Eden's Root (41 page)

But no matter how he tried to feel differently, he knew that she was right. It
was
the same thing. If Asher was a killer, well then, so was Fi. Tears welled in his eyes and dripped onto the dirt floor. Normally he would have been embarrassed, but he was too upset to care. This was his fault, his doing. His jealousy and anger at Asher forced this out of her. All he’d wanted was to make Asher pay, but it was Fi who’d paid instead. He felt like he was going to be sick, almost, but not quite as bad as he’d felt that night.

He’d never felt anything like the way he did that night. When Fi turned away and jogged for the forest, her voice ripped him open, just like it did now. At the time all he could think was, ‘This is bad. This is really bad.’ Fi had never killed anyone before, he knew. She’d told him all her stories and though he knew that she’d shot at people, she’d never killed anyone.

Though her expression had been hidden in the darkness, he could hear the pain in her voice. It messed her up. And of course it did, he thought. Who wouldn’t be messed up? If he thought about it, watching her kill someone else was pretty damned messed up to him. That night as they jogged in silence into the forest, he’d tried to stop replaying the image of her pulling that trigger, without success. He’d felt sick and lightheaded and confused all at once. Who knew what she’d felt?

It was a two-day hike back to their Home, but Fi did not speak another word the entire trip. Not one single word. She was the most talkative person he’d ever known in his life and she went forty-eight hours without saying a word. Not, ‘Let’s stop here for the night’. Not ‘At least it’s a nice day’. Nothing. He spoke to her and she nodded or shook her head. He could feel the weight of her action weighing her down as surely as their packs, but silence was all she could handle and at the time, he didn’t push her. They’d made their way back together with their heads down.

But when they’d arrived back at the border of their Home and Doc Ron greeted them, Fi had smiled and wrapped him into a big hug. It was astounding, Sean had thought at the time, watching her in fascination as she’d chatted with Doc, her voice warm and her face friendly. For two days she’d been the most somber that Sean had ever seen her and then, just like that, she’d flipped the switch.

In that moment he’d realized that he had no idea whether he’d heard all her stories or not. It was obvious how little he really knew about the trials she had endured as their Leader. Some things she obviously kept to herself, locked inside. And he knew that this would be one of them. Though they never discussed it, he knew that neither of them would ever speak about what happened. And they never had.

Until now. Dammit.

----------- Asher -----------

As he sat on the couch in the farmhouse living room, Asher tried to enjoy his first day with his new Family. Fi’s revelation was all it had taken for the Family to accept him, but Asher still felt guilty about it. He knew that she would never have had to tell that horrible story to her mother if it hadn’t been for what happened between him and Sean.

He bit his lip as Maggie chatted with him and tried to concentrate on her. Sean had been absolutely right about Fi’s mother. It took less than five minutes of talking with her to decide that he loved her. She was compassionate and kind and fiercely loving. He could tell that she, of all the Family, had forgiven him completely. Well, she and her daughter. Meeting Maggie and Kiara helped him to understand Fi even better. In a Family this tight you would do anything…anything to save each other. And by some miracle, he’d been given the gift of being one of her Family. No matter what, he knew, he’d endeavor to deserve it.

Sean and his parents were keeping their distance, though Lucy was kind enough to be quite civil. Asher could tell that it would take a lot longer for John and Sean to accept him. At least to accept him without being allowed to punch him in the face first. Hmmm, Asher thought, maybe I should just let Sean take a few whacks at me. Just then Fi approached with a smile and he felt himself break into a silly grin.

“Mama,” Fi said to her mother. “I have to take him away from you for a bit now.” She turned to Asher. “Come with me,” she entreated him and Maggie chuckled and patted him on the hand.

“Go on,” Maggie smiled at him, her startling violet eyes crinkling up. “One thing we get lots of in this Family is time to talk.” Asher nodded and followed Fi who led him outside.

“So what’s up Fi?” he asked eagerly. “Are you going to assign my chores?” It was an honest question. They all had chores and he still hadn’t been assigned his. She grinned and shook her head.

“I was thinking that we should go for a run,” she suggested and he raised an eyebrow. A run, he thought? Wasn’t that a waste of calories? Well, what the heck. It could be fun. He hadn’t gone for a good run since before the Famine.

“Sure,” he smiled.

