Dominque (Knights to Remember) (35 page)

It didn’t feel easy. Dominque was never the best student. His mind was always elsewhere. He’d always put that down to the fact he had so much responsibility at home, but what if he was just plain stupid and this was how everyone found out.

He didn’t know, and he would never know, not unless he took the chance Helen was offering him. With a heavy hand, he picked up the pamphlet for the open learning course and began to read it. It was a small step, but one he never thought he would take, and although the fear in him was constant, there was that burning ember of excitement in the pit of his stomach and every line he read fanned it, making it stronger. He just needed it to be a roaring fire consuming him.

T
he sound of music playing when Jacob entered their apartment made him smile. He could smell the delicious aroma of food floating through the apartment, and it turned his smile into a grin. Not once since he’d moved out of his ma’s had he come home to a find it actually a pleasant experience. It was usually silence and darkness which greeted him and the call of a lonely take out with a cold bed, but that was slowly changing and he found he was more comfortable with how things were developing between them.

“Dominque?” Jacob laid out his overcoat and briefcase on the hall table, undoing his suit jacket and loosening his collar.

It had been a long day, one which seemed even slower as he knew he had Dominque waiting for him at home. He hoped the lunch meeting with Helen had gone well, and Dominque had considered the offer of a role with her design label. It would give them both relief in a way. Jacob wouldn’t be as worried about leaving him alone for such long periods of time and he wouldn’t detest his work because of it. Dominque would find there was much more to life than simply waiting to serve someone and make them happy. Though, of course, Jacob enjoyed Dominque serving him to a point, he also needed him to be independent and to do these things because he wanted to, not because he felt he had to.

“Welcome home.” Dominque was beside him, running those seductive touches from his fingertips up Jacob’s chest before laying his palms on Jacob’s shoulders and bringing their mouths together in a kiss which he’d been thinking about since taking the first step out of the door at six a.m. that morning. “I missed you,” he breathed out over Jacob’s lips.

“There’s not a moment which has passed since I left your arms this morning that hasn’t felt painful. To say I miss you falls drastically short of the emotions which I feel every time we’re separated. Every second I wasn’t in your arms dragged by at an unexplainably slow rate. So inconceivably slow, I worried I'd slipped into some sort of time loop where I was forced to live out the day over and over again without you.”

Dominque paused, a soft smile on the edges of his lips as he fought back a cheeky grin. “That makes my ‘I missed you’ seem lacking, but… you know. What you said.”

Jacob spun him around, pressing him up against the wall and running his lips over the tenderest part of Dominque’s neck, enjoying the way his whole body pushed against him and the soft moans spilling from those pouty lips. This is what he’d missed, the scent and contact. He needed him right there next to him for all eternity. Even burying himself deep inside Dominque didn’t allow him the type of closeness he craved. He wanted to meld his entire being with his and be one, feel and experience every emotion and physical spasm for himself.

But… there was the food to consider. “You cooked.”

“I did,” Dominque mumbled out. “It can wait.”

Jacob wanted to agree, but the fact it would be spoiled and that Dominque had worked hard to have it ready for him made him step back. “Yes, but it smells so good. Almost as good as you do.”

“It’s nothing much, just spaghetti bolognese. It can wait.” He leaned his head back, those heavy lids drooping over his brown eyes, the lust clearly ebbing through them and shouting at Jacob to agree. Unfortunately, or fortunately, his stomach growled, making them both chuckle. “Did you eat at all today?”

Jacob had grabbed a sandwich early in the morning, midway through two surgeries, but nothing substantial. “I need food. Then I need you lying beside me while we reacquaint ourselves with our bodies on the sofa.”

“Sounds like a plan I can't say no to.” Dominque took his hand, leading them into the kitchen where again Jacob’s stomach reminded them both how hungry he was. “Obviously you were underestimating how much effort you put into this.” Jacob looked around at the kitchen seeing all the fresh ingredients, or what was left of them, hanging around the surfaces.

“I make a good bolognese. One of the few things I can say I'm the best at.” He grinned, stirring the bubbling sauce on the hob. “I'm glad you're hungry. I made loads. It sort of kept growing the more time I spent with it. It’s made with Quorn and smoked vegetarian sausages.”

“I love that you're a veggie. It’s one other thing which makes us so perfect for each other.” Jacob couldn’t deal with meat in his apartment, though he was sure it wouldn’t be a deciding factor on Dominque being in his life. Having someone who knew how to cook vegetarian dishes and not worrying about if they were truly enjoying it made life easier for them both. “How did the lunch go with Helen?”

Dominque was draining the spaghetti, but Jacob could see the shake of his body as he began to laugh. “You set me up.”

“Well… are you happy I did or are you going to throw that spaghetti all over me?” Jacob sat at the breakfast bar with a smile.

“I'm happy you did it. I’ve spent all afternoon going through my options. I'm going to call up the Open University tomorrow and see if I can start this semester. And…” He turned to Jacob with a huge grin. “I said yes to Helen and her apprenticeship.”

“Good news all round.” He watched as Dominque served out the pasta. “I'm glad you're doing this. I know you'll enjoy it, and I know you'll feel more confident going back and taking those exams which you missed out on.” Jacob could feel the waves of apprehension floating off him and he stood, moving behind him and holding him close.

Dominque placed the pan back on the hob, keeping his eyes on the sauce as he again started stirring it. “What if I'm no good? What if I take those exams again and realise I'm stupid?”

“You're not stupid. Anyone can see that. You are, however, full of self doubt, and I believe this will help you work though that in a big way. It’s solid proof you have more to offer than this sexy body.” Jacob kissed the back of his neck, feeling him relax a little. “There’s no pressure on you except that which you yourself place on those shoulders. This is all for you. I'm not telling you to do this, but I believe that you can do it.”

