Dust to Dust: A Broken Fairy Tale (9 page)

Jake eyes me cautiously when he notices me at Holden’s side. I can see concern and uncertainty cross his face. I can’t take my eyes off him. At a closer look, he seems so much smaller than in my memories. He stands just under six feet tall, with a thin, almost frail looking frame. But his eyes are what I remember the most, and the distant, disconnected look he had back then is still there, and is just as horrifying as I remember.

Jake breaks his gaze from mine and clears his throat. “My dad asked me to come down and help check on our properties, make sure everything is in order before the storm hits.”

Holden is noticing the uncomfortable way Jake is acting; he looks back at me and instantly notices my change in attitude from moments ago. My mouth is dry and I still can’t speak. I turn to the bar, trying to gather myself, aimlessly moving glasses and bottles around, avoiding his gaze at all costs.

“Hey sweetie, grab Jake here a drink,” my dad tells me cheerfully, oblivious of the fact that I am about to crumble into a million pieces.

“No thanks, Mr. Dade. My dad’s waiting for me. Maybe another time.” Jake looks over at me as if he is talking only to me. “I’m going to be in town a lot more now that I am working with my dad on his campaign. Only a month to go and he needs all the help he can get.”

“Great, then we’ll be working together. I’m throwing my hat in the ring and helping out your dad through the final lap, too,” Holden chimes in, still eyeing me curiously. He walks over to my side behind the bar and begins rubbing my back, knowing something is up.

“Yeah, that’s what I heard,” Jake replies and starts backing out the door, clearly as shaken with the situation as I am. I am sure he knows I have never told my family about what he did to me, but I can tell he isn’t quite sure about Holden. “Have you moved back to the area? Are you two together again?” he asks, noticing the affectionate way Holden is caressing my back while I lean into him, accepting freely the comfort he is providing.

We both instantly step away from each other, realizing that our actions do seem a little too intimate.

“No, man—she moved on long ago.” Holden doesn’t seem fazed by the mistake and playfully rubs the top of my head, messing up my hair like he did when we were kids. This is the one time I don’t care how much he messes with me. I just want Jake gone and to run as far and as fast as I can away from him.

“Oh, I see. Well, I’ll be seeing you around Holden, Mr. Dade.” He tips his head towards me, saying a silent goodbye. “Stay safe during the storm.” And with that he is gone and I can breathe again.

While my dad is oblivious of my clearly intrinsic reaction to seeing Jake, Holden certainly isn’t. He still stands behind me, and places his hands back on my shoulders, gently rubbing them again. “Are you alright, Cam?” He whispers in my ear, lightly stroking my hair away from my face and leaning over my shoulder to get a better look at me.

I can’t talk. I just stand there in shock, still trying to catch my breath. I am actually surprised my body is defying me this way. I have gone years without outwardly showing my fear of Jake to anyone. I’ve gone over this scenario in my head thousands of times before. I would be strong; I would not show him how badly he broke me. But when actually faced with the situation, I freeze like an invalid.
He won again.

Holden turns me around and pulls me into a tight hug after he feels the sweat on my hairline. “Say something, Camryn, dammit. What’s going on?” His voice is tender and concerned.

“No wonder Jake thought you two were together again. Look at the two of you,” my dad comments, reminding me he is still standing in the room with us. Holden doesn’t flinch; he only holds me tighter.

“She’ll always be my girl, Mr. D. If she’s upset, I’m going to be here.” Holden’s words mean more than he can possibly know right now. I need to feel safe right now, and the way he has me securely wrapped in his muscular arms makes me feel like I’m impervious to anything Jake can do to me.

“For Heaven’s sake, was that Jake Waters I saw just walk out of here? Please tell me his god-awful mother isn’t here.” My mom walks through the doors with a handful of papers.

“No, Nora, she isn’t. Let’s get the last of the boxes and lock this place up before they close Route 35.” My dad simply turns around and takes one last look at his pride and joy. “Stay strong, little lady.”

Holden smoothly slides his hand back into mine and leads me out the door behind my parents. “You’re coming with me.”

It’s not a question, and I know there will be no avoiding him, or the barrage of questions I am sure to have ahead of me after my virtual nervous breakdown. His grip on my hand tightens and he pulls us to a sudden stop. “Hey Mr. D, I’m going to bring Cam with me and go take one last look at our houses. Do you need us to get anything else from your place?”

“No, Holden, we’re all set. You two be careful and be sure to call after the storm is over.” He kisses me on my head and shakes Holden’s hand. “Make sure my little girl stays out of trouble. I still don’t like the idea of you staying down here during the storm, even if it
is
to get a good story.”

“I’ll be careful, Dad. This is a chance of a lifetime! Besides, I would never take risks that would keep me away from Ellie and Sophie, you know that.”

“Be careful, sweetheart. We love you both,” my mom yells, waving from the car, already anxious to get on the road and beat the traffic.

Holden drives us the two miles back to his house without asking me about my freak-out. He is holding my hand in his so tightly, it is almost uncomfortable. I know he is all in his head right now, trying his best to find a logical reason for my panic attack. I can almost hear the questions swirling in his head as he grips the wheel of his car so tightly his knuckles have turned white. When we pull in the driveway, I turn quickly, trying to get out and avoid the inevitable onslaught of questions that are about to explode out of Holden. He immediately grabs my leg, forcing me back down in my seat and looks at me with the most unbelievably vulnerable and pained expression on his face.

“What the hell was that back there, Cam?” He leans his head back in his seat and rubs his other hand through his hair. “You completely freaked out. I thought you were going to faint—your face went as white as a ghost. Why did that happen when you saw Jake? You have to tell me because…” He pauses and clutches his hair so tightly, I’m afraid he’s truly tearing it out. “I have some ideas right now and I’m about to hunt him down and fucking kill him.” He slams his hand against the steering wheel, making me jump in my seat and sending his hand off my leg. The physical separation stings. His touch was calming, something I want so badly right now.

