Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook (31 page)

A propane torch kit that includes a nozzle, igniter
and one canister of propane will cost about $25.  A torch holder isn’t
absolutely necessary, but it certainly frees up one of your hands to do other
things, and removes any worries about a lit propane torch being bumped or
knocked over and causing problems.  A torch holder can cost anywhere from
$20 to $50, or you can affordably make one of your own, using any kind of
sturdy frame and some spring-loaded craft clamps.  Your needle stand can
be constructed easily from a simple block of wood with some holes drilled into
it.  Dissection needles are available inexpensively in a variety of
lengths and styles; you might want to purchase a few different kinds, so you
can decide on your personal preference.  Do keep in mind that
shorter
dissection needles with
plastic
handles may be problematic, since the
handles can melt when the needle is heated.  On the other hand, dissection
needles without heat-resistant handles may become uncomfortably hot or
difficult to handle over the long periods of time that may be required for a
complex design.  Thick metal or wooden grips are usually the best solution. 
The only way to know what works best
for you
is to try them
out.   They’re usually quite affordable, at $1 to $5 each.

Prior to a cell popping session, shave the area of
any hair, and disinfect the area with alcohol or a topical disinfectant. 
Wash your hands thoroughly with an anti-bacterial soap.  Position all of
your equipment for easy access, and in a way that precludes anything from being
bumped or knocked over.  If you have an intricate design planned, you may
want to mark the skin or transfer your design to it in order to ensure that
your marks are on target.  After all, there’s no way to
erase
any
mistake that might occur!  You
can’t,
however, burn directly
through
a paper design template, because that will cool the tip and it
won’t have the desired effect on the skin.

Novices may be a little startled at first by the
sizzle-pop sound that can accompany the application of the needle tip to the
skin; it is simply the result of moisture on or in the skin cell being
converted instantly to
steam.
  Warning: the procedure
will
be accompanied by the odor of
burning flesh.
  Under normal
circumstances, it shouldn’t be
overpowering
, and it
will
differ
from person to person, but if you or your subject happens to be someone who
abhors or is sensitive to the smell, it could be a problem.  

The needle tip is hot enough when it is glowing
bright red, and you should be able to get three to five dots out of each hot
needle before it cools.  If you position your needle rack and torch holder
well, you can heat one needle tip while using another, which will save time
waiting while a tip is heating.  The process
can
be
quite
painful, depending upon the location and complexity of the design, but most
people claim that it is no more painful than getting a
tattoo.
  It
will, however,
continue
to hurt for longer than your typical
tattoo. 

The skin will typically appear
white
at the
spot where the needle was applied, with redness surrounding each dot, and will
appear quite
unimpressive
at this stage.  Putting
lotions or creams
on the marks at this point will only delay the scabbing process, and could
cause the marks to fade altogether.  If you feel compelled to put
anything
at all
on the marks, spray some
Bactine
or another first-aid spray
that disinfects, dulls the pain, and
dries quickly
without
moisturizing
the wounds.  Within a day or two, the dots will scab up and, about a week
later, they will fall off, leaving a residual dark spot on the skin. 
During that time, the subject should do whatever it takes to resist the temptation
to
scratch
the area or pick at the scabs.  If desired, repeated
applications to the same spots over time can result in a
permanent
design. 
Otherwise, the effects can typically be expected to last one to three months.

An alternative form of cell popping involves the use
of a
violet wand
electrode at a high setting, and left stationary over a
specific spot long enough to actually burn the skin.  This method is
generally less accurate, more time-consuming, and the end results can be
somewhat inconsistent.  On the
bright side
, it can be highly
entertaining, it requires less equipment, doesn’t smell as bad, and won’t burn
down your house.    

Branding
consists of essentially the same process, except on a
larger scale
and
imprinting continuous lines or patterns into the skin with hot metal, instead
of tiny dots.  The process is far more
painful,
the marks are more
likely to be
permanent
, and there is a significantly greater risk of
infection. 

Safety concerns for both cell popping and branding
include the risk of fire, accidental burns from the instruments or the torch
itself, deep tissue damage from pressing the needle too deeply into the skin,
and the risk of subsequent infections.     

Scarification Gear

Scarification is the process of marking the body
permanently
with scars
.  While a traditional
branding
is certainly one very
effective method of doing so, there are plenty of other ways to accomplish it,
as well.

