Disruptor (22 page)

The lab – or more precisely, the people who
bankrolled the place - had meant to use the power they’d given her.
To control her for their own ends. They’d never asked for Dani’s
consent to experiment on her, to tinker with her DNA and surgically
implant tech inside her very brain. She was a piece of property,
cleaned up and augmented with expensive accessories, but property
nonetheless.

She’d had enough of other people thinking
they had the right to control her body. This unnatural power in her
muscles and bones, her senses and her mind, was hers and hers alone
now. She’d use it as she saw fit and if anyone ever tried to treat
her like a piece of meat instead of a human being again, she’d take
that power and break them with it.

That determination might be the closest she
got to true freedom. Better than being owned. Even if she had to
spend the rest of her life fighting, nobody would ever own her
again.

And what would she fight for, other than
herself? Because that just didn’t feel like enough. Strangers who
screamed for help, girls cornered in dark alleys by thugs
pretending to be men, rich pretty boys doing community service in
the bad part of town. Polina and Masha, now dead. Sveta, safe at
least for the time being. Tatiana, in the wind.

A little girl with pigtails and her nose in a
book, too young to realize the possible dangers around her.

Dani shut her eyes tight, memories of Molly
cascading through her mind. They’d been more than just
foster-sisters, they’d been friends. The younger girl had trusted
Dani, and Dani had failed her in the worst possible way. She’d
turned her back on Molly’s screams for help and ran. In a way,
she’d been running ever since.

For once, Dani didn’t fight the tears that
followed in the wake of those memories. She didn’t try to box up
all the guilt and shame and push it into a corner. She let it wrap
around her heart and squeeze until she couldn’t stand, until she
sat huddled on the rooftop sobbing. Face wet, eyes puffy and
tender, she sat for a long time with her arms around her knees. The
wind blew her hair and dried her tears. Her mind was still and
quiet. That wouldn’t last long, she knew, but she was grateful for
the respite.

The decision was made in her heart before her
mind had a chance to form it into words.

She checked the hashtag. Nothing from
Housecat. Nothing that sounded like Bessonov might be involved. A
party gone bad in Cabrini last night. A strip club owner looking
for the two guys who beat up a dancer because she wouldn’t put out.
A kid too young to be on social media looking for an older brother
who hadn’t been home in three days. All tagging the Ghost and
asking for help.

She wasn’t a ghost, damn it.

Maybe it was time to come up with her own
name.

She left the roof and headed north.

When all else failed, Kevin painted. Usually
before he worked on a large canvas he sketched some ideas out
first, but not this time. This time, he let it come through in a
long sustained burst of creative energy. Or maybe more like a
desperate need for exorcism. It was always hard to tell the
difference at times like this. He started in the middle of the
canvas with an indigo square, nearly perfect in its lines even
without a ruler. From there he slowly added more elements.
Concentric rings of garnet and gold, rippling waves of midnight
shadows. If pressed, he couldn’t have explained what any of it
meant. He had no interest in putting those thoughts and emotions
into words. It was enough that he give them shape and color.

He took a break for a cup of coffee. Bright
sunlight shone through the kitchen window, accented with occasional
flares from the glass high rise across the street. Just that shade
of orange with a diamond hard center – could he mix that color for
the canvas in progress? Obsessing over getting a color right seemed
far preferable to wondering if Dani was still in the city, if she’d
caught a bus out of town, if she would be okay.

The chiming of the doorbell finally took him
out of his own head. He opened it to find Dani standing there. His
throat dried and his pulse sped up. The set of her face showed
strength. Determination. A woman on a mission. A question filled
her eyes. She didn’t need to ask it, but he wasn’t surprised she
did anyway. He felt the answer in his gut before the thought had
time to form in his head. He let her know with a single nod.

He was in.

***

Dani breathed a sigh of relief. She’d been
pretty sure, but still, there was always the chance he didn’t want
to get further involved in this. “Are you sure? