Dominque (Knights to Remember) (36 page)

Dominque turned to look into his eyes with a sad expression. “I was never your whore.”

“Not until you moved in, right?”

Dominque gripped the countertop, the frustration and pain he felt easily showing.

“Just say it, Boy.”

“Okay, yes. I felt it last week when you said I didn’t need to pay anything and I feel it now. I could have had all this and stayed with the agency. That’s not what I want.”

“Excuse me?” Jacob placed his hands on his hips. “You could have what exactly? Me? What I feel for you? How you return those feelings? You could have had
all that
with some random guy who picked you out of a group of men just like you from the website, who would then set you up in a house which he paid for, turning up when he fancied a fuck? Is that right? Is that what this is? Have I failed you
so
much that’s what we’re left with?”

Jacob was stunned into silence and so angry at how the situation had spiraled out of control, he walked away. He couldn’t deal with how empty that conversation made him feel.

“Jacob, please don’t go.” Dominque rushed to him, catching hold of his arm.

Jacob grabbed his coat, carefully removing Dominque’s hold from him and heading to the door. He paused with his hand on the lock, then spoke quietly. “I never wanted a whore, and I never aimed to make you feel like one. The fact I have… that’s too disturbing to deal with.”

He closed the door silently behind him, listening to the eerie quiet surrounding him before he stalked to the staircase. He wasn’t risking Dominque running after him and breaking him down. He needed to think about this and calm down, get his head in the right place. While jogging down the staircase, he pulled out his phone, calling the only person who could talk to and hope they would understand.

“Krane, I need you. Can you meet me at the Kings Head sometime soon?”

“Sure… You okay, Jay?”

“I'm jogging down a flight of stairs, running away from the man I love who told me he feels like my whore and he’d have been better off staying at the agency.”

“What? That doesn’t sound like Dominque.”

Jacob huffed. “That’s what I got out of the conversation.”

“Look, just calm down. I’ll meet you there.”

Jacob threw his phone back in his pocket and stopped running, leaning against the wall and stilling his mind. He couldn’t run down all twenty odd flight of stairs, so he slipped into the next hallway and called for the lift, pressing his forehead against the wall and ignoring Dominque calling him. He was too stunned to react in the way he should. He couldn’t talk to him right now. It would do more harm than good.

Hopefully Krane would be able to help him, though he’d never relied on him for relationship advice before. It had always been the other way around, but then, what did Jacob really know about a real relationship? Nothing, apparently.

J
acob was sitting in the pub, nursing a pint of beer while he waited for Krane, when he eventually pulled out his mobile and read through the texts which Dominque had sent. There were two asking him to come home, or to at least call him, then one where he was angry, saying he was being a child and running away when he should be there with him. The last was more thought out and had been sent only a few moments ago and Jacob became still, clasping his pint in his hand as he read it twice.

Jacob, let me put it this way to you. If I was prepared to sell my body for years to keep a roof over my head, do you think I’m the type of person who would just sit back and let someone else pay my way when life got easier? Do you really think I would allow you to look after me? That’s not me, and if you love me, then you have to understand I would do anything to stand on my own two feet. I may be submissive in most things, but about this… Jacob, this is a
hard limit
for me.

I’m putting this plainly and in terms you will understand, because truly, I don’t think you get how relationships outside of the scene work. I don’t mean to be pissy or bratty, that’s how I feel.

You always told me to be honest with you and to say what I want. Well, I did that, and you didn’t listen. Remember, I say this next part with love, and my aim isn’t to make you hurt anymore than I know you are right now, but the last time I told someone what I wanted and he didn’t listen, things didn’t go so well.

Please, I love you. I want this to work. Come home to me. D xxx

He was reading it for the third time when the table jumped, making him hiss as Krane’s large body fell into the seat beside him.

“Traffic’s always a bitch. You’re lucky I was halfway here already when I got your text.” He took the pint glass from Jacob’s grasp, untouched and forgotten, then downed it in one go.

If Jacob had been thinking as he normally would have, he would have questioned why Krane was already on his way across London, but all he could do was turn his attention back to the text.

“So…” Krane drummed his fingertips on the table. “What’ve you done?”

“Fucked everything up.”

“Already?” Krane whistled. “Man, you work fast. What’s that? Two weeks?”

“I think probably less. This started last week.”

