Draw Me In (16 page)

“You smoking in my shop?” I asked, the anger at myself finding a convenient target. “What the hell, man?”

“I didn’t smoke it in the shop, I lit it in the shop,” Roger said, giving me a wink. “Don’t take your blue balls out on me.”

“Shit,” I said, dropping my helmet on the concrete beside the back door and then sinking down beside it. “Sorry.” I looped my arms on my bent knees, staring straight ahead.

Roger sat next to me, taking another big drag. “Don’t worry about it. I talked to the kid.”

“What? Why?”

“Because apparently, you kissed her stupid and then ran away like a crazy person. She was confused.”

I raked a hand through my hair. “I know. I . . . No excuse.” I watched the glowing end of Roger’s cigarette as he ashed it, the gray flakes floating down to the gravel below.

“Listen, I know this is your shop, but I’ve been in this business a long time. I’ve seen shit like this before. It’s easy for an apprentice to fall in love with the artist they’re working so closely with. Hell, it happened to me once.” Roger stretched out his short legs, digging his heels into the gravel. “It’s your job to keep this relationship the way it should be.”

“I’m trying like hell, I really am.” I gripped my forearms tighter. “But I don’t know what to do. I can’t
not
feel anything for her. I’ve tried that, and I’m failing hard-core.”

With a final drag, Roger looked skyward. “You’ve just got to be careful. If you fuck this up, then this shop will lose, too. She’s got talent, and she’d bring something good here. And she’s a good kid. I’d hate to see her get hurt.” As Roger stabbed out his cigarette in the gravel, he continued, “I’d hate to see either of you get hurt.”

Something like dread curled around my neck, icy fingers threatening me. “You told her about what happened with me, didn’t you?”

“Nope. None of my damn business. But I told her to be careful. She deserves that much.” Roger stood, adjusting his jeans. “I’ve got work to do this afternoon. See you inside.”

With Roger gone, I stared out across the small parking lot. It was almost like being in a tiny prison, surrounded on all sides by walls. Only the alley was there for an escape route, with the alternative being through the shop. And that was too hard. Seeing her right now was too hard.

I looked up at the sky, the afternoon sunlight warming my face. Clouds milled high, their cheerful movements careless of the turmoil that raged within me.

Roger was right.

I couldn’t screw this up.

Hailey had a future in tattooing. A bright one, if she could get the right mentor. And what if I wasn’t the right one? I’d never had an apprentice before. Karl had taught me well, and I could tattoo almost anything on any body, but what if I was a shit teacher? She could learn bad habits that would cost her in the long run. It would cost the shop and her. She was so young.

And so are you,
my subconscious hissed.
Look at you. Only twenty-four and fucked up six ways to Sunday. She doesn’t need your bullshit.

With my mind made up, I stood. No use prolonging it. I’d have to face her sooner or later.

When I pushed through the door, Frankie was escorting a customer into his studio, past the long glass cases of body jewelry. Roger was in his own space, throwing darts at an electronic board. As I moved toward the front of the shop, I steeled my spine, tightened my fists, and prepared to say what I needed to.

“Oh, hey, there you are,” Hailey said before I could open my mouth. She rose from her desk chair with a pile of printed-out sheets in her hand. “I was thinking maybe I could help on the social media marketing for the shop. Like the Facebook page, Twitter feed, that kind of thing? It looks like Tasha was handling that, but she didn’t get a chance to mention if I should take that over.”

I blinked, taken by surprise at her question. “Um, sure. That’s fine with me. I haven’t paid much attention to that stuff, but I can take it over if it’s too much.”

“I really don’t mind,” Hailey said with a smile, an expression that didn’t quite meet her eyes. “There’s a good amount of downtime between clients sometimes.”

“Well, that’s fine. But make sure you’re spending as much time as you can building your portfolio. You can’t afford to slack off on your drawing. You’re my apprentice, so you’ve got to keep working.” I wasn’t sure where those words had come from.

Hailey glanced downward. “I wasn’t sure if you’d still want me to do that. You know, after—”

“Don’t worry about that.” I cut her off, jamming my hands in my pockets. “That was my fault, and I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. So, while we’re waiting for a customer, why don’t you let me give you the passwords for our Facebook and Twitter and whatever.”

She smiled, and some of my tension melted. “Sure. That sounds great.”

