Read Don't Tap-Dance on Your Teacher Online
Authors: Katherine Applegate
Don't Tap-Dance on Your Teacher
Don't Tap-Dance on Your Teacher
Katherine Applegate
Illustrated by Brain Biggs
For the Dusek clan
1.
  Welcome to Time-Out
2.
  Something You Should Know Before We Get Started
3.
  Something Else You Should Know Before We Get Started
4.
  Mr. Megaphone
5.
  The Amazing Coolness of Noisy Shoes
6.
  The King of Tap
7.
  Surrounded
8.
  The Gentleman
9.
  Emma's Question
10.
  Dancing Girls
11.
  Nurse Oshkosh
12.
  Crutching
13.
  Twinkles and Clomps
14.
  Good-Bye from Time-Out
Welcome to Time-Out
I can guess what you're thinking.
Time-out AGAIN? What rule did you break this time, Roscoe?
Well, since you asked, it was Rule Number 542: DO NOT PRETEND TO NEED CRUTCHES WHEN YOU REALLY DO NOT NEED THEM JUST TO GET OUT OF AN EMBARRASSING SITUATION.
Personally, I don't think a guy should get punished for breaking a rule when he didn't even exactly know there
was
such a rule.
But my mom and dad see things a little differently.
Sometimes I wonder if they ever really were kids.
You'd think people who used to be kids would understand that sometimes a guy just really needs a good crutch. Or two.
You know what I'm talking about, right?
Well, maybe it is a
little
confusing.
I'll begin at the beginning of the beginning.
With my friend Emma's amazing, noisy shoesâ¦
Something You Should Know Before We Get Started
Mom says girls can do anything boys can do.
Dad says boys can do anything girls can do.
Probably they're right.
Parents usually are.
But somebody needs to make sure kids
hear this news.
Kids need to know there's no such thing as just-for-boys stuff and just-for-girls stuff.
Like for instance, dancing elephants can be boys or girls.
Dancing mice too.
Something Else You Should Know Before We Get Started
If you are pretending you smushed your leg, try to remember which leg is the limpy one and which one is not.
This advice may come in very handy someday.
Mr. Megaphone
The first time I heard Emma's tapping shoes was during show-and-tell.
Ms. Diz, my teacher, lets us bring all kinds of weird stuff to share with the class.
She is a brand-new teacher, so she likes to experiment on us.
Once Dewan brought a ferret. Which is
like a stretched-out guinea pig.
After that, Ms. Diz made up the No Show-and-Tells that Can Bite rule.
Maya brought her grandpa's artificial leg to another show-and-tell.
After that, Ms. Diz made up the No Show-and-Tells Without Permission of the Owner rule.
The same day Emma brought her new tap shoes to school, I brought something from my Noisy Stuff collection.
I always bring noisy stuff for show-and-tell.
I LOVE noise!
Weird noise.
Funny noise.
And of course, best of all, LOUD noise.
Here's what I've collected so far:
#1 BIRTHDAY-PARTY HORN
HONK!
#2 WHOOPEE CUSHION
PFFFT!
#3 TOY FIRE ENGINE
WHEE-OO-WHEE-OO!
#4 BONGO DRUMS
BUM-BA-BUM-BA-BUM!
#5 JUNIOR ROCK STAR ELECTRIC GUITAR
SCREEEECH!
#6 COWBELL
DONG!
#7 OLIVER, MY STUFFED ELEPHANT
ELEPHANT HELLO (HARD TO DESCRIBE, BUT IT SOUNDS A LOT LIKE MY GRANDPA WHEN HE BLOWS HIS NOSE)
The newest addition to my Noisy Stuff collection is my Mr. Megaphone.
It looks like a giant ice-cream cone made of plastic.
When you talk into the mouth hole, it changes your voice so you sound like a megamonster.
A loud megamonster with a bad cold.
When it was my turn for show-and-tell, I yelled, “Take me to your leader, first graders of the Earth!” into the megaphone.
Half the class covered their ears.
The other half went “WHOA!”
“Roscoe, that's a fine addition to your Noisy Stuff collection,” Ms. Diz said. “Thank you for sharing it.”
“I can pass it around,” I offered.
“Please, NO!” Ms. Diz said. “I mean, we have other people who want to share this morning. Speaking of things that make noise, Emma, you have something special
to show us today, don't you?”
Emma held up two black shoes with metal tappers on the bottom.
“These are my tap shoes,” she said. “They make noise when you step.”
Shoes with built-in noise?
I thought.
What will they think of next?
And that's how it all began.