Elude (22 page)

With a sigh, I walked briskly down the hall.

I hated hospitals.

I'd only gone to med school to do exactly what I'd told Andi — learn how to take life, efficiently, effectively. Did that make me a monster? Maybe, but at least I embraced that part of me — the dark side that knew without a doubt I could reign hell on my enemies and be the only one to come out on the other side.

In the beginning, it had meant I could protect myself, protect my brother, Ax.

Now? It just meant I could protect those I loved. Andi. Did I love her? My chest ached whenever I even thought her name, let alone spent time with her. I couldn't focus when she was gone, and I couldn't focus when she was right in front of me. Every time I tried to breathe, it felt like I was suffocating.

If this was love?

I wanted out.

Because it officially wrecked me.

I glanced at my watch. Right on time.

"You sure about this?" Tex said from the end of the hall, arms crossed, his expression unreadable.

"Yeah." I licked my dry lips. "Besides, if I go the other route, Andi will get suspicious."

He nodded. "I already talked with Nixon. We're going to double the security at your house, but I don't see you being out for longer than a few hours."

We walked into outpatient surgery together.

I needed him to have my back, just in case. We didn't want to take any chances that someone would knife me while I was under the knife, pun intended.

"Sergio Smith?" the nurse called.

"Aw, you took her fake last name," Tex whispered under his breath. "How cute."

I rolled my eyes and held out my hand as the nurse approached. "That's me."

"Alright." She shook my hand and took one long glance at Tex, her face paling by the second. The guy sweated intimidation. While I at least tried to appear normal, Tex didn't. Mainly because he didn't give a shit. I had to respect that about him, even if half the time I wanted to strangle him.

"So…" She looked away from him, swallowing hard. "…it looks like you've got a bone-marrow harvest today."

"Yes."

"Great." She nodded toward the door. "If you and your partner will just follow me…"

Tex choked while I barked out a laugh.

"No." Tex held up his hands and managed a smile. "We're…" He shared a look with me. "…we're family…" His eyes were serious. "…basically brothers."

"Oh." She shrugged. "Sorry. I just assumed."

"No problem," I said quickly then under my breath to Tex murmured, "I think that makes me the bitch in this scenario."

He laughed loudly. "How do you figure?"

"You're taller." I nodded. "I dress better."

"You do have a nice shoe collection."

"Was that a compliment?" I didn't hide the surprise from my voice.

He shrugged. "Maybe. Look, I know this isn't easy for you… I may hate you most the time, I have trouble forgiving and forgetting, but what you're doing for Andi…" We stopped at one of the surgery prep rooms. "…it's commendable."

"It's not like you didn't do the same." I shrugged.

"Ha," Tex shook his head. "We all did it the normal way — five days' worth of injections, basically no side effects. You're getting bone marrow pulled from your freaking hipbone. Yeah, good luck with that. I may love inflicting pain, but needles in my bone? No thanks."

"Wow, great pep talk, Tex." I pulled off my shirt.

He smirked. "Alright, this is where I leave you. Try not to die."

"And again with the encouraging words."

"Hey, I'm Italian." He nodded. "I'll bring you wine later, we cool?"

I burst out laughing. "Yeah, if you bring wine."

"Chase can cook some pasta."

"Tell him to bake some bread while he's at it."

"Anything else you want me to tell my bitch?" he joked.

"Hey, I thought I was your bitch!"

A nurse walked by. Her steps faltered before she raced past our door.

Tex kept laughing. "You can both be my bitches."

"Now you're talking."

Tex sobered. "Be careful, alright?"

"I'll do my best to lie very still."

"Wouldn't want that knife to slip."

I rolled my eyes. "Leave already before you talk me out of it, and make sure the girls distract Andi long enough for me to wake up and at least be able to carry on a decent conversation."

"When have your conversations ever been decent?"

"Maybe not with you…"

"Valid point." He knocked his hand against the door and waved. "See ya on the other side."

