’re in love with him and an Angel’s Promise binds you. He was created for you, I get it, and it’s just really hard to watch. I never anticipated having feelings for you as I do. I feel for you the way you feel for Avan. The sad thing is that when you can’t be with the person you feel that way for and you see them in love with someone else every day, it makes you a little crazy. So forgive me for being moody, as you like to call it, but this is the way it is for me,” Dorian replied calmly as the rain softened to a sprinkle.

“I just wish there was a way I could make everyone happy.”

“That’s impossible, and you know it. I will continue to protect you just, as Avan will, Mattie. I will never stop loving you, even if I can never have you. I just want you to know that, but I have to keep more of a distance.”

“Dorian, there is someone out there. My mom always told me God makes someone for everyone; you just have to wait for them.”

“That’s a cute little saying for humans, Mattie, but it doesn’t exactly work that way with angels. Each one of us is wired for a specific purpose. Sometimes, after being around humans for so long, we tend to start acquiring some of the feelings and emotions they do, just as you did a couple of weeks ago when you fell for Lena’s little trick. You played into the emotional factor that she could be genuine and good. You were wrong, but you allowed yourself to let her appeal to your human responses. You are more of an angel than any of us, and it happened to you, so imagine what goes on with us.

“We gain humanistic desires too once we’ve been down here long enough, and the bosses upstairs know that and are fairly forgiving as long as we don’t screw up and be completely irresponsible by creating Nephilim children. That is when they step in and pull us out of here. Bottom line, you can’t change the way I feel. Avan knows all of this, and that’s why he didn’t try to stop me from leaving at your apartment.”

“How long have you felt this way?” I inquired.

“From the minute I laid eyes on you, but I already knew that you and Avan were destined for each other. I thought I’d get over it, then every time I was around you it got worse. I never let anyone know, which was incredibly hard to keep a secret with the whole shared thoughts thing. I had to occupy myself with other things to distract everyone from digging through them. Then your birthday rolled around, and I had to pretend to be to simply be doing favors all day when what I really wanted was to be the guy sending the gifts rather than the one delivering them. When we were singing to you last week, I could tell how in love you were with Avan and it took everything I had to keep my mind shut off from all of you!

“Everything was going according to plan with my secret safe until I saw you bleeding on the floor of the hotel room. I lost it and everybody found out. That is why Avan told us to get you out of there. He knew at that point how I felt and that I would do something so out of control that we wouldn’t be able to fix it. I wanted to kill Ian just as much as Avan did, even though I know there is no way to kill an angel.

“I wanted to throw him right back into pits of hell where he belonged, but that wasn’t my task; it was Avan’s. All I could do was sit there, holding towels to your wounds, watching you suffer. I couldn’t even kiss your forehead and tell you that I loved you. I couldn’t comfort you. I couldn’t do anything. My secret was out, everyone knew, and maybe my brothers don’t judge me, but I judge myself! How could I be weak enough to fall in love with the one person destined to be with my brother?” Dorian ranted.

“Dorian, I know I can’t be what you want me to be for you, but I think having you as a brother is better than not having you at all! Can you please try to accept that and embrace the relationship that we can have?” I asked in hopes that he would see that a familial relationship was so much better than having an empty space where each of us used to be, or pining for what could never come about.

“Mattie, I told you I’m not going anywhere, but I can’t just turn it off. Just let me be.”

“Okay, just know that in time things will get better, you’ll see.”

“You believe that. I’ve gotta go. My shift starts soon.”