Elite Metal-ARE-epub (87 page)

Then he filled her, buried himself deep inside of her and every movement sent spirals of electricity through her. She could feel him—their connection—from down in her belly to her toes, to her fingertips.

Each thrust hit that place inside of her that made her see stars with her eyes open. Or maybe that’s just what it was like to drown in him.

She twisted her fingers around the dog tags he still wore and tugged him closer. She wanted to kiss him, wanted that intimacy of his mouth fused to hers. But that was the thing he seemed determined not to give her.

Something inside of her stretched taut and when it snapped the intensity of what she felt couldn’t be called pleasure, but it wasn’t pain. It was release, but in its wake was only agony.

He seemed to know and without care for his own pleasure carried her back into the shower, back into the cool water that was like a thousand razor blades, but at least it was something different than the fire.

Hazel didn’t know how something could change so fast—how all the bliss could just be gone. Like she’d finished it all and now there was only pain left. She was determined not to cry, not to scream, because he wouldn’t. She would endure.

But that determination was short-lived and she found herself on her knees sobbing. “Please make it stop.”

“I know. It will pass soon. The water helps.”

Even his gentle touch to keep the water out of her eyes added to the agony, but she didn’t want him to stop touching her. His hand on her was the only thing that kept her grounded, that reminded her she wasn’t alone in this.

Another wave hit her and careened backwards, as if that could somehow put some distance between her and the pain.

He caught her. “If my calculations are correct, this phase should be over much faster. The lust was a slow-poison. The pain is good. Your system is flushing out the toxin.”

That was when her stomach revolted, but luckily, there was nothing in her belly. This was what he meant by aftercare.

Dear God.

As he held her hair and the stabbing pain became a dull ache, a memory, she was once again in control of her body. The things she’d said.

The things she’d done.

Shame made her turn her head away from him.

“None of that, now.” He turned off the water and wrapped a fluffy towel around her, drying her as gently as he would an injured baby animal.

“At least let me brush my teeth,” she managed.

He sat on the stool and pulled her into his lap and angled her so she could reach the sink. She was grateful he held her or she would’ve pitched forward. Her head swam.

She concentrated on brushing. The easy repetitive motion giving her something to focus on.

“I can’t…”

“Don’t think about it. It doesn’t matter. You’ll need a few days to finish your recovery. You’ll have some joint aches. A headache for sure.”

“How do you know this?”

“It has properties similar to another custom cocktail of my design. Based on the same chemical mapping.”

It occurred to her that he put these things together in just such a way to cause reactions more violent and awful than her own. He did this. Made such a thing with an intent to use it.

She kept repeating that to herself, waiting for it to horrify her, waiting to have a reaction contrary to how she felt under the influence of his devil drug.

And she didn’t.

He sank down onto the bed with her in his arms, held her with her back against his chest and pulled the blankets up over them.

“Rest now. I’ll stay.”

His voice was so soothing, so calm, so at odds with the hard ridge of his cock pressed against her back.

“Aren’t you uncomfortable?” She’d had orgasm after orgasm while he’d simply endured.

“No.”

“You can’t tell me that’s not…”

“Pleasure and pain were the same for you for a while, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s just how it is for me, when I feel anything at all. What was in that canister was based on the weapon that killed my team at Shadowfain. What did this to my face and body when it went airborne.”

She shivered. “I think I’m still feeling the drug. I hope I don’t hurl again.”

“Why do you think you’re still feeling effects? You should only be sore at this point” He shifted her immediately so he could study her face, search her for some other symptom.

“Because there is something incredibly erotic about what happened to you.”

He raised a brow. “How so?”

“I… it’s stupid.”

“You can tell me to fuck you, you can put my cock in your mouth, but you can’t tell me why you feel something? You told me not to hide, Hazel. Physician, heal thyself.”

“Fine.” She tucked herself against his chest. “I guess after what just happened, I should be able to tell you pretty much anything. Because it was a singular experience. No one else in the world knows what that feels like. How good. How bad. But I do. We shared that.”

“Yes, we did.” He agreed softly.

“Do you still want me to be afraid of you?”

He sighed, tightening his embrace. “I want you to be afraid of what comes with me.”

“Do you really? Why else would you have told me your real name if you didn’t want to make a connection?”

“I lost my damn mind. That’s what. Now, you’ve suffered because of me.”

“True. But I’ve had pleasure because of you, too.” She blushed even though he couldn’t see her. “More than just sexual.”

“Is it worth your life?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s not the right answer.”

“Yes, it is. You don’t know what’s going to happen to either of us. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. If I did, would I be glad for these moments with you? Yes.”

“What if you get kidnapped, sold into slavery and raped and tortured just because you know me?”

“Then I don’t think we’ll be having any dinner parties to meet your friends any time soon.”

“This isn’t a joke, Hazel. You wouldn’t even be on their radar if I hadn’t started watching you.”

She could feel the thud of his heart against her hand.

Hazel decided to be brave. He was right. Anything could happen. She wanted the rest of this night with him. She hurt, her body was sore all over. Her chest, her head, her knees, her throat, and especially between her legs. But she wanted everything the experience had to offer and she knew he’d disappear in the morning.

It would be for her own good, or so he’d tell her. She’d never know what it would be like to really make love to him, to enjoy him, be enjoyed by him. She wouldn’t get to hear stories about his childhood, have a casual lunch to celebrate when they became a couple, or even discuss the latest developments in med tech over coffee. This was it.

If she wanted something, she had to ask for it. “Make love to me, John.”

He stilled, frozen, like a dog that had been kicked one too many times.

“We didn’t get to that part of it.”

“Hazel—”

“I’m not asking for any tomorrows. Just nows.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m not so breakable.”

“I know you’re in pain.”