"Yeah." I swallowed as he closed the door, leaving me in silence. The last time I'd been in this hospital had been when my mom had died and then again when Andi was in here. I'd vowed to never come back again.

I'd vowed never to even have surgery.

I'd even told both Ax and Nixon that if I got a bullet wound to take me anywhere but there.

Because in my mind, this hospital was where people went to die.

And yet, there I was, facing a fear, doing something I swore I would never do. Hell, I would have rather died.

So yeah. It was love.

Because it couldn't be anything else.

Nothing else would have brought me back to this place.

Nothing else would be able to keep me here.

But Andi.

I loved her.

I just hoped it would be enough — because it hadn't been with my mother and something in the back of my head told me, it wouldn't be for Andi either.

Andi

THE NEWS WAS BAD. I KNEW
before the doctor even walked in, report in hand. I wasn't stupid. It wasn't like I didn't know my body backward and forward.

Bruises weren't healing.

The dizzy spells were getting worse — another reason I wanted to stay in bed with Sergio. At least, having sex distracted me from the fact that when I wasn't horizontal I wanted to fall down onto my hands and knees just to keep the room from spinning.

But more so than the physical symptoms, I just… knew. I felt it in the way each breath of air left my lips — those breaths were counted. They were numbered. My soul knew it even before my doctor did, and that was the sucky part. Modern medicine could perform miracles — but I was beyond saving.

I put on my brave face, which basically meant I forced a toothy grin and tried extremely hard not to let my eyes fill with tears. Basically, there was a lot of fanning my hand in front of my face. I probably looked like a southern debutante after winning another pageant, but whatever; if it worked, it worked.

"Miss Smith…" Doctor McHotpants held out his hand.

I shook it, firm — always firm. He wasn't one of those doctors with sad eyes. I appreciated that about him. He was too good-looking to be sad, something I would never tell Sergio, lest the good doctor find himself strapped to C-4 for blinking too long in my direction.

Sergio wasn't the type of guy to half-ass a threat, and I was pretty sure that he'd see the good doctor as a threat, especially considering McHotpants rarely kept his hands to himself.

He was one of those doctors.

He felt things.

A lot.

He cried with me once.

I was still trying to figure out if I liked the fact that he empathized, or if it just made me want to punch him in the face and give him some Midol.

"So…" My smile felt so forced I almost just gave up and cried. "…what's the diagnosis?"

His smile looked how mine felt. His normally radiant green eyes were dull, his sandy brown hair messy. Black-framed glasses fell low on his nose, and I could see dark circles under his eyes.

"Andi…" he began, his voice low.

I sighed. "Just tell me."

"…at this point…" He licked his lips and stared directly through me.

Ah, I knew that stare; it was the one that said the doctor was trying to emotionally detach from the patient. Look at the patient like an object, not a person, because it would hurt too bad otherwise.

Hell, I knew it already did. He was a good man, and I was young. Too young.

Cancer didn't care if you were six months old or sixty; it had no prejudices; it just was.

"…I've taken it upon myself to come up with a two-month plan." He nodded encouragingly. "I think if you take a look at the—"

I held up my hand.

"Andi—"

I shook my head. "How long?"

His face took on a greenish-white color. Oh good, always a promising sign when your own doctor starts getting sick. "I can't give you an adequate timeline, Andi."

I let out a frustrated sigh.

"It's spread."

"From my blood?"

"Andi…" He leaned forward, pressing his arms against his thighs. "…I don't know how else to say this, but the cancer is in your lymph nodes, and we found a few spots on your lungs as well."

I smiled. "Hey, I still have my kidneys and boobs, right?"

He didn't laugh.

It was probably a bad joke anyway.

I played with a loose thread on my jeans. I'd known this would happen, knew it was happening now; I didn't really feel sad — numb was more like it. Like I was hearing it or watching it play out, but that it wasn't happening to me, but an entirely different person, because I honestly didn't feel all that horrible.

It's weird.

Something was eating me alive from the inside out. My own blood was basically poison. And I didn't really feel it.

