Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook (59 page)

Hair Pulling.  Refers to being sexually aroused
by the grasping, pulling, binding, yanking or dragging by the hair in a scene
or during sex play.

Handballing.
(See: Fisting)

Handcuffs. 
(See: Restraints)

Harness.  Refers to anything that is worn about
the torso, and to which you attach
other things.
  A simple example
would be a
dildo harness
, which is usually
(but not always)
worn
around the hips and groin and is designed to hold a dildo in place for
pegging.
  Other common types of harnesses include cock and ball
torture harnesses, chastity harnesses, purely decorative body harnesses, and
specialty bondage harnesses.  Some harnesses are designed to be used
only
with other types of equipment, fetish furniture, frames, hoists, swings or
devices. 
(See also: Bondage, Dildo harness, Pegging)

Hoods. 
Hoods
, unlike
blindfolds
,
are typically fitted over the
entire head. 
 They are commonly
constructed from cotton, silk, spandex, leather, rubber, PVC, nylon or other
synthetic fabrics.  Some hoods come with straps, flaps, and holes; others
may
not
.  Some are designed to keep people from seeing out; others are
designed to keep people from seeing in.  Most hoods function to limit a
person’s
vision;
others may be uniquely constructed to limit a person’s
ability to speak, hear, breathe,
or all of the above.
  Hoods may be
simple or devious, sensual or cruel, loose-fitting or elastic, and they may be
secured in place by laces, zippers, snaps, buttons, straps, or Velcro. 
(See
also: Blindfold, Sensory deprivation, Masks)

Hot Wax Play. 
Hot wax play
generally
consists of dripping or pouring molten candle wax onto someone’s skin to
produce erotic
sensations
, for
aesthetic
purposes, or
both
. 
The types of candle wax used for erotic wax play
typically
fall into two
categories: 
paraffin
(a man-made, petroleum-based compound) and
beeswax
(which is secreted by the wax glands of worker bees).  There are many
other varieties of wax that can be used, but they all generally fall into these
two categories, differing only in the various additives that are combined with
the waxes to change its properties, such as its burn characteristics, melting
point, plasticity, or effects upon the skin. 
(See also: Sensation
play)

Human Furniture. 
(See: Forniphilia)

Humbler.  A
humbler
is a device which
consists of a testicle cuff mounted at the center of a bar or board that is
mounted behind the legs.  The cuff forces the wearer to keep his legs
pulled forward, since straightening the legs causes discomfort by stretching
the scrotum. 
(See also: Ball crusher, Ball Stretching, CBT)

Hypnotism. 
Hypnotism
generally refers
to a form of BDSM play which involves the
actual or simulated
placement
of a person into a hypnotic or highly suggestible trance-like state, during
which he or she may be instructed to act out imagined sexual or erotic
scenarios.  
(See also: Age Play, Infantilism, Kidnapping Fantasy,
Knife Play, Rape Fantasy, etc.)

Ice Play. 
Ice play
refers to any BDSM
play activity that utilizes ice to enhance erotic sensations, produce
discomfort or pain, or even to startle a play partner.  Ice play can range
from the very simple act of running an ice cube over a person’s erogenous
zones, to very complex and potentially dangerous activities, such as the use of
ice dildos. 
(See also: Sensation Play)

Immobilization.
 Immobilization
refers
to any BDSM activity that involves rendering a person immobile.  This
usually accomplished through various forms of bondage, but can also include
other means, such as mental bondage, forniphilia, queening/smothering, or
forcibly being held down. 
(See also:  Bondage, Face Sitting,
Forniphilia, Kinbaku, Mummification, Queening, Restraints, Rope Play, Shibari,
Smotherbox)

Impact Play.  Impact play is a generic term
which refers to virtually any BDSM activity that involves striking, such as
spanking,
slapping, caning, paddling, whipping, or cropping
.  
(See
also: Caning, Crops, Flogging, OTK spanking, Paddling, Slapping, Spanking,
Whipping)

