Duality (Cordelia Kelly #1): Empath Urban Fantasy (10 page)

A tangy scent drifted on the air, a sort of ginger-onion hybrid, and I recognized the bouquet as worry coming from Sol.

“Cordelia, are you all right?” he asked as he stroked his hand up my calf, caressing my ass cheek, and the sore spot he spanked. His touch caused millions of oversensitive goose bumps to break out across my skin.

“No,” I said because my brain was wound up, muddled, and unable to set the pretense of a lie. “You promised you’d keep me safe, and you let me go. Why?”

A sense of hysteria drifted through my mind, a turmeric-olive bitterness coated my tongue, and I tried to laugh. I recognized the irrationality of my thoughts, but I was too far-gone.

So, now Sol’s job was to protect and keep me safe? Riiiiight. I don’t think he signed up for quite the monumental assignment.

“I didn’t think you’d wake up once you’d finally fallen asleep, your breath was deep and even, and you’d slept pliant in my arms. I closed my eyes and let go with you.” He looked away, and cranberries, the sweet and acidy taste of shame, slid into my mouth.

My nature dictated I put his mind at ease. “I’m fucked up, Sol. You shouldn’t even be here. I shouldn’t try to rely on anyone but myself. My mistake. I won’t let it happen again.”

I turned my head away from the pity I’m sure his eyes bespoke and settled onto the floor, talking my body down from its intense high through meditative channeling. Well, I tried to, but my haywire system seemed hell bent on nuclear detonation. I pressed my cheek to the floor and tried to relax.

Zach continued thrashing and reacting to the potent conduit between Sol and I. “Who are you people?” he moaned. Even though my eyes were closed I could see him on the couch, his aura blazed in and out of my mind. I sensed when he grabbed his cock and stroked himself, eddies of magic danced across my skin, pebbling my nipples and coating my inner thighs with wetness. My hands heated, small sparks shooting from the tips and then burnt out before they could catch fire.

“We should put him out of his misery,” I mumbled.

“Indeed,” Sol said, and I heard a rustling, shuffling sound followed by slurps and harsh panting from Zach. Sol must have bent over the back of the sofa to relieve him of his straining erection, to sip from Zachs energy and replenish his own.

I guess sucking him off was one way to “take care” of the problem. I sighed and slithered across the floor like a snake. I didn’t want to watch Sol blowing Zach’s mind, especially since my tongue had taken on a dry, chalky edge, and jealousy spiked my blood. Though, I wasn’t sure if I was jealous Sol milked Zach or because Sol wasn’t fucking me.

The bedside drawer housed my toys, and I picked my favorite, a simple silicone cock. I was ready, randy, and wet, so I closed my eyes, turned on my vibrator, and ran the soft, piece up and down my quivering lips. My back arched, and I exhaled a deep breath as sensations wove and twined up my body.

To me, my pheromones taste like wine and yogurt with a hint of chocolate essence. They sang to me, urged me, and propelled me with need to orgasm.

I ran the cock head through my slick core and moaned.

“Have you considered what it would be like to have me between your legs or if that intimacy level would make our connection even stronger than it is now?”

I blinked open my eyes as Sol walked into my bedroom and knelt beside my bed. His eyes had darkened, or maybe the light changed. His voice caused my nipples to pebble, and more moisture to seep from my loins. He gently wiped his lips with a hand towel.

“Yes,” I groaned at the same time I inserted the cock shaped vibrator into my beckoning pussy, wishing it were warm and full of life instead of cold and full of battery power. I closed my eyes again, so I could pretend.

“Baby, our connection is strong, and I know what I sense is real, but it’s freaking terrifying how strong we might be if I ever got inside you, and that’s why empaths don’t often mate with other empaths.”

I exhaled. “The allure is so strong. We’re magnetic and polarized. When you and I are together, my brain stops circling. Your scent drives me crazy, and your essence reeks havoc on my system.”

“Yes,” Sol said. “We can only go so far. One of the things empaths worry about the most once encountering another empath or bonding with another empath is whether they will ever be able to separate.”

“Have you ever bonded with another empath?” For some reason, his answer was important to me.

He reached out and snagged my hand, stopping my motions, and I opened my eyes, raising a brow.

“Let me.”

“But you said—”

“Trust me.”

I looked away. Not because I didn’t want to stare into his gorgeous eyes, but because his eyes made me crave things I obviously couldn’t have.

I heard him sigh, and I sensed he sat back on the floor. I chanced a glance over at him, curious like a mouse or a crazy raccoon. He was sitting on the moss-covered floor with his legs crossed and his eyes closed. I watched his throat work as he breathed, his chest lifting and lowering, and the movements made me think of how he’d look on top of me as he pumped in and out.

“Close your eyes, Cordelia,” he said with a smile on his face.

Busted.

I lay on a sea of white down and let my mind wander to how big his cock might be and how good he might be at pleasing me. Just as I pictured him naked above me, pushing his velvet piece into me, a soft, silky sensation caressed my clit, and caught off guard, I jumped.

“Would you relax?”

“What was—?”

“If you lay back down, I’ll show you.”

A yearning sprang from my deep within my spirit, but my mind blistered with the ramifications. “I can’t.”

“What do you mean, you can’t?”

I bound from the bed and ran out of the room before I changed my mind. I skidded to a stop in front of my bathroom, and a muffled snore met my ears. I peeked into the living room and spied Zach, asleep on my sofa, curled in the fetal position, his aura a warm amber color.

“Cordelia?” Sol asked from my bedroom doorway.

I rested my head against the bathroom entry and closed my eyes, seeking solace. “What.”

“I’m sorry for pushing.”

“Me too,” I said as I opened the door then locked it behind me. We both knew a locked door wouldn’t stop either one of us, but the security the lock gave me was enough to make me sigh with relief, and just a hint of pain.

All my life I’d run—from life, from death, and even from myself. There were days when I was so alone and imprisoned in my own head hours passed by and I didn’t remember a single thing about what I had done.

My life had been a constant struggle of identity crisis, my head and heart being pulled in two different directions simultaneously.

The air around me ripened with the pungent scent of black pepper, and sweat dripped down my arms and forehead.

Outside the door, Sol said, “I’ll wait here. I won’t leave you alone.” A soft thud sounded against the door as I imagined Sol sitting down, leaning back, and resting.

The room was suddenly too hot, and my heart thundered in my ears. My knees buckled, and I fell onto the springy moss, no longer able to stand under the immense pressure cloying through my system. My eyes burned, my blood scorched my skin from the inside out, and my hands turned cooked lobster red.

“Oh fuck,” I yelled at the same time the door to the bathroom kicked in, and Sol burst into the room.

He took one look at me lying splayed on the floor, my skin blistering from the heat, and swore.

“Your powers are manifesting. I should have known.” He shook his head then sprang into action. He knelt by my side and checked my pulse. The pounding in my ears signaled a rapid staccato; I would have told him the pressure was high had I been able to speak.

My hands itched and burned from the inside. The sensation reminded me of little tiny red ants crawling all over and eating away at my flesh.

“Just what the world needs, zombie ants.”

“There are no zombie ants, baby,” Sol said in a hushed whisper laced with humor.

I was glad he found humor in my pain.

“Not
at
your pain, Cordelia, just trying to take your mind
off
the pain.”

My mind spun and I blurted out, “I need to stop talking out loud, but I don’t know when I’m doing it.”

Sol laughed, and the sound cooled my skin for a moment. He began to whisper, chanting in a language I didn’t understand.

“What are you—”

“Shh, I’m concentrating.”

I thrashed on the floor, sending pieces of dirt flying, and Sol rested his hands on my naked hips as he pressed me down, trying to keep me contained. Or still. An electric pulse surged through my body, and my back arched in a deep bow. My feet dug into the moss, almost planting or embedding myself in the floor like a shoot.

I tried to visualize roots growing from my feet and limbs to hold myself down. My brain recited a pagan prayer. “
Mother Earth, Spirit Mother, please send me the most positive energy and light possible in this time and space to watch over me and those I share this experience with. Send to us the highest force or forces possible to keep us safe, focused, and positive in our intent. In return, we give thanks and gratitude, love and positive light, for the universal good of all. Blessed be, so it is
.”

“I never manifested full powers before. I’m scared.”

“I have. Don’t worry, you’ll be all right.”

I opened my eyes and stared into his. They conveyed worry, determination, and a hint of something else, something darker. “Why are you afraid?”

He nibbled his lower lip and gave me a half smile. “Who said I was worried?”

A flash of hot heat whipped through my bones. Then the metallic tang of chill roared over me, freezing the inferno as it raged, soft as snow falling against my skin.

A faint hiss and sizzle sounded in the bathroom.

My fingers ached and I welded my eyes shut. The pain intensified every time I breathed in, and I decided I didn’t need to breath anymore.

“Cordelia, for God’s sakes, you can handle this. Take a damn breath.”

I gasped and inhaled, my lungs near bursting from the frantic intake of oxygen. Then my hands shot open and the room filled with the awful stench of burning flesh. I opened my eyes as flames blasted from my stinging finger tips just as Sol jumped on top of me and threw my arms above my head, shoving my hands under the moss into the dirt, smothering the fire. The towels in my bathroom blazed and pieces of wallpaper singed off and drifted on a soft wind.

