Down a Lost Road (14 page)

“
What troubles you,
Farseer?”

I stopped short, fading behind a nearby tree
as quietly as I could. A soft light filled the clearing, silver
blue like the shimmer of stars on the sea. The low, resonant voice
seemed to thread off into the night, never really dying until it
spoke again. It reached me hiding behind the tree, and some sliver
of my heart hoped it was speaking to me. My curiosity got the
better of me, and I peered around the trunk.

A lump caught in my throat when I saw who
had spoken. Silver-white hair streamed around a face radiant with
starshine, eyes more piercing and gentle than a dove’s gazed on
Yatol’s bowed form. His skin shimmered like sapphire pearl, or
blue-hot flame, and many translucent wings curled around his
figure. He reached out his hands and clasped Yatol’s arms, lifting
him to his feet.

“
What is it that troubles
you?”

“
You know what brought me
here?” Yatol asked, gesturing back toward the hut.

Two wings lifted like hands toward the sky,
and a beautiful smile flooded the serene face. “A time long awaited
has come at last! But does this then cause you grief?”

“
I’m uncertain,” he
murmured. “And I have a duty… He shouldn’t have chosen me. I’m
afraid I will lead us astray, and we have no opportunity for a
second chance now.”

“
Why do you believe that?
You do not know all things, Yatol. Do not think that what is beyond
your wisdom to grasp, is impossible to accomplish.”

I could tell the reply didn’t satisfy Yatol.
He cast his head back to gaze at the sky, sighing. “I don’t even
know what to say, to explain the task ahead of us. I don’t know
where we must go, or how we must get there…or if we are even ready
to do it. Tyhlaur thinks this is all premature, and I can’t help
wondering if he is right.”

“
Tyhlaur is a child,
impetuous like a child. His heart is true but he lacks wisdom. It
would not be well to let his judgments alter yours.”

“
Mykyl,
I
don’t even
understand what Davhur set out to learn. Don’t you know what
happened to our people from the beginning? Haven’t you seen it all
unfold? If he sought the truth of our past, why couldn’t you just
tell him?”

Mykyl laughed, the most beautiful sound I
had ever heard. “The way we perceive things, child, is not the way
of man. We see things both now and always Now. We could not speak
such things through any language of man, nor bring you to
understand if we could. Yes, Davhur went to learn of your past.
Some things he discovered, but not all. If you worry that you and
she are not prepared, perhaps it is because you have not gained the
knowledge that Davhur found. There was a reason he sought those
answers. Merelin will know where to find them. Until she does, of
course you will not understand where you are going or how you must
get there – or what you must do when you arrive.”

“
But it isn’t safe.” His
voice caught, and he turned away. “I can’t do that to her. I saw
what happened…”

“
She will not be made to
take that passage more times than she can bear.”

“
And I?”

Mykyl folded his arms, studying Yatol with a
soul-piercing gaze. “I tell you neither to stay nor to go. There is
nowhere she can go now that is free of peril.” He turned his head
and stared straight at me. “But perhaps you should ask her what she
would like.”

Yatol swung around. I knew there was no
point hiding, so I crept out from the shadows. I took three steps
toward them but couldn’t force myself to go any farther. I wasn’t
exactly afraid. Awestruck. Power just radiated from Mykyl, like
nothing I had ever seen or felt, like a lure and a barrier all at
the same time. Finally Yatol came to my side, drawing me with him
toward Mykyl.

I was still staring at Mykyl when he spoke
to me again.

“
Hail and well met,
Daughter of the Exiles!”

I jolted. Daughter of the Exiles…
ele
eklethir
. It sounded so familiar. It seemed to echo something
deep in my memory, like a faint refrain of music that lingers in
your mind when you can no longer recall the melody. I frowned,
wracking my thoughts and recollections for its source.
Ele
eklethir…iell egledhruir
. I gave a little gasp, turning
wondering eyes on Mykyl.

“
I thought you were
asleep,” Yatol said softly. “How long have you been
here?”

