Distorted Hope (37 page)

I could see in his eyes he realized what he’d done. His eyes were so full of remorse it made my heart ache. How could I not forgive him for acting out of fear?

“You hurt me,” I said in a cracked whisper.

Nathan nodded solemnly. “I know, Kitten.” He pressed his lips together and his eyes turned even more sad. “I can never undo what I did, but I promise, I will never,
ever
push you away again.”

The combination of forcefulness, emotion, and sincerity in his eyes broke down my defenses. “I love you, too,” I whispered, reaching up to stroke his scruffy cheek.

“Say my name, Kitten,” he said, his voice full of emotion.

“Nathan,” I whispered as his lips crushed against mine once more.

He pulled away and took my hand. “Let me show you how much I’ve missed you,” he said, pulling me by my hand toward the path back to the house. I followed him and we passed by four very shocked men. “We can debrief this evening after dinner,” Nathan said and then glanced at me. “Maybe tomorrow.”

Mark clenched his jaw as Nathan pulled me away. I turned away and walked back to the hacienda with Nathan. I hoped Mark would understand.

I snuggled close to Nathan under the covers, my head resting on his sculpted chest, my arm wrapped around his trim stomach, my knee resting on his hard thigh. His hand was in my hair, caressing the back and side of my head. We had made love several times yesterday afternoon and evening and just finished another long session this morning.

“I hope I don’t get you sick,” I said worriedly, running my fingers across his defined abdominal muscles.

“I don’t care if you do,” he murmured. “I have many months of loving to make up for.” He scooted down and rolled to his side to face to me. “I’m so sorry for what I did to you,” he said, tears in his eyes. “It was so, so wrong of me.”

I ran my hand across his cheek, now even more scruffy than it had been the afternoon before. “I know you were scared,” I said in a soft voice, wincing as I thought back over the last several months. “It hurt.”

“I hated watching you with the other men, but I forced myself to. I thought it would make the pain go away eventually. I wanted to be jaded again, like I’d been before you got to me, but it didn’t work. All I did was make myself miserable.” He caressed my cheek. “And you.” He chuckled. “When you came down with those bruises from Ajani and Toby, I was ready to go castrate them.”

I loved his protectiveness. “They didn’t do more than I let them. They pushed me, but I know they would have stopped if I’d asked them to.” I giggled. “That was an… a different night than I’d had before.” I looked up and winced at the jealousy in his eyes. “Sorry.”

He shook his head, a wry look on his face. “I can’t really say anything. I’m the one who pushed you to do it. I could even take responsibility for it. I wouldn’t let Mark have you that night.” He cupped my cheek as his eyes pleaded for understanding. “Will you forgive me? For the horrible things I said to you? For hurting you? For tossing you away in my fear?”

I nodded. “Yes. Of course. Just… please don’t do it again. I don’t think I could handle it.”

He pulled me close. “I’m never letting you go again. I never want to see another man’s hands on you.”

We finally made it out of bed at lunch time. I was feeling better. Or I think it was more the fact that being with Nathan,
kind
Nathan, kept me from thinking about being sick. Whenever I felt nausea or achy, I just pushed it away. I didn’t want to be sick right now. I had my Nathan back.

There were many delighted looks when we came downstairs together. A few of the girls were in the living room and they ran over to welcome me home. They gave Nathan curious looks and he beamed at them and put his arm around my waist. Amé giggled and clapped and hugged me so hard I could hardly breathe.

“As much as I like having sex with Patrón, I would much rather him be happy with you,” she said. “That makes everything better.”

I grinned and hugged her back. “Thanks, Amé.” I wasn’t jealous; we’d talked many times about it.

“Come, Kitten,” Nathan said, taking my hand. “I’m hungry.”

I giggled. We barely ate dinner last night and didn’t eat breakfast this morning. We were busy doing other things.

The girls hurried to their dining room and I walked with Nathan to the main dining room. It had been over six months since I’d eaten in here.

Austin looked up with surprise on his face as Nathan pulled the chair out for me. I’d slept with him several times since he’d been here. He wasn’t particularly nice, but he wasn’t really mean, either. He just did as he pleased and didn’t care if I enjoyed it. He gave Nathan a wary look as he sat down.

“Austin, anything that happened between you and Kyra is in the past. As long as you know she is mine again, that’s all that matters.”

He cleared his throat. “Of course, Nathan.”

Mark came in a moment later and took his seat next to me. I played with the napkin on my lap. When Nathan began talking to Colin and Austin about the project they were working on, Mark touched my hand lightly.

“Kyra, it’s okay. I’m glad he finally woke up about you.” I looked at him and saw a genuine smile on his face. “Yeah, it would have been nice to be with you, but…” he glanced at Nathan, “…this way I get my good friend back and I can be friends with you.”

“I’m sorry, Mark,” I whispered.

“Don’t apologize, Kyra. Really. I knew you still loved him while we were traveling. I was hoping he’d realize what an ass he’d been while we were gone.” He shrugged. “Mostly.”

