Don't Let Go: A Full Hearts Novella (6 page)

“Okay, Ben. Hang in there,” Cole said.

“Study hard, little bro. You’re probably going to have support my sorry ass someday,” Ben answered before he hung up.

He collapsed onto his bed, a mass of frustration and regrets. Any day now, he would be on his way back home and it would be for good this time. He would be
back home, the defeated hometown hero who didn’t make good on his promises. He knew he could always go back to work on the ranch. They would never stop needing his help there. Maybe someday he could take over when his parents were ready to retire. Thoughts of Alicia poured into his brain. She was still with that blond guy. The thought of her getting it from him made Ben feel physically sick. Now that he heard that, part of him just wanted to get on the next plane home and forget spring training altogether. Alicia would be finishing her degree in a month. He wondered if she’d be moving back home again. It really didn’t matter where she would be, though. They were nothing to each other, no matter how severely his hindsight had been scolding him since he saw her in that little red dress.

Ben dropped his bags in his old bedroom and walked over to the window, staring out over the shimmering water of the lake in the soft autumn sun. He stretched, feeling achy and restless from the long bus ride. As much as Ben was glad to be home, he was bitterly disappointed to be letting go of his dream. He had given it his best shot, but after four years, he needed to figure out his next move. He was twenty-two with only a high-school education and nothing to show for his time since he’d left school. A deep sense of frustration and boredom rose up in his chest. Cole had left a few days before for university and the house felt too quiet without him.

Looking out toward the barn, he saw his dad walking out guiding two horses, saddled up and ready to go. Jake spotted Ben and smiled up him, gesturing with his head for his son to join him. Ben grinned broadly and opened his window, calling down, “Give me a minute to change!”

Three hours later, the two returned to the barn. The horses were breathing heavily from their workout. Ben slid down to his feet and patted his light-brown beast on her neck. Smiling over at his dad, he thanked him. “That was just what I needed.”

Jake nodded.
“Thought so. Sometimes a man needs a few hours out in the sunshine and fresh air to settle his mind.”

“Yeah, thanks. I feel better, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am twenty-two and I don’t have the first damn clue what I’m going to do with my life, Dad.”

“It’s okay not to know, Ben. You still got a lot of years left in you. You can stay here until you figure it out. But you know, we’ll always have a place for you here. And your mom and I have been talking a lot about finally getting out to see the world ourselves. It won’t be long before we’ll be looking for someone to take over the ranch.”

“I know. Thanks.”

“Here, you tend to the horses. I’m going to go see if I can sweet talk your mom into heating up some supper for us. I told her we’d be back over an hour ago.” Jake gave his son a mock-scared expression and sauntered toward the house.

Ben led the horses back to their stalls and started to remove their tack. A feeling of peace came over him for the first time in months as he quietly brushed them down and watered them. It was the calm he always felt when he was out riding in the mountains, breathing the fresh air, listening to the sounds of his wide-open surroundings. This was a good life for any man and even though he had fought so hard to avoid it, now that he
was here again, he took great comfort in it, knowing he belonged somewhere, knowing he was skilled at something other than baseball.

* * *

Two weeks later, Ben drove into town to the batting cages. It was late in the afternoon and he had gone to shake off the frustration and failure that had clung to him since he got back to Colorado. The cages somehow afforded him a meditative experience in spite of their obvious reminder of his lost dream. The sound of the machine spitting out the ball, the 
ting
 of the bat hitting its intended projectile in just that sweet spot, the repetitive swings of his body all helped to clear his mind and restore a calm feeling.

On the way home, Ben found himself driving past Alicia’s house. Actually, he didn’t find himself driving past her house so much as he went twenty blocks out of his way to her street. The sun slid behind the mountains in the distance as he turned on to her road. His stomach growled, reminding him that he had long since missed dinner at the ranch. Slowing as he approached her home, Ben pulled his truck over a few houses down from hers.

He warmed the driver’s seat for a few minutes, working up the courage to get out and knock on her door. Should he go see her? He had heard around that she had finished her degree and was living with her parents again while she looked for a job. As far as he knew, she still had a boyfriend. Maybe she was even engaged by now. Even if that were the case, why couldn’t he go see her? They were old friends. He could just be stopping by to say hi and let her know he was back in town. That would be okay, wouldn’t it?