Chapter Fourteen

Hailey

I laughed as Walt mimed choking to death, sprawling his gangly limbs over the long trestle table in a dramatic display. He almost landed an elbow into Courtney’s tomato soup.

“It wasn’t that bad,” Rose mumbled into her salad. “It just went down the wrong pipe.”

“I . . . hurck . . . can’t breathe . . . you guys . . . caramel death . . .” Walt’s eyes crossed as he hacked out the words. Slapping his palms down on either side of his bowl of pasta, he laughed. “So then I was trying to give her a bottle of water, and Lily said we should do the Heimlich—”

“I didn’t say that, because I don’t think you can call it that anymore,” Lily said, gesturing with her glass of lemonade. “What do you call it now? The choking maneuver? The unchoke?”

“The butt-humping lifesaver?” Walt threw in helpfully as Brian guffawed at the end of the table.

“I didn’t need it.” Rose’s red cheeks clashed with her dark pink top. “I coughed, it left, end of story.”

“So not the end of the story.” Walt waved his arms wildly as he cackled. “She shot the piece of caramel across the room—”

“And straight into Trent Everson’s beer,” Rose finished for him. She covered her face with her hand. “Oh my God, I’m still so mortified.”

I tried like hell to keep from laughing, but with everyone else at the table hooting, it was impossible. It felt good to let go, but I reined it in as quickly as I could, then patted Rose’s hand. “I’m sorry. I’m sure he understood.”

Rose mumbled her response: “I’ll never be able to look him in the face again.”

When the laughter had died down, we all fell silent for a few minutes as we worked on our lunches. I took a bite of my sandwich, glad I hadn’t opted for the heavy pasta Walt was working on. After all the laughing, I’d have felt sick eating that much.

As I chewed, looking around at my friends, I realized I’d missed this. Things had been so crazy over the last couple of weeks, the tension of Mom and Dad, the money thing, working at the shop, spending every free second learning about tattooing. I hadn’t been able to unwind, not really. Not like this. But being with Neill had been worth it, even as awkward and complicated as it was.

I picked at my bread, peeling off a piece of crust and smiling to myself as I thought of him. He’d been so sweet since that day we kissed and he ran. Distant but sweet. Now the most we ever touched was quick brushes when we were moving through a narrow space in the shop or handing over a client’s forms. I couldn’t pretend I didn’t want to kiss him again, didn’t want to know more about him. But when I’d tried to get him to open up, talk about his past, he’d shut down tight nearly instantly. It was a good thing, though, in all honesty.

I took another bite of sandwich, my friends’ voices beginning to sound around me. I wasn’t sure about relationships in general, but there was something about Neill that I felt drawn to. Even with him holding me at arm’s length. At least with the apprenticeship, I got to spend time with him. It was like a relationship without any of the potential problems.

“Hey, Hailey,” Brian said, yanking me from my daydream. “Have you finished that paper for religion class yet?”

“Oh, shit. No, I haven’t.” I sighed. “I’ve been so busy that I haven’t even thought about it. When’s it due again?”

“Next Tuesday, I think.” He crumpled his napkin and dropped it on the tray, deep blue to echo the school colors. “I’m mostly done, but I wasn’t sure how many paper sources we were supposed to cite?”

I winced, shoving my own tray back. No appetite now, that was for sure. “Maybe ten? I’m sorry, Bri, I really don’t know for certain.”

Brian gave me a halfhearted smile. “Don’t worry about it.”

“You have been busy lately,” Lily said, her silky black ponytail bobbing. “How’s the new job?”

But before I could answer, a male voice came from right behind me. “Hailey, might I have a word with you?”

Craaaap
. The bottom dropped out of my stomach, but I pinned a polite smile on my face and turned to my adviser. Wearing a drab brown suit, his streaky hair a little more disheveled than usual, he looked stern, almost angry. And no wonder. I’d been avoiding him.

“Sure, Dr. Fields. I’ll be right back, guys.”

I scraped my chair back and followed him to a quieter section of the dining hall, around a corner from where I’d been sitting. The large E shape of the dining hall lent itself to several more private sections. As I walked with Dr. Fields, I rehearsed what I should probably say.
Sorry, Dr. Fields, I’ve been busy. I went by your office to apologize for missing our last few meetings, but you were busy. I promise everything’s going fine
.

