Embittered Ruby (31 page)

“Easy for you to say.” Leila scowled. “You can’t possibly know what it’s like to be from a perfect family like mine. They’re so beautiful and thin. People always know right away that I’m adopted. I hate the moment when I see the realization dawn on their face. It brings up the truth of who I am. An embarrassment. I bet my family wishes they’d never adopted me.”

What could she say to that? She hardly knew Leila and certainly didn’t know her parents. “I’m sure that’s not true. Your family loves you. I’m saying that if you don’t reach out, you can’t really blame other people. That’s all I meant.”

“Then there’s school. It comes so easily to you—and to the others. I have to fight so hard to keep up. And yet I fall behind more and more…”

Carmen opened her mouth to offer reassurance, but what could she say to that? It was all kind of true.

“I’ll be fine. I’m just feeling bummed out, but I’ll get over it.”

Leila tugged her sleeves down past her wrists and disappeared into the bathroom. Again.

A
billow of clouds entered the dining room. What on earth was that? Carmen nudged Tricia. “I think our lunch is being invaded by a Charmin commercial.”

White fabric swirled and waved as it pressed forward. “Oh look, it has feet.” Carmen pointed at four legs sticking out from beneath the poufs.

Ben and Donna rushed over to the intruders and helped rescue them from their tangled mess.

“It’s Olivia and Justin.” Tricia beamed.

Carmen choked on her chocolate milk. Justin was there? In the same room? Thank the good Lord she’d had enough sense to dress nice for school lately. Not that it mattered—Justin only had eyes for Olivia. But still, it wasn’t often there was a male in the house other than Ben. And he didn’t count. Handsome, sure, but icky.

Should Carmen go help them? It would give her a chance to interact with Justin. No. Probably best she stay far away. What was all that fabric for, anyway?

Ginny staggered into the dining room carrying a long, shallow box with centerpieces standing tall enough to block her face.

Ah. Wedding decorations. It was still more than a week away, though. Why were they bringing it all now? Were they going to set it up already?

Ben opened the large storage closet next to the kitchen and rolled out an empty cart they used for clearing dishes. Gross. Hopefully he washed it off.

Carmen wanted to stop watching, but she couldn’t tear her eyes off Justin’s forearms as he loaded the centerpieces onto the top of the cart and then stuffed the fabric into a box on the bottom. He pushed it toward the closet, his hair falling forward to cover one eye.

Ginny gasped. “Hold it a second. You can’t shove that in there, silly.”

“What do you mean?” Justin crouched down and peered into the box. “What’d I do?” His ears reddened like a little boy with his hand caught in a pack of Oreos.

Olivia laughed. “It’s all going to be a wrinkled mess, hon. Here, let me help.” She pulled all the fabric out and began to fold it, and fold it, and fold it. Might have been easier if she’d rolled it. Justin watched his girlfriend like she was from outer space. He’d probably have been fine with the wrinkled decorations.

Carmen grinned.

As her eyes moved away from him, they locked with Olivia. She didn’t look too happy. Uh-oh. Carmen had better be careful. She wasn’t a threat to Olivia, obviously, but try telling that to a girl in love.

Now there was work to do. Carmen slipped Nellie back into her safe pouch and spun the combo locks. She opened her newly named cooking notebook and turned to page one. Wedding Appetizers. She wanted to make five things. Three were too few, and an even number was a faux pas.

Mini lobster quiche. Chicken teriyaki skewers. Prime rib sliders with horseradish sauce. Bleu-cheese-and-spinach-stuffed mushroom caps in case there were any vegetarians. One more…She needed one more, and it had to be a good one.

She’d have to come back to that in a little while. For now Carmen needed to work on her grocery list. If she figured one hundred and fifty people eating two of each appetizer, that meant she needed three hundred of each one.

Uh-oh.

That five-hundred-dollar budget was flying out the window. Or maybe that was her lobster.

“How are you feeling about things this week, Carmen?” Donna settled into the sofa beside Carmen.

“Pretty good. I mean, I’m having a blast cooking. I hope it all turns out okay.”

“Well, Marilyn’s been keeping an eye on your progress, and she thinks the appetizers are going to far outshine the main course. So that should tell you something.”

Carmen laughed. Marilyn was probably right. Family style mostaccioli, Caesar salad, and garlic bread? Not too hard to top that.

“What else? How about your thoughts? What have you been thinking or feeling lately?”

She probably expected Carmen to be honest, but Donna wouldn’t like what she’d hear if Carmen totally opened up. “I’m doing okay.”

“Define okay.” Donna narrowed her eyes.

“Well, I’m not as angry at life. I guess that’s progress. I feel sort of hopeful that I’ll make it—not even here at Diamond Estates…that’s not what I mean. Just in life, I guess. With or without God.”

“You said, ‘With or without God.’ Can you explain that?”

“Well, I’ve made it this far in life without Him. I messed up pretty badly on my own, so I thought that maybe, just maybe, I’d have to let Him take over in order to live a good life.” Carmen shivered and pulled a crocheted afghan over her body. “But that’s hard to do if I’m not even sure He’s real. So I’m glad to see that I can have growth and do good things in my life on my own—because that might be all there is. Just me.” She shrugged.

