Done With Love (35 page)

I opened the door and the cold
wooshed
in as I stepped out onto the street. The small bouquet I’d picked up from the florist on the way over was bright against the overcast day. It looked like it might snow again. I wished spring would hurry. My heeled boots clicked against the cement sidewalk as my heart raced. Had I made the right decision in coming? I wasn’t here to beg for his forgiveness, not while he was vulnerable. I only wanted him to know I would comfort him, as he’d done for me so many times. I wanted him to know I would be here for him, if he’d let me.

I slowed to a standstill at the edge of the grass when I caught sight of him standing at his brother’s headstone. The carved granite stood chest high to Leo, and I could read the inscription from where I stood:
Beloved son, loving brother, fallen hero.
Leo’s back was to me, hands shoved into the pockets of his black coat, his head bowed. I swallowed against the lump in my throat and stepped onto the grass.

When I reached his side, I knelt to set the flowers beside the flowers already there. I stood and, without a word, placed my gloved hand through his arm and grasped onto his wrist just above his coat pocket. We stood there, in silence while my heartbeat thrummed in my chest. After a minute, he took his hand out of his pocket, and I let mine fall back to my side. My heart was so heavy, my chest so constricted, I fought against the muscles in my face so I wouldn’t frown, wouldn’t cry. This was not the place for self-pity. I’d come here to offer my support, and it was his right not to take it. Not to want it from me.

I almost turned away, but before I could he clasped his hand to mine, and I expelled a hushed sigh of relief. A huge, painful, horrible weight lifted from my chest, and I sucked in a breath of hope. Hope that he still cared.

I glanced sideways at him, unsure of how much he wanted from me right now. I didn’t even know how to comfort a man like Leo, a man who was so strong all the time, a man who’d been through so much. When I glimpsed his eyes, red with tears, I abandoned any hesitation. I stepped into his arms and hugged him so tight, hoping to absorb some of his pain so he wouldn’t hurt so much. I’d take it all if I could, but those memories of his brother dying in his arms, those feelings, they were his to bear, and I could only offer him comfort.

My throat ached as silent tears shook his body, but I wouldn’t cry. He needed me to be strong this time. I held him until his body stilled and tightened my hold when he pressed a kiss to my temple. I loved this man so much, it hurt. I wanted to tell him so badly, but didn’t know if it was appropriate to do so here when he’d come to mourn his brother. So I held on tight and listened to the cars pass outside the cemetery.

When he leaned away, I looked up to meet his gaze, and my lips twitched with the tears I’d been fighting to hold in. He was more beautiful now than he’d ever been, with so much raw emotion written in the lines of his face and in his gaze, shining with the tears he’d cried. I reached up and touched my hand to his cheek, then wrapped my hand around his neck. I’d been uncertain before, but right now, I felt in my heart this was right—I leaned up and kissed him. Our lips were warm, but his nose was cold against my skin. He pressed his forehead against mine, and I fingered the lapel of his coat.

“I hope it’s okay that I came.”

He peered back at me—his eyes registered thoughts I wished I could read. The silence was unbearable.

Finally, he said, “It’s fine.”

Those weren’t exactly the words I wanted to hear, but I didn’t deserve much more. I dropped my arms and dropped my face to stare down at our shoes. “I didn’t come here to talk about us or anything. I just…” I pinched my eyes closed, wondering what the right words were. “I wanted to be here for you, that’s all.”

He didn’t answer, and I shifted uncomfortably in his silence. When I looked up and our gazes locked, I nearly choked at the hard set of his jaw. The only emotion I could see was disappointment—and doubt.

“Lex, I’m glad you came, but you and I…” He shook his head. “I think we ran our course. I screwed up a long time ago by not giving you an explanation, and I waited too long to make things right. You don’t trust me, and I don’t blame you. And I can’t live the rest of my life trying to make up for a mistake I made six years ago.”

Crushed—that’s what my heart was. I shook my head. “No, it’s not like that.”

“Yes, it is.” His smile was so accepting, so final, I couldn’t breathe. He brushed a thumb against my cheek and electricity shot through my body at the finality I felt at the stroke of his skin against mine. “I think what you want is a new start, and you don’t need me holding you back. What we had was great, but it was a long time ago.”

