Dumfries (58 page)

Chapter Fifty

Saturday

9.30 A.M.

  Senga couldnae remember the last time that she’d been in the company ae aw the lassies at wance.  It must’ve been well o’er a year.  She came across maist ae them in wans and twos, doon at Jake’s shoap,
DIRTY JAKE’S BOUTIQUE
, and she’d furgotten whit a scream it wis tae be in amongst them again.  Her ma hid spent the whole ae the previous evening trying tae persuade her tae furget aboot heiding doon tae Dumfries tae visit Johnboy, only tae change her tune when Senga finally agreed tae cancel the visit.

  “Mind you, it wid be a right shame fur him tae be sitting there oan his lonesome in anticipation, only tae find ye’d gied him a dizzy,” her ma hid mused, obviously feeling guilty, wance she’d realised her manipulation hid been successful.

  “Senga!” the lassies hid aw screamed efter clocking her trundling towards them, as they stood milling aboot ootside The Springburn Halls oan the corner ae Keppochhill Road and Millarbank Street, fags sticking oot ae their faces.

  “Hello, girls.”

  “Christ, don’t tell us ye’re heiding doon tae see Johnboy, Senga, ur ye?” Helen asked, eyebrows raised, no being able tae hide the surprise in her voice.

  “Ah thought ye sent him a Dear-John-Get-Tae-Fuck-Letter the same day that he goat sentenced?” Aggie sniped, before Senga could reply.

  Aggie McCoy wis blonde, big and loud, wae a chest tae match that mooth ae hers.  If anywan wis gonnae rub Senga up the wrang way, Aggie wis the wan.  Senga still found it hard tae furgive Aggie fur loudly informing Senga’s best pal, Pearl Campbell, in front ae everywan across in Jonah’s lounge, that Pearl wisnae missing much, efter Pearl failed tae convince Johnboy tae ask her oot wan night.  Everywan hid known that Pearl fancied Johnboy like crazy, bit only a few ae them hid known that Senga hid also been in love wae him since her primary school days, back in the Toonheid. The implication that Aggie hid bedded Johnboy hid devastated poor Pearl, and it hid taken aw Senga’s strength no tae gie Aggie a good slap across that face ae hers that night.  As well as hivving tae comfort Pearl, Senga’d hid tae suppress her ain feelings aboot whit the blonde bombshell hid announced.  Senga also suspected that it hid been Aggie that hid telt Pearl that Senga hid been secretly trying tae get aff wae Johnboy Taylor behind her back fur years.

  “Ach, well, Aggie, at least it wisnae Senga that goat the Dear John, eh?” Frances quipped, taking the sting oot ae the barb, tae sniggers fae the others and an appreciative smile fae Senga.

  Everywan knew that maist ae The Mankys always responded wae a reply if wan ae the lassies wrote tae them…apart fae Johnboy.  Unfortunately fur Aggie, Tony hid written tae her telling her no tae bother writing back tae him, claiming that he couldnae afford the stamps, as he wanted tae save his meagre earnings fur writing tae Kim Sui.  That widnae hiv been so bad, bit he hidnae written and said that tae any ae the other lassies that he still sent a wee note tae every noo and again.

  “So, whit’s the score then, Senga?” Paula asked, as aw eyes rested oan hers.

  “Ach, nothing, Ah’m jist gaun doon tae see how he’s daeing.”

  “So, ye’re back writing tae each other then?” Paula asked, nodding approvingly.

  “Er, sort ae,” Senga replied, being saved fae hivving tae expand oan her response by the screeching ae tyres and the sound ae wheel rims scraping alang the edge ae the pavement, announcing the arrival ae Simon in a Ford Transit minibus.

  “Right, youse lot, listen up…this here is a brand new, jist aff the assembly line, 1974 model, hire job.  Aw the seats ur spotless and the flair’s clean, so nae pishing yersels wae excitement every time Ah gie wan ae youse a wee compliment.  Hiv youse aw goat that?” Simon shouted at them, a big grin splashed across his coupon, as he slid the side-door open, bowing like a Spanish musketeer withoot the feathered hat, as everywan piled in.

  “Hoi, whit dae youse think Ah am, a bloody porter?” Simon growled, as he picked up the first two ae the bulging suitcases that they’d left sitting oan the pavement before staggering tae the back door ae the bus wae it.

  “Aye, Ah might’ve overdone it a wee bit,” Frances drawled tae the sound ae laughter, as a scowling Simon passed by the side windaes muttering tae himsel, humphing another heavy, bottle clinking suitcase.

“C’mone Simon, ya skinny cretin, ye.  Ah want tae see that back ae yers bent o’er double, getting intae that,” Aggie shouted tae mair laughter, as she passed roond a can ae Carlsberg Special Brew tae everywan.

  “Cheers,” Frances shouted, the first wan tae open up her lager, haudin the erupting can away fae hersel, as it frothed o’er oan tae the flair.

  She tossed the McEwen’s tin opener across tae Paula.

  “Cheers!” the lassies shouted back, as Simon grated the minibus intae gear and turned right oan tae Springburn Road, heiding fur Castle Street and the M8 and M74.

“And another thing, it’s ma bus and there’s only the wan driver, so it’s ma shout oan whit music gets played,” Simon reminded them, as he tapped his sunglasses doon aff ae his foreheid wae two fingers ae his right haun, while the forefinger ae his left pressed the play button oan the tape player.

  “Aw, God, no this same shite again,” Aggie groaned, as Jim Morrison screamed at Simon tae keep his eyes oan the road and his hauns upon the wheel, as he drapped doon a gear and sped through a red light at the junction ae Petershill Road, narrowly missing a coal lorry that hid appeared, heiding in the same direction as him.

  Senga looked at the lassies sitting scattered aboot oan the seats in front ae her.  Simon hid mentioned that Aggie and Helen wur visiting Silent.  She knew that the baith ae them hid gone oot wae Silent individually in the past, bit hid dumped him efter a few weeks oan account that it wis like pulling teeth trying tae get a word oot ae him. Even though everywan hid supposedly gone their separate ways, he’d then started hinging aboot wae the baith ae them, while the rest ae The Mankys wur away daeing whitever it wis that they did wae their time.  Senga suspected there wis maybe mair tae it than them jist aw being good pals.  Oot ae aw the boys, Silent wis the only wan that tended tae spend a bit mair time hinging aboot in the company ae the girls.

  “It’s because he wis orphaned when he wis a wee snapper,” Mary Gallagher used tae say. “He’s never been roond wummin much.”

  “Or a right dirty wee pervert, always oan the go, sniffing aboot, waiting fur an opportunity tae nip in there,” Aggie wid respond, laughing.

  Maist ae the lassies jist thought he wis lonely, bit found it hard tae be aroond him fur any length ae time due tae his lack ae communicative skills.  He never came across as creepy, bit it could be a bit disconcerting when ye never knew whit wis gaun aroond in that heid ae his, especially when he’d arrive oan the scene, withoot acknowledging the company, other than wae a wee apologetic smile.  If the lassies wur being crude or telt a cracker ae a joke, he’d sometimes join in wae the laughter, so it wis obvious that he knew whit wis gaun oan roond aboot him some ae the time. She’d tried speaking tae Rory aboot Silent, bit he’d come back wae contradictory explanations before blaming her fur getting his symptoms different every time she tried tae explain them.  Whenever Senga or the other lassies wid arrive up at Aggie and Helen’s flat oan Springburn Road, there wis always a good chance that Silent wid be there, staunin wae his back tae them, across in front ae the telly, bending forward every other minute, flicking through the three TV channels.  Senga looked across at Frances and smiled.  She wis in the middle ae some tale aboot a lassie at her work who wis cheating oan her man, by sleeping wae the boss.

  “A right fake bitch,” Frances wis jist saying. “Widnae know how tae spell loyalty if she tried.”

  Frances Smith hid been dating Snappy Johnston seriously fur jist o’er a year when they’d announced their engagement, oot ae the blue. That hid been jist before he goat lifted and charged, alang wae Pat and Tony, fur assaulting Kim Sui’s cousin, Wee Pie and his family.  Senga and her ma hid bumped intae the happy couple in the toon centre daeing the roonds ae the jewellery shoaps, looking at rings.  It hidnae been as jolly an outing fur Frances as it should’ve been.

  “He says Ah’ve tae look, bit no touch,” Francis hid girned.

  “Whit’s the point ae buying a ring fae these robbing basturts when we kin get Pat tae get us a perfectly hauf decent wan fur a fraction ae the price,” Mr Romantic hid explained in the way ae an apology tae Senga and her ma.

  “Imagine no getting tae choose yer ain engagement ring, bit hivving tae take whit wan ae yer fiancé’s robbing pals chooses.  Whoever heard ae something like that happening tae them, eh?” Frances hid bleated, scowling at Snappy, bit still clearly in love.

  “It’s no like that, Baby-doll.  Pat knows exactly whit he’s talking aboot when it comes tae engagement rings…and anyway, Ah widnae want tae hurt his feelings by gaun elsewhere,” Snappy hid purred soothingly, refusing tae even consider the romantic alternatives surrounding them in the shoap windaes ae the Argyle Arcade where they’d been staunin chatting. 