His thoughts were interrupted by a sharp knock on the passenger-side window. Ben jerked his head in surprise and his eyes were gifted with the sight of Alicia’s blue eyes. He pulled the key from the ignition and got out with a sheepish look on his face.

“So, were you going to just sit there all evening or were you planning to come in?” she asked, shifting the brown paper grocery bag in her arms. She was wearing a light-blue tank top over cut-off jeans and she looked sexy in that girl-next-door sort of way, with her hair in two loose braids down the sides of her head.

“Oh, um.
Yeah, I was just thinking of saying hi, but then I thought maybe I shouldn’t.”

“And why wouldn’t you? Are you scared of me?” Alicia asked, with a teasing expression.

“I’m not scared of you. Your dad, maybe,” he told her, purposely steering the conversation away from the topic of her dating status. He didn’t know if he could handle another disappointment just then. Kicking a rock with his boot, he waited a beat before glancing up at her from under his ball cap with a little grin.

“That just shows you’re not stupid,” she laughed. Tilting her head to the side, she smiled back at him. “I heard you were back in town.”

“Yeah, I guess I am,” Ben replied, keeping his tone light to avoid showing the painful reason for his being back home. He strode around the side of the truck and took the bag from her arms, brushing her warm, silky skin with his fingertips as he did. This briefest of touches brought back a flood of memories for him. Memories of their night together under the stars and the weeks that followed. Memories that threatened any plans that were starting to take seed in his mind about setting off to see new parts of the world.

“I heard you might be hanging up your cleats for good this time?” Alicia asked softly.

Ben nodded, pausing for a moment before answering. “I am. It just wasn’t going to happen for me so I’ll have to hope I’m better at something else than I am at baseball. There must be something, right?”

“There are lots of things that you’ll be wonderful at, Ben,” Alicia answered confidently as they turned and slowly made their way toward her parents’ house.

“I wish I was as sure as you sound. I’m going back to being a rookie, only I don’t have the first damn clue what I’m going to do now,” he said as they turned up the sidewalk to her house.

Their pace slowed even more so that now, as they took the steps up to her front door, their feet were barely moving. Neither of them knew where the conversation was going to go and both were reluctant to let it end. When they reached the top of the steps, Alicia turned and sat on the wooden porch, patting the spot next to her as a silent request for Ben to join her. Ben set the bag down and let his body flop down beside her just as his stomach let out a loud growl.

He pressed his stomach with his hand, hoping to stifle the loud sound. “Excuse me.”

“I take it you haven’t eaten yet,” she stated.

“Not just yet. I lost track of time,” Ben admitted.

“I might have a fix for that right here. It won’t be healthy, though. I just went on a junk food run,” Alicia said, pulling the bag over to her and digging around for a moment. She pulled out a box of ice cream sandwiches and held it up to him.

“Mmm, those look good. I can’t take it though. I didn’t come here to bum supper off you.”

Alicia opened the box and placed one firmly in his palm. “It’s not supper, it’s a snack. And it will save me from hearing that incredibly loud noise your stomach is making.”

“So I’m doing you a favour if I eat it?” Ben asked with a grin.

“Yes, it would help me out a great deal. Don’t make me beg, Ben Mitchell.”

“You’d never have to beg me for anything, Alicia,” Ben answered meaningfully as he unwrapped the treat, shoving half of it in his mouth in one big bite. Alicia unwrapped hers and bit off a small corner. They sat quietly, both grateful for the food as a distraction from the unanswered questions that they were too scared to bring up. Ben’s eyes fixed themselves on Alicia’s lean, tanned thighs for a long moment as he chewed. An urge to run his hand along the smooth surface of her skin came over him, causing him to take another large bite of his sandwich. He swallowed hard and balled up the wrapper. Without missing a beat, Alicia reached in the box and handed him another sandwich. “For me, please.”

“Only if you’re sure,” Ben said, gently bumping her arm with his.