With a laugh she whirled and just…took off. Her braid flew behind her as Asher stood, stunned. He leapt after her, sprinting, his mind a whirl of shock and amusement. He strained to catch up, but she still had distance on him. Jesus, he thought and kicked harder. She is
flying
. They tore through the forest, dodging trees and hurdling boulders, Fi’s laughter leading the way. At full speed, they hit a stream and she downshifted in an instant, leaping and alighting on a boulder without a sound. Asher gaped at her and followed, landing with a tired, heavy thud. She was like a forest nymph or something, he thought with a tiny bit of jealousy. It was the advantage of the small, he mused, to be so light that you float rather than run.

“Damn, Fi,” he gulped with his hands on his knees. “You’re so freaking quick!” He was impressed. “No wonder your Sensei didn’t bother with teaching you weaponry.” Still breathing heavily, he flopped to the ground and lay flat on his back as he looked up at the sky. “He definitely focused on your strengths.”

“No way!” she disputed, shaking her head while she sucked wind. “I’m so slow with the forms you’ve taught me,” she said. He sat up on one elbow with an amused expression, his blonde braid hanging with leaves stuck in it.

“You just started those Fi. I’ve been studying them my whole life and you make me feel slow,” he smiled.

“Don’t you just love it though?” she mused, turning back to look up at the sky. He frowned, confused. “Pushing yourself to the limit, I mean,” she explained, turning her head away in sudden embarrassment. Asher could see the blush on her neck and ears. How she hated being vulnerable, he thought as his breathing steadied. Fi sat up and arranged herself in a cross-legged position, pulling leaves from her own hair.

“Hey,” she said. Asher sat up as well, on his knees in meditation posture. For some reason as he settled, she gave him an annoyed look. She’s so quirky, he thought. Who knows what is going on behind those eyes when she gives me that look?

“Well, there is a reason I ran us both a mile away,” she said. The smile on her face was mysterious. Asher felt himself start to blush and he frowned, irritated. Fi continued. “There is still one more really important thing to tell you about, now that you’re a Member of the Family.” Her tone was teasing.

“On probation,” he reminded her.

“True, you are a brand new, baby Member,” her head nodded, imperious. He threw a twig at her and she laughed, fending it off. Then her face grew serious, “But this will be important to you since you know about the Sickfood.” His brow knitted in confusion. What about Sickfood? Fi took a deep breath.

“You’ve seen our situation here with Rachel and Maggie,” she said. He nodded, though she did not elaborate. There was no need. “Obviously we need to find some source of Truefood that can sustain us, or we may all face a long slow death,” she said.

“But what about the game and the forest?”

“True, I have thought of that, but it’s still difficult to get enough. In the winter, it’s impossible. This winter we wouldn’t have made it without the canned Sickfoods Sean and I were able to find. And we still don’t know how much the plants up here have crossed with the Sick strains over time. I’ve gotten to where nothing I eat besides game meats or mosses feels safe.” Sarcasm and honesty mixed equally in her voice and he suppressed a chuckle.

“Yeah,” Asher agreed with her. “It’s pretty crazy worrying about everything you eat.”

“Well the good news is that we have a plan,” she grinned. Her smile grew as she noted his obvious confusion and she stood, offering her hand. “Let’s go back to the house so I can show you my father’s journals.” Taking her hand, he sprung up to stand beside her. She gazed up at him with her warm eyes squeezed in a smile and he felt his chest tighten. “It’s time that you learned about Eden,” she murmured.

And then once again, she took him by surprise, leaping the stream in a flash and sprinting back toward their Home. Stunned, Asher laughed and then followed, pushing himself to catch her once again.

“Wait up Fi,” he called as she streaked away from him. Her laughter told him that there would be no such mercy and he redoubled his efforts, pulling just behind her as they got Home. “Jesus Fi,” he gasped. “Your idea of fun is kind of exhausting.”

Fi was breathing too heavily to respond, but she smiled. In that instant, Asher was struck by her expression. Her curls were wild and her cheeks were flushed with the bloom of effort. The joy in her face was clear. Jesus, he realized, she wasn’t kidding. Pushing herself to the limit actually
did
make her happy. He shook his head. No wonder she was the Leader here, he thought. It was hard enough just keeping up with her.