  “Jeez, wid ye cop the body oan that,” Paula shouted, breaking intae Senga’s thoughts, nodding at the bare-chested motorway crew who wur aw leaning oan their shovels, wearing hard-hats, smoking and clearly no gieing a shit aboot the ten mile tailback oan the busy tarmacadam behind them.

  “Whit wan?” Frances asked, as aw heids swivelled right.

  “The big pug-ugly wan wae the wart the size ae a dried prune, bit whit’s probably a cancerous growth, oan the side ae that beak ae his.”

“Him?  Christ, Ah’ve seen mair muscle oan a hungry worm, so Ah hiv,” Frances declared.

“Christ, Ah don’t fancy yours, Senga,” Paula said laughing, pointing towards Prune-face’s wee fat baldy pal, who’d struck up a Charles Atlas pose in the middle ae the lanes ae traffic, before suddenly yelping in horror, as wan ae his pals sneaked up fae behind him and whipped doon his troosers, exposing filthy bright orange underpants that hidnae seen a wash since they’d come oot ae the packet.

  “Gaun yersel, son!” Aggie hooted oot ae her windae, as the lassies and the work crew aw doubled up at Baldy scrambling tae pull up his shite-catchers.

Senga hid been surprised tae hear that Paula hid been writing tae and visiting Pat McCabe. Senga knew that Pat hid been trying tae get aff wae Paula fur ages…years even…bit Paula hid always made it plain…at least tae Senga…that she didnae want tae go there.

  “Too poncie-looking wae aw they sapphires, rubies and gold chains wrapped roond his neck…plus he’s always oan the go.  When hiv ye ever seen him staun still fur mair than a minute, eh?  Christ, Ah get dizzy jist looking at him, never mind gaun oot wae somewan who rattles like a hauf empty Sally Army collection can every time he puts wan fit in front ae the other,” she’d said.

  That hid been a fair point, bit then again, ye could probably say that aboot them aw, Senga thought.  The only time any ae the Mankys seemed tae staun still, wis when they wur hivving a chin-wag at the bar or sleeping.  Fur the maist part, they wur usually either coming fae somewhere or heiding tae catch up wae somewan.  Nothing could wait until later wae any ae them.  Everything hid tae be the noo.  Frances hid been telling her that wan night Snappy and her hid been in the toon fur a wee quiet drink and he’d jist been in the middle ae telling her how much she meant tae him, when he’d suddenly stood up and disappeared fur aboot five minutes withoot telling her where he wis aff tae.  Efter reappearing through the front door ae the lounge, he’d sat doon as if nothing wis oot ae the ordinary and continued tae whisper sweet nothings in her ear.  It wis only later that she’d found oot that he’d seen somewan that he wis efter through the windae and hid followed the guy and his pal aroond the corner oan tae Bath Street and assaulted the baith ae them.  Whit hid shocked Frances hid been that there hidnae been a hair oan that heid ae his oot ae place when he returned, and nae indication whitsoever ae whit hid jist taken place, even when an ambulance drove past the windae where they wur sitting, wae its bells ringing and blue lights flashing.  Senga smiled, looking at the lassies, as the noise in the bus drapped.  They aw hid expectant looks oan their faces as Aggie held court, haudin her hauns oot in front ae her aboot four inches apart, then six, then eight, then ten, before suddenly allowing her erm tae dive-bomb intae a floppy droop, as everywan aw hooted wae laughter.

  “‘Whit dae ye mean ye cannae get it up?’ Ah shouted at the glaikit eejit, as Ah lay there knickerless, bare-arse tae the world, aboot tae die ae shame, as he’s hopping aboot the bedroom howling like a madman possessed,” Aggie screamed, exaggerating how upset she wis, as everywan doubled up, creasing themsels wae laughter.  “Talk aboot an anti-climax? Christ, Ah wid’ve been happy wae any auld climax, so Ah wid’ve.”

  “So, whit wis wrang wae him then?” Paula managed tae get oot, dabbing they eyes ae hers wae the end ae Frances’s Bill Blass scarf, courtesy ae Kim Sui.

“‘Ah’ve goat cramp in wan ae ma auld hee-haws.  Ah get it every noo and again.  It’s genetic, so it comes and goes, so it dis,’ Lover Boy yelped at me, staunin o’er by the windae fur everywan across at the bus stoap tae see, hopping aboot oan wan leg, while making kicking motions wae the other wan in an attempt tae get his nut unstuck fae wherever it hid disappeared tae,” Aggie said drily, wae a smile, sending everywan back intae fits ae cackling laughter.

  “And youse aw hiv the cheek tae complain aboot childbirth,” Simon sighed, shaking his heid up front.