Sol’s face was inches from mine, his warm breath fanning across my face, awakening every nerve in my body even further. Our gazes met and locked, his eyes darkened, pupils dilating as he rocked his body against mine unconsciously. He held both my wrists above my head, and I lost myself in a sea of longing as I stared up into his serious face, my entire body still smoldering.

He lowered his head a fraction then parted his lips on a low exhale. His tongue snaked out to wet them just as he closed the distance and fused our mouths together in a soft, yet searing kiss. He pressed his chest against mine, the rough fabric of his shirt a stark contrast and much needed jarring from the manifestation of my powers. He sank into me, and I melded myself to him.

He released my wrists, running his hands down my arms then cradled my face in his strong palms, pulling up away from me for a moment. He stared into my face, lines etched in his skin as his heart thumped against mine. “Cordelia” was all he said, and the way he said my name had my gut clenching and my core buzzing with need and fear.

I couldn’t think in his presence; he overwhelmed me. Every iota about him ensnared me, incensed me, and intoxicated me to the point all I wanted was to belong to him.

“Show me, Sol. Show me you want me as much as I want you.”

Sol dropped his forehead on mine and softly rubbed noses with me with his eyes closed. “I don’t think I can be what you need, Cordelia. You deserve better than me.”

His hands caressed my sides, the outer edges of my breasts, and then he rose up onto his knees and elbows, opening his eyes.

I locked my legs around his waist, preventing him from going without a fight, and boy, was I ready for a fight. My head throbbed, my heart hurt, my body felt pummeled and abused, but I wasn’t letting him go.

“No. Sol, you’re wrong.”

His body jerked and tensed. “I am wrong for you.”

“Or maybe you’re perfect for me.”

“How can you say that?”

“How can you know you’re so wrong for me?”

He looked away, his eyes sad. “I will never be able to live up to your expectations. You are too much light, and I am too much darkness. I’d eventually fail and let you down.”

I reached up and touched his face, drawing his gaze back to me. I wanted to look into his eyes and soul as I confessed. “Sometimes it feels like I’m holding up an iron chandelier with Swarovski crystals hanging from everywhere and powering the light all by myself. Eventually I’m going to get too tired, burn out, and drop the chandelier, breaking all the crystals and turning off all the lights. Some days, it feels like there will never be anyone close enough to help hold it up with me. Everyone watches from around the room, planning how they can add their crystals on too. They are dealing with their own shit and trying to get rid of some of their own drama, and so they come to me.

“I only have two arms. I can’t light the world up, keep people safe, and remove the dead weight at the same time without the whole thing falling apart and toppling over on top of me. Anyway, that was very melodramatic. But sometimes it’s quite crushing being me.”

He looked puzzled above me. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I secretly hoped you might be the one to help me hold the chandelier up. To keep my balance or pluck the dead weight off me.” I sighed. “A sounding board and a mirror, I guess. Maybe that’s wrong of me, and I’m truly sorry. I shouldn’t have put so much weight or pressure on our relationship, even in my own mind.”

In that instant I realized I’d started falling in love with him. Love is never easy, and it often comes at the wrong time or when you least expect it. Love is messy and complicated, but true love is the ease of communication, the effortlessness of allowing the other person to be who they are, and enjoying their presence and company despite their flaws and faults.

I started to shake from the force of truth as tears pooled in the corners of my eyes, deep from within the wellspring of my soul.

“Bab
y
,
I
am undeserving of your love. I’m so fucking flawed it’s not even funny. I’ve done things that would make you cringe and turn away from me. Horrific and terrible things.” Remorse oozed from him in waves of salty tears.

I reached up and wiped his tears with my thumbs before letting my own finally escape and slide down my cheeks. I couldn’t speak around the sobs choking me. Instead, we spoke with our eyes and hearts, never needing to utter a word, his feelings and mine so intertwined. His soul sang to mine, and mine sang back to his. A low, slow, and deep melody only we could hear. I pressed my lips to his, just once, licking the salty taste of sadness then put my head back down.

A myriad of conflicting emotions swept over me, and my heart exploded in my chest with a rush of feeling. His, mine, I wasn’t sure.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked at Sol from under hooded eyes. “Do you believe an emotional, physic connection will make sex better or more intense? Is rapture as much a state of mind as a physical response to stimuli?”

Sol locked eyes with me, and a smile radiated from his entire being. “Emotional sex is so powerful and consuming in a way primal sex is not.”