Before I can answer him, there is a loud pounding at his window. Holden leaps up out of his seat and on top of me like he is shielding me from something horrible. Jess is standing there with Dave, high-fiving and laughing at our startled reactions, clearly unaware of the serious conversation they had just interrupted. We both laugh at ourselves and break apart.

“This conversation isn’t over.” Holden’s eyes tell me he is serious. I honestly don’t think I have ever seen him so serious. The confusion he is feeling is searing into me, making me feel things that I don’t want to.

“You guys are such pussies.” Jess opens the door and hands me a beer. “Surprise! We’re having a Hurricane Sandy party at our place tonight. Charlotte is safe and sound at my cousin’s. Dave is off duty until the morning, and you don’t officially have to hunker down until tomorrow either, Cam. So no saying no!”

Saved by Jess again!
“That actually sounds great. Just let me give the girls a call and say goodnight first.” I look at Holden, shrugging my shoulders and holding my beer up to him before taking a long swing. Not tonight. I am not going to tell my darkest secret to Holden tonight. I am too afraid what Jake is still capable of and I am not going to put my girls in danger just so Holden isn’t pissed off at me.

It wasn’t until recently that I started to remember the night my life was forever changed. I have always had a keen talent for pushing any unwanted thought or experience far back into the depths of my psyche. It must be some sort of inherited trait because my mom is certainly the queen of denial. I have tried with every inch of my being to erase the horrible, debilitating fear and shame the enveloped my soul every time I think of that night. I was successful at it most of the time. But seeing Jake brought every detail flooding back.

It happened on a summer night right after graduation. I was at an enormous party, celebrating the end of the school year before heading off to college, and I felt like I was about to begin the best time of my life. The party was the typical high school get-together, filled with tons of inebriated teenagers making shady decisions that they don’t realize can affect the rest of their lives. If I only knew back then what I know now, my life may have taken a different path.

It was odd for me to be at a party without Holden, but he was out with some of his college friends that night. I remember he said he was over going to high school parties, and that I should go alone. He was a year older than me and had fallen into a frat boy life. I went to the party at the insistence of Jess, who was never one to miss a party, and this one was supposed to be the party of the century.
Was it ever.

I was feeling a little tipsy by the time I decided to walk home after being there for a few hours. I clearly had one too many of some stiff fruity concoction everyone was calling Jungle Juice and was beginning to feel a little dizzy. I had only been drunk one other time in my life before that night, and it wasn’t a good experience. Rather than go down that road again, I made the fateful decision to leave. I unassumingly hugged all my friends before leaving, making plans to go to the beach the next day, unaware of the monster watching me, waiting to make his move. I was almost out the door, but when I started to shut it behind me, the door was suddenly jerked in the opposite direction, sending me tumbling unsteadily backwards. I would have fallen on my back if Jake hadn’t been there to catch me.
And that would have had a far better outcome.

“Easy there, cowgirl,” he said with a sideways smile. Jake was beyond handsome. Back then, he had light, unruly blonde hair that accented his blue eyes and tan skin. I always felt a little nervous around Jake, even though our dads were best friends and we have known each other since we were kids. He was a year older than me, like Holden, but always seemed so much more mysterious.

I knew I was blushing and looked away, smiling. “Sorry about that. I was just on my way out.” I turned and began walking down the deserted street towards my home a few blocks away.

He was right in step next to me. “Let me walk you, Camryn.”

I smiled shyly and shrugged my shoulders as if to allow it. My heart raced being this close to Jake; it felt exciting and wrong all at the same time. We were always at parties together through high school and when he visited from college, but we never really talked at them. He never once in all these years engaged in conversation with me willingly on his own. There were times when he would even leave a group at a party if I walked up to them. A quiet voice in my head told me not to let him walk with me and go back inside and grab Jess. But I didn’t listen to that voice.
I wish I had.

Jake didn’t talk at all while we walked. I looked over at him to see that his brow was furrowed and he was scowling down at the gravelly street. He must have noticed my gaze because he looked up at me and smiled nervously. I remember thinking right then that maybe he looked so upset because he liked me, but knew I had a boyfriend.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Jake surprisingly wrapped his arm around my shoulder when we neared the end of the street; the tiny voice in my head telling me to go back to the party became louder, setting off alarms throughout my body. I still did nothing, though, because I didn’t want to offend him, so I just continued to walk, pretending his arm wasn’t on me in this intimate way.

Then my nightmare really began.

His grasp on my shoulder tightened when we came upon the Conroy house. His fingertips dug deeply into my bare shoulders, almost hurting me, but I still didn’t realize what was about to happen.

I tried to pull away from his tight grasp with a smile, assuming it must have been unintentional since we both had been drinking pretty heavily. Before I could react, Jake slammed my body against his and placed his sweaty hand over my mouth, stifling the scream that was about to escape. He roughly dragged me to the side of the abandoned house while I tried in vain to kick and punch at him. Stifling fear swathed me when I looked around at my surroundings. I knew the Conroys wouldn’t be showing up for a few days, and there was no one else in sight. All of the houses at this end of the street were still vacant, not yet occupied by the summer owners. No one would be saving me from whatever was about to happen.

Jake pinned me up against the wall, yanking my arms violently over my head. I can still remember the stale stench of beer oozing from his mouth when he tried to kiss me. At this point, I was still trying to tell myself he was acting this way because he was just an overzealous drunken frat boy, so when he took his hand off of my mouth, I tried to act as if everything was going to be okay.