I laughed softly. I was thankful he wasn’t upset. And it didn’t seem like he was eager to retire, either. He hadn’t mentioned it since that one night. I wonder how much of those thoughts had been alcohol induced.

After lunch, Nathan told Mark he would meet him in his office in a little while and then took my hand and led me out into the yard. I giggled as my bare feet hit the grass.

“I love that sound,” Nathan murmured.

“What sound?”

“The sound of your laughter.” He put his arm around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. “God, I was such an idiot, Kyra. I don’t know why you’ve forgiven me, but I’m glad you did. I don’t deserve you.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face in his silk shirt. “I’m just glad you’re back to my sweet Nathan.”

He laughed. “I’ve never thought of myself as sweet.”

“You are. You can be.” I tilted my head and smiled at him. “Kind… thoughtful… incredibly handsome.”

“Only because of you, Kitten. I’m a better man because of you.”

I tipped my head back and looked up at him. “Mark said you were the man he met and respected again.”

A pained look crossed his face. “I don’t think I deserve him, either. He’s been so loyal all these years.”

“The guys really respect you, Nathan. And the girls adore you.”

He cupped my cheek. “I adore you and only you.” He grinned suddenly. “I have something for you.” He reached into his pants pocket.

“My ring?” I exclaimed as he held out his hand to me. The diamond sparkled in the sunlight. It looked so small in his big hand.

I clasped my hands over my mouth as he knelt in front of me. “I love you, Kyra. I don’t deserve for you to forgive me, but you did. I will do everything in my power to make up for hurting you. I want to commit my life to you in a way that will bind us together forever. Will you marry me?”

Tears of joy filled my eyes as I nodded. He took my hand and slipped the ring on my left ring finger.

“Back where it belongs,” he whispered before pulling me close and kissing me soundly. I leaned against him and he lost his balance and fell backward, pulling me on top of him.

I giggled against his mouth and pressed my hips against him. His hands found their way under my dress and caressed my ass as he kissed me. “Mmm, I hope debriefing doesn’t take too long,” he murmured and rolled me to my back, lying on the grass beside me. Trailing his fingers down my cheek to my collarbone, he leaned down and kissed the tops of my breasts then looked up into my eyes. “Marry me tomorrow. We can fly into Panama City in the morning.”

I grinned and nodded. “Okay.” My heart soared. He loved me. And tomorrow he would be my husband. Life was good.

“Why don’t you move your things back into our room while I’m meeting with Mark?” Nathan suggested as we walked up the steps to the courtyard.

I grinned. “Alright.” He kissed me again and I went to the women’s house. I hoped the girls would be willing to help me. I didn’t know where my stuff was from the trip.

I found Amé, Laurie, and Julia sitting against the wall of the garden.

“So, things are going well?” Julia asked as I walked to them.

I grinned and held up my ring. They shrieked and ran over to me.

“Oh, Kyra!” Laurie said, hugging me tight. “I’m so glad. Patrón has been so miserable.”

Julia nodded. “Especially when you were gone. He wouldn’t admit it, but I could tell he was.”

The other girls nodded in agreement. “Things were so much… I don’t know… relaxed when you two were together,” Amé said. “I am looking forward to that again.”

I asked them to help me move my stuff and they readily agreed.

“The Russians were upset when they got here and you weren’t here,” Amé said as we walked up the stairs, our hands full of my things.

“Why do you say that?”

“When they arrived, they looked at all us girls and then the son accused Patrón of hiding you away. Patrón just said you were helping Mark with business out of town. He didn’t look happy about that.”

I shook my head and pushed the bedroom door open. “I don’t know why they want me. You girls are so much prettier than me.”

Amé shook her head. “You are so pretty. And you have a… I don’t know, a sweetness about you that is irresistible.” She grinned at me. “What’s not to like?”

I rolled my eyes. “Mark said what they did to me cost them a lot of money.”

“I heard that, too.”

After all my stuff had been moved, I laid down in bed and fell asleep. Nathan’s concerned voice woke me up as he opened the door.

“I was worried about you,” Nathan said, coming to sit by me. “I thought you would come down to the office when you were done.”

“I’m sorry. I was just so tired.”

He caressed my cheek. “It’s alright. I know you’re not feeling well. You up for dinner?”

“It’s dinner time already?”

Nathan nodded and I sat up. “I hope you’re okay tomorrow.”

“I will be.”

The morning dawned with cloudy skies, but my spirits weren’t dampened. As much as it rained here, I still loved it. I considered rainy days beautiful.

My stomach was threatening to misbehave and I rolled over to see if the peppermints I’d used while I was pregnant were still in the nightstand. They were, and I popped one in my mouth. A few minutes later, my nausea subsided and I sighed in relief.

“How’s my bride?” came a low voice behind me. I rolled over to see Nathan smiling at me.

“Good.” I smiled back. “Though I hope I get over this bug soon. I hate feeling sick.”

“I hate you
being
sick. I’ll have Luís come up when we get back and take a look at you if you’re not better.” He chuckled. “Guess I can’t let you travel anymore. Those foreign bugs are nasty.”