These methods may include:

·
        
cauterization
with self-heating instruments

·
        
cold branding
with dry ice or liquid nitrogen

·
        
chemical burns
produced by applying caustic
substances to the skin

·
        
abrasion
of the skin caused by grinding or
sanding tools or materials

·
        
simple cutting
of the skin with a blade

·
        
complex cutting
of the skin, such as in
cross-hatch
patterns

·
        
removal
of patches or swaths of skin by
cutting it away with a blade

·
        
packing open cuts with a foreign
substance
such as
clay or ashes
(sometimes, even the
ashes of a deceased relative)

Obviously, with so many different kinds of
scarification methods and procedures available, there really isn’t anything
that should be considered
“standard”
scarification gear except, perhaps,
a good
surgical scalpel.

Generally speaking, the key to getting the skin to
form a visible scar is to prolong the healing process for as long as possible,
or to use substances on the wound that are known to cause more pronounced
scarring.  Some people deliberately irritate the wound with caustic chemicals
or other substances to delay or prolong the healing process and to promote the
formation of scar tissue.  Others apply
tincture of iodine,
a
common antiseptic which has fallen out of favor in recent years because it has
been shown to promote scarring.

Scarification of
any sort
should only be
attempted by trained and experienced individuals using the proper tools and
materials, and observing strict protocols of hygiene.  Cutting, abrading
or burning the skin can also send potentially harmful pathogens from the
subject
airborne
, so the Top should always wear a surgical mask when
engaging in this sort of activity.  For the
subject
, not only can
the possibility of subsequent infections be quite high, but there is
significant risk of other complications, such as uncontrolled bleeding, nerve
damage, blood poisoning, or organ failure.  To literally add
insult to
injury
, larger scars may have a tendency to travel, lengthen, widen or
spread into unintended areas, which can make the intended original design
practically
undecipherable.

Sensation and sensory deprivation play are just two
sides of the very same coin; one seeks to enhance or
stimulate
the
senses, while the other seeks to
nullify
them.   The many
subcategories of this sort of BDSM activity could easily fill an entire book
but, for the sake of brevity, we’ll limit ourselves to about a dozen of the
most commonly practiced forms of sensation and sensory deprivation play that
you might encounter or have an interest in.

Blindfolds & Gags

The use of blindfolds and gags is probably the most
pervasive form of sensory deprivation play in the world, both in the BDSM
lifestyle,
and
outside of it.  The relative ease with which a blindfold
or gag can be fashioned or crafted from simple and readily available household
materials makes this sort of kinky experimentation easy and exciting, even for
vanilla
couples. 

Simple, ready-made blindfolds can be purchased from
just about any fetish retailer, though the prices may be somewhat inflated,
compared to similar products designed for and marketed to insomniacs and
travelers.  Some features to look for may include: shapes that conform to
the contours of the face, a durable and adjustable securing strap, quality
materials and stitching, and the use of color-fast dyes.  You can expect
to pay $7 to $25 for a blindfold from a fetish retailer.   

Blindfolds can definitely be a great addition to
your fetish toy box.  When used with skill, they can alter or heighten a
bottom’s
psychological
and physiological
responses to other
stimuli significantly.  Introducing an element of the unknown - not
knowing
what
is happening,
how
it is happening, or even
who
might be in the room watching or participating - can make even a mundane scene
a
lot
more interesting.  The blindfold doesn’t necessary even have
to be used just to
deny
the bottom’s ability to visually confirm what is
actually going on around her.  A blindfold can also be used to stoke the
imagination or create the
impression
of things occurring when they are
not. 
For example, the two of you may not be ready or willing to
actually
invite a third person into your bedroom for a
threesome
, but the use of
a blindfold can make the
role-play scenario seem much more real
,
creating the impression that there is someone else in the room with you. 
Serving up treats for the
other senses
can also enhance the imagined
scenario by adding theatrical touches, such as a mysterious knock at the door,
the distant presence of an unfamiliar voice, the nearby scent of a strange
cologne, or being touched in an unfamiliar way.

There are few safety issues to be concerned with,
when it comes to blindfolds.  Just be careful to apply a blindfold to your
bottom while he or she is stationary and, preferably,
immobile.
 
Attempting to move about with a blindfold on is not only awkward and dangerous,
but difficult to explain at the local emergency room.  Additionally, the
use of a blindfold places the entire burden of consent and propriety fully upon
the shoulders of the Top, since the bottom cannot see what is about to happen
and, therefore, presumably does not have a chance to voice potential concerns
or safe word out
before
it occurs.  For that reason, a detailed
discussion or scene negotiation should take place beforehand.

