Dust to Dust: A Broken Fairy Tale (24 page)

Living with Holden has been better than expected and we’ve all gotten into a routine. Holden is always up before the girls, making breakfast. Mainly because he spends his nights in bed with me, but still wants to make sure that they don’t know we are sleeping together. My job has mainly been to lie on my ass and watch crap on TV with Jess, but thank God for my writing. It has paid the bills to write for the
New Yorker
, but I have decided to write a novel. I don’t know why I ever thought it was a good way to challenge myself while laid up like this, but I’m halfway through my first draft of a historical fiction novel that takes place in the early 1800s. I have to admit that when I am writing is the only time I’m not obsessing over the safety of my family.

I am ready to move back to New York City and away from the shore. Everything started once I moved back. Maybe moving away again will help keep us safe. I know telling Holden this will start a fight, though, so I haven’t said anything yet. He doesn’t want us to leave, but I have to. I need my space for a bit. Everything seems to be moving so fast with us, that I can’t be sure of what’s real anymore. Holden has been walking on eggshells around me this past month, still feeling like it was his fault I was in my car alone that night. If he hadn’t been making out with Bridgette when I walked in, we would have been together that night. I don’t see what difference it would have made if he was driving, other than we would both have been hurt, but there is no talking any sense into him. When I think of Bridgette’s lips on his, it still makes my stomach burn with jealousy. I know he has to work with her time and again, and that is something I’m not sure I was ready to deal with.

I am falling for Holden too hard and need my space to slow things down. Holden is too perfect. He is ridiculously handsome. I mean, literally head turning, and that just makes me feel insecure. I have to be with him longer, build the trust between us more, before I can let myself fall all the way for him again.
Like I haven’t already.

Moving back to New York will be the perfect excuse for that distance. He still has his apartment up there, and we can go back to having our perfect weekends at the shore like before the accident. I love Holden, more than I have ever loved anyone. But I need to do this right. We both have to be absolutely sure that things are going to work out in the long term, for the girls. I am going to have to talk with Holden about my decision soon so that I can get the girls settled before school starts, and that’s only two weeks away. Deep down, I know he’s going to freak, so that’s why I’ve waited so long to tell him. I will tell him soon, but not tonight. Tonight, I am going to celebrate!

I am having my cast removed today, and Holden is taking me out tonight to celebrate with Jess and Dave since the girls will be with Marcus. I can’t even begin to imagine the freeing feeling of having this sucker sawed off will give me. This cast has been my enemy for what seems like a lifetime, and the first thing I want to do when I get home tonight after dinner is take a nice long soak in the hot tub.

I can’t help but laugh when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror of Holden’s bathroom, dancing around like a fool to Rihanna. Being able to move like a human again is even more invigorating than I imagined. I turn to look for my best pair of heels when I catch Holden standing in the doorway, staring at me.
Dear Lord, please don’t tell me he saw my pathetic attempt at dancing.

I know I am blushing and Holden is loving every minute of it.

“Those are some good moves you have there,” he says in a voice too sexy to start off the night. He eyes me like I’m his prey and pushes off the doorway, stalking towards me. As usual, he is a vision to be seen. Holden’s white linen shirt is casually hanging off his perfectly toned body, with tailored brown pants that makes his ass look like it belongs in a Calvin Klein ad.

“Shut up,” is all I can think to say. I start shuffling through the closet again, knowing if I continue to undress him with my mind, we won’t ever make it to dinner.

“Very mature,” he replies, coming up behind me, grabbing tightly onto my waist. “You’ve always had good moves, Cam.”

I stand up and lean in against him, not able to resist his touch. He grips my waist tightly as he inhales my scent. I have on his favorite lotion since I know he doesn’t like perfume, and am glad he notices. It’s not fair if I’m the only one having inappropriate thoughts all night. “I’m just going to grab my shoes and I’ll be out in a minute. Jess and Dave should be here shortly.”

Holden doesn’t move. He just holds me in his arms. “Can we just cancel and stay home?” Holden’s hands are now moving to the hem of the tight black dress I have on.

I turn in his arms, slapping his chest. “No. We can’t. It’s just a few hours, and then we have the rest of the weekend to ourselves. I’ve wanted to get out on the town for a month. I hate how cooped up I’ve had to be.” I lean up on my toes and give him a quick kiss before heading over to one of my suitcases that have yet to be unpacked, looking for my shoes.

Holden gives me a questioning glance. “Everything alright, babe?” He runs his hand through his impossibly sexy hair. “You seem…preoccupied. Look at you—you haven’t even unpacked everything yet. Don’t tell me you’re going to run away,” he says with a half-smile.

He really does know me too well for my own good.
I put on my best, most seductive smile, knowing now is not the time for this conversation. “I’m better than ever now that that stupid cast is off. I can’t wait to go on a run tomorrow, hit the spa tonight with you,” I give him a suggestive wink, “and wear these awesome heels that will make my legs look a mile long.”

