Dust to Dust: A Broken Fairy Tale (20 page)

I turn up the volume and pull onto the highway, singing along to the melancholy love song. Visions of the many things Holden has done to prove his love for me flash through my mind with every word John Paul White and Joy Williams sings. There is hardly anyone on the highway leading into the still devastated Mantoloking Township, letting me get lost in my thoughts of Holden. Every action since he came back to me has been to prove to me he loves me. I always come first with him, even before we were together. He chose me over Bridgette long ago, and I have to accept that. I know girls like Bridgette all too well, and know how pathetic girls can act when they feel scorned. I have to believe that was what happened between Holden and Bridgette tonight. I owe it to Holden after all he has done for me.

I take solace in the peace that tonight will bring me. I know my text to Holden is what he will need to give me the space I asked for, and let the emotion of seeing his lips on Bridgette’s subside. Holden was an extremely sexy playboy before locking himself to me and the girls. And while he is still extremely sexy, the women of his past need to know that the playboy in him is gone. He is mine, and I am his.

I roll my window down and let the hot air sweep through the car. I notice the light ahead turn from yellow to red, and put my foot on the brake just as the car in front of me comes to a sudden stop, but nothing happens. I slam my foot on the pedal again, realizing that my car isn’t slowing down at all. My heart stops and is in my throat at the realization that there is nothing I can do to prevent my car from colliding with the car in front of me. Before I have a chance to react, I go barreling into the car before me; the potent smell of burning rubber and deafening sound of crushing metal assault my senses before I can make another move. I feel my body slam against the plastic airbag as visions of my girls’ faces flash before my eyes. Then there is darkness.

I can hear faint voices all around me, but can’t see anything. It is like I am entombed in a tunnel of darkness with no way out. I try to move my body, but it won’t listen. My mouth will not say the words I am trying so hard to make come out. People are asking if I’m dead, and all I want to do is let them know I am in here. I am alive…I think. Panic begins to take over and I can feel myself slowly drift out of consciousness.

I feel like I am floating above my dreams as I hear conversations going on around me as if I’m not here. Why are people treating me as if I am not in the room with them?

“I don’t care what you have to do, Dave.” Holden’s voice is deep and threatening. “You get that bastard down to the station. He has been threatening Camryn since he came back to town. There is no doubt in my mind that Waters is behind this. Brakes don’t just go out like that. You and I both know this was no accident.”

I struggle to open my eyes and make sense of what I am hearing. Holden can’t be talking about Jake. He is putting my girls in danger if he tells my secret. I begin to hear a fast paced beeping sound, and a panicked commotion begin to stir around me.
Ugh!
I wish I could open my eyes.

“What the fuck is going on?” Holden’s voice is frantic. “Nurse? Someone help! Anyone!”

There is more clattering and beeping sounds. Fear is taking over and I can hardly breathe.
What is happening? Why can’t I open my eyes?

I feel someone take my hand. Holden—it has to be Holden. “Baby, please don’t leave me. I need you.” Lips touch mine, seemingly sending breath into my body. Just as quickly as they met mine, they were ripped away and cold sterile hands are on me.

“I love you, Camryn,” are the last words I hear before slipping back into darkness.

I
am allowed to leave the hospital today after two weeks of hell. The hospital has to be the worst place ever to recover from anything. Every five minutes someone has been poking or sticking things in me to see if I am better. Yes, I have a few broken bones and internal bleeding, but I need to be home, with my family, with Holden. I was unconscious for three days after my accident and placed in a medically-induced coma so some of my injuries could heal. My dad and Holden never left my side, and Marcus has even been staying at my dad’s house so that the girls could visit me every day. I feel lucky to be surrounded by so many people who love me, but it also fills me with fear about the danger they are all now in by just being near me.

I have no doubt my accident was a result of my article in the
New Yorker
. The amount of attention that I was getting for the piece had to have made Jake nervous. Although I still hadn’t admitted publicly that I, too, was a victim, many had already assumed that was the case. Even Matt Lauer had asked me on my visit to the
Today Show
the day of my accident.

The major problem with the investigation right now is that there were no security cameras at the station. They were all destroyed during Sandy and had still not been replaced. Jake also seemed to have a rock solid alibi for the entire day, spending it in Washington DC with his dad. Holden’s only other explanation for his involvement in the accident is that he thinks Jake must have put someone up to it. Holden is determined to find out who is to blame.

I am still burning with anger over the fact that Holden took it upon himself to make Marcus and Dave privy to my secret. He said they promised to never speak a word to me or anyone about it, but I wished he hadn’t gone that far. First of all, he was only putting me and the girls in more danger by telling them, but now I have this guilt hanging over me like a lead cloud that Marcus had to hear about it from Holden.

