Don't Tell Daddy (29 page)

She wanted to believe that. She wanted to give into it. But she had made her bed, and she had to lie in it. She didn’t deserve this man.

*** ***

Pamela woke up to the smell of breakfast being made downstairs and climbed groggily out of bed and went to check on her daughter. Pilar was looking around the unfamiliar room, and she looked up at her mother. “Come here, baby. Let Mommy wash you up.”

Pilar climbed out of the bed, and she went to take Pamela’s hand. Pamela got their suitcase and took her to the hall bathroom. She put Pilar in the shower with her, and she brushed their teeth there. When they got out, Jordan had just finished making bacon, eggs, and muffins. When Pilar saw him, she hid behind her mother’s leg, peeking out at the new man. Jordan came over and smiled at the little girl. “My name is Jordan. What is yours?”

“Pilaw,” she said softly.

“Are you hungry, Pilar?”

The baby looked up at Pamela. “He’s our friend, baby,” Pamela said, smiling encouragingly. So Pilar nodded, and Jordan led the two to his table.

Pilar was really shy, only eating her food, and barely answering Jordan. “She doesn’t talk much,” he commented. Pamela rolled her eyes.

“Please. She walked out of my womb talking. People are amazed when I tell them she’s only fourteen months.”

“Maybe she doesn’t like me,” he said, frowning.

“Give her time.”

By noon, Pilar wouldn’t stop talking to Jordan. She followed him around talking up a storm. Pamela offered to make lunch, and Bryan called while they were sitting at the table. She went into another room to answer. “Hello?”

“Where are you?”

“Not home,” she said vaguely.

“Please come back, baby. I’m sorry. I want to see my daughter.”

He knew that he could get Pamela to come home by using his love for their little girl. She believed that he wanted to see their daughter and that she was not going to deny father or daughter the privilege of spending time together.

“Bryan,” she sighed.

“Please,” he begged.

“Okay.”

They finished lunch, and Pamela got up, starting for her and Pilar’s things. “Thank you, Jordan; but we’ve gotta get back home.”

“Are you serious right now?” he asked.

“Yes. He wants to see his daughter.”

Jordan stood in front of the door. “I am not letting you leave this house to go and have your ass beat again, Pamela. And under the guise of your little girl? You’re going to let him come at you with that, and fall for it too?”

“He’s not going to hurt me,” she said, convinced of this fact.

“No. I’m not letting you leave.”

“Fine.”

She sat on the sofa, and he turned on
Lady and the Tramp
. He remembered on a date she told him she had liked it.

Her daughter lay on her breasts, watching. She fell asleep, her mouth open. Pamela could feel her saliva through her t-shirt and took her finger and wiped the baby’s face.

Jordan had also fallen asleep. Despite the feeling in her gut telling her to stay right where she was, she kissed his lips softly and left the house.

When she got home, she saw Bryan’s car and walked into the house. He took their sleeping daughter, stroking the baby’s hair softly, looking at his wife.

“I missed you,” he whispered and kissed Pamela’s lips.

“Me too.”

He went to lay Pilar down while Pamela sat on the sofa, wringing her hands nervously. She wanted to believe that Bryan simply wanted to talk, but her intuition was not going to allow her to be that naïve.

Bryan came and sat beside her, kissing her and taking her hands in his. She didn’t return the kiss. “What’s wrong?” he asked. She shook her head.

Her lack of enthusiasm at his touch seemed to make him remember why she had left the night before and he leaned back on the couch, looking at her.

“So where did you go, Pamela?”

“A hotel,” she lied.

“Look at me and say that again.”

She couldn’t. She looked at him, but the words wouldn’t come out. She never could tell him a good lie with a straight face since she was a little girl.

“You took my daughter around some other man?” he hissed.

She said nothing, and he grabbed her face. She pushed him away, putting all of her weight behind it and managing to cause him to stumble some. “Keep your hands off me!”

“Who the fuck… I see you went and tried to get brave. Wherever the fuck you went, bitch, you’re back here now.”

Bryan yanked Pamela up and she took her other hand, popping him in the shoulder. Bryan’s grip got stronger, but Pamela refused to take this with no fight in her defense again. Regardless of whatever ills she had done, she refused to allow him to beat her down and she not fight back.

The more Pamela fought, the more aggressive Bryan became, until finally she balled her fist up and punched him. That was when Bryan backhanded her, releasing her and allowing her to fall into the sofa in a slump.

Before she could get up, she was yanked up by her hair and tossed into the wall on the other side of the room, hitting her head before she slid down and feeling her teeth chatter together, the nerves in her gums shocked.

“I’ll fucking kill you, taking my daughter around the same man you’re fucking.”

Pamela believed that with her whole heart. Those words were no threat, but a promise that would be carried out if she didn’t fight this man off.

Trying to catch her breath, Pamela scanned the room, looking for a way to get out. Her eyes landed on the stairs and she hoped she might be able to make it to Pilar’s room and call for help.

That hope was crashed the moment she tried to get to the stairs and Bryan grabbed her by the back of the neck, slamming her forward onto her face. With everything in her, Pamela kicked back and hit Bryan in the anus and he fell backwards, giving her just enough time to get up.

The moment Pamela reached the steps, her hair was pulled and Bryan punched her, causing her to fall backwards. She fought for consciousness as she curled up, giving up the fight she could never win, praying only that Pilar would stay asleep and not be subjected to this brutal sight.

Bryan busted Pamela’s lip and blacked her eye, bruising her sides. She sobbed, hoping he could see that he had won, pushing him away. “Get off, get off, Bryan!” she sobbed.