Infantilism.  Infantilism is sometimes referred
to as Adult Baby/Diaper Lover (AB/DL) play.  Infantilism in BDSM usually
refers to the derivation of pleasure from fantasies and role play involving a
return to infancy.  This typically involves exhibiting baby-like behavior,
such as wearing (and soiling) diapers, drinking from baby bottles, sucking on
pacifiers, sleeping in cribs, and similar activities.  Scenes involving
infantilism generally requires another person, in addition to the
“baby,”
who assumes the role of a parent, caretaker, babysitter, and on rare occasions,
another infant.  The infantilism play
may or may not be sexual
in
nature, as is the case with most kinds of
age play
.  
(See
also: AB/DL, Age Play, Babygirls, Diaper play, Littles, Role Play, Urine play)

Injection Play. 
Injection play
refers
to the use of
hypodermics
in BDSM needle play.  Hypodermic needles
are
hollow
, and designed to inject or sample fluids from the body; that
means the needle has to be
thicker
and will usually produce a slightly
more painful poke.   Some studies have shown that roughly 10% of the
population suffers from
trypanophobia
, which is the fear of hypodermic
needles.  Hypodermic needle play occurs most often in BDSM
medical
role-play scenes.  (See also: Edge play, Needle play, Medical play)

Interrogation Play. 
Interrogation play
refers to role play that simulates the aggressive questioning of a suspect or
prisoner, often under duress, the threat of harm, or torture. 
Interrogation play is most commonly engaged in as part of abduction play,
humiliation play, medical play or hypnotism play.
 (See also: Abduction
play, Humiliation play, Hypnotism play, Injection play, Medical play, Prison
fantasy, Straitjacket)

Kajira.  The term kajira
(plural: kajirae)
refers
to the female slaves featured in the sci-fi erotic pulp fiction series of books
about the planet Gor by John Norman.  There are
male
slaves on Gor,
as well, however they are far fewer in number and, unlike the women who are
either bred for slavery or kidnapped from Earth, the male slaves of Gor
typically become slaves as the result of war, criminality, or
indebtedness.  Male slaves are individually called
kajirus
, and
kajiri
in the plural. 
(See also: Gor, Master, Slave)

Kidnapping Fantasy. 
(See: Abduction play)
 

Kinbaku. 
(See: Shibari.)

Kitten Play. 
(See: Pet play)

Kneeling. 
Kneeling
is sometimes used as
a euphemism for
submitting
to a Dominant but is, more often than not, a
reference to assuming a submissive posture by sitting on the floor on your
knees.  Various fetish culture sub-groups may place more or less emphasis
on the significance of kneeling.  Goreans, for example, teach slaves to
assume a series of positions on command from their Masters, many of which are
kneeling positions. 
(See also: Gor, Kajira, Protocol, Master, Slave,
Submissive)

Knife Play. 
Knife play
refers to any
BDSM activity that involves knives, blades or other sharp objects.  Knife
play can be exceedingly dangerous when performed by inexperienced or reckless
individuals.  The blades used in knife play may or may not be terribly
sharp, depending on the circumstances.  In some cases, the mere thought of
a blade –
sharp or not
– is enough to conjure up the requisite fear that
makes knife play interesting for so many people.  Regardless,
before
engaging
in knife play with
anyone
, one should always learn something about the
experience level of the person wielding the blades, learn how sharp and clean
the blades are, and clarify whether or not there should be any
blood
involved. 
(See also: Abduction play, Edge play, Fluid bonding,
Interrogation play, Role play, Wet play)

Lady-boy.  Typically refers to an effeminate
gay Southeast Asian male, usually in his teens or twenties, who appears in
almost every respect, except for having male
sex organs
, to be a female.
They often work as models, escorts, and prostitutes in the tourist regions of
Thailand and the Philippines and have become well-known outside of Asia thanks
to the internet. 