Dominque leaned back, resting his head on Jacob’s shoulder. “I know I have the time to do it right now. I've never had that before. I mean, it’s not like I have a full time job, and Helen wants me to start on my education first and just get to know what she does, so I’ll be home studying a lot the first few months.”

“It sounds like you have it all worked out which is the first step to doing it.” Jacob stood back, allowing Dominque to serve the sauce.

“I was thinking about a part time job.”

“Why?” Jacob was instantly not okay with that. Dominque had enough with his future courses to concern himself about. “You’ve put off your education for long enough. It took second place to your last role and I don’t want you to do that again.”

“I knew you’d say that.” Dominque looked up at him as he handed over a plate of food. “And I understand and sort of agree, but…” He dropped his gaze to the hob with a sigh. “I want to contribute to this place.”

Jacob sat down, running his fingers through his hair. Money wasn’t something they needed to worry about and he didn’t understand why Dominque felt he had to give him any when Jacob saw his own money as theirs. “Anything I have is yours. I see the same thing with anything you have. I don’t see the point in dividing up the bills and causing a big fuss when it’s not needed.”

“You have to understand I don’t see it like you. I see it…” Dominque blushed, sitting down and toying with his food.

“Go on.”

“You’ll get angry.”

Jacob huffed. “You see me as keeping you.”

“Yes,” Dominque sighed.

“But you know that’s not true. You're thinking of what other people will believe and worrying about how they will judge you.”

“It’s not just them. I have money, Jacob, and I want to feel like I'm really here with you, not just… not just keeping house and…”

“Fucking me when I want you to?” Jacob pushed his plate away, tapping his fingers on the marble. Christ. Really? “You really feel like this?”

“No.” Dominque tore up a piece of garlic bread, keeping those honest eyes off Jacob.

“Dominque.” Jacob took hold of his chin and made him look at him. “Is that really how you feel? That you're here to cook and clean, serve me in all my needs and nothing more?”

“No. I know you love me and I know you want me to reach out for myself, but you have to understand I've been looking after myself and Angie for a long time. I was the one who sorted out all the financial stuff and had control over it. I feel… I feel like losing that makes me just look to you and rely on you when I should be able to stand beside you and work as a team.”

Jacob felt a big shot of dred run through him. “Do you feel like this is one sided? That I'm holding back on the financial aspects so you have less control?”

“No, not at all.” Dominque at least settled Jacob’s racing heart by answering that.

“Good. I'm not.” Jacob moved to the wine rack and pulled out a bottle of red. “There’s part of me which struggles with this too, Dominque. Like you said about your life in Leeds, I've been used to doing this all by myself. I’ve never had anyone there who I could rely on, so I've continued on as I have been to keep things easy. It’s only been two weeks. That’s no amount of time.”

“Are you holding off us agreeing something financially because you don’t see this as working out and it will be a waste of time?”

Jacob placed the bottle carefully on the side, his gaze running up Dominque’s body slowly until their eyes met.

Dominque took in a deep breath, almost immediately dropping his gaze to the table. “I'm sorry.”

“You're sorry?” Jacob stood still, holding himself as tightly as he could do. He was angry, angry at himself for allowing Dominque to feel this way.

“Yes, I didn’t mean to make you mad or hurt you by saying that. I shouldn’t have said it.”

“And why did you say it?” Jacob stood there, watching as Dominque toyed with his fork. “Because you believe it will happen?” Jacob received no answer, but the blush of Dominque’s pale skin showed his embarrassment. “This is my fault.”

Dominque slammed those wide eyes to Jacob’s in shock. “No! It’s not.”

“Well, of course it is. It’s not yours.” Jacob took a moment then turned to grab the corkscrew for the wine.

“It’s not your fault, Jacob.”

“I’ve allowed this to happen when I should have seen how it hurt you. If it means that much to you, I can arrange for the financial side to this apartment and for all of the bills concerning it be shared. Though, as I said before, I'm quite happy to assume what we both earn separately to be both of ours. If you'd like it to be official—”

“Jacob.” Dominque was behind him, rolling his arms around his waist as he spoke. “Please, that’s not what I want either.”

“Then tell me exactly what I need to do to make this better and I’ll do it.” He was frustrated. He’d never had to deal with these sort of issues before and he had no idea what Dominque needed to make everything go back to how it was yesterday. But then he realised it
was
like this yesterday, he just wasn’t aware of it. “Dominque….”

Jacob held Dominque’s hands resting on his stomach, cupping them in his own and leaning back into his hold. “I'm so mad at myself for not seeing this before. I know you mentioned contributing, but I didn’t feel it was necessary. Obviously I misjudged how important this was to you, and for that, I apologise. It wasn’t intended to hurt you or cause you to feel like I was keeping you as some house pet.”

“I just want to help. Like buying the groceries, and maybe setting up a regular monthly transfer to go into your bank account. You can do with it what you want, but I’d still like to give it to you.”

“I’d rather you spent the money on your education.”

“I will do, but I also need to feel like I'm paying for the roof over my head.”

“In other ways except in bed, you mean?”

“Yes, okay. Yes.” Dominque dropped his arms from Jacob and walked off, running his fingers through his hair and looking to the ceiling. “This may be just my feelings or my version of it, but it’s how I feel. You don’t make me feel like this, this is all me. It’s where I've come from, and to help me, I need to do this. I'm not blaming you for anything. I get it. It’s me and my issues which I need to quiet down. If I’d come from any other job, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't feel so strongly about this, but I do, and I can't change that. I feel like…”

“A whore. My whore.” Jacob fisted his hands beside him with a silent growl.