“Wow! You think I should call Guinness and let them know so they can judge if it needs to go in the book for next year?” Krane was already standing, cheeky smirk on his face. “We need a proper drink for this conversation.”

“I’d really rather stay…” Jacob trailed off, already watching Krane leave the table for the bar, his six foot six frame filling the headspace in the rafters above him and causing him to dip his neck so he didn’t bang his forehead on one of the beams.

Jacob took one more last look at the message from Dominque. It was there in black and white, screaming at him to reply, telling him so clearly where he’d gone wrong. It allowed him to see why Dominque had reacted so badly. Jacob had been so convinced that everything was good and they were just settling into their new life he’d obviously not seen the implications of his actions until it was too late.

“It’s not too late.” Krane slid over a double whiskey. “You said that last bit out loud. I'm thinking by your shocked look you thought I'd somehow learned to read minds. Thought I’d better set you right. Although you know if you weren't so… not you right now, I'd be all over that like flies on shit.”

“Nice.” Jacob downed his drink in one mouthful, then grimaced. They never had the good stuff in pubs.

“So spill it.” Krane tipped back his drink, watching with narrowed eyes as Jacob played with the beer mat. “Come on, I'm here, you're here. What are you waiting for?”

“He wanted to contribute to the household bills. I didn’t see the point as I make enough and the money he has will be needed for his education. I didn’t want him to get a part time job, I wanted him to put all his energy into his college work. I see the money I earn as ours, the apartment as ours. I see his money as… his own to spend on what he needs.”

Jacob knew that sounded wrong, it felt wrong.

Krane contemplated his words, a slight frown on his face. “So, his money is his, your money is split between you both… and he can’t contribute to anything. Is that right?”

“That’s not how I see it,” Jacob spat out quickly.

“Yeah, I know, and in your head it
may
make some sort of sense, but out loud where us
normal
people live, that’s confusing and it sounds like you’re sharing everything, but not accepting anything back.” Krane paused, taking another drink. “Is this really about him or you?”

“It’s not about me.” Jacob toyed with the beer mat again, splitting it into two and folding them for want of something to do other than concentrate on what Krane just stumbled on.

“It’s about control, right? You not letting go of it. Your apartment which
you’ve
agreed to share, the bills which
you’ve
decided you’ll pay, his money which
you’ve
said he’s okay to keep, the job
you
think he shouldn’t take…” Krane waited and Jacob took the bait, meeting his gaze with stoic silence. “See where I'm going with this, little brother?”

“Yes,” Jacob huffed out before turning away again.

“Come on, be a big boy and act like you want to sort this out.” Krane grabbed hold of his shoulder, capturing Jacob’s tense muscles in his large paw and massaging it. “Jay, you’ve lived alone since you were eighteen for a reason. You think you didn’t show us all at home with Ma how much you hated living there. You moved out and created your own little world where you were king and dictated what happened. This is the first time you’ve shared that space, and you thought it would go smoothly? You hate living with people—anyone. The fact you love Dominque so much doesn’t change that fact. You're more lenient about him being there, but you still expected him to dance to your tune.” Krane sighed, standing up and heading to the bar again. “Another of the same?”

Jacob nodded, leaning his elbows on the table and hiding his face in his hands. “Jesus Christ.”

By the time Krane made his way back, Jacob was slumped back in the seat, staring into space. “Here, drink up.”

“I don’t really drink when I’ve…” Jacob stopped. He didn’t drink when he was scening with someone, or when socialising at the club, but this was neither. This was just him and he got drunk and rolled into bed occasionally—it was always with Krane right behind him, so really this was normal. “Yeah, okay.”

“You're going to have to let go of the… reins? That sounds all wrong considering,” Krane mused humorously as Jacob tipped back his glass. “I can see how this is so confusing. I don’t really get fifty percent of what happens in those clubs or between the people in them, but one thing I do know about is out here. I’ve had a relationship. I was married for a long time remember, and somehow, despite me being…”

“Gay,” Jacob finished off for him. “You still not sure about that, huh?”

Krane shrugged. “No, I know, it’s just…” A sparkle of recognition filed his green eyes and he shot his firm gaze to Jacob. “This isn't about me and my issues. Don’t try turning this around so we stop talking about you. You always do that.” He threw Jacob a hard look which he held then rolled his eyes.

“Fine!”