“
Since…” I wrenched my gaze
away from Mykyl, turned to Yatol. “Since
he
came. I worried
when you left and Enhyla prayed… Are you consoled,
Yatol?”

“
Enhyla prayed that I be
consoled?”

I nodded, realizing too late what I’d said.
I opened my mouth, dismayed, but Yatol smiled.

“
I’m not angry. If you
listened in on our conversation, I can’t blame you. I’m sorry if we
woke you up. We’re not used to having to keep our voices down.” He
studied me a moment, then added softly, “Don’t take what Tyhlaur
said the wrong way. He’s passionate and sometimes a fool, but he
means well. But he has forgotten how to trust.”

“
I…” My voice died in a
frown, and I stared fixedly at the ground. “I hope you don’t trust
in vain.”

“
Hush! Don’t even think
that.” I nodded mutely, and Yatol glanced back at Mykyl, saying,
“What do you think of what Mykyl and I have been
discussing?”

“
I have to go back.” The
thought made me strangely sad. “And you?”

Yatol sighed. “I remember the stories of
when Davhur first went through the portal to your world. They say
he came back so bewildered, so dismayed. When he said he wanted to
go back, everyone was amazed. He had so much strength. So much
devotion. He endured so much for his people. He was the greatest
man I have ever known. I don’t know that I would have that
strength.”

“
I knew he didn’t belong
there. I could see it in his eyes, but I never knew what it meant.
And I never felt…”

My throat tightened. Yatol prompted me to
finish, but I didn’t know if I could find my voice. I frowned,
giving a little exasperated gesture with my hand.

“
My mother always said I
was more like him than anyone.”

It was all I could manage, but I trusted
Yatol would understand what I meant. From the expression on his
face, I could tell he did.

“
I won’t ask you to come
with me,” I added. “I just don’t know if I’ll be able to find the
answers. I don’t really understand the questions.”

Someone was standing behind me. A warm
golden glow sifted across my arms and the ground at my feet,
mingling with Mykyl’s pale blue radiance. Mykyl gazed past me,
meeting another’s eyes. Some deep meaning passed between them,
something I couldn’t understand. Yatol inclined his head and took a
step back. I stared at him in panic.

“
Now? But Yatol, we just
got here. I can’t leave yet. I don’t know what to do!”

He gave me a thin, tense smile, but he was
already fading from my view. “You do, you always have. Don’t be
afraid!”

“
But I’m not
ready…”

I stumbled and slumped forward.

* * *

“
Hey, you okay?”

Someone was shaking me. I muttered
something, dragging my eyes open against a harsh glare of sunlight.
My back ached, and one of my legs had fallen asleep, heavy and
numb. The rough bark of a tree scraped my arms as I sat up.

“
You’re awake! Man, you all
right? You don’t look so good. I was just thinking, you know, maybe
I should call a doctor or something.”

I squinted at the figure hovering over me.
He looked about Tony’s age, but unlike Tony’s annoying habit of
dressing up every single day, this guy wore army green shorts and a
faded orange T-shirt that totally didn’t match, with a
patch-plastered backpack slung over one shoulder. Since he seemed
so concerned I made an effort at a smile.

“
Yeah, just a little
disoriented, sorry,” I said, forcing the words out.

“
But, um…” He gestured at
his face. “You’ve got a bit of a bruise there. I mean, if I can
walk you to the nurse’s office…”

Think fast
. I laughed. “Nah, not
necessary. Tae kwan do. Not my best, uh, day.”

Did they call it a bout or a match…? The guy
just smiled uncertainly. I was apparently not the world’s best
liar.

“
Crazy. I came out here to
think. Guess I must have fallen asleep.”

I braced myself against the tree and pushed
myself to my feet, wincing at a shaft of splintering pain in my
head. The ground churned. I staggered a step. It felt like someone
had fixed ten of those athletic weights to my feet, and I was
afraid to walk. I knew I must have looked totally out of sorts,
drunk even, the way I could hardly keep my balance. I almost
mentioned my headache as an excuse, but clamped my mouth on the
words before they could escape. Like that wouldn’t just make things
worse.

