Dunces Anonymous (4 page)

Total silence fell over the gym as Emmett continued his speech. Magnolia's mother gazed at him, enraptured. Magnolia felt herself getting angrier and angrier. She couldn't possibly have an attack of stage fright now. She couldn't make herself look like a fool in front of Mister-Big-Shot-Actor Emmett Blackwell. She could feel her anger brimming over, and when the time came for her to deliver her first lines, her voice exploded from her throat.

“O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name!
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I'll no longer be a Capulet!”

Magnolia paused to take a breath. She was surprised at how loud her voice sounded. The word
Capulet
still echoed in the gymnasium. Her mother was leaning forward in her chair, enthralled. But behind her mom, Josh and Wang were making wild gestures for Magnolia to shut up.

“Good, good, Magnolia!” Mrs. Karloff called out. “You're angry at your father! I can feel your anger! Carry on!”

Good? Magnolia thought. Carry on? This wasn't working out at all. She forced back her anger and uttered her next lines in a soft voice.

“'Tis but thy name that is my enemy,
Thou are thyself, though not a Montague.
O, be some other name belonging to a man!”

“Yes! Yes!” Mrs. Karloff interrupted again. “Your anger is gone now! You're thinking about how much you love him! Excellent, Magnolia!”

Excellent? No, this couldn't be happening! She didn't want to be excellent. She didn't want to be Emmett's Juliet. She choked out her next lines in a strangled voice:

“What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet.
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo called!”

“Bravo! Bravo! Fantastic!” Mrs. Karloff strode forward onto the stage. “Magnolia, darling! I can feel your despair!”

Despair is right, Magnolia thought, looking helplessly at Emmett Blackwell, whose face still wore the look of a love-struck Romeo. Somewhere backstage, Hannah burst into tears and ran off in a clatter of high-heeled shoes.

“People!” Mrs. Karloff announced, holding out her arms to Magnolia and Emmett. “Allow me to introduce you to Oakview Public School's new Romeo and Juliet!”

Magnolia's mother leaped from her chair and burst into applause. But Josh shook his head, and Wang fell to the floor in a mock faint.

What have I done? Magnolia thought. How am I going to get out of this now?

FOUR
ROMEO REHEARSES

I
t didn't take many rehearsals for Magnolia to figure out the worst part about playing Juliet. It wasn't the mushy dialogue or the floor-length dress she had to wear. The worst part was definitely the kissing.

Romeo kisses Juliet three times in Shakespeare's play: twice at the party in Act One and once during the death scene in Act Five. Emmett only pretended during rehearsals, of course, his lips swooping close to hers with a repulsive smacking sound. But by the second week of practice, a rumor was sweeping the school that on performance night Emmett intended to kiss Magnolia right on the mouth.

“Oh, Magnolia! Have you heard?” Hannah Flynn caught her by the sleeve backstage during rehearsal one afternoon.

“Heard what?” Magnolia said.

Hannah had volunteered to understudy the role of Juliet, but her main occupation seemed to be keeping up on the gossip about the cast.

“About performance night! Emmett's going to clasp you in his arms and hold you in a kiss of undying passion!”

“No, he's not,” Magnolia said. “Not unless he wants a detention.”

Oakview Public School had a strict policy about kisses of undying passion: They weren't allowed on school property. Even giving someone a peck on the cheek could get a kid sent to the principal's office.

“I heard he'd risk a whole week of detentions for the chance to kiss his Juliet right on the lips!” Hannah sighed. “Isn't it romantic?”

“It's ridiculous!” retorted Magnolia.

There had to be some way out of this dumb play. But how on earth was she going to get around her mother? Magnolia sidled away from Hannah and edged toward the stage curtain, where Josh was standing beside the pull-cord. He had volunteered as curtain-puller to stay close to the action, while they tried to think of a way for Magnolia to weasel out of the role of Juliet. Peeking around the curtain, Magnolia could see her mother sitting on a wooden chair right in front of the stage, wearing a cotton peasant skirt and a lot of flowery scarves draped around her neck. At her feet, Garland was stuffing his pudgy hands into her purse, pulling out keys, coins, credit cards and tissues, and scattering them all over the gym floor. Her mom didn't even seem to notice. She was leaning forward, mouthing the words of the Prologue along with the actor on the stage.