“Oh, I insist,” Alicia told him. She leaned against his strong arm, letting herself enjoy the warmth of the moment. Looking over at him, she let her eyes drink in the sight of his strong jaw, his smooth, freshly shaved face, his perfect lips. She spotted a bit of ice cream on the side of his mouth and reached up without thinking to wipe it off with her finger. Ben turned his face to hers and gazed into her eyes. He watched as she licked the white cream from her finger, an act so familiar and intimate that it made his pulse quicken as though she had just run that tongue all over him. His need for her grew thick as they sat in the warm night air. Ben wanted nothing more than to lean in and let his lips brush against hers. He could almost feel the soft warmth of her mouth and taste the vanilla.

Alicia’s face hardened suddenly, as if she was pulling back from the tender moment they had just shared. She stared out at the house across the street as its porch light came on. “What are you here for, Ben?” she asked quietly.

“I don’t know exactly. For some reason that I can’t explain, my truck brought me here. Must be because it’s sick of me going on about you all the time.”

Alicia hid the tiny smile on her face by staring down at her feet, forcing her voice to become serious. “And just why would you
be doing that? You were pretty sure there wasn’t anything worth hanging on to when you first left for Salem.”

Ben sighed heavily, feeling the weight of his choices. “Yeah, I was an idiot back then. I had all these ideas that everything better was waiting for me out there.”

“Including girls,” she said matter-of-factly.

“No. Honestly, Alicia, I was too busy thinking about baseball to have girls on my mind at the time. I was fixed on playing in the majors and I had myself convinced that I needed to get out of here to find adventure, excitement, a better life.”

She fixed him with a skeptical stare. “And just what did you discover out there?”

“I discovered that every place is kind of the same. The scenery and weather change, but what happens there is no different. People work, live, have families, have dreams, succeed and fail. The funny thing is that there is nowhere with scenery that I like more
than Colorado and there sure as shit aren’t any people I’d rather spend my life with than the ones who are here.”

He looked her straight in the eye as he spoke, trying to discern what she might be thinking. Her face softened a little as she listened to him and Ben paused, waiting for her to say something. He was scared to say much more before he knew if she was dating anyone. As he took in the sight of her, he knew he needed to admit how he felt about her if he was ever going to have a chance to win her back.

“Ben, I—” she started.

Not wanting to give her a chance to reject his offer, he interrupted her. “Alicia, wait. Now, I don’t know if you are still going out with that blond guy or not, but I really need to say something to you and it’s something I should have said years ago. You’re the only girl for me and I never should have let you go. It’s my biggest regret in life.
Bigger than not making the majors, by far. You offered me everything that a guy could want and I was too stupid to take it. I don’t know if you’d ever be willing to give me another shot, but if you do, I promise I’m ready to be the man you thought I was back then. I know what’s important in life and I know it has everything to do with being with the person you’re meant to be with. And you’re that person for me. I met a lot of girls in the past few years and not one of them held a candle to you. Not one. And I’m sorry that I hurt you, Alicia. If I could take that back, I would in a heartbeat.”

The moment was interrupted by the sound of her dad’s voice through the screen door. “I’m going to look for her. She should have been back by now.”

His heavy footsteps closed in on them, causing Ben to straighten his back and slide away from Alicia. “There you are. I was just going out to find you.”

“I’m twenty-one, Dad. I know how to get to the store and home again,” Alicia said, her voice lacking the usual irritation it had in response to her father’s overprotectiveness. She was far too distracted trying to process Ben’s admission to make any attempt to convince her dad that she was a grown-up.

Mr. Williams’ eyes hardened as he took in the sight of Ben with his only child. “Ben.” It was a statement of fact more than a greeting.

“Good evening, Mr. Williams,” Ben returned, looking up at the bulky frame of Alicia’s father.

“I see you’ve been eating my ice cream sandwiches,” he said in a clipped tone, making it very clear that Ben shouldn’t be touching his things and definitely not his daughter.

“Sorry, sir.
I’ll replace them.” Ben swallowed hard what was left in his mouth, trying to rid himself of the evidence.

“How about you keep away from my dessert and my daughter?” His expression was as icy as his tone.