Double Blind (2 page)

I couldn’t do it.

I couldn’t be the one who killed her mother.

Her eyes shine when I cup her cheek with my hand.

“I’m sorry.”

The guilt weighs down her voice, but she has no idea how guilty I feel from the constant lies spilling from my mouth, even though I think she suspects. My fiancée isn’t an idiot. She reads the news, but no longer asks me questions.

“I have to pay him a visit. Will you come with me?”

From the look blazing in her eyes, I know that she doesn’t want to, but it’s disrespectful not to show up. She doesn’t know that. I’ve been trying to ease her into my life slowly. Certain things will be expected from her as my wife. It looks bad for me, not having her there. Makes them think I can’t control my woman. Makes me look
weak
.

“No, I don’t think so,” she says with her jaw clenched.

“Adriana, this is not up for discussion.”

“Fuck him,” she spits out.

I take her jaw in my fingers, applying a bit of pressure. “You’re fucking coming,” I say in a low voice.

Her eyes flash towards me. Defiance.

“Do I need to spank you again? You’re still wearing the collar.”

I flick one of the metal rings attached to her collar as her face colors with a deep blush.

“If you really want me to, I’ll go,” she says finally.

“I do.”

Her eyes look troubled as my fingers undo the leather clasp around her neck, the supple leather unwinding from her easily.

We were nearly killed only a few weeks ago. The Rizzo family tried to take us all out and they nearly succeeded. Adriana’s back tenses and I know she’s thinking about the same thing. She curls into the crook of my arm and traces my chest.

“How do you do it? How are you so strong?”

I smile to myself.

The shooting was hard on me. I never expected that I would be shot at with my friends and family surrounding me at my own engagement party. I would be lying if I told her it didn’t faze me. It shook me.

I kiss the top of her head and run my fingers down her sexy back. “I don’t know. You get used to it.”

She shakes her head. “I can’t get used to it.”

“You don’t have to. That’s why you’re mine.” I distract her by pulling her body over mine. Goddamn, I’m a lucky son of a bitch. “I protect you and provide for you, and all you have to do is spread your gorgeous legs—”

She punches my shoulder and I laugh at her annoyed face. “I’m not your whore.”

“Of course not, baby. You know I love you, right?”

Adriana still pouts and I take her chin gently.

“Right?”

“Yeah.”

Then she smiles, and it’s amazing how good it makes me feel.

* * *

Hospitals.

I fucking hate them.

They always make me nervous, no matter how many fucking times I visit them. It’s the one place where I’m not in control. No amount of bullying, bribing, or threats can make these fucking doctors do exactly what I want them to do. It’s up to their skills and luck.

It pisses me off.

That sharp, chemical smell burns my nostrils as I walk down the gleaming hallways, a twisted shadow of my reflection staring up at me. Adriana clings tightly to my hand as we walk into the waiting room, a bright room that burns my eyeballs. Paulie, recently promoted to captain, stands up from the lime green chair when he sees me approach. Sal, Nicky, and Tommy stand in a small circle.

Good, everyone’s here.

Paulie wraps his arms around me and pounds my back.

“How is the boss?”

He pushes his glasses up his long nose and shrugs. “He’s all fucked up on meds, but the doctors say he should make a full recovery.”

The pressure in my chest simmers down somewhat. “Thank God.”

Beside me, Adriana gives Paulie a thin-lipped smile as she pretends to be happy for Jack. She doesn’t see Paulie’s frown and I want to bend her over my knee and spank her in front of them. Could she be any more transparent about her dislike for Jack?

Filing that away for later, I turn towards the short, irritable man who gives my fiancée a wide smile.

Careful, asshole. She’s mine.

“Nick, how you doin’?”

He shrugs. He’s still sore over being passed over for the
capo
promotion
.
If he wasn’t such a reckless, violent fuck, I would have recommended him.

“Can’t complain.”

I curl my arm around Adriana’s waist and catch a scent of her lavender shampoo. It acts like a balm for my mind and I squeeze her waist.

“I should go see him.”

Nicky nods and points me in the direction of the room.