Latex. 
(See: Rubber)

Lesser God Dominant.  The Lesser God Dominant,
sometimes
referred to as Lord, Prophet, Pharoah, or Pharoanic Lord,
is a Dominant who
thrives on the worship of his submissives.  This adoration and worship,
which can sometimes take the form of highly ritualistic activities and
behaviors, has but one purpose, which is the ego gratification of the Lesser
God.  It is relatively common for the real-life households of Lesser God Doms
to forsake all traditional forms of religion in order to practice their own
home-grown
religion, with the Dominant at its head and submissives as adoring
acolytes.  In such cases, the Dominant is usually either regarded as a
demi-god or prophet. 
(See also: Dominant, Religious fantasy)

Limits.  Limits refer to qualifications or
limitations that are placed on a BDSM scene or relationship that specify what
the participants will or will not tolerate.  Limits are typically
discussed prior to participating in a scene, or at the beginning of a
relationship.  Dominants
and
submissives, Tops
and
bottoms
can have limits.  There are several different kinds of
limits
,
including:

·
        
Hard
Limits:  Activities that will not be tolerated, under any circumstances.
Hard limits are, by
definition
, non-negotiable and not subject to debate
or persuasion.  Violating a person’s hard limits is considered an
extremely serious offense in the BDSM culture. 

·
        
Soft
Limits:  Activities that a person may be generally inclined to refuse,
subject to circumstances, persuasion, or the right partner.  Violating a
soft limit without prior consent is still considered a serious breach of trust.

·
        
Must
Limits:  An activity that is a requirement or a requisite condition of a
scene.  One example might be a bottom’s requirement that aftercare be
provided following a scene, or a Top’s requirement that his play partners sign
a declaration of good health prior to any scene.

·
        
Time
Limits:  A limitation on how long a scene can last, or a set time where it
must end.

·
        
No Limits: 
The term is sometimes used as a synonym for Total Power Exchange (TPE), but
most often refers to a consensual agreement between a Top and bottom that there
will be no limits of any kind in an ensuing scene or relationship.  This
is generally considered to be an extremely unwise thing to do, since even the
most experienced and hardened BDSM practitioners have
some limits.
 

Little. 
A Little,
sometimes referred to
as a
Baby, Babygirl, Lolita, Loli, Lolly, Little Girl, Little One, or Tot
,
is a submissive who finds great joy in embracing her inner child.  This
sort of
age play
often involves behaving, speaking and/or dressing in a
child-like manner, and may or may not involve sex or other adult-appropriate
themes.  While the great majority of Littles and their Daddy Doms find age
play to be sexually stimulating, there are also those who simply find comfort
in the simulated adult-child dynamic, and do not associate it in any way with
sex. 
(See also: Age play, AB/DL, Daddy Dom, Diaper play, Infantilism)

Lolita. 
(See: Little.)

Masochism. 
Masochism
, which is
sometimes referred to as
sadomasochism, S&M, or S/M,
refers to the
derivation of arousal, pleasure, or sexual gratification from inflicting or
receiving pain or humiliation.  Aside from its association with
sadism
and
BDSM
, there are clinical psychological classifications of sexual
masochism are sometimes the subject of debate.  They are:

·
        
Class I Sexual
Masochist: Bothered by, but not seeking out, fantasies. May be preponderantly
sadists with minimal masochistic tendencies and/or non-sadomasochistic with
minimal masochistic tendencies

·
        
Class II Sexual
Masochist: Equal mix of sadistic and masochistic tendencies. Like to receive
pain but also like to be dominant partner (in this case, sadists). Sexual
orgasm is achieved without pain or humiliation.

·
        
Class III Sexual
Masochist: Masochists with minimal to no sadistic tendencies. Preference for
pain and/or humiliation (which facilitates orgasm), but not necessary to
orgasm. Capable of romantic attachment.

·
        
Class IV Sexual
Masochist: Exclusive masochists (i.e. Cannot form typical romantic
relationships, cannot achieve orgasm without pain or humiliation).