"You'll need to come in three times a week for blood transfusions. That should help at least give you some more time. There's also the chance that we can try chemo again, some radiation. There are options, Andi."

"Give me numbers." Wow, if Sergio could hear me now. "What are the odds that chemo or radiation will work a second time?"

"Five percent." He sighed. "Maybe less."

"So get violently ill and spend my remaining days in the hospital or… just go to sleep?"

"Andi, it will get more painful… your joints will start swelling, you're going to bruise a lot more, your skin will even hurt. I'll prescribe some medicine, but maybe you should just take some time, talk to your family, and get back to me."

My family.

I had no family.

No one but Sergio.

He was my only family now.

And if I told him the truth, it would either scare him to death or make him resent me. After all, he'd never wanted this.

Would it be selfish for me to leave him? Or selfless? What would be easier? Running away so he didn't have to see me die? Or selfishly staying so he could hold my hand while I did it?

"Knock, knock." Bee's voice sounded at the door. She let herself in and walked around the bed. Her eyes took in the doctor's solemn expression. Immediately, her hand touched my shoulder and squeezed.

"I'll go get your meds, Andi." The doctor stood and walked out the door; it shut softly behind him.

"So…" Bee grabbed a stool and nodded. "…your doctor should totally be on
Grey's Anatomy.
"

I burst out laughing. "I'm so glad you agree. I told him he should get an agent. I think he thinks I'm kidding."

"With that face—" She nodded. "—he could do quite well at Seattle Grace."

"From your mouth to Dr. Hotty's ears."

Bee grinned. She was gorgeous in a totally irritating and baffling way. It wasn't just one thing that made her pretty, but every single part of her face working together to form perfection. I'd told her that on numerous occasions, but she'd just waved me off. I loved that she didn't have a prideful bone in her body.

Pregnancy looked amazing on her; she wasn't even showing yet, but I could tell that once she did, she'd still look like a rock star with her dark hair and light features.

"Question," I leaned back in the chair and crossed my arms. "Would you be willing to come with me to a few appointments? I'd ask Sergio, but I'm not sure I want him to know it's come to this point."

"This point being?"

"Death."

Bee didn't gasp or cry. She simply nodded and said, "Whatever you need."

"Well, right now I need you to cheer me up."

"I have wine for that."

"You little slut, please tell me you stole from your brother's ridiculously expensive wine cellar."

Bee laughed. "I did it for you."

"You're a great friend."

"No…" Bee reached over and gripped my hand. "…I'm family… we're sisters… all of us. It's what we do."

"We?"

"We," a few voices said in unison.

I turned and gaped at the door as Trace, Mil, and Mo barged into my room, bags in hand.

"Did you guys rob a Nordstrom on the way in?" I pointed to the bags.

"Who needs to rob when you have Nixon's card?" Trace shrugged and winked in my direction. "I think it's time for lunch."

The doctor made his way back into my crowded room, took one look at all the gorgeous girls, and wrote down the wrong prescription three times before he finally was able to give me a legible one — and that was by doctor's standards.

"See ya later." Bee winked at the doctor and blew him a kiss.

I loved that girl.

Mo pulled me in for a side hug while Trace looped arms with me.

"To lunch and wine!" Mil shouted, and the rest of us followed.

We earned some odd looks from bystanders, but I didn't care. They were, as Bee said, really the only family I had.

And suddenly I felt so much better that a few years ago I'd tried to kill a man. Because had I not met him — I wouldn't be here, living my last few weeks with some of the most caring and amazing people in the world.

Had I not met Luca.

I wouldn't have met Sergio.

I owed Luca Nicolasi my
life,
my everything, and a small part of me had to wonder, if he somehow had known it would come to this.

And I would need someone to hold my hand in the end.

Sergio

I THINK I PREFERRED GETTING SHOT.
That was my first thought when the needle went into my body. They'd given me drugs, but I didn't want drugs. Drugs meant I would recover slower. So I told them to give me the bare minimum and tried to think of anything but strangling the nurse when the procedure started.