Endangered (27 page)

He took her to the bed and laid her down. His love for her was unmistakable and perhaps in that moment had grown even stronger as they now would face a future together. But the memories came back regardless of how hard she tried to stop them. However, they were different this time. They were not of a former life with her one great love. They were of a time when a confession arose that Kate had not imagined. And the one behind that confession, whose eyes now burned in her mind, was forefront in this new dilemma.

He was a man she knew well and yet a man she didn’t know at all. A man who led a secret life of personal demons and heavy drink. Yet this was also a man whose support she needed.

And as Kate peered into the eyes of the man with her now, his loving and passionate eyes devoured hers as he unbuttoned her shirt. This man was her future and the other? He couldn’t decide her fate. She couldn’t let him.

Kate would resolve herself to the idea that Nick had no true feelings of that kind for her and that it had all been a rebound from a woman he did truly love. Because if it were any different, that could mean the end of their friendship. And she wasn’t going to let that happen either.

TWENTY-SEVEN

S
aturday morning and
Kate still felt like it was Friday night. Sleep came in fits and waves and when she did sleep, dreams of a future with Mike and a new house and all that came along with that overwhelmed her. Now it was six a.m. and she stared at the ceiling as the sun’s light filtered through the curtains in her bedroom. She turned toward Mike, who was still sound asleep and decided to get up because lying here any longer would make her crazy.

Her feet swung gently from the bed and rested on the floor, which had grown warmer in recent days. She no longer felt the need to wear slippers. With tired legs, she made her way into the hall and toward the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. Although slightly cooler in this part of the house, which didn’t have many east-facing windows, she still felt comfortable in her t-shirt and shorts as she reached for the Folgers.

Kate stared at the pot as it brewed, thinking about where they would live and if they would buy a house together. It seemed like a huge step after only six months. But what was the point in renting another house? She might as well stay here if that was the case. She could tell, though, that Mike wanted a fresh start. A place that would be a clean slate for both of them. And why not?

After the final beep, signaling the pot was ready, Kate poured herself a cup. Cream and sugar as always. She sat at the small breakfast table in the haze of the morning glow. This time was always looming just around the corner and so to have to make this decision was inevitable. Kind of like the decision to get rid of her old Nissan and get something newer.

The problem was that there had already been so many things in her life that she’d given up, most of which were involuntary. And this sort of felt the same, although she knew Mike would understand if she changed her mind. He was insisting she take a step in a direction she knew she should take, but it was like a child learning to ride a bike for the first time. Scared shitless, but forced to pedal on their own when their parents let go. That was how Kate felt now.

The decision to move to Virginia had been an easy one because she wanted to leave behind a painful past. She wanted to run away. And now she was here and happy and this time, she didn’t want to run.

Kate heard Mike’s footsteps pad along the hall.

“Good morning. You’re up early.” He leaned in to kiss her cheek and then headed toward the kitchen for coffee.

“Morning. I had a hard time sleeping and thought I’d just get up.”

“I figured that was the case.” He held his mug and joined her at the table. “You’re having second thoughts.”

“No—that’s not it.” It was. “I just feel like it’s taken a long time for me to feel settled again.”

“And now I want you to change things up.” He put the mug to his lips. “I’ll tell you what, I think I know that you’d feel better making this decision after discussing it with your best friend.”

“Who’s that?”

“Nick. I know how close you two are and it doesn’t bother me. Everyone needs a good friend, Kate and while I hope one day you’ll consider me your best friend, I am a realistic person. You’ve known him for a long time. He’s helped you through a lot of pain. I wouldn’t dare disrespect that friendship by being jealous of it.”

Kate smiled at him, knowing he was a good man. “I don’t need Nick’s approval.” She didn’t, but the idea of a final confirmation that he was, in fact, hiding nothing from her—maybe it was what she needed to make an ultimate decision. She was a strong woman and this idea seemed to go against that belief, but it just might release her of the uncertainty she felt. She began to feel irritated with Nick, wishing he’d never said anything at all.

