Embracing Trouble (Trouble Series) (21 page)

She had to go.

I lit up a cigarette and shoved the window up, the movement waking her. Her eyes landed on me and she smiled softly. Lying there in my bed with her messy curls and in my T-shirt, I wanted to go over and show her how much I wanted her to be mine. She was beautiful.

She sat up and rubbed at her eyes.

“Hey,” she said huskily.

I wanted to go over and bury my hands in her hair and taste her, but I took a hard drag of my cigarette instead. Then I reminded myself of the plan. She had to go. Now.

My silence made her look a little uneasy. I looked out the window, hating to hurt her like this. I threw her phone onto the bed.

“It’s fully charged now.”

“Thanks,” she said unsurely, looking down at her phone and then back up at me.

“Where’s Janey?”

“She went home.”

“You’re angry at me,” she stated next with a whisper.

“I’m pissed at Janey for what happened last night.”

“But I was okay. I was safe enough,” she said quietly.

“I can’t do this. I can’t get attached to you and try to protect you from everything,” I said flicking my cigarette out the window.

“I’m not asking you to,” she said blinking back tears.

“I spend every fucking waking hour trying to watch out for her and keep her from complete destruction. I can’t…”

I shook my head and gave up.

“You need to go.”

I heard her gasp slightly and kept looking out the window, not wanting to see her face right now. I felt some sort of ache in my chest, and I fucking hated the sensation. This was exactly why I was doing it.

I heard her move from the bed and collect her things. My T-shirt ended up on the bed. She slipped her jeans back on and then she was gone. Just like that. She didn’t even slam the door on the way out.

Ava

I cried in anger, heartbroken that he had given up on me so quickly. We had been days into our one-month arrangement and it was already over. Walking away from him was hard, but I knew I wasn’t going to beg or argue. I was worth more than that for fuck’s sake.

In the early hours of the next morning, I received a text from Janey.

Janey:
I’m so sorry

Ava:
Don’t be sorry. I had fun for what it’s worth

Janey:
I do things sometimes and I can’t control myself

Janey:
I’ve ruined everything

Ava:
I’m fine. You haven’t ruined anything

Janey:
I really like you Ava

Ava:
I like you too

Janey:
I do crazy things and you’ll hate me for it eventually

Ava:
Janey, I won’t hate you

Janey:
I’m disappearing for a little while. See you Ava x

As I tried to get back to sleep, I knew I was completely alone again.

* * *

School was the same and I walked to my classes like a zombie, shut off from everyone. Halfway through the week, there was a new word on my locker—Burner! But I didn’t bat an eyelid. I knew who had done it, and I didn’t care. I’d rather be a so-called
Burner
then one of them any day.

My routine went back to going to school, coming home, and studying. I ignored the bitchiness at school, and I ignored the sickening relationship at home. I was in my own zone and wanted to stay there for a while to lick my wounds. I tried not to think of him. I tried not to long for him, but I did, regardless of my attempts.

I went shopping, bought sexy lingerie, changed my hair to an almost blue black and got them to put bright red streaks through it. I tried to make myself feel good, but it all just reminded me of how much I missed him.

I was still an innocent playing in an adult’s world.

Walking home one late afternoon, a 4WD pick up truck pulled up beside me and I turned to see Tyler. His tanned elbow was leaning out the window and he smiled hesitantly.

“Need a lift?”

My eyes narrowed.

“I thought you weren’t talking to me.”

He shook his head.

“I’m sorry, Ava. I was angry that you were with him.

“I wasn’t with him like that, he…”

“He told me the truth the other night. I got it out of him when he was blind drunk.”

“That he tried to rape me?”

Tyler frowned.

“Well, not that. He just said that he was drunk and thought you wanted him.”

I shook my head, hating that Antony would always be innocent in this whole situation. It irked me beyond belief. I looked at Tyler and decided to get in, because I had no one else to talk to, after all.

He drove back into the traffic.

“If it makes you feel any better, he’s been going through his own hell this week. Something to do with money that’s been stolen from his accounts, credit card fraud, and he’s had to change his phone number, because he kept getting obscene calls. Not to mention the damage to his car. He still thinks your friends did that one.”

I shook my head.

“They had nothing to do with it.”

“How do you know?”

“I was with them the night it happened, so it wasn’t them.”

“He’s had to get an extension on his assignments, because they were all lost when his computer died and erased everything. He’s been having a shit time of it.”

I looked out the window, hiding the secret curl of my lips. Zac had promised me that he would pay for what he did to me, and it made me glad that he had kept his word.

“So, are you still friends with them?” he asked next.

“I am.”

I wanted nothing more than to be back with them.

“Are you hungry? I was going to get some food before I head home.”

I hadn’t eaten anything since…well, I couldn’t remember.

“Okay.”

We went to a small but busy kebab shop and sat inside on a bench table along the wall. He wouldn’t let me pay for my food, and I had a nice time with him. We even managed to have a few laughs. He was funny and chilled out, and I soon relaxed around him again.

“You look different,” he commented, wiping his mouth with a paper napkin.

“The hair,” I said, covering my mouth as I chewed.

He shook his head.

“It’s something else,” he said looking me over.

I felt different and it was all because of Zac. Could he see that by looking at my face? Could he see that I had discovered a new world where I had played for a little while before I was thrown right back into my boring existence? Could he see my inability to reconcile a life without him? Could he see the thirst I had for some wild fun again? I returned with some light-hearted humor, covering my inner angst.

“It’s the bags under my eyes.”

“Your eyes are perfect,” he said looking away and concentrating on the people lining up to order as he sipped his coke.

I didn’t respond to that comment and sipped my own drink instead.

