Embittered Ruby (12 page)

Cheeks puffed as she exhaled, Carmen reached across the countertop, her bangles clinking on the gold-flecked laminate, and picked up the test with a tissue. She turned it over slowly and closed her eyes for a brief moment before looking.

The tiny window with its plastic shield had so much power. It revealed the fruition of the dreams of countless couples every day, and it dashed the hopes of countless others. In that tiny space the answer to one of life’s biggest questions lay immutable, unchangeable. Once Carmen read the results, she couldn’t ever be restored to her prior self. She would be changed with the truth, or rather, with the knowledge of the truth.

Suspended in her unknown reality, Carmen blinked at the test.

P
REGNANT
.

Carmen slid from the edge of the bathtub to the floor with a thud. Pregnant. She’d hoped for it, expected it, even wanted it. Then why did a lump settle in her stomach warning of things to come? Why didn’t her spirit soar with the thrill? Stuck with her choice now, for better or worse, she’d have to take some time to get used to it. Carmen would probably deserve it if her diabolical plan backfired on her, yet she clung to threads of hope and visions of a family far, far away from there.

Should she tell Nate right away or wait a few weeks to make sure it stuck? What would he say? Should she call him?

No. She’d have to have this conversation in person, for sure.

Or…maybe not in person. She could send an e-mail—or even a text. Facebook status update?

No. None of that would do. She’d have to face him as soon as possible and hope he didn’t see right through her. What if he suspected she’d done this on purpose? But he had no reason to. She’d always been the one to be paranoid about her pills. He never even asked if she’d been taking them. Because he trusted her. Ugh.

Carmen pried herself from the floor and collected the empty box, wrapper, and instructions. She folded everything together as compact as she could get it then shoved it back into the drug-store sack. She’d bury it at the bottom of the kitchen garbage, under the contents of the yet-unwashed breakfast dishes and a pile of coffee grounds.

Her eyes moved up to the mirror in front of her. Who stared back at her? She barely recognized her as the little privileged girl who’d had everything.

A human being grew inside her at that very moment. A tiny little baby who would depend on her for everything. What had she done? How could she ever pull this off?

Nate had to come through for her. He just had to. If he did, everything would be okay. But if he didn’t…

“Carmen.
She’s
downstairs waiting for you. You okay?” Mom gave the door a few light knocks.

“Yeah. I’m fine, Mom. Be right out.” Carmen flushed then ran the water to buy herself a few more moments and shoved the trash into her back pocket. Once she opened the door, she’d be entering a whole new world. A world in which she was somebody’s mother.

Hand on the doorknob, she took a deep breath, opened it, then stepped through.

“You’d better get down there. She’s honked a few times.” Mom handed Carmen her overnight bag and ushered her to the door. The last thing she’d probably want would be to have Tiffany come knocking.

“I never did the dishes though.” How could Carmen throw away the garbage if she couldn’t get to the kitchen?

“I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry about anything; just go have fun. I love you.”

“Love you, Mom. See you in a couple of days.” Carmen leaned on her mom for a hug then left the apartment, pulling the door closed behind her. She waited until she heard the chain lock slide into place then dropped her bag onto the floor and zipped it open. She stashed the bag of contraband into the armhole of her favorite NYU sweatshirt then followed another long bleat of the car horn down the stairs.

“What took you so long?” Tiffany scowled as Kimberley leaned forward and pulled the seat against her back so Carmen could climb into the rear.

Carmen ignored her.

“Hey, you.” Nate pulled her close and kissed her neck. “I missed you. I’ve been counting the days until Saturday morning when I could see my girl.”

“Mmm. Me, too.” Carmen slid her arms around his neck and clasped her elbows. She breathed in his scent, letting it intoxicate her senses.

“Sorry I couldn’t see you last night. My stupid cousin had to go and get married.” Nate scowled.

“I know. It’s fine.” Her voice sounded strange even to her own ears.

Nate reached behind his head and tugged her arms free then pulled back to peer into her eyes. “You okay?”

“Do you think we could go for a drive or go somewhere private?” They sure couldn’t talk in her basement bedroom and risk being interrupted. If Kim and Harper found out Nate was in the house, they wouldn’t give up until they found him. He had to quit being so nice to them so they’d leave him alone.

Kimberley occupied the theater room, watching a movie with Tiffany, and Dad was due home any minute and would enter through the garage, so that ruled out the kitchen. If they were going to talk, they had to get out of the house pronto.

“Mmm-hmm. I like the way you think.” Nate licked his lips.

Carmen giggled. “No. Not for that kind of privacy. I just…We need to talk.” She wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans.

“Everything okay?” Nate’s eyebrows knitted together.

“Yeah, don’t worry. We just need some privacy where no one can interrupt us.”

Nate set his jaw with determination. He grabbed her hand and pulled Carmen through the house, out the front door, and into his Camaro parked right outside. He stared at the road and drove in complete silence until they were well away from the property. “Are you about to break up with me?” His eyes darted toward the passenger seat and then back to the traffic.

“Oh no!” Carmen clutched his hand with both of hers. “Nothing like that. In fact, the opposite is more like it.”

Obvious relief flooded his face. “I’m not sure what you mean. But I’m glad it’s not what I was afraid of.”

Nice development. Great to know he feared her dumping him. Maybe things would go better than she’d hoped when she dropped the bomb.