“Just go talk to him. You’ll feel better. And hey, I know the guy likes me so, I’m thinking he’ll give you the thumbs up.” Mike set his cup down. “I’ll tell you what. I’ve got a little bit of work that I could take care of. I brought my laptop. How about I get that out of the way while you take some time to yourself to see Nick or just to be alone; either way is fine by me. Then, when you come back, we can decide which way to go.”

Kate furrowed her brow in amazement. “You’d really be okay with that?”

“Of course I would. It’s a beautiful day. I’ll set up outside on the front porch, soak up a bit of sun, and get a few things in order on my end. Later, we’ll go out for lunch or do whatever you’d like to do. Does that sound okay?”

“It sounds perfect. Just like you.” Kate rose from her chair and kissed his coffee-stained lips. “Thank you.”

» » »

She didn’t call or text him. Instead, Kate showed up in the lobby, certain he would be home, praying he wouldn’t be hung over. She pressed the intercom buzzer to his apartment. His voice sounded a moment later.

“Yes?”

“Nick, it’s Kate. Can I come up?”

Another buzz sounded and Kate heard the latch on the door release. She moved quickly to get inside.
Well, at least he’s awake
, she thought, making her way on to the elevator. The doors parted on the 7
th
floor and Kate stepped into the hall and headed left toward his apartment. She admired the beauty of the building. Even in the corridors, it offered stunning, almost panoramic views of the bay. She could see Nick’s boat off in the distance and wondered if they’d get a chance to get out on it this summer. He rarely took it out, mostly because there never seemed to be any time.

She raised her hand to knock, but he opened the door before she had a chance. “Morning, or is it afternoon yet?” She glanced at her wrist, though she wasn’t wearing a watch.

“Still morning, I think.” Nick stepped aside. “Come in. I’m surprised to see you. Isn’t Mike in town?”

“Yes, but he’s got some work to catch up on, so I thought I’d stop by.” Kate turned as she entered the living room. “You don’t mind, do you? Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“No. Not at all. Can I get you something to drink? Coffee or water; soda?”

“I’m fine, thanks.”

Nick joined her in the living room. “Have a seat.” He sat down on the chair next to her. “So what’s this about?”

“Now that this case is over and we can catch our breaths again, Mike and I discussed getting a place together.”

“In Florida?” His expression revealed surprise, or maybe it was horror.

“No. No. Here, but just getting out of the rental and into something more suitable for both of us.”

“I see. That’s a big step.”

“I know.” Her face screwed up as if experiencing mild discomfort.

“So what’s the problem? How can I help?”

Kate observed his body language and he appeared very closed off; almost standoffish. His words were abrupt, bordering on curt. He was pushing her away right before her eyes. And therein lied the problem.

“Listen, now that you’ve had a few days to get through some of the bullshit we’ve been dealing with and what you’ve gone through with your friend, I wanted to ask you…what you said before…”

He stopped her dead in her tracks. “I told you, I was drunk and in a bad way, you know that. I didn’t mean anything by it and the last thing I’d ever want is for you to feel uncomfortable around me.” His tone suddenly softened.

Kate studied his eyes. Nick had never lied to her. He’d always been upfront about everything and so why would he lie now? He was good at hiding his feelings; very good. But after all that she’d been through, no way would he lie to her. “So, you’d be okay if Mike and I moved forward with our relationship?”

“Why wouldn’t I be, Kate? I want you to be happy. Your happiness is all I’ve ever wanted.”

“What about your happiness, Nick? We’ve known each other a long time. Georgia made you happy, I could see that. But you don’t look happy anymore.”

“Like I told you before, I should’ve been able to save Colton and I didn’t. Now his father is facing at least a year in prison for killing a man who the state would have spent ten years feeding and clothing before they eventually did the same thing. Spending tens of thousands on appeals. Frankly, Jake did this state a favor.”

He was deflecting.

“You’ve been through a lot this past year. You had to fight for your job a while back, you broke up with your girlfriend, and now this. I suppose that would make anyone unhappy. But somehow, knowing who you are and what you’re capable of handling, forgive me, but I think there could be more. And I can’t move forward with certainty unless I know if there is.”