No it wasn’t,
I wanted to scream. It was only last week we’d been wrapped in each other’s arms. I blinked at the tears in my eyes and stiffened.
No. No. No
.

“Leo, I was wrong. I am sorry—so, so, so sorry. And I won’t blame you if you don’t forgive me.” My lips shook with the sobs I needed to suppress to say what I had to say. “You were there for me, and I couldn’t get over…” It sounded so stupid, so selfish, I almost choked on the words. “I couldn’t forgive you for our past. I was too scared to trust you, even when you did nothing but prove time and again you were all in. I hurt you, and I don’t expect you to forgive me.” I shoved my hands into my pockets, and my lips quivered. “I just wanted you to know I’m sorry.”

His eyes softened, but he said nothing. Talk about making a girl grovel. I’d played all my cards, and they hadn’t been enough.
This can’t be it! This can’t be the end of us!
My heart pitter-pattered with alarm.

I turned around and stared up at the grey sky and shook my head, hating myself for having ruined this second chance with him. I sighed and turned back to face him, my feet planted, my heart pounding. His hands were shoved into his pockets, and he looked
fine.
I deserved every agonizing second that passed, but I wasn’t okay with giving up.

“What we had isn’t over. It’s worth fighting for. You were my first
everything
,” I said, my gaze begging him to understand. “I’ve loved you since I was
twelve.
I followed you around for years, praying you’d notice me. I gave my whole heart to you, and you
broke it.
But I know why you did it now, and I only love you more for it. And—and…” My head grasped at straws. “I’m not letting you go. I’m not going to let you throw us away, all because I was an idiot. I’ll follow you, and love you, and…”

I stopped. My mind went blank.

Then, he said, “So what you’re saying is if I don’t forgive you, you’re going to stalk me.”

My eyes bulged. Oh
jeez,
I really did sound like a stalker.
But he’s smiling.
I’d never seen anything so beautiful, so amazing, as his smile in this moment. It gave me strength. I nodded. “Yes, I will stalk you.”

His smile grew brighter, if that were even possible. Then he tugged me to him, pressing me into a hug that left me breathless. Literally.

“Leo, I can’t breathe,” I said against his coat, and he loosened his embrace.

“Sorry.” He chuckled and leaned down to kiss my forehead. “I’m just happy, is all.” He smoothed his fingers down my temple and through my hair, then cupped my neck. “You have no idea how good it is to hear what you just said.”

“Thank God,” I breathed. The corners of his lips pressed into a smile, and I felt warm all over. “I was worried I was too late.”

“With you? Never.” But his gaze grew serious. “I would have let you go, though. I didn’t think you really wanted this—us. I just want you to be happy. I thought you might be better off if I just let you go.”

I shook my head adamantly. “No, I need you.” I sucked in a slow breath. It was now or never. “I love you, Leo. I love you so much, I can’t breathe because of it. I love you so much, I haven’t been able to sleep because I didn’t think you’d forgive me. I love you so much that the thought of not being with you for the rest of my life makes me choke up with tears. I can’t bear it if you walk away from me. I need you. You make me stronger. You make me feel beautiful and loved. I just…I need you.”

He leaned down and slanted his lips over mine in a tender kiss. God, I had missed his kiss so much.

He kissed me again, then said, “I’ve loved you since the first time I stole that kiss in the park and you slapped me for it.”

“Yes, well, you surprised me.” And there went the butterflies.

His expression sobered. “I’ve never stopped loving you. I’m going to love you for as long as you let me.”

“Well then, I guess you won’t be getting rid of me for a really long time.” And because the declaration didn’t seem quite enough, I added, “Like ever.”

He smiled that smile I loved so much, and kissed the tip of my nose. “I love you, Princess.”

I grinned up at him, my heart so happy, I felt it might explode. “I love you too.”

And then he kissed me.

