Dorothy Garlock (21 page)

His hand slipped down to her buttocks, holding her there, his muscular thighs forcing intimate pressure upon her. She resisted, a sob in her throat, but her movement only inflamed him more, and his lips pressed her mouth open, crushing all the resistence out of her. She tried desperately to stop herself from surrendering to his strength and magnetism, but the warm hand that found its way under her blouse began to caress her and she passed into a state of limbo where there was no sanity or reason; nothing but hard arms, warm lips, and stroking hands on her bare flesh.

She came out of a near swoon and was instantly aware that Burr was shaking. She could feel the tremor in the body pressed to hers. His mouth, warm and damp, moved down her throat, kissing, nibbling; sending showers of tingling desires, unfamiliar and uncontrollable, racing through her body. His mouth was unlike anything she had ever tasted or felt before and it awakened a thousand peculiar sensations inside her. She forgot who she was, who and what he was, and wished that the feelings he aroused in her could go on forever. As pleasant as it was, a small corner of her mind insisted that she should protest.

“Please . . . I don’t . . . Don’t do this . . .” Her shaky voice was not convincing. She knew suddenly that although she hated him she couldn’t resist him. How could she want him to do this? Was she depraved? Wanton?
Just this one time,
she thought.
Just this one time
—

Delicately, but with deep passion, she brushed her lips along his cheek, quivering with the temptation to find his mouth with her lips. Burr raised his head and she looked up at him. Her heart stood still and crimson colored her face as she saw the mocking blue eyes observing her and realized he knew of the feelings that flooded her. For a moment she was unable to move or speak, trembling with humiliation and pain.

“You like it, eh?” When she only stared at him, his teeth showed a narrow smile. “You’ve got an itch, sweetheart, that’s just begging to be scratched, and I’m just the bird that’s going to scratch it for you.” His arms dropped from around her and he firmly but gently moved her aside and walked away.

Johanna could hear him chuckling as he strode quickly down the path. She stood panting for breath, because her throat felt painfully tight. A thought struck her with the force of a blow. Burr Macklin would do anything to gain what he wanted, anything at all, and there wasn’t a single thing she could do about it.

Sudden fatigue washed over her like a giant wave. She turned and walked slowly to the darkened house.

Jacy watched Johanna and Burr move out of the shadows and down the path toward the house, their blond heads shining in the moonlight. The joy she had felt before Johanna came was dimmed just a little. The look on her sister’s face belied the words that she spoke. Johanna was worried about her staying in the valley with a man she had known but a short time. She turned in Luis’s arms and pressed her cheek against his chest. Time didn’t mean anything when you were sure of love. Papa had always said there was someone special for everyone and only the very fortunate were able to find each other. It had been that way with her parents, and it was that way with her and Luis. If only Johanna . . .

“Luis.” Her whisper was soft and husky. “It would be wonderful if Johanna married Burr.”

Luis took his time in replying, first kissing her eyes, the tip of her nose, the corner of her mouth.

“Only if they are in love,
querida,
” he said against her ear. “I would wish my brother to know what I know, that he is loved by the woman he loves.”

“Do you think he could love my sister? Oh, Luis, he looks so much like that old man! Could it be that he’s like him in other ways?”

“Hush,
querida,
hush! Do not speak of it, do not think it. My brother must live with the fact that he was made in the old man’s image, but only on the outside. On the inside he is a man much like me.”

“He said he’d made up his mind to marry her. It was as if she had no say in the matter. Johanna won’t marry him unless she loves him. He’s so harsh, Luis. Not gentle like you. Oh, I’m glad it’s me you want!” She lifted her arms and wound them closely around his neck, and he bent his head to kiss her throat and the softness of her neck and shoulders.

“Do not worry,
mi bella novia,
” he told her. “What is meant to be will be. I waited for you, looked for you, my heart cried for you, and . . . you came. It will be the same with your sister and my brother, but perhaps not with each other. Come, you are tired.”

“Not yet, Luis!” Jacy closed her eyes and slid her arms around him as she had done when they rode the black stallion together. “Luis, Luis!” She buried her face against him, then looked up at him, bright-eyed and feeling light-headed. Her wide eyes scanned her beloved’s face and she cherished every feature. She laughed, tipping her head back until her dark hair fell past her hips.

