Ellen Foster (13 page)

How do you like it Dora? I ask her again.

Her mama says they have those things at the doctor’s office and what do I think I’m doing with one whether a boy gave it to me or not?

I just say I use it to look at paramecia, diatoms, or euglenas.

Where are they? Nadine wants to know like I might be hoarding wanted criminals in my closet.

They’re on these glass slides.

I handed one to Dora who reported she did not see a thing and who did I think I was to tell so many lies on Christmas?

I told Dora it took a trained eye and if she ever got enough sense to enroll in the smart science class she might learn what I was talking about.

And that did it for me. As you would say I was washed up.

Nadine said I was a ungrateful little bitch and I needed to have the hell beat out of me.

And then when she got up and walked toward me I told her flat out not to touch me or I would kill her. I said that low and strong as my daddy said it to me. I said it with my eyes evil so she would think about how I had been found in a house with two dead women and she might see herself just for one second as number three.

She just said for me to get out. To find my evil little self some hole to crawl in. That she didn’t want me to begin with. That Betsy didn’t want me either. That all she and Dora wanted to do was to live there alone and she would be damned if she would tolerate me or my little superior self another day.

That is when I told her I thought she was the crazy one. That she and Dora had told each other so many lies about the way the world worked that they believed them. You two are bumping around in this house lost and foolish over each other. You two are the same as the people who would not believe the world was round. That is exactly what you are like!

Then she wanted to know where I got such a smart mouth.

From your own mama is what I said.

Dora the whole time was sitting on my bed sniffling because somebody had spoiled her Santa Claus.

Nadine said she would call the damn judge at home and get me out of her house. She didn’t care if I was eleven or thirty. She didn’t have to put up with that sort of meanness from anybody!

So I packed that afternoon. I had not planned on leaving in a huff like that but when you have to go you just have to go. I had not even had time to do my research on where the Foster lady lived or her telephone number.

I said to Dora do you know that Foster lady’s first name? I need to call her to tell her I’m on my way.

What Foster lady? she asked me.

The lady in church with all the girls. Hell Dora. If you kick me out of your house on Christmas Day the least you can do is answer a simple question.

Well I don’t know her first name.

Well then where does she live? I say with my voice sniffly to match hers.

She lives in the red brick house between the nigger church and Porter’s store.

That’s way on the other side of school!

Well that’s exactly where she lives. I don’t make up stories she said to me proud.

Well wake your mama up and ask her the lady’s first name.

No I will not. She’s in there with a sick headache you caused and I will not bother her on account of you. But as soon as she feels better I know she is planning to get rid of you. And I’m glad.

Oh hush Dora.

I just kept packing my box.

Why are you so dressed up? she wanted to know.

Because I have to take care of some business and I need to look good.

Well if you ask me I’d tell you to take a bath and do something about your hair. But I don’t care what you look like just as long as you leave.

Get on out of here and let me finish up. Then I’ll be out of your hair for good.

You better wait until my mama wakes up.

You better hush Dora. I’ve done my share of that kind of waiting. You can wait until you are blue in the face but not Ellen.

And when I finished packing I walked out of their house and all the way to my new mama’s. All the way past the school. On the other side of the store but just this side of the colored church.

And when I got there I ran a quick inspection and found myself fit to meet a new mama. She’ll remember me and my dress.

15

I already knew everything I planned to say to my new mama.

Ever since I saw her at church I rehearsed what I would say and a variety of answers she might give me. I just hoped I had made a good impression when she spotted me at church. I had on the same clothes and my hair bangs were stuck down the best I could manage with just spit to work with. She’s bound to recognize me I thought. I am not just a face in the crowd.

So I stood in front of her house with my box and tried not to think about where I would go if she said she had a house full of girls already. And I decided that if she turned me down I would just have to give up. I racked my head trying to think of another place but I was fresh out of folks. There was always Julia and Roy but I was too wore out to track them down.

I saw her girls moving around inside the house. They had the curtains pulled back and I could see her girls milling
around. They will know of me from school I thought. To be sure they will remember me and say oh yes you’re in the fifth grade.

I always saw her girls separate at school. I would have never put them together in this house.

Lord I thought that house could try out for a greeting card. Merry Christmas from the Fosters! it might say.

And I said then Ellen you can stand out here and freeze or you can knock on her door. So I went ahead and got my bag of money ready and I knocked.

I had saved a bundle just in case something like this ever came up and I needed some cash. I started with the eighty dollars I stole from my daddy plus the twenty dollars he left me at school. I picked up a little here and there. Roy and Julia gave me a allowance and I kept the change cleaned out of my mama’s mama’s pocketbook. Now I had accumulated one hundred and sixty six dollars to offer my new mama to be. That is not a fortune but you don’t find many girls with that much cash to offer up front for room, board, and some attention. I figured it would let her know right away that I mean business.

She came to the door and there I was. I tried my best to look proud.

She asked me more questions right off than I could answer. Like are you cold? Are you hungry? Where did you come from? Would you like to come inside? What’s your name? Why are you outside? Were you in an accident? Who are you?

Lord I said to myself she is really interested in me.

I started out by saying I would like to come in and no I have
not been in a accident. I came here by myself. I mean to be here.

I went in her house that smelled like a Christmas tree and I saw fruit laying all around in bowls. And somebody fried a chicken in this house yesterday. I could smell that separate from the Christmas tree scent and I wondered if they had any wings or thighs left in the refrigerator.

Why don’t you come back here and warm up? Come on back to my room she said to me and then she yelled for Stella to take my box for me. Stella and the other girls had the parades turned up loud and they were sprawled out on the floor relaxing like you are supposed to do on Christmas Day.