The hammock swayed in the gentle breeze, and I had a perfect view of the lake’s beach at twilight, the sky a mix of blue and gold and fluffy clouds. The breeze was a nice break from the summer heat. I’d spent the day sticky with sweat on the beach while Leo tossed a football with Matt. Gen and Matt were back in the city by now, and Leo and I had the Moss’s lake cabin to ourselves. Mitzy slept in her fluffy doggy bed nearby, her tiny body fidgeting with doggy dreams. The peace was a welcome change to the constant buzz of the last six months.

Everything had fallen into place after the bridal expo. With Gen’s artistic talents and Roxanna’s flair for the dramatics, we’d devised a runway show to steal the spotlight at the expo, and
Once Upon A Dream
had come away the star. The models we picked had worn the dresses so perfectly, the boutique’s calendar began filling up even before we left the expo. And amidst the chaos of satin and lace, Leo had stood at my side, jaw dropping gorgeous. And he was mine. It was still hard for me to wrap my head around how lucky I was. Some people waited a lifetime to feel the kind of love and happiness I had, and I went to bed at night feeling blessed. The butterflies still danced in my stomach each morning when he kissed me awake.

Spring had turned into the busiest, most successful season
Once Upon A Dream
ever had. My second year in business, and the boutique had flourished so much I had to consider expanding floor space. The room upstairs would be perfect to remodel and open up for inventory and display, but at this point, it was just an idea. As volatile as things had been at the beginning of the year, I wouldn’t rush into anything. But planning was good. Planning meant progress.

“Room for me?” The sound of Leo’s voice warmed me all the way down to my bare toes.

“I think you can squeeze in.” The hammock wasn’t one of those that hung between two trees, but on a frame sitting on the patio. It shifted under his weight, and I snuggled up against him. He’d been shirtless since we arrived earlier this morning.

“Kind of nice taking a vacation when it’s not to follow a blonde having a nervous breakdown.” He laughed when I pinched his side. “What? It’s nice we had time to pack the hammock.”

The hammock was a nice touch to this weekend getaway—a mini vacation we’d both needed. He’d been working long hours at the security firm, sometimes working even later than after I closed the boutique.

I breathed in his cologne, a new scent I’d bought him for his birthday—it smelled like the ocean and summer, and reminded me of our week in the Caribbean last year. He wore it all the time, said it reminded him of me. The hammock swayed beneath us as the sun disappeared on the horizon, his fingers twining through my hair at the nape of my neck. I was so deliriously happy. There would never be another man for me; I’d loved him nearly all of my life. All of my best memories were of me loving Leo, of me longing for him, and then him loving me back. The girl who’d once believed in happy endings? She still believed, thanks to Leo—
my real life prince charming.
He’d proven to me I wasn’t done with love just yet. I’d spend the rest of my life being grateful for his love.

“What do you think about getting a place together?” he asked, startling me from my thoughts.

I stilled my fingers from tracing the tattoo on his bicep. “Together?” I asked.

“Yes. Together. As a couple. Because that’s what we are.”

I laughed. “Okay, smartass. I know what you meant by ‘together’.” The solar lights had blinked on when the sun went down. I tilted my head to gaze at him under the pale glow. “Are you sure? I mean, we can wait. I’m in no hurry to leave my apartment.”

“I’m sure our PDA grosses Roxanna out.”

I laughed. “A little, but you know she’s mostly just being dramatic about it.”

My friend was caught up in her own whirlwind of dreams coming true. She’d signed her first contract to publish a novel, and when she wasn’t at the security firm, she was at a coffee shop, tapping out a story on her laptop.

“I know.” He kissed the tip of my nose.

The idea of taking this next step with him made my heart bump in my chest. “Okay, let’s do it. It’ll be fun to look for houses.”

“Maybe we’ll find a place in her neighborhood so we’re nearby. So I can still fix things for her when she breaks something,” he said, and I chuckled. His fingers trailed down my backbone on the outside of the knit cover-up dress over my swimsuit. “And in our own place I could do this any time I wanted, anywhere I wanted.” He lifted the hem of the dress and slid his fingers inside the swimsuit bottoms. He lifted my leg and laid it across his waist so his fingers could tease between my legs. His thumb rubbed gentle, small circles and my blood rushed through me in warm waves.