I can tell my flirting is working when Holden laughs and gives me his full dimpled smile. “Promise me you’ll keep the heels on tonight?” He pulls me closer by the waist, pressing his whole body against mine. My entire body reacts to his touch: the closeness of his body, the sweet smell of mint and vanilla that always follows him, and his hypnotizing beautiful eyes—all make me a ball of raging hormones.

“Promise,” I whisper, barely able to get the words out.

He gently places his hands on my face and painfully, slowly, brings his lips to mine, stopping just before giving me what I so badly want. “I love you so much, Camryn. So fucking much.” His lips crash into mine, taking my breath away.

When we pull up to dinner, Jess asks me to wait back in the car with her while she touches up her make-up. While I know it is a stalling tactic to get me alone, Dave and Holden have no clue what she’s up to and decide to go in and have a drink at the bar while they wait for us.

“Men are so dumb. Would it have killed Dave to say ‘Don’t be ridiculous, honey, you look amazing’? Instead, he just gets out, no questions asked,” Jess huffs as she takes her lipstick from her purse.

I look at her, confused. “Didn’t you
want
them to get out so we could talk? It seemed pretty obvious to me, and I’m sure to the guys too.”

“I was not obvious,” she says, smiling. “Listen, Camryn. I have to tell you something, and it’s kind of big, so you have to promise me that you won’t freak out.”

My stomach instantly turns at her warning. Tonight has to be fun; I owe it to Holden. He has done so much for me. “Can it wait for tomorrow, Jess? Please? I just want to have fun tonight and not worry about a thing. Not my injuries, not work, not the kids, not the accident, and especially not Jake.” I don’t wait for Jess’s answer. I open the door of Holden’s car and begin walking into the restaurant, determined to make tonight the carefree night I planned.

The bar is dark, and it’s difficult to see where Dave and Holden are sitting. My breath escapes my body at the sight of Holden surrounded by three beautiful women, one of which has her arm slung over his broad shoulders. They are all wearing dresses that are far too short for my taste and seem to have already had one too many drinks by the way they are swaying while they talk. Holden and Dave are laughing along with whatever slut number one just said and my face turns fifty shades of crazy when she moves to sit on Holden’s lap.
What. The. Hell.

Holden grabs the all too beautiful slut by the waist and pushes her off him, sending a brief shot of calm through me. Just then he looks over and our eyes meet, mine filled with rage, his with love. He smiles, probably realizing I am at a ten on the pissed-off scale, and holds his hand out to me, inviting me over.

Jess is at my side. I hadn’t even realized she followed me in. The sluts—
that’s what I’ve decided to name them—
all turn with shocked looks on their faces. The woman who had just been trying to mount my boyfriend gives me an evil smile, and turns back to Holden as if I don’t exist.

“Holden, give me a call so we can get together and catch up,” she slithers out, obviously trying to make a point.

Just when she makes a move to run her hand through Holden’s hair, he stops her by grabbing her wrist and leading it back to her side. “Not going to happen, Trish.” Holden stands up and wraps his arms possessively around me, kissing the top of my head. “Trish, you remember the love of my life, Camryn, right?” He moves his arm and drapes it around my waist in a very intimate way, almost making me forget these women standing before us. “We’ve got to get to our table. You ladies enjoy the rest of your night.”

I smile politely, not wanting to resort to acting like a jealous teenager, but Jess clearly has another idea. She walks straight up to Trish, making the arrogant woman take a step back. “I remember you and your little posse of tramps. Next time, try not to look so desperate and maybe you might have someone fall head over heels in love with you the way Holden is with Camryn.”

I now remember who Trish is. She was in the same grade as Holden in high school, and was one of Holden’s many conquests before we got together, and now I can only imagine, after as well.

Holden turns me to him and softly kisses my lips. “I hope that didn’t upset you. All I have been thinking about is having you in my arms tonight, and I don’t want that to mess anything up for you tonight,” he growls through our kiss. “I can’t wait to have those legs wrapped around me later.”

I can’t help but smile. I’m an adult and know that what I saw was innocent. I have to learn to put my insecurities behind me and accept that Holden has chosen me. He makes that clear to me every day, with his every action. If anyone should be worried, it’d be Holden. He knows how skittish I am.

“I love you, Holden. Let’s go eat.”

When we sit at the table, Holden scoots my chair closer to him, and pulls me snug under his arm. He kisses the side of my head and holds me there, as if he is memorizing the moment.

“You two are so adorable! I just can’t stand it!” Jess says as she sits down across from us, giving Dave a frustrated glance and encouraging him to match Holden’s affection. “When are you going to put a ring on it and make an honest woman out of Cam again?”

Holden smiles brightly, making my insides melt. I can honestly say that I have never seen Holden this happy in all the years we have known each other. It is clear that his happiness has a lot to do with me, and that scares me. It’s too much pressure right now. I love him more than ever, but I can’t be responsible for anyone else’s happiness other than my girls’ right now. My heart loves his reaction; my mind is screaming something different.