Doubting Our Hearts (27 page)

Chapter 34

Brayden

This silence I'm getting from Lillian is getting too much to bear. After my night in the hospital talking with my brother, he came to the conclusion I needed to just find Lil and tell her I love her. Absolutely no tact there, right? However, I do understand his point that if I don't tell her soon, I could lose her forever. And that is something that is just not acceptable. So, with my ultimate goal in mind, I went home to figure out the best way to lay out my feelings.

I didn't get too far.

Waiting for me in my mailbox was a box. No return address only my information. In Lillian's handwriting.

I take the small box up to my apartment with the rest of the mail I haven't picked up in two weeks and throw it on my coffee table. I should be concerned with what's actually
in
the box, but I can't think past the fact Lillian sent me something. That has to count for something, right?

Wrong.

My heart sinks when I realize what she's sent back to me. Her jellyfish necklace and the picture of me she had in her bedroom. This is way worse than I thought it was. First, I don't call her in two weeks. Second, she doesn't try and contact me either. Third, she never answered my text message from yesterday. Finally, I'm getting things sent back to me that were hers. This screams
I'm letting you go
.

Just before the box slips from my hands, a white note flutters to the floor. I bend to pick it up, praying there’s some explanation as to what's going on in her head. We can't be done, well, because we never even got started.

Brayden,

I've contemplated what I would write to you for days. This being what I finally came up with. You made me feel safe. You make me forget the world around me when we're together, and that feeling is like nothing I've felt before. However, as I've felt more free and alive than I have in a long time, I also realize I haven't taken the time to recognize how in love you are with Addison. I apologize for seeming to get in the way of that with a friendship that could never last. She's an amazing woman, and I have faith that your marriage will be filled with love and laughter. That's what I'm hoping for you. Thank you for letting me know you and being able to share that with me.

My best,

Lillian

Is this for real? Surely, she's just joking. Basically, thank you for the last couple months together and then...bye? I know her. She’s never one to just give up. She's not programmed that way, which is what makes her so incredible. She talks things through and isn't quick to judge. She listens when I talk and shares her views. She's not a quitter, and neither am I.

******

I rack my brain trying to figure out a way to find Lil. I've tried her boss, who had no intention of giving me anything. I even thought about using the
Hey, I left something with Lillian, and I need to know where she
is
excuse. That may have worked in high school and possibly college, but definitely not anymore. I'm desperate.

I've talked to Brendan and with Candice to think of ways to figure out where she is, but to no avail. She just disappeared like a cloud of smoke. Poof. And that woman does not go poof.

I did remember Riley telling me where she worked, so I'm on the way there and praying she's working. I also have Candice trying to find a number for her parents in Jacksonville. They like me. Even if her parents haven't heard from her, they'll know other ways I can get it touch with her. I'll try anything, but first, I need to approach her best friend.

When I walk through the doors of Carmine's, I smile knowing I'm going to finally get some information because Riley’s here absently cleaning the bar top.

"Hey," I say, and Riley's eyes snap to mine then narrow menacingly.

She stops rubbing the surface and is in front of me in three long strides. Her eyes never softening, which tells me I'm going to get the best friend third degree. Right now, I'd sit through anything to know where I can find Lil.

"Don't hey me," she says as she folds her arms in front of her.

"Hello, Riley," I reply on a sigh. I need her to know I'm not trying to be an asshole here.

"Not any better."

"Can we talk?"

She unfolds her arms and braces both hands on the bar in front of her, glaring at me. "What do you want? I mean I was there rooting for you, and here I find out you were just messing with Lil's emotions. Why would I give you the time of day to talk to me?"

"Because I'm here to make things right. I was going to start with Lillian, but now I believe I need to begin with you." I need to change my tactic here. I can't just press her for information if she thinks I'm a dick. I need to make her like me again.

"Sixty."

Pause.

"Fifty-nine."

Pause.

"Fifty-eight."

Pause.

Oh shit. I'm on a timer now.

Just say it.
Come right out and tell the truth. and it comes out in one long breath.

"I'm in love with Lil. I have been since probably the first moment I saw her. Even though the last few weeks haven’t gone anywhere near how I thought they would, I'm not marrying Addison." Riley sighs, but she does stop counting. I surge forward and tell her the rest. "Lil didn't see me at the hospital. She saw my brother. I've already talked with him. The wedding’s off. Well, at least the one with Addison is."

"Geez, how many women are you engaged to?"

I chuckle a little then quickly stop seeing as though she's not laughing with me. I pull the ring box out of my pocket and slide it across the bar. "No one...yet."

Riley's shaky hands grab the box and slowly open it. Her eyes grow wide and lets out a squeak-like sob before covering her hand over her mouth. I can see the tears well in her eyes, and I'm hoping, praying, wishing I've won her over.

When she sets down the box and looks back at me, I hold my breath for her response. "She won't tell me where she is. She barely responds to my messages. I saw her that first night, and she was a complete mess. She loves you. Not the fleeting puppy love or weird best friend love. This is deep, deep love. More than I think she's ever loved, and if you break her heart again, I will personally remove body parts...slowly. Get me?"

"More than you could possibly know."