He stopped toward the back corner of the private dining area, usually reserved for meetings. A bunch of empty tables surrounded us, the sky-blue tablecloths empty except for a tiny bud vase in the center of each. I sucked in a breath, ready to talk. But when he turned to face me, all my good intentions of apologies and making nice flew out the extra-tall dining hall windows.

“I am disappointed in you, Hailey.”

Well, that was direct. When I swallowed, it seemed like my sandwich was lodged somewhere deep in my throat. Dr. Fields was staring at me, hard. He wasn’t much taller than I was, but it felt like he was towering over me, raining disapproval down. I felt pinned like a butterfly in a shadow box collection.

“You have missed all our recent appointments. Your last paper for my class was excellent, but your other work has been substandard.” Dr. Fields lowered his voice to an emphatic whisper. “I’ve been forced to chase you down in the
dining hall,
of all places, in order to have a conversation with you. Now, I have told you how I feel about your working at a place like that, and you are proving my concerns right, Hailey. Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

I toyed with the idea of telling him to leave me alone. I imagined myself raising my chin and telling him thanks but no thanks. Then I remembered all the help he’d given me over the past two years, and I just couldn’t do it. He was more like a dad to me than my own had been. I looked down at the white toes of my Chuck Taylors. “I’m sorry, Dr. Fields. I got a little bit distracted last week, but I promise I’m doing better now, and I—”

He stepped closer to me, and my heart thumped hard in alarm. “You are too close to the situation to see the downfalls, Hailey. I only have your interests at heart. This job situation is very unhealthy, and I believe you are using it to lash out at your parents. You need to quit that job. It’s your future I’m worried about. Your education is important, don’t you see that?”

I backed away, but I’d been only half a step from the wall in the first place. I bumped against it, my palms flat against the textured cream wallpaper. Trapped.

“Okay,” I said, looking anywhere but into his face. “No problem.” Anything to get him out of my space.

He waited a moment, then two. I was strangely aware of how loud my breathing was in the empty room. His body was close enough that I could smell his breath, and I fought to keep from wrinkling my nose in disgust. Just a few yards away, my friends were talking and laughing. It was kind of premature to think of calling out to them, right? He’d never acted like this before.

Just when I thought I should run, he stepped back. “Good. You’ve made the right decision. I’ll look forward to seeing you tomorrow afternoon at two for our usual meeting. Please bring your calculus book. I’m sure you’ve fallen behind, and we can’t have that.”

He reached out and patted my arm gently. I fought the urge to jerk away. Which one of us was different? Was I reading something into the situation that wasn’t there?

“Tomorrow, Hailey.” He turned and left, arms swinging at his sides, humming as if he hadn’t a care in the world. Maybe it was me.

My knees wouldn’t hold me up anymore. I sank into the nearest chair, my breath shaking my entire body so hard that my dangly earrings jingled, tickling my neck.

Rubbing the pocket of my jeans where my cellphone rested, I wished so hard that I could talk to my mother. But those emails had gone unanswered, and the number was no longer in service. Nobody seemed to know where Mom had gone. It was like she’d flown off the face of the earth. Typical for Mom. She was always losing things. Only this time, the missing object was her.

Propping an elbow on the table beside me, I breathed deep, relishing the way the oxygen filled my twitchy, nervous lungs. My hair fell beside my face, a curtain that separated me from the ugliness that had just happened. I had no clue how to handle the problem. On one hand, Dr. Fields had never done anything like this until I got this job. So maybe the problem was my behavior. On the other, he hadn’t actually
done
anything to me. Creeped me out a bit? Yes. But that wasn’t illegal, right? I slapped my palm on the table, scowling at myself.
I don’t have time for this right now
. I shoved to my feet, putting the whole issue at the back of my mind. Feeling a lot more decisive and a little calmer, I made my way back to the table slowly, taking the time to compose myself before facing my friends again.

“Everything okay?” Lily said, concern in her expression.

I opened my mouth to say no, then thought better of it. What good would that do? Lily had enough on her plate with exams coming up. She’d already started popping six or seven antacids a day, cramming every night she could. There wasn’t room in Lily’s life for my problems. And the others . . . I glanced around the table and forced a smile. They were all still ragging on Rose, teasing and laughing about the caramel incident.