Don't Let Me Go (6 page)

Though Charlotte didn’t approve of it much either, since Katie was proving a bit of an unstoppable force she said, ‘What is it, sweetheart? Do you want to go to the loo?’

Chloe shook her head. ‘I’m hungry,’ she said, her eyes following a large bowl of fries and a burger as it went by on a tray.

‘Auntie Shelley’ll be here soon,’ Katie told her. ‘We’ll order then.’

Chloe looked up at Charlotte.

‘It’s OK, you don’t have to wait,’ Charlotte said, stroking her face. ‘Would you like fish fingers?’

‘And fries,’ Chloe added happily.

‘So where were we?’ Katie wondered as soon as the order was placed. ‘Ah, that’s right, we were talking about how well you’re settling in here. I expect you’re finding it a big change from England though. I know I did when I first came. I’d never go back though, would you?’

‘I don’t think so,’ Charlotte replied. ‘I don’t have any reason to.’

‘Mm, I don’t suppose you do, with your mother being here. I think it’s lovely, the way you two have found each other again after all these years. Everyone was so pleased for Anna when it happened. She’d been wanting to fly over to England and find you for ages. I always wondered what stopped her, but I suppose she’s so busy and you no doubt had your own life going on over there with a different family and everything. Where was it you lived? Somewhere by the coast, wasn’t it?’

‘Kesterly-on-Sea,’ Charlotte told her, a swell of unexpected nostalgia seeming to dry the words in her throat.

Katie looked incredulous. ‘No way!’ she declared. ‘That’s down on the edge of Exmoor, or Dartmoor or somewhere, isn’t it? I’ve got a cousin who lives there. Maria Mitchell. I don’t suppose you know her? She’s about our age.’

‘I don’t think so,’ Charlotte replied. ‘What does she do?’

Katie shrugged. ‘No idea these days. She used to teach yoga and Pilates. Maybe she still does. What did you do when you were there?’

Having the answer off pat by now, Charlotte said, ‘I worked for the local authority.’

Katie pulled a face. ‘No wonder you were keen to get out. What about Chloe’s dad? What did, or does he do?’

Surprised, but glad, that no one had ever told Katie the truth about Chloe’s father, Charlotte willed Shelley to turn up now as she said, ‘I’d rather not discuss him in front of her, if you don’t mind.’

‘Oh God, I’m sorry,’ Katie gasped. ‘Have I put my foot in it? You didn’t hear what I said, did you?’ she asked Chloe.

Luckily Chloe was engrossed in wrapping more hairbands and scrunchies around Boots.

In a whisper Katie said, ‘Bit of a b, was he?’

‘You could say that,’ Charlotte muttered.

‘You know what I find weird,’ Katie ran on pensively, ‘is that Anna never mentioned anything about . . .’ she nodded towards Chloe, ‘before you came here. We knew all about you of course . . .’

Spotting Shelley rushing towards them, Charlotte broke into a smile of welcome. ‘Here she is,’ she said, getting up to greet her. ‘How’s the dog? Is everything OK?’

‘Oh, she’ll be fine,’ Shelley assured her. ‘I just didn’t expect them to give her an op this morning. It was only to remove a fibroid, she’ll live. Hi, Katie, how’s everything? And how are you, my little angel?’ she said, stooping to give Chloe a kiss. ‘Oh my goodness, what have you got here? Is this all yours?’

‘From Auntie Katie,’ Chloe replied, swinging her legs. ‘But we’re going to give some to Danni.’

Shelley looked delighted. ‘She’ll be thrilled to bits,’ she declared, ‘but you make sure you hang on to your favourites, won’t you? And is this your lunch coming?’ she added as the waitress began hovering. ‘I’m so glad you didn’t make her wait,’ she told Charlotte. ‘Poor little mite must be starving. I know I am. Have you guys ordered yet?’

‘No, but we’re definitely ready to,’ Katie informed her.

After they had made their selection Shelley reached for her wine, saying, ‘Just what I need. So now what are we talking about?’

‘Oh nothing much,’ Charlotte quickly replied.

‘Actually,’ Katie corrected, ‘I was just saying how strange it was that Anna never told us anything about . . .’ again she nodded towards Chloe, ‘before she and Charlotte came here.’

Shelley was amazed. ‘What are you talking about? She hardly stopped telling us. And why else would Dad have put an extra room on the bach and gone out to buy all that extra little-girl furniture?’