Before Riley’s able to say anything else, my phone rings.
Please, be something, some news.
"One sec, Riley. This might have something to do with Lil." She nods and goes back to cleaning in front of me, trying to listen. The number’s not one I recognize.

"Brayden Knight."

"Son, how are you?" George Anderson's voice greeting me on the other end is like a godsend.

"Mr. Anderson. I could be better."

"What's going on? I heard from your secretary; however, I informed her I would call you personally. What's all this about?"

"As you know from our last conversation my intentions concerning Lillian."

"And?"

"And, we returned from our visit, and there was an accident with my ex-fiancée. She's been in a coma the last few weeks. However, there’s been a misunderstanding. Lillian thought she saw me, when in fact, she saw my brother in the hospital. In short, she's making decisions about me with misinformation, and I need to find her to clear this up."

"Hmm," is all George says for a minute. "What exactly are you needing from me, son?"

He's going to help me. "I can't get in touch with her. She's not answering her phone. She's not at her apartment. She's not in her studio. Her friends here don't have any clue either. I was hoping you might try and call her and see if she answers or maybe call her sisters and see if they've talked with her." Even though she's shut out everyone else, she would never ignore her family. At least that's what I'm counting on.

"Give me a few, and I'll call you back."

"Yes, sir. I'll be waiting."

As I hang up, I notice Riley waiting for me to tell her what's going on. "Her dad's going to try and call her and see if he can find out where she is then call me back."

"How long? I'm kinda getting more worried by the day."

I understand the angst this must put on a friendship. I'm definitely feeling the strain myself but in a completely different way. If I can't see Lil, my world isn't right. And now that I'm out of my funk and thinking clearly again, the pain in my chest is getting worse.

Once I'm about to take my first sip of a beer Riley just put in front of me, my phone rings again. Same number. George.

"Sir?"

"How long can you get away for?"

What kind of question is that? Then it dawns on me. Get away from New York means she left the city. "I just need to situate things here with the business. When and where do I need to go?"

"Tell you what. Straighten out things there and fly out to Jacksonville next week. Seems there are some things we need to discuss in person."

"Is she there in Jacksonville?"

"No, but she is in Florida. Like I said. Do what you need to do there, then come meet me out here in a week. We'll have some time to talk, and Lil can finish doing her work."

Work, okay. She didn't up and move back to Florida. I can work with that. That still doesn't do anything for my plan of immediately finding her and tell her everything I should have.

"Did you tell her I was coming?"

"Son, do you think I'm a fool?" He scoffs. "I know my daughter, and right now, she needs time to process everything. She still loves you. I can hear it in her voice, but that won't do any good if you barge down here and interrupt her work."

"Understood. I'll call you and let you know my flight details. I appreciate your help sir." And I do. I really do.

Mission objective #1: find Lillian – success.

Mission objective #2: make it to next week without going crazy not seeing her gorgeous - easier said than done.

******

"So, I fly out tomorrow," I tell my brother.

"Everything set up with her dad?" He asks sitting next to Addison's bed holding her hand swiping lightly across the inside of her wrist.

It's been almost a month since Addison's accident, and she's still in the same condition she was in when I left that night. My brother has spent every night in this room waiting for her, and after our heart to heart almost two weeks ago, I've been in and out of this room more and more.

I've been spending every day for the past eleven days immersing myself in work, trying to get ahead before my flight to meet George in Jacksonville and to keep my mind off not being able to see Lily. It's been hard. Real hard.

I text her when I wake up and before I go to sleep. I don't tell her I love her because let's face it, that first time you open your heart to another person should be while you're looking directly in their eyes. And my eyes cannot wait to meet her green ones and confess what's in my heart. So I stick to
good morning gorgeous
or
hope you have a wonderful day
or
sweet dreams beautiful
. I get no responses, but I know, even without physical proof, she reads them. I don't know how I'm so sure of this; I just am.

"Yeah. According to George, we're going to fish and just hang. He said he had things he wanted to show me to help me know what's going on with Lil. I'll take anything right now."

"When you coming back?"

"Honestly? I have no idea. I think I'll be at George and Helen's for a day or two, minimum. The more I think about it this seems like his way of seeing how honest my intentions are before giving me her actual whereabouts."

I can't fault a father who's cautious about his daughter's well-being. This just confirms what I've always known, Lil had a good upbringing and will make a spectacular mother. I can already see Lil pregnant and glowing. I don't even remotely care if that makes me sound crazy. I am crazy. Crazy about Lil, and if she'll have me, I'm going to marry her and give her all the kids she's ever wanted.

"Well, when you walk into his house, take note of where the guns are. Never can be too cautious about a father trying to protect his daughter."

"Whatever, dude. Her parents love me. George even calls me son. I doubt I'll have a problem."

"Alright. Just stating a fact here."

I chuckle. "Much appreciated. You shouldn't have much extra work. Candice and Becky are going to field most of the calls. I think the only thing that might take you away from the hospital is if you need to sign a contract, but other than that, you can work from here as usual."

"That works," he says as he looks toward Addison. Her chest slowly rises and falls with the help of the ventilator. She looks peaceful, and her exterior bruises and cuts are healing nicely.