----------- Fi -----------

After catching their breath, the two went inside where Fi directed Asher to sit on the couch. Pulling out her father’s journal, Fi handed it to him and sat back. As she had done with his journal, Asher flipped through her father’s journal in amazement.

“I can’t believe it Fi!” he murmured. Everyone had given them some privacy, though Sean seemed to be hovering in the kitchen. Asher’s eyes were wide. “You mean there is an answer, a safe haven?” he asked. His voice was a mixture of anxiety and relief.

“There may be several really,” Fi said. “I’m sure that the government built their Diaspora colonies.” Asher nodded.

“Yes, they must have,” he said absently, thinking out loud.

“But Eden isn’t a government colony and,” she paused, “more importantly, we know where it is. Well, at least we are pretty freaking sure where it is. Having Jose and Mayra to help pinpoint locations will be essential, ” she admitted, groaning as she stretched her neck. It had been a while that she had been bent over the journal. She rubbed her eyes. It was starting to get dark in the room and there was no fire started yet. Fi brushed back a stray curl and narrowed her eyes.

“So…” she drawled. “You’ve joined us in a sort of safe place, just as we plan to throw caution to the wind and go back out there.” She waved her hands toward the shutters to make her point and gave a tired laugh. Fatigue washed over her and the laugh transformed into a yawn that was cut short by the lingering pain in her side. Fi made a mental note to mix in some naps in the next couple of days. “Are you sure you want to stick with our crazy Family?” Asher gave her a half-smile.

“What if we don’t find Eden?” he asked. Startled, Fi’s fatigue disappeared as she folded her arms in defiance.

“That won’t happen,” she retorted with a shake of her head. Despite her outward bravery, Fi felt nervous. Would that answer be enough for him? Would it be enough for him to follow her into the wilderness? As his eyes searched her face, she felt herself flush. Why was it so easy to be everyone else’s Leader, she pouted, feeling irritated. Her heart pounded as he continued to hold her gaze and then he stood up. Like she had done, he stretched with a groan. His shirt rose as he raised his arms and she caught a glimpse of muscled stomach. Unconsciously, her breath caught, and then she looked up at his face. He didn’t seem to notice, she thought with relief.

“It’s more of a chance than I ever had before,” Asher answered honestly. As he gazed down at her, his face softened and loose hair fell into his eyes. He tilted his head and reached out to touch her face. Her heart started to pound and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. When his hand had almost reached her cheek, there was a small sound from the kitchen and he stopped. They heard the back door click closed as Sean slipped out. Fi didn’t move. She held Asher’s gaze, unsure why she didn’t stop him. Sighing, Asher touched her cheek with his fingertips and Fi closed her eyes. She leaned into his cool palm and sighed. When she opened her eyes, he was still staring at her face, his gaze gentle.

“I will follow you Fi,” he said, his fingers leaving her cheek as softly as they had arrived. “I will follow you to Eden.” He bowed and then turned to walk wearily toward the kitchen to rest. Both collapsed into their sleeping bags.

It felt wonderful to lie down, Fi thought. She flexed her feet to stretch her sore calves. Today’s run was the last time she would waste her energy again until her Family was secured, but it had felt fantastic. Running free through the forest, laughing, doing what she wanted instead of what was best, instead of what was prudent. And best of all, Asher, she thought as she dropped off to sleep. They were going to Eden together.

----------- Fi -----------

“Let’s take a moment to say our thanks and goodbyes in silence,” Fi requested. Holding hands, the Family stood gathered in a semicircle in the dusty yard. The spring sun had risen and warmed the air. They bowed their heads and gave thanks for the shelter and relative stability that the Home had provided all of those cold winter months. It hadn’t been easy, but it had been their Home, and they would miss it.

“Alright,” Fi said with enthusiasm as she let go of Kiara’s hand and stepped in front of the Family. “Let’s get this show back on the road!” she yelled, surprising them all. Everyone else whooped and yelled and high fived. Fi couldn’t help but sneak a glance at Asher as the Family celebrated. Even though she was confident in her leadership, his opinion mattered to her. He held her gaze and nodded. Comforted by his silent support, Fi smiled. She knew it was a risk to yell in the daylight, but it had been a year since the start of the Famine. Though she knew that it was sad, it also was a fact that most of the Others were dead.