Don't Explain (31 page)

Alexis looked smugly into her cup. Caitlyn walked over to her friend and
put her arm around her shoulder. “I don't love you any less. It's just that with
all the craziness, I haven't been able to do anything for myself—just me. I
appreciate all you do for me, but you should be proud of me. I went out on my own
and met a great guy.”

“He's really better than college guy?” She looked up doubtingly at her
friend.

“He's unbelievably better than college guy.”

Alexis finally laughed. “He would have been a lot of fun.”

“Yeah, but I don't know if he would have been worth the shot in the ass
to get rid of the syphilis.”

Alexis laughed again. Caitlyn was glad that the conversation had rolled
back around to something light. She had started with the news about Michael,
and segued into Charles, which brought up the question of why she had been
neglecting Alexis. She didn't want to talk about that stuff anymore. She didn't
want to talk about Michael, and how even from a distance he was still tugging
on the string that connected them.

Charles is better for me. Charles likes me. Michael brings me pain. She
had been repeating this mantra over and over, but it wasn’t as effective as she
hoped.

Caitlyn was building the courage to tell Alexis the most significant
thing that was happening in her life—she was leaving Maple Field for several
months. This was one of the reasons she had been avoiding Alexis.

“So, my mom is going to be released from the hospital tomorrow.” Caitlyn
carefully sipped her coffee.

“That’s great.” Caitlyn could see out of the corner of her eye that
Alexis was smiling. “Can I go with you to pick her up?”

“Yeah of course if you want to.” Caitlyn gulped. “But you’ll have to take
your own car.”

Alexis set down her mug, “What? Why?”

“Mom’s going to need a lot of help when she gets out of the hospital.
Since I don’t have a job, I’m going to go and live with her while she
recovers.”

“No, don’t do it. It won’t be a few months. It’ll be forever. You’ll be
trapped in that house until she dies. You don’t want that.”

Caitlyn sighed. “I don’t have any other options.”

Her friend threw her hands into the air. “Are you kidding me? There are
nursing homes, in-home care workers.” She stopped for a second. “You can’t
leave me in this town alone.”

Caitlyn gave her a half-smile. “I don’t have the money to do any of that.
I have the opposite of money. I’m probably going to have to sell the house.”

“What the hell, Caitlyn? I have enough money. Let me pay for it. I would
be more than happy to if it keeps you sane and two houses down.”

Caitlyn shook her head. “You know I can’t do that. I can’t take your
money.”

“This is complete crap. You know that, right?”

“It doesn’t matter what it is. I have to do it.”

“This sucks.”

Caitlyn walked over to her friend and held her arms out wide. Alexis
embraced her.

“I have to get ready for my date with Charles. You want to help me pick
out some food and do my hair? I have to admit, you know how to do my hair.”
Caitlyn knew that she had to give Alexis something to fuss over, and she was
willing to let it be her hair.

“Alright. I’ll do it, but if I do it, it’s going to be hot. You better
get laid this time.” Alexis gave her a serious look.

Caitlyn smiled. “I’ll do my best.” Alexis’s eyes narrowed at her. “I’m
going to try as hard as I can.”

“It’s not a guarantee, but I’ll take it.”

Alexis grabbed Caitlyn’s hand and pulled her through the bedroom and into
the bathroom. They looked in the mirror at one another as Alexis fiddled with
Caitlyn’s hair. “Is he better than Michael? Are you sure you're ready for this?”

Caitlyn bit her lip. She didn't know, so she lied. “Of course.” The more
time she spent with Charles the more she would like him and the less she would
think about Michael. The less she thought about Michael, the less she would
want him.

 Alexis gave her a sharp look and asked, “You're not going to stop
sharing all the juicy details with me just because you’re forty-five minutes
away?”

“Hell no! I have to expose my exploits to someone. Who would I share them
with but you?”

Alexis seemed content again and dug through Caitlyn’s drawers and
cabinets grabbing the tools she would need.

Alexis got one curl into Caitlyn’s hair when there was a sharp knock on
the door. Caitlyn looked at her watch. It wasn’t even 4:30 yet. Would Charles
show up that early?

She gave Alexis a wide-eyed look. Alexis put down the curling iron and said,
“You stay here. I don’t care who it is, I’ll tell them that you are not fit for
visitors.”

“Thanks.”

Alexis disappeared into the other room, and Caitlyn began looking through
her makeup bag. She tried to ignore the voices in the other room, but she
didn’t recognize the other voice. Caitlyn wasn’t alarmed until Alexis called
for her in the other room.

Caitlyn got up and hesitantly walked through the bedroom, trying to get a
peek of who was in the living room before she went in there, but she couldn’t
get a good view.

Her heart raced when she saw that Danny Moreno stood in her doorway.
Caitlyn came to only one conclusion. “You’re here to arrest me, aren’t you?”

Danny looked at Alexis who was blocking the entrance and said, “Excuse
me.”

“No way. I’m not going to let you take her.”

“I’m not here to arrest her, but I do have some questions.”

“It’s fine, Alexis. Let him in.”

Alexis dropped her arm from the door frame and scowled at him as he
walked into the cottage.

Caitlyn moved further into the room, “Would you like some coffee?”

Danny shook his head. “No, I just have a couple of quick questions, and
then I’ll leave you alone.”

Caitlyn sat down on her couch and sighed. “I don’t know how much more I
can tell you. I’ve told you and the insurance company everything I know.” She
motioned to have Danny sit down, and Alexis sat next to her on the couch.”

“We are now positive that the fire was an act of arson. The lab detected
kerosene in and around the wood stove in the center of the room.”

Caitlyn took in a sharp breath and blinked back the tears in her eyes. “I
didn’t burn down my coffee shop.”