Katie flushed. ‘I didn’t realise he did that before they got here,’ she said. ‘Sorry. I guess I just got my timings in a muddle.’

‘No harm done,’ Shelley told her kindly. ‘You probably didn’t talk to Anna as often as I did on the phone while she was in England, or you’d have heard nothing but Chloe, Chloe, Chloe.’

Looking up, Chloe pointed her fork as she said, ‘Auntie, Auntie, Auntie.’

Laughing, Shelley leaned across to pinch her cheek. ‘And how did Bevan’s jump-off go this morning?’ she asked her.

Chloe nodded, up and down, up and down. ‘I can have a wish,’ she told her.

‘Oh?’ Shelley responded.

‘For her birthday, when she blows out the candles,’ Charlotte explained.

‘Of course you can,’ Shelley agreed. ‘And what will you wish for?’

Chloe turned to Charlotte, and putting down her fork she climbed up to whisper in her ear.

Charlotte started to laugh. ‘You crafty little minx,’ she chided.

‘What is it?’ Katie asked.

‘She’s going to wish for a jump-off,’ Charlotte confided, ‘but I’ve already told her she has to wait until she’s five before she can have one of those.’

Shelley frowned. ‘Well, there’s no reason why we can’t practise in advance, is there? We’ll get Grandpa to make us a throne and see if Celia at Aroha will let us borrow the ring. So who are you going to jump off to? Have you decided that, yet?’

Chloe pursed her lips as she thought. Then, suddenly brightening, she said, ‘Uncle Wick.’

As Shelley clapped her hands in approval, Charlotte couldn’t help noticing the light fade in Katie’s eyes before she was able to make herself laugh too.

Chapter Four

THE EARLY MORNING
mist over the bay was drifting like a silvery gauze in the sunshine, shrouding the Maori settlement in its ephemeral mass and rolling like whispers into the trees. The tide was out; the sun was starting to burn in a milky white sky and over on the far hillside next to the water tank a family of pukekos was foraging about in the dirt. Spotting them, Charlotte felt tempted to wake Chloe since she adored the bright blue birds with their cherry-red beaks and white tail feathers, but they were often there and as she’d woken from a bad dream in the night it was probably best to let her sleep on a while.

She was sprawled out in Charlotte’s bed now with Boots clutched in one hand and a single sheet wrapped around her legs.

‘No tiger, no tiger,’ she’d sobbed when Charlotte had gone in to get her around two a.m.

‘No, darling, there’s no tiger,’ Charlotte had assured her, holding her close. ‘Everything’s all right. Mummy’s here. Nothing bad is going to happen.’

‘Don’t want to see the tiger,’ she’d choked.

‘It’s OK, it’s not here. It’s never coming here, so you don’t have to worry.’

It had taken a while for her little body to stop shuddering and even longer for her to relax her grip on Charlotte, but after a lot of cuddles and a few pages from her new Hairy Maclary she’d finally drifted off again. It wasn’t until Charlotte had woken a few minutes ago that she’d realised that she too had managed to go back to sleep. Usually, after one of their broken nights, she lay awake for hours afterwards worrying and fearing the worst, though God knew what could be worse than the ordeal Chloe had already been through.

I should have saved you sooner. You should never have had to go through what you did.

Ride the tiger, child. Come on, ride the tiger.

In her entire life Charlotte knew she would never forget those words, nor the horrendous images that had gone with them. She wished with all her heart that she’d never seen them, and yet, if she hadn’t, she wouldn’t have had the proof she’d needed to put Chloe’s father where he was now.

Don’t think about him. Don’t let him into your mind to soil it. Just forget he exists.

If only that were possible, for Chloe, even more than for her.

As she put the kettle on and downed a refreshing glass of water she was wondering if the fact that she’d slept as soon as Chloe had after the nightmare meant that she was finally starting to let go of her fears. Or had she, once again, drunk too much wine last night? Her mother and Bob had come over with some scallops they’d brought back from a dive to add to the cook-up she, Chloe and Danni were having on the beach. Then Phil and Craig had wandered down to join them, shortly followed by Shelley. Another happy family occasion with nothing serious being spoken of, no visible signs of faltering heartbeats, or guilt draining the laughter dry.

‘Are you OK? Would you like me to stay?’ her mother had offered when Charlotte, carrying Chloe, had staggered against the footbridge on her way back into the bach.

‘I’m fine,’ Charlotte had told her. ‘Don’t fuss. She’s just heavy, OK?’