Energy floods my veins as I walk towards the room, Adriana pinned to my side. I open the door and the sight of him lying on white sheets, tubes entering and exiting his body makes my legs stiffen in the doorway. He looks up at me through rheumatic eyes and is suddenly overcome with a coughing fit. For the first time, I see him as an old man. I don’t know why, but it makes my heart race. Even Adriana feels stiff in my arms when she looks at him.

His ashen face rolls to the side and cracks into a wide smile. “Vinny, my boy! Come in!”

I stride up to him and clutch his veined arm. My chest tightens as I look into his watery blue eyes and I don’t breathe until Adriana slides beside me. She reaches up and touches my shoulder, a small gesture that allows me to inhale again.

“I’m not so bad, Vince. It looks worse than it is. They’re discharging me today.”

“That’s great.”

His eyes slide over to my fiancée. “Nice to see you, Adriana.”

I wish I still held her hand, so I could squeeze it.

“Yeah. Glad you’re okay,” she says in a voice barren of emotion.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Her brown eyes are remorseless as she turns around when I pinch her arm roughly. “Go wait outside.”

I’ll deal with you later.

I wait until the sound of her heels clacking on the linoleum disappears. The door swings shut behind her, and Jack gives me a shrewd look.

“This war with the Rizzos—it can’t go on, Vince,” he says in a surprisingly clear voice.

My stomach clenches. “It’s safe to talk openly here?”

Jack presses a button on the side of his bed. The bed moans as it pushes up, so that Jack is sitting upright. “Yeah, it’s safe. Doctor-patient confidentiality. Cops can’t bug hospitals.”

Both of us have a good laugh at that.

Still smiling, my voice turns grim as I force myself to confront the situation at hand. “We need to have a sit-down with Tony. We don’t have the manpower to win this war. I think Tony knows that.”

My heart beats a violent tattoo against my chest.

Jack gives me a shrewd look. “He just tried to blow your head off. All of our heads, in fact. I want the cocksucker
dead
.”

Easier said than done. He’s the boss of the Rizzo family, for Christ’s sake.

I squeeze his shoulder. “I know. Believe me, I know. But we’re in no position to fight back. I think you should ask John in Montreal to help organize this sit-down.”

The Cravotta Crime Family boss in Montreal is friendly with Jack, and he might be able to secure a meeting with Tony. On the plus side, he’ll probably back us up if Tony decides to do something stupid.

He makes a sour face. “That French speaking fuck?”

“What? I thought you were on good terms with the Cravotta family.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” His mouth sets in a firm line. “There’s something else. I did some digging on your fiancée.”

Ah, shit.

My stomach twists. “Yeah?”

“Her father pissed off the Rizzos by agreeing to testify against Richie, who is missing.” His eyes burn into mine.

I don’t dare blink. No one knows about his death. Not yet. If they did—if the Rizzos found out I killed one of their made men, I’m fucked. I’m dead.

And I’m not just living for myself anymore.

My throat bulges and I swallow the painful lump. “So what?”

He looks at me like he wants to slap my face. “What the fuck were you thinking? Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?”

The energy rush to my head makes my hand slip on his bed. Oh, Fuck.

“No one else knows, Jack. I plan to keep it that way.”

“You better fucking hope they don’t find out, because if they do, there will be nothing stopping Tony from sanctioning a hit on you. I won’t go to war with the Rizzos just to save one captain.”

“What the fuck was I supposed to do, Jack? That asshole lured me to Adriana’s mother’s house to whack me. These fucking Rizzos fight dirty, and then Tony complains when I fight back? Fuck him.”

I don’t understand the hardness in his eyes. He looks at me like I’m a problem, like I’m making sloppy mistakes.
I’m not
.

“I love you, Vince, but it won’t matter to them. To them, you’ve violated the rules
again
.”

Fuck. I know he’s right.

His hand snakes through the bars and grabs my wrist. “You need to get rid of her mother.”

“
What?
”

I yank my arm out of his grip. Is he fucking crazy?

“She’s not trustworthy. She has to go. Give her a couple months, she’ll be singing to the feds about you. About us.”

Just the thought of it fills me with dread. It would destroy her.
No
.

I move away from him as a dizzying spell overcomes my body. My chest feels way too tight. “No,” I manage to croak out. “I won’t fucking do it.”