“I didn’t say you did. There’s a little more. We also found a necklace on
the wood stove. We think it was caught on the handle when the arsonist poured
the gasoline.” Danny held out a photo. “Do you recognize this?”

Caitlyn took the picture in her hands and her mouth fell open when she
looked at the picture of a tarnished white gold rectangle. “Oh my God,” she
said.

Danny shifted in his seat. “Is it yours?”

Caitlyn shook her head and then turned to Alexis, “Why would she do
this?”

Alexis raised her shoulders and turned out her hands.

“Caitlyn, who does that belong to?”

She looked up at Danny with wide-eyes. “Margaret Black. It’s Margaret
Black’s locket. I don’t know if you can open it, or if it will be there, but
there’s a picture of children in it from the hospital where she volunteered.”

He pulled a small notepad and began writing. “Do you know where I can
find Ms. Black?”

Caitlyn put her hand over her mouth and shook her head. “Last I knew she
was living with Michael Fitzgerald, but I think something happened… He lives on
Prince. 153 Prince.”

Danny stood up, “Okay. That’s everything for now. We’ll be in touch.”

Caitlyn raised and handed him the picture. “Thanks, Danny.”

He smiled. “Just doing my job.”

Caitlyn walked him to the door and shut it behind him, and then turned to
Alexis. “I’m not going to prison.”

Alexis smiled. “Nope. But you can reopen the shop here in Maple Field!”

Caitlyn shook her head. “I can’t open a coffee shop and take care of my
mother.”

Alexis took a deep breath but didn’t stop smiling. “We still have to get
you ready. Let’s focus on that for now, and we’ll figure everything else out
later.”

#

Charles arrived at Caitlyn's at about 6:00. She had gone to a nearby
Chinese restaurant and ordered takeout for them to share. They sat on the floor
around the coffee table, chopsticks finagling lo mien and pot stickers, and talked
more about their pasts. Caitlyn contemplated telling him about what had
happened with Michael that morning but decided that it was unimportant and
adopted a “don't ask, don't tell” policy on today's events. She was still
overwhelmed by everything and decided to use Charles as a way to forget, not a
person to vent to.

No matter how hard she attempted to have good time with Charles, she
couldn't get Michael out of her head, and it was making her crazy. His words
and that morning’s kiss haunted their date and prevented her from enjoying
herself. She imagined that he would pull up to her house and see that someone
was there only to come in and pick a fight, or maybe he would see that she was
telling him the truth and leave her alone. She felt pathetic when she realized
that the former was more appealing than the latter.

There were several times that she even stopped listening to Charles
because Michael was so completely occupying her thoughts. Charles noticed. After
a couple of missed responses, Charles stopped and asked if she was alright, but
she dismissed it as nothing important and digressed. When she was focused on
their conversation, she enjoyed Charles's company.

After dinner they sat looking at the fireplace. Caitlyn leaned back into
Charles's chest, and he stroked her hair gently. She wanted to get into the
mood, to continue what she had stopped the night before, but she couldn't shake
the feeling that something was wrong. She should be less stressed out, but she
was tense from her head to her little toe.

Charles kissed the top of her head and said, “I think I could fall in
love with you easily.”

Caitlyn jolted up and turned to face him. “What?” she gasped.

“You would be easy to fall in love with. You're vibrant and beautiful and
distracted. These things intrigue me, and I find that I could easily love you.”

She stared at him intently, “Now who's jumping into the future?”

Charles laughed quietly. “I don’t want this to be our last date. Let’s
work around your schedule.” He leaned in and softly pressed his lips against
hers. She searched for the spark. It was there the night before, but she couldn't
quite feel it now. Caitlyn grabbed his face and kissed him harder and more
deeply trying to find or create a connection that would make her feel what
Charles was feeling for her, but all thoughts of love still returned to
Michael.

Please, she begged herself, feel something. Feel something for Charles.

She positioned herself so that she was straddling his lap. She ran her
fingertips across his chest and sucked gently on his neck. He embraced her
tightly in return, and while his body comforted her, it was not exciting her.
There was no passion, no want for more than an embrace. She pushed herself away
from him and looked into his eyes. They were kind, friendly, and full of desire.

She moved off of him. “I am so sorry. I can't do this.”

“What's wrong? Is there anything I can do?”

“Yes,” she said quietly. She quickly rose from the floor and straightened
out her blouse. “Charles, I am so sorry, but I can't do this with you knowing
that I belong to someone else. You have been great, but if we continue I’ll end
up hurting you badly, and I don't think that I will be able to stand that. So, I
think that you should leave.” He looked at her dumbfounded for a moment. “Please,”
she begged.

Charles lifted himself from the floor and held her hands in his. “He
broke your heart,” he gently reminded her.

“I know, but it still belongs to him—to break and repair.” She gently
kissed him on the cheek. Her hands dropped his, and she escorted him to the
front door. “Thank you for the past couple of nights. You really were
wonderful.” He looked at her in awe. He didn’t say anything. He just shook his
head and left without resistance.

Caitlyn ran to her bedroom and pulled off her shirt and jumped out of her
pants on the way. Searching through her closet she tried to find something
appropriate to wear and eventually settled on a large, knit navy sweater that
was Michael's eleven years ago. She had claimed it before he could donate it to
charity. Even back then he told her that it looked great on her. She pulled a
skirt on underneath it. Her makeup had worn off a bit and her hair was a bit
frazzled, so she washed her face removing any residue that remained and quickly
brushed out the rebellious strands. She rushed out to her car and started the
engine.

She drove to Michael's house nervously tapping her hands on the steering
wheel and bouncing her left leg vigorously. Another sad love song played,
making her more anxious. Flipping off the radio, she rode in silence and prayed
that she had not made an irreversible mistake.