“So are you. Give me your pain, John. I can take it. I’ve had your poison, drank deep from the well and I want another drink.”

Chapter Five

She didn’t know what she was saying. It had to be the drug. This wasn’t what she wanted.

“You don’t have to do that to get me to stay. This is my fault. I’ll take care of you.” For some reason, he just couldn’t make it right in his head that she wanted him. Not because of his scars, because he was ugly on the outside.

Because he was ugly on the inside.

He realized that was why he wanted to hide from her. He didn’t want her to see. He wanted to still be painted up in a hero’s cloak, even if it was chimera. If she could see him that way, then he could see himself that way.

Growing up in that group home with Sachi, he’d always had dreams about saving people. Changing the world.

But the world turned out to be a darker place than he’d ever imagined. He’d convinced himself that it needed men like who he’d become to do the things good men would not.

That hadn’t changed.

But Hazel did what he couldn’t. So maybe the same was true. The world needed people like her to do what people like him could not.

“You said I made you into something you weren’t. Did you ever think that maybe you did the same to me? You put me up on a pedestal without ever speaking to me. I’m not infallible. I’m not Miss Polly Pure, either. I want you. I’m pretty sure you want me, too. But if you don’t, say so and I’ll stop making an ass of myself.”

“I just don’t want your pity.”

“You definitely don’t have it. It’s all for me when this is all over and I have to go back to my life.”

And he had to go back to his. One where he didn’t watch the pretty doctor. One where his missions were his priority.

He hadn’t kissed her before because he knew it was the wall he had between them. A single kiss from her had wrecked him, more so than even being inside her delectable body.

John would admit that he was afraid.

Afraid of what it meant for him, for her, for the world he’d built for himself.

She could bring it all crashing down.

Hazel turned in his arms and straddled him, wincing as she did and exhaling heavily.

She felt so good, just having her there. Just touching him. He kept thinking about the comparison he’d made to a butterfly, that he was getting his hands all over her powdered wings.

But for the first time, he wondered if it was the other way around. He was a death’s head moth and she was the brightest flame.

It would be a good death, he decided, when she bent her head to kiss him.

Her lips were soft against his, sweet and yielding, taking as much as she gave.

Just as before, all the things he couldn’t feel, all the things he didn’t want to feel, all the things he was afraid of—they were there in her arms like a demon.

He broke the kiss, pulled away and put two fingers on her lips to hold her still and quiet. John needed a moment to process it all, almost like a bookmark so he could look back and say, there. That’s when it all changed.

When he opened his eyes and saw that terrible faith, it wasn’t so terrible anymore.

John slanted his lips across hers and let the tide drag him under. He wanted to feel this. All of it.

He pushed her back on the bed and rose above her, enjoying seeing her splayed out for him. So many soft places to touch, to taste, to memorize. Her hands roved over his shoulders, his back, even down to his ass where she pulled him forward, guided him where she wanted him to go.

But he wasn’t ready for that yet.

He needed to know what it was like to flick his tongue over the peachy peaks of her nipples, to press his lips to the flare of her hip… he wanted to know the taste of her cleft after he played her body like the fine instrument it was.

“John—” The way she gasped his name, yes, it was just as she had when she’d touched herself.

His cock ached, but that need could wait. That fulfillment could be found anywhere, any time. He’d spent enough hours in the long dark fucking into his fist alone for some empty culmination.

He didn’t know if minutes passed or years as he was so lost in the silken cream of her skin, the scent of her, and yes, the taste.

He laved at her until she begged him so prettily to stop, and if she hadn’t been sore from her ordeal, he’d have made her beg some more.

Instead, he entered her now, slowly.

Hazel’s eyes were open and she pulled him down close. She arched her hips to meet him as he moved, finding their shared rhythm. As he felt her wet heat clench around his cock pushing him to a kind of bliss he’d never known, there was something else too.

A connection like he’d never shared with anyone else.

Something beautiful, something sacred.

Something breakable.

He wanted to hide it away like a crow lining its nest.

But John knew that it didn’t work that way.

Hazel cupped his face in her hands and he was almost embarrassed to admit that’s what pushed him over the edge. That’s what made him spill inside of her.

He didn’t know what to do after he lay down next to her. His experience with women he didn’t have to pay was limited.

She curled against his chest with a sigh, her fingers twining with the chain of his dog tags.

They lay in the silence for a moment before she asked, “Did something happen to this Sachi?” Hazel fingered the tag.

He snorted. “Not lately.”

“Then why do you wear this? Is she…”

“My family,” he answered easily.

“Does she do what you do?”

“Yeah, but different. She has other skills.”

“Was that who you were texting earlier?”

It occurred to him then that maybe texting one woman while another was naked and in his arms might have been bad form. “Yes.”

She didn’t say anything else and he didn’t know what to say. Part of him wanted to reassure her that things between them weren’t like that at all, but logic said to leave it be. They’d only promised each other these moments.

That’s all he had to give her.

He could protect her until it was safe to let go.

When he’d neutralized the threat.

He had to get that canister back to his lab at the compound and run some tests. “We should get your vitals,” he said.

“Do you think there will be lasting damage?”

“No. This seems to have been something devised to fuck with my head and keep me jumping through hoops. That doesn’t work if you’re dead. But I’ve obviously been wrong before.” He sat up, untangling from her.

“I have my kit in the closet. I need to get ready to meet the van.”

He turned to look at her. “You don’t really think that I’m letting you…” he trailed off with a sigh. Sachi would punch him in the dick for starting a sentence like that. But she wasn’t Sachi. Although, there was something in her spine that was more than metal. Something that made her brave and strong. “Would it do me any good at all to ask you not to go tonight?”

“Yes.”

“Really?”