The Camaro sailed into an empty parking space at the nature preserve. “Want to walk?” Nate tipped his head toward the winding path.

Carmen nodded and pulled herself from the deep bucket seat. From all she’d seen and heard about being pregnant, in a few months climbing out of his car would be much more difficult. She glanced at the backseat. Was there room back there for an infant car seat?

Nate hurried toward the walking trail then slowed so Carmen could fall in with his steps. “Okay. You’re scaring me. What’s up?”

“I have to tell you something, but I’m afraid you’re going to get mad.” Carmen bit the inside of her lower lip until she tasted blood. How could she say this to him? “Just promise you’ll listen until I’m thr—”

He stopped dead on the trail and turned to face Carmen. “Did you cheat on me? Is that what this is about? Because if you did…I don’t even know what to say. That’s like the worst thing you could tell me. I can’t believe you’d—”

“I’m pregnant, Nate.”

C
armen watched as Nate’s face turned white then sort of gray. His expression was blank—his eyes didn’t even twitch. Was he going to pass out? What would she do if he collapsed?

“Say something.” Please. Please.

“I. What? Us?” Nate blanched. “You can’t be serious. How?” He strode away from her toward the trees lining the path.

This was nowhere near the reaction she’d hoped for. Well, what had she expected really? Cartwheels and hugs? Carmen needed to give him time to adjust. He would come around. He’d have to. Right?

Carmen stayed in the center of the path where he’d left her. Walkers and runners stepped around her. Several shot her glares, but she stood rooted to her spot. Staring. Waiting.

Nate hunched over, his hands on his knees, shoulders shaking. Was he crying? Should she go to him?

A few moments later, he wiped his face with his sleeve, pulled his shoulders back, took a deep breath, and slowly turned, searching. His eyes found their target and rested on Carmen’s face.

She gasped. His face was drawn. His eyes scared. She’d put that pain on his face, the fear in his heart. It was her fault.

Nate stared at her for several long moments. Not blinking. She stared at his chest, looking for evidence of breathing.

What was he thinking? Did he hate her? Did he know what she’d done?
Say something, Nate
. Why didn’t he speak?

He shook his head like a duck shaking water off his back, and then he jogged to her side. “I’m so sorry about my reaction, Carmen. Really. I don’t know what came over me. Shock, I guess.” Nate grabbed her shoulders. “Don’t you worry about a thing. We’re in this together. We’ll get through it together. You and me.”

Ah. Together. The word she’d been waiting for.

“So, how soon can we take care of it? Does anyone else know? How much will it cost?” Nate’s eyes danced with hope. He’d taken charge.

“What are you talking about? You’re not suggesting an abortion, are you?” Horror filled her gut. Not at all the direction she’d wanted this conversation to go.

Nate reeled back. “Well, we can’t have a baby, Carmen. You know that.”

He looked so hopeful. His future rested in her hands, and he knew it. Maybe he was right. Maybe she should consider an abortion.…No! She needed to focus on the goal. “We
are
having a baby, so apparently we
can.”
Carmen crossed her arms and narrowed her gaze. “Abortion’s not an option, Nate.”

He stared at her for several long seconds then slowly nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. Of course we can’t abort our baby.”

Our baby
. Magical words, those. She took his hand and pulled him from the path. They sank onto the grass, flat on their backs, and stared into the sun.

Put the situation in his hands now. Let him rescue her. Carmen rolled to her side and rested her cheek on the crook of his arm. “So what do we do then?”
This is when you ask me to marry you, Nate
.

“I’m going to need a little time to process. I need to think this through. You’ve had a lot more time to sort this out than I have.”

“That’s totally fair.” Carmen shrugged and pulled herself up from the grass. “Why don’t you take me back to my dad’s and spend the afternoon figuring things out. We can talk tonight.”

Nate nodded.

Silence thundered in Carmen’s ears on the drive back to the house. What was Nate thinking at that moment? Was he scared? Sad? Mad? Happy? She stole sideways glances at him every few seconds, hoping for a clue, but his stoic face gave nothing away. He looked fragile. Carmen didn’t dare touch him lest he shatter into a million pieces.

Like his future
.

No. She had to stop worrying. It would be fine. Great even. Eye on the prize—this was what she’d wanted. These first hours of realization and then acceptance would be the most difficult. Afterward things would get easier. At least she hoped they would. They had to.

When the car stopped in the driveway, Nate shifted it into P
ark
. He kept his eyes forward.

Carmen climbed out and plodded toward the house, desperate to flop on her bed and cry or sleep for hours. Spent.

The window buzzed down. “Hey.”

Carmen turned back to the car.

Nate’s hand reached through the open window, his fingers waiting for her contact.

She raised hers to grip his. Electricity shot through her at the warm touch.

“Tell me, C. What do you want to see happen here?”

Carmen locked eyes with him and blinked twice. “I want us to be a family.” She shrugged.

Nate held her gaze then nodded.

“Carmen, Nate’s here for you.”

Carmen opened one eye to the darkened room. What time was it? She peered at the clock on the bedside table. Six o’clock. She’d slept for five hours? How could that be? She hadn’t napped like a baby in years. Maybe a decade. She pulled herself from her bed, ran her fingers through her hair, hoping it wasn’t too much of a mess, then opened the door. “Send him down.”