Gags, like blindfolds, are simple and affordable
kink toys that lend themselves easily to experimentation by vanilla and fetish
folk alike.  Gags can consist of just about anything placed in or over the
mouth (OTM) or even over the nose (OTN) as well.  They can include such
things as an unpretentious strip of cloth, a wide strip of duct tape, a wooden
rod, a ball-gag, open-mouth bracing, or even a pony bit.  While it may be
tempting to create your own gags from common household items, some of those
materials may be laced with noxious chemicals or be unsuitable for being held
in the mouth for any length of time.  When in doubt, stick with materials
specifically designed to be placed in or over the mouth.  The most
commonly available types of gags are ball gags, open mouth gags, and bit
gags.  Less common gags include various types of medical or dental gags,
inflatable gags, muzzle gags, funnel gags, forniphilic gags (which are used to
humiliate or objectify the wearer by turning the gag into items like toilet
plungers or dildos), and
novelty gags
, which I sometimes refer to as
gag
gags. 

Ball gags
are comprised of a small ball made of rubber or silicone which fits into the
mouth and attached to a securing strap.  The ball may vary in size, shape,
color and materials, and may even have breathing holes or other unique
features.  The strap is typically an adjustable leather one, but sometimes
can be elastic.  While the
superficial
purpose of a ball gag is to
prevent a person from
speaking,
the
true
value of a ball gag lies
in its
psychological effects
, creating a palpable sense of helplessness,
futility or humiliation in the bottom, and appealing to a wide range of
motivations, aesthetics or fetishes for the Top.

An
open mouth gag,
like the ball gag, also
prevents the bottom from speaking, but does so by keeping the mouth propped
wide open in much the same way that a dentist does to get a better look at your
teeth.  These are sometimes called ring gags, spider gags (ring gags with
hooks or braces to prevent slipping or turning), Whitehead dental gags (what
your dentist uses), or blowjob gags.  Again, the
ostensible purpose
of an open mouth gag is to allow the insertion of a penis, fingers, dildo or other
toys into the bottom’s open mouth or to permit the Top to ejaculate or urinate
into the mouth, however, the
psychological
effects are always of
significant importance.  A typical open mouth gag will cost between $15
and $100.

A bit gag
is designed to resemble and function like a
horse’s bit,
and is often
used in BDSM pony play.  It typically consists of a short slender rod
which is placed between the teeth, with straps attached at each end which can
be secured around a person’s head to hold it in place.  The rod is usually
straight; however there are bit gag designs that are curved or contoured to a
person’s face.  Some bit gags are extremely rigid, having a steel or
aluminum inner core with a softer layer of rubber or silicone surrounding it to
protect the teeth from damage, while others may be constructed entirely of
solid rubber, silicone, PVC or other synthetic materials.  The quality of
a bit gag purchased from retailers can
vary widely
, so it’s always a
good idea to check the product reviews for feedback before purchasing
one.  Due to the relative simplicity of a bit gag’s design, some
unscrupulous retailers will charge $15 to $30 for
“bit gags”
that are
nothing more than a short length of PVC pipe with holes drilled into the ends
for O-rings and a thin leather strap, all of which can be purchased in any
hardware store for
about $2.  A
well-built
bit gag will be
constructed for serious and/or regular use, rather than as a
novelty
,
and will be made from
quality materials
.  It typically should
not
be uncomfortable or painful to wear for short periods of time, and it
should protect the teeth from damage.

Any
type of gag can
be dangerous if it restricts a person’s breathing in any way,
including
psychological causes
.  It is extremely important to monitor the
bottom’s condition and respiration
continuously
, since the situation can
change very quickly without notice,
even if nothing has physically changed.
 
A person wearing a gag may be able to
breathe perfectly
one moment and
not
at all
the next, possibly due to allergic reactions, panic attacks,
hyperventilation, discomfort, sudden illness, vomiting, or choking on his or
her own saliva.  For obvious reasons, it can be quite difficult for a
gagged bottom to
tell
you what is happening, so I
highly recommend
that you arrange a
non-verbal
safe word or emergency signal that can be
communicated to the Top,
whether or not the wrists or hands are restrained.

Masks & Hoods

BDSM masks and hoods come in all shapes, sizes,
materials and functional forms. 
Generally speaking
, a mask is
designed to give the wearer
anonymity
, while a hood is designed to limit
or prevent the wearer from
seeing.  Both
, however, can be used to
perform a variety of other nifty functions as well, and there is a lot of
interchangeability in the terms among users and retailers.  To reduce
confusion and for the sake of simplicity, we’ll refer henceforth to them all
simply as
hoods.