Nick rose from the chair. “So you’re putting this on me? Your decision to move in with Mike somehow boils down to me?” He walked toward the kitchen and opened the fridge to retrieve a bottle of water.

“This isn’t on you and that’s not what I mean.” She stood up and joined him as he remained in the kitchen. “There’ve been times when I’ve wondered why you’ve helped me so much. Getting into the academy, getting through the academy, even being assigned to WFO. All of those things happened because of you.”

“That’s not true. You passed the training, not me.” He tossed back a gulp of water.

“I suppose I did, but you certainly aided in that effort.”

“I’ve helped you because I felt responsible.”

“Responsible for what?”

“Marshall.”

“What are you talking about? Edward Shalot was responsible for Marshall’s death. And that had nothing to do with you. Look, I’m the one who called you, remember? When all of that started? How could you possibly take the blame for that?”

“Because I should’ve convinced you in the beginning. The very beginning as we drove to the Davies’ home to return the necklace. I asked you then, but I didn’t push.”

“I remember. I wasn’t ready then, you know that. I loved Marshall and making that sort of change so soon after all that I’d been through. It just wasn’t even a remote possibility that I could’ve handled then.”

“And after he died,” Nick began. “I convinced you to start fresh. To come here and work with me. And you did.”

“And it was the best decision I could’ve made. I’ve started fresh and that has everything to do with you. You had the faith in me and it made me believe in myself.”

She turned away, unprepared to have this conversation. Years had passed and neither had really ever talked about how they came to be here, in this moment. Kate walked toward the balcony and stared through the glass doors at the calm waters of the bay. With her back still turned, she continued, “Even if you had convinced me then, I would’ve had to leave Marshall.”

“And he’d still be alive,” Nick said.

Kate lowered her head and closed her eyes. “Now you see? You aren’t the one to blame for what happened to Marshall.” She turned to face him again. “I am.”

Nick moved quickly toward her and embraced her with his whole body. And for the first time in many months, she cried for Marshall.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think—none of this was supposed to happen this way, Kate. And now I feel lost.” He released his hold. “I used to know exactly where I was going, what I wanted to accomplish, and just exactly how to accomplish it. But these past few years, since you’ve been such an important part of my life, it’s thrown me.”

Kate wiped her eyes. “Why? How? You’ve always been such a strong leader and mentor to me. You’ve helped me to find that—gift, as you like to call it. You don’t seem thrown to me.”

“That’s because I work incredibly hard at not showing it. I thought I’d shielded it from Georgia too, but she saw through me.”

“What do you mean?” They stood inches apart, but Kate pushed back, fearing another revelation.

Nick must’ve felt her trepidation and moved away in response. “When we were in Florida, toward the end before the Durham standoff, Georgia and I had a fight.”

“I remember something happened.”

“She said some things that, at the time, I refused to believe. But afterwards, on further reflection, I’d come to realize she was right. And that was the reason she did what she did.”

“You mean cheat on you? She did that of her own volition and there’s no way in hell I’ll let you take the blame for that.”

“That’s not what I mean exactly. I know that was her decision and hers alone. What I mean to say is that she asked when I would realize that I…” He trailed off and closed his eyes.

“What? Nick, what is it, please? I have to know.” And she did. Making a decision like this, to move in with Mike when she thought that Nick… well, that he might have feelings for her. She wasn’t sure why, but she knew it would change things.

“I can’t, Kate.” He moved further away. “I just can’t.”

“Why?”

He turned back. “Because I know that I’m the only one and I don’t want to hear you say it.”

Kate’s eyes welled as she turned away for a moment. He admitted it without saying the words. “I can’t let myself go through what I went through with Marshall, Nick. You of all people know how much I loved him and how much I relied on him. To the extent that I started to feel encapsulated. I feel like a terrible person just admitting that to you now. But before he died, I’d begun to feel stifled beneath his wing. And it wasn’t his fault—not really. I allowed myself to do that. It’s the one thing I’ve never admitted to anyone—ever, until now.”