“
You a student
here?”

“
What, who me?”

I shielded my eyes from the intense sunlight
and cast a quick glance around. The university. I should have known
Onethyl would leave me here. I put both hands on my head and shook
it back and forth, slowly, feigning a neck-ache.

“
Sorry. I just can’t
believe I fell asleep.” I rubbed a numb spot on my spine, adding
with a grim smile, “And that I didn’t wake up with all the tree
roots sticking in my back.”

The student laughed. “No kidding. Well, if
you’re sure you’re okay…”

“
Yeah, I am, thanks. And
thanks for waking me up.”

“
No charge. Well, hey, I
have to get to class.”

I almost asked how he could be going to
class, but remembered that summer term was on and bit my tongue on
sounding stupid. “Yeah, I need to hit the library.”

He told me to have fun and sauntered off. I
was glad he did – I still didn’t trust my legs, and was afraid for
anyone to see it. I took a few cautious steps, baby-like, and
gradually my balance adjusted. Still fighting the nauseating
headache, I made my way across the campus to the old brick
library.

It had always been my favorite place at the
university. My dad used to take me with him when he had research to
do, and I would wander around the stacks and stare at thick, musty
books as if I could understand them. I vividly remember sitting
cross-legged on the floor, holding some huge heavy book that could
probably serve double-duty as a weapon, sounding out single words
at a time into the dusty silence. Sometimes Dad took me down to the
archives in the basement, but I always found the pristine rooms
rather boring. I discovered some old industrial-type rooms down
there, with strange lights, curving cement passages, and
mysterious, forbidden doors.
Those
had been fun. Sometimes I
still went there to escape the mundane. But never without pain. In
those quiet moments among the books and stacks I missed my dad the
most.

I practically tiptoed into the library. The
foyer always intimidated me – it was a huge, marble-clad room, cool
and dim under its high domed ceiling. I stepped under the rotunda
and heard my sandals tapping gently on the white stone floor. The
sound brought me up short. I hadn’t even realized that I still wore
the clothes Yatol had given me. I almost panicked. Great. As if
wobbling around like a drunk wasn’t bad enough, now I looked like
I’d gotten lost somewhere between the Ren Faire and a fantasy
convention. On top of it all, I almost felt as clinically crazy as
I must have looked.

My mind raced. Tony had told me once about a
guy who wore kilts to school, and a girl who wore capes – big
flamboyant things, with fur. Maybe the student workers would
mistake me for one of that clique. I tried to act natural, and
escaped with only a few smiles of condescending amusement from the
students behind the reference desks. I bristled under their gazes
and took the elevator up to the third floor.

I don’t know why I went there. I never
really paid much attention to what books were on which floors, and
didn’t try to find out when I got out of the elevator. I wandered
over to the windows and stared down at the campus below. I had
never felt so close to my father as at that moment. But I was born
here, in this world. It was
my
world. Somehow I still felt
like an exile. The thought tormented me. I sat down in one of the
study chairs, burying my head in my hands.

“
Yatol,” I whispered to the
air. “What am I supposed to do?”

Someone knocked a book off a nearby
table.

“
Mer!”

I started up, saw Damian stumbling over to
my chair. He was on the verge of tears – he, Damian, who hadn’t
shed a tear that I’d seen his whole life, not even the day the cops
told us they were calling off the search for Dad. Seeing him like
that made me burst into tears. I threw myself into his arms,
sobbing bitterly. I couldn’t tell what he would do, if he would
demand an explanation, or yell at me for disappearing. I should
have known, though. It was Damian. Only one thought was on his
mind.

“
Are you all right?” He
stepped back to study me intently, brushing the tangled hair from
my face, touching my still-sore cheek. “What happened, are you
okay?”

“
I’m okay…” I said, taking
a deep breath to steady my voice. “You have no idea! Dad, and Arah
Byen…and Mykyl! But I’m supposed to…I don’t know what to do…but
they need me!”

I was nearly in hysterics, trying to put
into words the thousands of thoughts that tumbled through my mind.
Damian shook his head firmly.