It all came back to her. This man who had once made such sweet love to her, who had never placed a violent hand to her was beating her ass. This man busted the same lips he had kissed so sweetly. This man blacked the eyes he’d sworn were so beautiful. Bruised the legs he had caressed. When did this become love? When was this okay? How had she come to accept this?

Bryan got off Pamela and glared down at her, huffing. “Now look what you did to the living room, you stupid bitch.”

Shaking, Pamela could only imagine what the front room looked like. Wiping her mouth and nose, all she could feel was thick blood and her head felt like it was going to split any moment.

Pulling herself up, she went into the bathroom for some aspirin and took the entire bottle, hoping to numb the ache in her body and her head especially. Nothing would numb the ache in her heart.

Staggering to the bed, Pamela fell into the mattress face down as everything went dark.

She woke up in a hospital with her husband looking down at her, and her heart sped up. She tried to move away. “Calm down, baby,” he said softly.

“I want a divorce. I can’t take this!” she sobbed, tears in her eyes.

“Pamela, you’re not leaving me.”

“Yes I am. You’re crazy. You didn’t do this to Heather. Why me?”

“Heather acted like she had a grain of common sense in her head. If you act right, we wouldn’t have to go through this.”

Pamela had told herself those words for so long. She had believed those words for so long. But if she continued to allow herself to believe that, someday, her own daughter might love a man who made her believe the same thing.

“I’m leaving and if you don’t let me, I’m going to tell the police what you do to me. What you did in front of our daughter, and they’re going to take that shit seriously. I want a divorce, and I want custody.”

“You want custody? You pathetic excuse of a mother.”

“You better agree to the shit. If I tell the courts that you beat the mother of your child, they won’t even give your ass so much as public visitation. I want out.”

Bryan stormed out of the room, knowing Pamela was right.

Staring at the ceiling, Pamela reflected on the last twenty-four hours of her life. Of what it took for her to finally decide that she shouldn’t keep making the same mistake every day.

                                         
New Start

When Pamela got home from the hospital with strict orders to rest, Pamela told her parents she was getting a divorce, and they were glad. She confided in her mother about what Bryan had done, hoping her mother wouldn’t tell Jonta. But Carmella couldn’t keep that secret to herself. So Jonta naturally made Bryan feel as small and helpless as Pamela ever did. He went to the hospital that very same day. It was just all so much. So confusing.

She called Jordan at his job. The moment she heard his voice on the phone, she whispered, “I’m leaving him,” on a breath. 

There was a long silence, and Pamela worried that Jordan didn’t care anymore, or that maybe she had called him at a bad time. Until finally,  “Good.”

“I don’t know what to do,” she admitted, breaking down. “I’m staying with my parents again. I don’t have anything. It’s all at Bryan’s house.”

“Can I come see you tonight when I get off, Pamela? I’ll help you get your stuff from his house. Sound good?”

“Yes,” she sniffled.

Jordan came over to the house a few hours after she had called him, and it killed him inside to see her in such a way. He hardly recognized the beautiful woman who had walked into his house and snuck out. “When you leave, Pamela, I’m not letting you come back to him.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Move in with me.”

“Okay.”

He kissed her softly and helped her pack her things up, and he carried her bags while she carried Pilar. He helped her move her things out, and he took her hands in his. “You’re done with him?” he checked.

“I’m done.”

He was good with Pilar, and Pilar seemed comfortable with him.

Jordan made dinner and told Pamela to rest and heal. “Will you marry me when you can?” he asked. She nodded. He kissed her, smiling.

Pamela was so glad to be free of the man she had wanted so desperately. Heather said that everything intended for them, they’d receive and Pamela had received some pretty rough beatings. Everything had gone so downhill. But now, here was Jordan. Still here so patiently after two years. She hoped this was God’s way of telling her she was forgiven. She was ready to start a new chapter in her life. A healthier one. She wanted to show her daughter a man was going to love her, and she wanted Jordan to be there and show how it was done.

Slow Down

Pamela hadn’t slept in Jordan’s bed when she stayed the night. Not that she hadn’t wanted to. But Pilar asked her to sleep with her, so she slept with her baby, holding her in her arms.

When the baby asked Pamela why her face looked the way it did, she told her she just hurt herself. She didn’t have the heart to tell her baby that Bryan had done it. Bryan was a good father; he was just an abusive husband.

It hurt Pamela’s heart because things hadn’t started that way. Bryan took his paranoia out on her and the fear did more to run her away than keep her near. At a point in time, he was everything she had ever wanted.

She hadn’t been able to sleep, because every time she closed her eyes, she saw Bryan lifting her off her feet by her throat. Or over her, fists clenched hitting her. There was a time he had even kicked her.

When Pilar woke up, Pamela took her to shower with her. Then she went downstairs. Jordan was still asleep, but she began to make breakfast. He came down with his hair wet and dressed simply in jeans and a sweater. Pamela smiled when she saw him, getting butterflies. She forgot for a second that her face looked the way it did as she smiled at him. He came and kissed her. “Why didn’t you wake me?”

“You just looked so cute.”

He shook his head as Pilar came into the kitchen and ran to Jordan, hugging his leg. “Hi Jowdan,” she greeted, grinning up at him.

He picked her up. “Buenos días, cariña.”

When Pamela finished cooking, they sat at the table and ate, and Pilar stopped talking only long enough to eat her bacon.

Since it was Sunday, Jordan didn’t have to work but he was going to church. “You should come, Pamela.”

“Huh?”

“To church. You should come with me.”

“I haven’t been to church since my quinces.”