“So, you and Sophie are no more?”

“She believes Antony and has taken his side.”

“She was blind drunk on Saturday night. Don’t say anything, but I saw her hook up with both Antony and Nathan that night.”

“Really?”

He nodded and sipped his coke again. I thought about Janey and the guys she was with the other night. Why was Sophie even thinking about doing that with both of them? Did Zac do threesomes? I just knew he would have. I felt sick at the thought of girls enjoying his body and him enjoying their bodies.

“So, there is a party at Tim’s on Saturday night. Want to go with me?”

I fiddled with my straw, thinking of the emptiness of my nights now without Zac.

“Sure,” I said with a smile.

“It’s a costume party,” he warned.

I groaned.

“No thanks.”

“Come on,” he said. “It’ll be fun.”

“What are you going as?” I asked.

“Footballer.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Pulled out the big guns with that one, didn’t you?”

He laughed, and said, “Hey, I’ve got all the props. Why not use them? What about you?”

“I don’t have anything.”

“Something gothic, maybe?” he said smiling. “To go with your hair.”

My eyes narrowed and I thought of what I could do. I could go as a dark angel with black wings. It would definitely fit my mood. I smiled.

“Maybe.”

* * *

I didn’t hear from any of them and I missed them all terribly. I wondered if Zac had already moved on with another girl. I rang Janey a few times, but each one went to voicemail. I didn’t know if she was avoiding me from what happened the other night, or if it was because Zac had finished with me. Her silence hurt, too.

Tyler had called me a few times and we had talked at night. I knew he was trying to get close to me, and I thought he was a fantastic guy, but he wasn’t Zac.

On Saturday night, I dressed with care, taking my time with each part. I wore tight black leather pants that rested low on my hips, a black tight top that dipped low at my cleavage, and big black feathered wings that hung over my shoulders. I was a Dark Angel for the costume party, and I felt confident as I put on my heavy eyeliner and red lipstick. I looked gothic and sexy, and I knew this would be my first attempt at being back with my so-called friends at school. If they treated me badly, I would leave.

Tyler picked me up from home and introduced himself to my father and Sarah. Sarah fawned over him, making him feel at home, while my father was a little more refrained, but happy all the same.

They instantly liked him and waved the both of us off wanting me to have fun. Tyler was the perfect “meet the parents” guy, saying the right things and making an impact. I considered what their reaction would have been if I had brought Zac home, but it no longer mattered. It would never happen.

“You look really beautiful tonight,” he said in the car on the way to the party.

I looked down at my new high-heeled boots over my leather pants.

“Thanks.”

I glanced down at my sexy cleavage thanks to my new push-up bra and couldn’t stop looking pleased with myself. I was ready to party, and I felt good about myself for the first time in days.

As we walked into Tim’s party that night, Tyler took my hand in his, which spoke volumes to everybody from school. I didn’t shrug him off, not having the heart to hurt his feelings. I knew he was doing it for me.

He led me around the party and classmates greeted me for the first time in weeks, obviously forgetting their hurtful gossip and moving on. They were all excited to see me with Tyler, and I tried to avoid questions about our supposed relationship. As far as I was concerned, we were really good friends.

“Tyler and Ava,” announced Chad as he came over, dressed as a zombie.

He shook hands with Tyler.

“You kept that one quiet, dude.”

He looked me up and down and gave me a wink.

“Looking good, Ava.”

I wanted to roll my eyes at his comment but briefly smiled at him in response. They started to talk about football, and I switched off, watching them interact together. I silently highlighted all the differences between them and the other three guys I missed like hell. There was no comparison, because these were just boys who had yet to experience life.

I was soon drinking, trying to numb my discontent and intent on having a fun time. I drank whiskey straight and watched everyone dance around me, while Tyler took a couple of photos of me.

I posed for one up against him. My arm was wrapped around his neck and I was smiling. He uploaded it to Facebook and tagged me. I flirted with him, knowing that it was wrong, because I didn’t feel anything for him. But I needed my ego to be stroked, and I needed to see the desire in his eyes. Even though Zac had disarmed me, I wanted to know if I still had the power.

I saw Antony throughout the night, but he looked away from me, as did all his other footballer friends, still abiding by Zac’s threats. I saw Sophie a few times, but she kept her distance, which was fine with me.

We ended up outside on the back patio, sitting together as the group beside us shared a joint around. I gladly brought it to my lips, wanting to feel the numbness again. Tyler took a photo of me smoking a joint and he uploaded that, too. As I finished it off, I felt it lighten the constant ache in my chest, and I felt a little better. The buzz was nothing like the joints I had shared with Janey and the group, but it still helped.

I watched the joint burn to the end of my fingers and then flicked it into the grass. In the next moment, Tyler’s lips were on mine. Surprised at first, I started to kiss him back but felt nothing. His tongue played with mine, and it only annoyed me somehow.

He pulled me closer, getting into the kiss, and all I could think of was Zac and how I ached for him. I pulled back and he smiled at me, excitement in his eyes. I knew he would be good for me, always doing and saying the right things and being everything a girl could want. But he wasn’t Zac.

My phone rang and I got up to pull it out of my leather pants, stumbling a little as Tyler steadied me with a laugh. I looked down at the screen. Zac.
Shit.

I looked at Tyler.

“I need to get this,” I said stepping away.

“I’ll get you another drink,” he said going back inside.

I watched him go inside and answered the phone.

“Hey.”

“Having fun?” asked Zac, his voice deep and…angry.

“Are
you
?” I returned flippantly.

“Nice wings,” he returned.

I looked around the backyard and then at the house. Where had he seen me? Was he here? My heart raced.