Donna frowned. “I feel like we’re missing the mark. I’m not sure how we get from daily counseling and prayer, church and youth group attendance, and ultra-Christian surroundings to you feeling like it’s okay not to have God in your life.” She closed her eyes for a moment, lips moving. “You know, I wonder if that’s how you want it to be. And no matter how circumstances and experiences prove otherwise, until the Holy Spirit gets ahold of your heart, you won’t seek Him.”

“Maybe you’re right.…I don’t know. I don’t feel closed off. I just don’t feel anything.”

D
o you, Mark Edward Stapleton, take this woman, Virginia Elizabeth Mansfield, to be your lawfully wedded wife…” Ben’s voice droned on and on. It was impossible to pay attention with the scenery Carmen had in front of her. Justin in a tuxedo? That was almost too much to bear. She’d never seen Nate in a tux. She would have on their wedding day, though.
Nate
.

The regret cascaded over Carmen’s body like a waterfall, dousing any thought of Justin. Which was a good thing. She and Nate were supposed to be standing up there like that. Would she have made as beautiful a bride as Ginny did? What kind of dress would Carmen have worn? Surely she’d have gone with an actual wedding dress—not like Ginny’s, which looked more like an ivory cocktail dress. Or would they have gotten married on the beach after the baby came? So many possibilities. Not anymore.

Justin moved forward to hand the ring to Mark as he brushed the hair out of his eyes. He was even more gorgeous than Nate, which until recently, Carmen wouldn’t have thought possible.

Eyes off Justin. Focus on the wedding. Carmen dragged her gaze from the unreachable Justin and examined the bridesmaids’ dresses. Tricia, Skye, and Ju-Ju wore beautiful burgundy crushed-velvet mermaid gowns. Olivia wore the same style in a rich emerald green. Carmen let her gaze travel from Olivia’s strappy crystal shoes, up her body, which looked like it had been sewn into the dress—the fit was so perfect—to her elegant updo. Then to her radiant eyes. She truly was a picture of class and style. And a force to be reckoned with.

Carmen could hold her own in a fashion show. Olivia really did look an awful lot like Carmen in many ways. Coloring, hair, body type. But guys didn’t like the meek and mild type, and Olivia, well, she just wasn’t very worldly. Even though they were almost the same age, Carmen had a womanly way about her that Olivia just didn’t possess yet. But it would take something more important than physical appearance to win Justin away from Olivia. If it were even possible.

Pretty soon he would find out how well Carmen could cook. They always said that the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach, right? That probably wouldn’t do it with him, though. From the looks of things, Justin spent more time in the gym than in the kitchen. What else? What did she have to offer him that Olivia didn’t have?

She shouldn’t forget the power of a story. If Carmen had something on Olivia. If she could get a minute alone with Justin and tell him everything about some awful secret Olivia had been keeping from him, maybe he’d see her as his rescuer and fall into her arms. But she didn’t know anything bad about Olivia. There probably
was
nothing scandalous in her past. At least in the past since he’d known her.

What could she tell him?

It didn’t have to be true. He just had to believe it was true.

No. No. Carmen was trying to leave the life of deception behind. She needed to do things right if she wanted any hope of being normal. Justin was happy with Olivia. Carmen would leave them alone. She had no business interfering, especially if it had to be based on lies.

Mark and Ginny approached the unity candle. Each held their own taper and joined them together to light the main candle. Here’s where they blow out their own light. Stupid move. No woman should ever extinguish herself for any man.
Look what happened to Mom
.

“Mark and Ginny have elected to leave their individual candles burning bright lest they lose their own gifts, talents, and callings. They choose to support each other in the beauty of their uniqueness and let the light of God shine through them as they unite as one with the Lord in the fullness of their individuality. May the three become one, yet remain distinctly three.”

Okay, Carmen had to admit, that was awesome. That’s what she would want if she were to get married.

Speaking of what she would want…Justin took the microphone from the stand, and music began to play. He closed his eyes and opened his mouth to sing.

Oh yeah. Forget that earlier promise she made to leave manipulations out of it. All bets were off. Olivia was on her own.

Olivia was toast.

“Where are my servers?”

Leila, Kira, Bridget, and Ami lined up facing Carmen. Good choices.

“Great. Let’s check you out.” Carmen walked past each girl as they stood at attention for inspection. Bridget and Ami were brand-new as of that week, so having a part in the wedding gave them something to get excited about. Carmen knew firsthand how important that was. But Bridget, coming off a cocaine addiction, needed to be watched closely. Ami wouldn’t be any problem. Carmen couldn’t wait to find out her story, though.

“Hair is pulled back, good. Black pants and shoes, great. White shirts, perfect.” Except…Carmen grabbed Lelia’s sleeve and yanked it up past her elbow. “You’re going to want to roll your sleeves up, or they’ll be a mess by the time you’re through.…” Were those cut marks all up and down Leila’s arm? Some looked fresh. Had anyone else seen?

Leila jerked her sleeve down to her wrist. “I’ll be fine. I’m cold.” Leila looked away, shutting off any further conversation about her sleeves.