On the positive side, it made me a little happy to see that Marcus and Holden were able to come together with me down and out, rather than battle it out. It is better for the girls to see them as a united front.

Holden turns us in to his driveway, and Marcus pulls up right next to us. I look over at Holden and smile, happy to be home. “Thanks for everything, Holden.” I run my fingers along his jawline. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He strokes my hand and kisses it gently. “Good thing you’ll never have to know.” He winks playfully at me and smiles. “Stay there, babe. I’ll come around and get you.”

I look out my window to see Marcus walking the girls up the steps to Holden’s house, opening the door with a key on his own key ring.
Why does he have a key to Holden’s house?
Holden is at my door, helping me out when he notices the confused look on my face. “Listen, I wanted to wait until I have you inside to tell you everything, so just zip it up and follow me.”

I am too tired and weak to argue, so I submit, and wrap my arms around Holden’s shoulders, letting him carry me up the steps to his house. He places me down once we cross the threshold and I take a few unsteady steps to find Marcus at the refrigerator, getting out juice for the girls and toys scattered over the floor in the den. There are pictures drawn by the girls placed along the wall as if displayed at an art event.

“Mommy, Mommy, come see the room Daddy made for us. We get to stay at Holden’s now, too. We have our very own room!” Sophie was bopping up and down with excitement and disappears around the corner.

I look up at Holden, and then over to Marcus, who is smiling, watching the girls disappear down the hallway. “You did this for them? Together?” I look back and forth between these two amazing men. Both have broken my heart at one time or another, and both I love wholeheartedly.

Marcus smiles sheepishly. “You can’t be alone for a while, and your dad is really in no condition to care for you the way you need to be. Holden and I came to an agreement. I want what’s best for our girls. Being here with you is what’s best, and I know I can trust Holden to take care of my babies when I’m not here.”

I’m not able to hold back my tears at his selflessness. He’s done so many selfish things to me while we were splitting up, but now I am sure more than ever it was more for self-preservation than anything else. I am sure deep down inside, Marcus has always known my heart belonged to Holden.

Holden releases his grip on me, and I reach over and give Marcus a hug. He smiles, taking me gently into his arms. “Thank you, Marcus. Thank you for being such a great person. I couldn’t ask for a better person to be the father of my girls.”

Marcus kisses my cheek. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Mommy, where are youuuuuu?” Sophie’s voice echoes down the hallway.

“Coming, sweetheart.”

I turn, looking back up at Holden, and smile. “You have some explaining to do, mister. What if I didn’t
want
to stay here with you? This is a big step, you know.”

“We can talk later. But one thing you can be sure of is this: now that I have you here, don’t you ever think I am going to let you go. You. Are. Mine.” He kisses me deeply and sweeps me off my feet, following Marcus to see the girls’ new room.

It is so nice to be back with Holden and the girls after spending so many nights alone since the accident. The scene I walked in on in his office before the crash is a distant memory as the fear over my accident took center stage. I still can’t believe that Jake had actually tried to kill me. Over time, I have begun to wonder if Jake’s attack on me all those years ago was a fluke. I began to wonder if maybe he was on drugs and acted crazily that night. Before I got the letter, I began to believe that maybe he had changed, that maybe he wasn’t the scary monster I had made him up to be in my head for all these years. Holden’s extensive background checks and surveillance only amplified those feelings. But who else could be doing all of these things? Holden and Dave still couldn’t find any connection between my accident and Jake. There were no fingerprints, no eyewitnesses, nothing pointing to him and my faulty brakes. I can’t decide if it is safer to have the girls close, or back in the city with Marcus, but apparently that decision has already been made for me.

Holden has music softly playing and places me down on the couch. He is wearing gray track pants that hang dangerously low, revealing my favorite part of his body below the hem of his snug black T-shirt. Even though my body is riddled with pain, it is reacting to the sight of him in a way that is uncontrollable. The room is lit only by the candles on the fireplace, making my surroundings seem more like a dream than reality. My time in the hospital was so depressing, so sterile, and not at all comforting. Being here with Holden and the girls is like being wrapped in a fluffy cashmere blanket of love.

He stands above me, looking down with a playful smile. “I can almost hear the questions swimming in your head. Not tonight, babe, okay?” He bends down and kisses my forehead before sliding in behind me and wrapping his body delicately around mine. “I just want to lay here with you in my arms and do nothing but be together. Tomorrow I will update you on the investigation, assure you of my plans to keep you and the girls safe, and calm your fears. But right now, all I want to do is make you know that what you saw between Bridgette and me before the accident was nothing but bad timing. I want you to know how much I love you.”