But he’s right. I know he’s right.

“Did you think being in this business was going to be easy?”

Fuck off.

“It would devastate Adriana.”

“You swore to put this family above everything. Everyone. That includes your future wife and children. Do you know how many times—”

“I love her, Jack.” My voice shakes and I clear my throat to strengthen it. “Don’t make me do this.”

The boss’ gaze slides to his lap, and he adjusts the blankets on his legs. “I knew you getting with this broad would become a fuckin’ problem.”

My fists clench together as white-hot energy burns away my fear. I would like to reach in that hospital bed and strangle him. “She’s not a fucking problem. She’s going to be my wife.”

Jack can be such an asshole.

He heaves a sigh when he sees how I won’t back down. “Relax, kid. We’ll table the issue with her mother for now—”

“Thanks.” I look at him warily. Inwardly, I don’t quite trust that Jack means what he says. He’s a prudent man, and he’ll get rid of her if he wants to.

“But if we’re going to do this sit-down, you need to be prepared. Keep your fucking head down and do not cause a problem for me. Try to keep your temper under control, or this might end badly for you.”

I want to roll my eyes. “You don’t need to say that. I’m not a moron.”

“Yeah, well.”

Wiseass.

* * *

I might die tonight.

It keeps running through my head in a soft whisper.

I expect it to happen. They’re reckless. They’ve already shot at us in a public restaurant surrounded by family. What the fuck do they care about rules? The only thing that gives me hope is that John will be there, mediating this meeting.

Still, why the fuck am I making it so easy for them?

Because it’s better to walk to your own death. To actually choose it, instead of it jumping out at you, striking you down like a lightning bolt.

Staring out into the city from my apartment makes me breathe easier. I look down at the quiet rumble of traffic, the haze rising over Central Park, and I feel removed from all of the politics within the families. Sometimes, when I feel guilty, I just stare out of this window and remind myself that we’re all a bunch of ants scurrying around. What will it matter to the universe if one of them is gone?

But I’m not floating in space. I’m a human being. I’m just as much of a slave as the rest of these poor bastards walking around this city, but at least I know who I am.

At least I accomplished that.

I never got to do all the things I wanted. Never saw Italy, never got married, or had kids.

My heart pounds a dreadful beat. I want all those things. I never realized how badly I wanted them until I met her. When there’s nothing between you and death but your intelligence or your guts, it’s easy. In the past, I would have gladly walked in the line of fire for Jack because we were part of the same family. This was my life.

Now she is.

Adriana sits at the small round table that she dragged near the windows, pouring over sheaves of paper almost spilling from the table.

I cannot deny the small sting of envy when I look down over her shoulder, at the notes strewn with mathematical symbols and phrases I’ll never understand. She’s so much smarter than I am. A part of me wonders what my life would be like if I had gone to college. What career would I have chosen?

I can’t even fathom honest living anymore.

She wraps her arm around my leg and squeezes my thigh, turning her head to give me a kiss on my stomach. I feel tightness in my chest that strengthens when I lay my hand on her gorgeous head. Words can’t describe the happiness I feel when I see her ring gleaming on her finger, to know that she’s mine.

“Vince, did you say you had to be somewhere tonight?”

The happiness deflates like a balloon bursting.

“Yeah.”

Her head turns as she looks up at me with a slight frown. “Something wrong?”

Oh, you don’t even know.

Instead, I smile at her. She nuzzles my stomach and her mouth kisses a trail up my abdomen. My cock stiffens in my pants and she smiles when she sees it. She stands up, hands around my waist.

This fucking woman can get me hard so easily. Every stroke of her hands sets off a million nerve endings. She kisses my chest as her hand reaches around my thigh and strokes my cock. It hardens uncomfortably.

“God damn it, Ade.”

I move her hand away from my cock, and she gives me a wide grin. It makes me want to shove my cock down her throat to get rid of her gloating smile. Grabbing her shoulders, I pin her against the wall as I seek out those gorgeous, full lips. My tongue sweeps across her bottom lip, and I pull down her jeans. My hand spreads across her smooth belly and I dip my fingers behind her panties. Reaching back, I stroke her soaking clit and she moans into my mouth.