Hoods, unlike
blindfolds
, are typically
fitted over the
entire head. 
 They are commonly constructed
from cotton, silk, spandex, leather, rubber, PVC, nylon or other synthetic
fabrics.  There is such a wide spectrum of products that fit into this
category it’s difficult to make
any
generalizations which would apply
across the board.  Some hoods come with straps, flaps, and holes; others
may
not
.  Some are designed to keep people from seeing out; others are
designed to keep people from seeing in.  Most hoods function to limit a
person’s
vision;
others may be uniquely constructed to limit a person’s
ability to speak, hear, breathe,
or all of the above.
  Hoods may be
simple or devious, sensual or cruel, loose-fitting or elastic, and they may be
secured in place by laces, zippers, snaps, buttons, straps, or Velcro.  In
fact, since many of the hoods used in BDSM play are
custom-made
for
their owners, it would not be much of an exaggeration to say that there are
practically as many different kinds of BDSM hoods out there as there are
people
who enjoy using them.
 

When shopping for hoods, you should expect the price
that you pay to be a direct reflection of the materials, features, and quality
of workmanship of the product.  A simple cotton hood will average $5 to
$20.  A nylon or spandex hood will be a bit pricier, at $15 to $40. 
Rubber, PVC or latex hoods generally range from $20 to $70.  Leather hoods
can start at $25 or cost as much as $200, depending on the quality, complexity,
and unique features included in the design.  If you are unable to locate
the type of hood you’re looking for, you should have no trouble at all finding
skilled kink apparel crafters online who’ll be glad to customize a hood to your
tastes and specifications.

The safety concerns related to hoods are virtually
identical to those for
blindfolds
when they block the wearer’s vision
and to
gags
when they cover the mouth and potentially limit the wearer’s
ability to speak or breathe.  Additionally, since some hood designs
require the hood to be secured below the wearer’s chin or around his neck,
there could be some risk of accidental strangulation.  As always,
continuously monitoring the wearer’s well-being and psychological state will
serve to minimize the risks.

Vibration & Oscillation

Vibration and oscillation toys can basically be
summed up in a single word:
vibrators.
  The various types of
vibrators used in BDSM play do not differ in any significant way from the ones
used in vanilla sex play.  Generally speaking, the only real difference
will be
in the ways that they are used. 
When you add bondage,
discipline, and sadomasochism to the mix, even
simple vibrators
can
start looking
pretty scary.

Rather than slog through the thousands of types of
portable vibrators of both the battery-operated and corded varieties readily
available in the marketplace, we’ll focus instead on just two of the more
interesting retail products, the Hitachi Magic Wand and the Abco Sybian, and
some ideas for a couple of
home-made
oscillation toys.

The Hitachi Magic Wand
,
for many, has become the holy grail of hand-held personal vibrators since being
introduced in the U.S. in the mid-1970s.  It is a corded device which is
marketed primarily as a
“massager”
, but has become so closely associated
with its popular use for masturbation that Hitachi has begun a subtle
rebranding effort to de-emphasize or remove its corporate name from the
product’s promotional materials.  The Magic Wand is extremely popular with
both vanilla
and
kink users, and it can be seen with increasing
frequency in BDSM photography and porn, most often in bondage or forced orgasm
scenes.   It’s powerful motor, rubberized head, adjustable speeds,
and sleek design not only puts it at the top of the list in terms of
functionality
,
but it can be used in hands-free mode by sitting on it or by integrating it
into your bondage, and it is generally considered to be almost as good at
inducing orgasms for men as it is for women.  Comedienne Roseanne Barr is
reported to have once quipped, “Hitachi makes such good vibrators, I think I’ll
buy one of their TVs!”   The Hitachi Magic Wand retails for $50 to
$70.

The Abco Sybian,
often
referred to simply as a
Sybian
or
Sybian Saddle
, is a patented
and trademarked product of Abco Research Associates in Monticello,
Illinois.  In other words, if your device wasn’t manufactured by Abco, it
isn’t a Sybian;  it’s just another vibrating saddle.  The Sybian was
invented in 1985 by a dance instructor named Dave Lampert, who felt that the
key to helping a woman achieve orgasm was to simulate what occurs when a woman
is sitting atop a reclining male during sexual intercourse.  If you have
never
seen
a Sybian, you can familiarize yourself with its appearance
and functionality by visiting practically any porn site on the web and simply
typing the word
Sybian
into the search box.  Interestingly enough,
Abco also produces a high-end
male
penis-pump type of masturbation
device called the Venus 2000.  The Sybian, like the Hitachi Magic Wand, is
popular among both vanilla
and
fetish folk, however its hefty price tag
($1300-$1600) generally keeps it beyond the reach of casual or experimental users. 
On the other hand, if you’re a professional Dominant, sex worker or fetish
photographer, you may be able to claim it as a tax-deductible business
expense.  Is this a
great country
, or what?