“‘From forth the fatal loins of these two foes, a pair of star-crossed lovers take their life…'”

“She's driving me bonkers!” Magnolia muttered, leaning her back against the wall next to Josh.

“Maybe you could break your ankle,” Josh suggested, keeping his voice low so as not to interrupt the rehearsal.

“Thanks,” Magnolia whispered back. “I'll just go jump off a roof.”

“Couldn't you fake it?” Josh whispered.

“You can't fool an X-ray machine, Josh.”

“How about coming down with a fever? Or the flu?”

“A fever? The flu? Are you kidding? My mother would drag me out on that stage even if I had the bubonic plague.” Magnolia clutched her hand to her heart, mimicking her mother. “Rise from your deathbed, daughter! The show must go on!”

Magnolia peeked around the curtain again. In the far corner of the gym, Wang and some other boys were practicing sword-fighting. When Josh had volunteered as curtain-puller, Wang had signed up to play one of the Capulets. The main job of the Capulets was to get into brawls with Romeo's relatives, the Montagues. Wang didn't have any lines, but he got to do a lot of fighting.

“Let's go see Wang,” Magnolia whispered. She wasn't needed on stage for a while. “At least he looks like he's having fun.”

In the corner, the guys were attacking each other with plastic swords, ducking and parrying and pretending to fall down dead. Why couldn't girls get parts like that? Magnolia thought bitterly.

“This is awesome,” said Wang, demonstrating a lunge with his plastic sword as they approached. “You should sign up to be a Capulet, Josh!”

“No, thanks.”

“Seriously, Josh, it's really cool.” Wang performed some cuts and thrusts with his sword. “The kid who plays Tybalt is showing us all how to do it. He says I'm a natural. His dad's a fencing instructor—that's a kind of sword-fighting—and he's going to give us a free lesson on Saturday, and…oh!”

Wang stopped mid-thrust.

“What?” said Josh and Magnolia together.

“I've got a chess competition Saturday.”

Wang sank to the floor in a lump of gloom.

“Couldn't you skip it?” Josh asked.

Wang shook his head.

“My dad would kill me.”

“But you can't miss the sword-fighting lesson!” Magnolia turned to Josh. “He's got to go, Josh!”

“I know.” Josh shrugged. “But how?”

How? Magnolia bit her lip. There had to be an answer. They couldn't let their parents
totally
take over their lives. “I know! Josh, you can go to the chess tournament in his place!”

“Me?” Josh's eyes bugged out. “What are you, crazy? I don't know the first thing about playing chess!”

“But Josh, you've got to. Wang can't miss the practice! He's a natural. And, come on, look how much he hates chess. Besides, you're the president!”

“It's true,” Wang added from his spot on the floor. “I
really
hate chess.”

Josh looked away from them and started pacing in a circle.

“How can I go to the chess tournament? I'll look stupid. I'll lose every single game!”

“That's okay,” said Wang. “I lose every game.”

“Besides,” added Magnolia, “didn't Wang help you lose the election? He even went to the principal's office for it! You owe him one, Josh.”

Josh looked down at Wang. Wang lifted his head and stared back at Josh. He looked like a prisoner who sees a ray of light penetrate his gloomy jail cell.

“Would you go for me, Josh? Would you really?” Wang said.

“Of course he'll go,” said Magnolia. After all, he
had
to. It was heartbreaking to see Wang slumped on the floor like that, while the other Capulets practiced their sword-fighting all around him.

“You'll go, right, Josh?” she said.

Josh hesitated a second longer. Then he reached down a hand and pulled Wang to his feet.

“Okay, guys,” he said. “I'll go.”

FIVE
STRATEGIC ALGORITHMS

T
he bell tinkled as Wang pushed open the door to his parents' grocery shop.

“This is our store,” he said to Josh.

“Cool,” said Josh, stepping in behind him.