She’d seen the look her mother had given Bob, and had wanted to shout at her to leave her alone, but of course she hadn’t. What was the point in hurting her mother, trying to make her feel even worse than she already did? She’d been through enough, for God’s sake, had suffered in ways Charlotte could hardly begin to imagine, so to try and reject her now would be giving in to the demons she had to learn to control.

Resolving to have a wine-free day today, she made some tea and carried it to the bedroom to check on Chloe. Finding her still out for the count she listened for her breathing, and feeling the relief of hearing it she decided there was still no point in waking her. It was Saturday, so no rush to get to Aroha, and all they had planned for the day was a ride on Diesel with Danni this morning and a waterskiing lesson for Charlotte later on. She wasn’t sure yet who was going to drive the boat, Bob or Phil, it might even be Rick since he was due back around lunchtime, though she guessed that was unlikely given his reason for coming. She wondered what he was going to make of the house, if it would turn out to be as perfect as Katie hoped.

He wouldn’t buy it, Charlotte felt as certain of that as she did of the fact that he’d be in touch with her at some point today. However, for now she was going to focus her mind elsewhere, and opening up her laptop she plugged in the T stick to make an Internet connection. At least two weeks had gone by since she’d last checked her emails, or, as she sometimes put it to herself, since she’d stepped back into her previous life. She rarely enjoyed the experience, since it usually left her feeling shaky and unsure of who she was supposed to be. However, it had to be gone through, and thankfully the contact from old friends and colleagues was becoming less frequent the more time went on. This was largely due to the fact that she almost never answered their questions, which was hard in many cases, but the need to keep herself and Chloe safe had to come first.

As always, as she watched the emails downloading, her eyes searched for Gabby’s name, but there was no sign of it again today. There had been no exchange between them since the day Charlotte had left, and though it broke Charlotte apart to feel the gulf widening between them she knew it had to be this way. She wondered if Gabby found it any easier, and felt sure she didn’t.

Better not to think about her and get on with making sure the closing-down of her old life was going to plan. She’d been Alexandra back then, or Alex, which was what everyone had called her. It was the name her adoptive parents, Myra and Douglas, had given her, even though for the first three years of her life, when she’d been with her real mother, she’d been Charlotte.

Myra and Douglas hadn’t been able to keep her name, for much the same reason as she’d been unable to keep Chloe’s.

She began deleting the endless junk mail and birthday reminders, feeling as bad about not sending cards, electronic or real, as she had about ignoring her friends at Christmas. What must they think of her now? Did they feel hurt and offended, or perhaps even worried? No one had said so, there had been no recriminations at all, so it seemed they were simply getting on with their lives. She doubted any of them knew that she’d changed her name back to the one she’d been given at birth, nor would they have any idea that Chloe was no longer called Ottilie.

If only changing Chloe’s name could be as easy as changing her own, which had happened within a matter of weeks. She even had a new passport and a copy of her original birth certificate now. To make Chloe’s change official she’d have to seek her father’s permission and that could never happen. Not ever.

However, Bob had assured her they’d work it out somehow, and if these past few months had taught her anything, it was how readily Bob rose to a challenge. She guessed he hadn’t found a solution for this particular issue yet, but knowing him he’d be working on it, and as soon as he could make it possible Chloe would never be known as anything other than Chloe again.

Coming across a message sent a week ago from her old boss, Tommy Burgess, Charlotte felt a wave of sadness coming over her. Tommy had been more than a boss; he’d been a good, dear friend and loyal supporter, especially at the end when their bosses at the local authority had washed their hands of her.

Tommy was one of the few people who knew for certain that she wasn’t coming back.

Hi Alex pet, how’s tricks down there in Kiwi-land? Can’t tell you how much I envy you all that sunshine and good living, especially when we’re bang in the middle of winter – and a godawful recession – over here.

As I told you in my last email the Kesterly social service hubs have merged now, so we’re working out of the swanky new offices the local council stumped up for – and needless to say we’re still in chaos. Your favourite person (not), Wendy, is still the department manager and I remain team leader, but I have news, my lovely friend. Jackie and I have decided to move back north. Her mother’s not getting any younger, nor is my dad, and we want to spend as much time as we can with them before the dreaded Alzheimer’s or the Grim Reaper kick in. Obviously we’ll miss all our friends here in Kesterly, but we’re planning to stay in touch and we’ve already been bombarded with offers of places to stay for our holidays.