“I love you, and I’m so happy! And to think a few weeks ago I wanted to die. Oh, Luis, don’t let me wake up and find it all a dream!”

He put his fingers over her lips. “If this is a dream,
amante,
I wish that neither of us wakes up.”

*  *  *

Long after Jacy was asleep, Johanna lay awake, unable to control the turmoil that filled her mind. Jacy and Luis were in love, Burr wanted her to marry him, old Mack was threatening to sell the valley. The ramifications of such a thing were almost beyond her imagination. Burr and Luis would not back down, of that she was sure. There would be bloodshed. The Mexicans who survived would be out of work and would have to move on. To some of them this was the only home they had ever known. So much depended on her willingness to sacrifice her future happiness. But how could she possibly stay on after tonight?

Just thinking about Burr’s ridicule of the one small, soft gesture she had made toward him was mortifying, and tears dripped from the corners of her eyes onto the pillow. She put her fingers to her bruised lips. What was the matter with her? For some awful, inexplicable reason, she had enjoyed his advances. God help her, she had! Now that she had finally admitted it to herself that it had been pleasant leaning against him, having his arms hold her close, his face against hers, his lips hard, yet caressing, she attempted to face her feelings squarely. She was a woman with all the female instincts. She wanted to be loved, had dreamed that someday she would find a wonderful man who would love her to distraction. How could she be attracted to a man like Burr Macklin? Why did her heart hammer rapidly each time she was near him? Someone had said that people were attracted to opposites. That was it! She sighed with relief.

Johanna replayed in her mind each and every word that had passed between her and Burr.
It will save me a trip to El Paso to visit the whores!
He had said that the day they met. That was still all she meant to him! That and a way to keep his land without having to fight for it. Heaven help her if she should ever fall in love with him.

Papa, Papa,
she cried silently.
You always said the Lord never puts more burdens on a person then he is able to bear. I know what I’ve got to do. I’ve got to swallow my pride and marry Burr Macklin, and I’d almost rather die than do it.

Sleep was a long time coming. She closed her eyes and tried to empty her mind of anything pertaining to Burr Macklin and the valley. When sleep finally came it was in light snatches of naps, and dreams came fleetingly of a tall, blond, blue-eyed man who kissed her passionately, laughed, and walked away.

*  *  *

Damn it all!
Burr swore silently as he walked away from Johanna. He was angry at himself for the biting remark he had made when she touched his face with her lips. There had been no need for him to humiliate her. The woman was as innocent as a babe when it came to sexual assault on her senses. Yet, he had known as soon as he kissed her that she was a passionate woman. It surprised him because she was always so haughty, so in control, so . . . prissy!

Why don’t you admit to yourself that you don’t like the feelings she arouses in you?
his conscience asked.
Why do you always go out of your way to goad her and make her so angry that she tells you how rude and crude you are, and how much she hates you? Are you afraid you might come to care for her? No!
he scoffed. He’d be playing right into the old man’s hands.
Hell, you’re asking for trouble, Burr, messing around with her,
a voice inside him said.
But I’m
doing it for Luis,
he told himself.
He’s so in love, he doesn’t know which end is up. If Johanna stays in the valley Jacy will be happy and content, which in turn will make Luis happy.

Luis, Ben, and Bucko are the only people in the world who mean anything to me,
he thought angrily.
And by God, it’s going to stay that way.

T
welve

J
ohanna was awake and dressed the next morning before dawn. She was tired but forced herself to hurry down the steps and into the empty, chilly kitchen. She stoked the cookstove and put the coffeepot on to boil, then kindled a small fire in the hearth and sat down to watch it. The twigs caught and blazed, then spread to the larger pieces of wood. She sat back, enjoying the warmth and watching the shadows play on the walls. She was listless and had no desire to stir from where she sat. There was no rush to start the morning meal, so she closed her eyes and soon she was in that dreamless state between repose and wakefulness.

One second she was asleep and the next she was awake. Her eyes flew open. A big man stood beside the fireplace. His intense blue eyes were fixed on her. Her heart did a flip-flop in her breast and blood rushed like quicksilver through her veins. She opened her mouth to scream, but no sound came out. Her throat was frozen. She cowered back in the chair, her face ashen, her eyes large and blank.