The familiar smell of the grocery store hit Wang as he entered. It smelled of incense, which burned by the statue of the Buddha behind the checkout counter. It smelled of rice in burlap sacks and fresh greens that arrived in waxy cardboard boxes. When he was a little kid, Wang had liked the smell because it felt comfy and familiar—it smelled like home. But nowadays the very hominess of the smell bugged him. It reminded him that he was back again in the same boring old grocery store after school, and not out in the wide world, having adventures.

Oh, well. At least something interesting was finally happening at school, Wang thought. The play was cool, and Josh's new club was awesome. The name was a bit of a problem though: Dunces Anonymous. They should have called themselves something more powerful, like the Parent Avengers. Three young crusaders avenging the wrongs of parents against kids! That was more like it. Maybe he'd suggest it at the next meeting.

In the meantime, though, the important thing was that Josh was helping him get out of playing in the chess tournament. That was the reason he'd invited Josh over this afternoon: they had some important preparation to do.

Wang waved to his mom, who was helping a customer at the checkout counter. Then he led Josh through a grocery aisle toward the back of the store. The aisle was filled with all kinds of stuff you couldn't find in an ordinary supermarket. There were canned quail eggs and pickled lotus stocks, jars of bean-curd paste and salted duck eggs. There were whole rows filled with of different kinds of noodles: the broad, flat, yellow ones; the dry, crunchy ones you could eat right out of the package; the glassy ones spun into long threads; and the squiggly ones pressed into rectangles that came apart when you boiled them.

“Cool,” said Josh again, under his breath.

“It's not so cool when you have to spend your Saturday afternoon stocking the shelves,” said Wang. “Come on!”

In the stockroom at the back of the store, Wang found his dad unpacking a box of canned water chestnuts.

“Dad, this is my friend, Josh. He wants to learn chess. Can you teach him?”

“Learning new skills is a good thing,” his dad replied. “It broadens the mind.”

I'd learn new skills if you'd let me stop playing chess, Wang thought. But he didn't say it. Instead, he said, “So, can you teach him, Dad?”

His dad nodded. “I am not a master,” he said to Josh, “but I can show you where to begin.”

“Great! We'll wait for you upstairs, Dad.” Wang grabbed Josh by the arm and dragged him to the checkout counter, where his parents kept shelves of Kung Fu videos to rent out. His mom was busy ringing through customers, so he squeezed behind her and picked out one of his favorites. Josh wouldn't understand the words since it was all in Chinese, but that didn't matter. The important stuff was the action.

“We can watch it after our chess lesson,” he told Josh. Then he corrected himself, grinning. “After
your
chess lesson, I should say.”

“If I survive it,” said Josh.

“Don't worry,” said Wang. “You can't be worse than me.”

Wang led Josh up a back stairway that went to the apartment above the shop, where he lived with his mom and dad and his two brothers.

In the living room, the chessboard was already set up on a small table in one corner, with two chairs pulled up to it, facing each other. Wang flopped down on the sofa, and Josh sat beside him, casting a nervous eye at the chessboard.

“What if this plan doesn't work?” Josh whispered. “What if the people at the tournament figure out I don't know how to play chess?”

“Don't worry, I'm still in the beginner's group,” Wang said. “The tournament's at Centennial High School. You know where that is?”

Josh nodded. “It's near Magnolia's place. She's coming along.”

“Good,” said Wang.

“But what about your parents? Aren't they going to be there?”

“Naw,” said Wang. “They've gotta work in the store. Saturday's our busiest day. But Dad always checks the results on the website.”

“Oh, great!” Josh groaned.

“Here,” Wang said. “Take this.”

He dug into his schoolbag and pulled out a thick paperback book that his dad had given him, entitled
Strategic Algorithms: Learning the Chess Secrets of the Masters.
The book was filled with diagrams of chessboards, followed by lists of mysterious directions that said things like this:

1. e4 e5

2. Nf3 d6

3. Bc4 Bg4

4. Nc3 Nc6

5. 0-0 Nd4

Wang handed it over and watched Josh's face scrunch up as he tried to read it.

“I don't get it.”

“Neither do I. That doesn't matter,” Wang said. “Take it to the tournament. It'll make you look like you fit in. It's part of your disguise.”