I followed her back to her room and took off my coat.

And she noticed my dress right away.

What a pretty dress! she said. You sure are mighty spiffed up to be out walking on Christmas. Tell me honey. Did you run away?

I told her I did not. I am not in trouble I said but I do need a place to stay. What do you think of me staying here?

Well I’ve had some pretty unusual requests before but this is the strangest yet. I need to find out who you are and a few other things like your parents’ names. Are you sure you didn’t run away from home? I bet your mom and dad are pretty worried about you right now.

No they aren’t. They are both dead and I have just been thrown out of my aunt’s house. You might know her. Nadine Nelson. But it is no use to call her and ask her to come fetch me back. She told me flat out to leave.

Well how did you know to come here?

Last Sunday at church I saw you and your girls and I asked Dora who you were. She told me and I figured since you already had some girls about my size that you might be able to squeeze me in. I planned to come on New Year’s but here I am today.

I usually get children referred to me through the court. I’ve never had a situation like this. Let me think on this.

I can sleep on a cot.

Oh the room for you isn’t a problem. I have a bedroom that’s not in use. It’s just more complicated than you know.

Well I got something to help you make up your mind.

What?

And I shook my cash money out on her bed and said it’s one hundred and sixty six dollars there. You can count it yourself if you don’t believe me. It’s mostly in one dollars so it looks like it’s more than that. But I want to pay you that money so we can keep this all on the up in up. That way you and me will be even. You get the money and I stay here until I graduate from high school. How does that sound to you?

I can’t take this money. I tell you what. I’m going to call County Social Services first thing in the morning and we’ll get the ball rolling. I can’t promise you anything but if you need a place as badly as it appears then we would welcome you here.

That sounded a little bit like something from one of my old books but I had waited so long to believe somebody that I just listened and believed.

And then she hugged me. She leaned over me and pulled me up next to her and it was just like I wanted it to be.

That is when she squatted down in front of me and asked
me my name. I told her Ellen then she said Ellen I bet you never thought old Santa Claus would bring you a new mama for Christmas.

That is where I got the name new mama.

And then she got teary eyed and I told her there was just a couple of things I needed to know before I unloaded my box and settled in that room she mentioned.

What’s that?

Well I need to know if you are pretty healthy or if you have a disease or bad habits like drinking. Also are you generally friendly or do you have days when you act crazy or extra mean?

Why Ellen?

I just need to know.

OK. I’m healthy as a horse. Nobody here drinks or smokes. And to have a house full of children I think I’m pretty even tempered. How’s that?

Thanks I said. That’s exactly what I needed to know.

Great! Now let’s get you settled in a room and then I’ll get supper on the table. I bet you’re starved.

I sure am. Do you happen to have some cold chicken in your refrigerator? I thought I smelled some on the way in.

That’s quite a nose you have there she laughed and said at the same time. I haven’t cooked chicken in three days!

Well something that good generally hangs in the air a while.

And while she fixed supper I unpacked my box and laid down to look out the window. I was glad to rest. My arms were sore from toting the box and even when I laid out flat and still my legs felt like they were walking again. But I would not move ever from there.

I have laid in my bed many many days since that first afternoon I heard her in the kitchen and I am always as glad to rest as I was then. That day I looked around the room at the curtains and bed spread and the pillow sacks the girl before me picked out. My new mama sewed for her too.

Sometimes I wonder what that girl is doing now and I bet to myself she is not a crook no I bet she is somebody decent because she had somebody decent to love her good. She might not have had all the money I had to pay her new mama but she got some dingleball curtains and clothes sewed for her anyway.

My new mama never spent my money. She keeps it pushed back in the hall closet. I found it one day when I was rambling. The money bag has my name Ellen on it and the date I moved in here.

Now I can turn out to be different too. I could have been a hobo. If my new mama and her girls had been gone on a vacation there is no telling where old Ellen might have turned up.

If I think about my life like that I can see how lucky I am.

Since my first day here all I felt is luck coming my way. I never thought I could have it this good. The other girls know they are lucky to be here too. Nobody ever says it out loud but whenever I hear Stella crying in her room and then I hear my new mama tell her she understands and she is a good girl not a bad girl then I know Stella is having her back rubbed and I know she is glad to feel her new mama’s hands.

You don’t need to see through the walls here to know when my new mama is alone with one of her girls telling them about
how to be strong or rubbing their backs. You can imagine it easy if it has happened to you.

And there have been more than a plenty days when she has put both my hands in hers and said if we relax and breathe slow together I can slow down shaking. And it always works.

And there was a day last year when she said if I didn’t cry sooner or later I would bust. That is something I am still working on. I think how good it would feel but there is always my mama’s mama’s voice telling me to cry so she can slap me. My new mama says all that will be over soon. She said that with a guarantee.

I have some other things to work on but at least I am somewhere friendly and nothing new bad has happened to me since I got here. That is something when you think about it.

Nobody has died or blamed me for anything worse than overwatering the terrarium. But you can always stick some more ferns in the dirt. My new mama said it was not the end of the world.

Every day I try to feel a little better about all that went on when I was little. About all I have big to straighten out is me and Starletta. But I can take care of that this weekend.

You know she will be here after school today. And I am ready.

My new mama sewed the S’s on a set of towels just for Starletta. That would really be something to walk in a white toilet and there is a bathtub clean as a whistle and towels just for you.

I wonder if Starletta would let me take a bath with her. She might already be modest though. She has started to walk with a little twist since she unplaited her hair.