“The point being, I can offer some advice which I think will help. When me and Melanie moved in together, we’d been seeing each other on and off for two years. I thought I knew everything about her, and… Okay, so not a great example, but anyway… The point is, when we moved in, we started to get to know each other in a different way. I’d never been there for the whole pre date thingy. Finding out how long she took to get dressed and just what went into it threw me a huge curveball. She had no idea how much time I spent playing rugby and how much laundry I discarded on the kitchen floor, or how I left my muddy work boots right outside the back door waiting for her to break an ankle on.” Krane sucked in a deep shot of air through his teeth remembering it.

“Is that how she broke her ankle that time?” Jacob half smiled.

“Yeah, I never heard the end of it. But, what I'm really trying to say is that this is the difficult part. Working together and finding a way to live as one unit not two, that’s the true test you guys have to do. And it takes ages. Years. I was still sussing Mel out after three. Just when I thought I’d got things down, she’d change the rules. After twenty years, yeah, the living together, that was set up to a fine T. We had that act rehearsed. It was everything else in between that failed.”

“You're not a failure, Krane. The break-up is good.”

“I know, I know.” Krane sighed, sitting back and folding his arms across his chest. “I don’t know why I think I'm the one to give you this advice when my relationship was so messed up.”

“Like you said, despite everything, you lasted twenty years in the same house. I know other people who would have struggled to survive a year living like that.”

“You need to let him pay his own way, Jay, that part I'm sure about. If he was prepared to take on that escort role, to sell himself just so he could keep his house and provide for his sister, you’ve got to think what kind of determination that takes. The guy’s got principles, and conviction. He’s proud, Jacob. He doesn’t want a hand out, he wants to earn his keep, and he’s proved he’ll go to any lengths to do that. He could’ve let that beautiful home get repossessed and signed on the dole. I'm pretty sure he would have gotten a flat for him and his sister no problems paid by the council and enough money to get by, but he didn’t. He did what most of us would see as a desperate act, he sold himself to keep them going. I don’t see that as desperate. I see it as someone was so devoted to his family that he made the calculated choice to earn the highest amount he could do given what was available to him at the time. You're not going to win this one, Jay. You know you're not.”

Jacob smiled at his older brother. “When did you get so smart?”

“Huh, years of listening to you must have made some of it rub off.” Krane leaned in and wrapped a heavy arm around his shoulder. “Don’t let your need to control the situation ruin this. He’s the best thing to ever happen to you and you need him, Jay.”

“I know I do.” Jacob couldn’t help that little bit of anger show in his tone and he got a rough shake from Krane for it. “It’s just difficult, okay. Full on twenty four hours a day. All I do is think about him. I'm the one who’s desperate, Krane. I'm the one pining for him at work and clock watching. I can't seem to function without hearing his voice every hour. He’s on my mind constantly.”

Krane chuckled. “That’s what everyone experiences during the first few months of being in love… so I'm told.” Krane grinned. “Anyway, that’s normal. It doesn't last forever, so instead of fretting over it and hating how needy you are, accept it and let it own you. These are the defining moments of your life as a couple. Take hold of them and cherish them, they won’t last forever. Have as much fun as you can.”

Jacob finished his drink, then looked at his watch. “You're right. Shockingly!” He lifted his brows and got a grin back. “I should get home. Dare I ask where you're staying?”

“Is that a sort of an invitation to come back to yours?” Krane nudged him, but then shook his head with a deep rumble of a laugh. “Honestly, I'm fine. I'm booked into a hotel.
And
the idea of coming home with you tonight and sitting through all this, it kinda doesn’t appeal somehow. Unless you want me there as a buffer, then obviously I’ll be like a shot.”

“No, no. I'm fine. We’ll sort it out. I have to go grovel at his feet for forgiveness.”

“Yup, you know…” Krane stood up with a grin. “You should try that. Kneeling for him I mean. I'm thinking that’s not happened yet, but it may show him more with those actions than any of your words would.”

“I'm not above kneeling for him, I just feel that’s not yet required.”

“What are you saving that for? When you cock up and fuck someone else?” Krane laughed loudly and got a stony look back. “I'm not saying you
will
do, just that it
could
be used in that scenario.”

“Hmm.” Jacob slipped on his coat, his mobile buzzing in his jeans pockets. “Let me tell him I'm on my way home then we can grab taxis and head off.” Jacob fell silent when he saw the text. “No!”