Burr leaned toward her, his brows drawn together in a frown. He realized that she was terribly frightened. He had seen that dazed, empty look on men’s faces during the war.

“Johanna!” he said sharply.

As her vision cleared Burr’s face came into focus. “Oh . . . oh, it’s . . . you—”

“I’ve no intention of attacking you.”

Johanna looked up at him, dark circles emphasizing the blueness of her eyes. Her lower lip quivered ever so slightly, and there was a vulnerability about her that made her seem small and helpless.

“I thought . . . I thought . . . you were old Mack,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

He recoiled. The look on his face was one of suppressed frustration. “No!” he said sharply. “Anything but
that!
”

He was gone almost before the words left his mouth. Johanna continued to sit by the fire until dawn streaked the sky and it was time to start her daily chores.

*  *  *

Ben came in for breakfast and told Johanna that Burr had instructed Mooney to come to the house and escort Jacy and Bucko down to Red’s, and that he or Luis would return with them this evening.

“The Apaches are coming into the valley for their seasonal camp. It’s nothing to be alarmed about, Johanna,” Ben told her reassuringly. “Luis and Burr are especially watchful at this time. They keep a wagonload of supplies ready, and the Indians know they’re here. It’s an arrangement that’s worked very well for the past few years.”

“Jacy is going to marry Luis,” Johanna blurted nervously.

Ben puffed on his pipe for a few minutes. “Burr told me this morning.” He paused, and Johanna didn’t say anything, so he said, “This bothers you, doesn’t it, Johanna?”

“No. I’m happy for her.” She looked at him steadily. “Luis loves her and she loves him. It’s just . . . just that she will be making her home here and the situation is so unsettled.” She walked to the end of the room and stood with her back to him. “I guess you may as well know I’ve decided to marry Burr.” She said it bitterly, as though the words tasted nasty in her mouth and she wished to be rid of them. She turned to gauge his reaction.

Ben looked at his pipe before she could see the hurt in his eyes.

“Don’t do it, Johanna. Don’t wed him if you don’t wish to. There will be no happiness for either of you.”

“I don’t wish to, but I’m going to do it. If Burr can endure a loveless marriage, so can I. It’s necessary . . . for a number of reasons.”

“Marriage is forever,” Ben said slowly.

“I’ve resigned myself to it.”

The conversation ended abruptly when Risewick came in. Johanna was thankful for his presence. He talked with Ben while she prepared breakfast.

*  *  *

In the middle of the afternoon Johanna went silently down the stone porch and passed the window of Ben’s room.

“Don’t do this, Burr,” she heard him say.

“Don’t interfere. I know what I’m doing.”

“You’re going about this the wrong way. Given time—”

“There’s no time,” Burr said curtly.

“But it isn’t what either of you wants,” Ben insisted.

“Maybe, but . . .”

Johanna quickened her steps, not wanting to listen to the conversation, yet wanting to. She wasn’t sure what Ben and Burr were talking about, but she guessed the marriage was the subject. She was sure that Ben had great influence over Burr, but she was equally sure that if Burr had made up his mind to do something, it would be hard to change it.

She had an hour or so before she started the evening meal, so she walked down toward the cook shack, then past it toward the corrals. There wasn’t anyone about, and she leaned on the rails and watched a newborn colt frolic around its mother. It spied her and stood for a moment with raised tail, then ran, kicking up its heels. Johanna laughed.

The day was like Indian summer, warm, with a smoky haze across the valley. A quail’s cry came from the willows on the creek. Time seemed to stand still in the answering silence, suspended in the warm, bright afternoon.

Johanna strolled along the path to the spring, kicking up dust with her feet. The sky was a vivid blue, and for some reason it made her think of Burr’s eyes. She suddenly felt something strange and frightening, yet vitally exciting, come to life in her. She had never been completely aware of her body and all the pleasures it had to offer until Burr had awakened it with his kisses. Her stepmother had said, “When a man and woman love, their bodies are in tune.” Was it possible for bodies to be in tune without love?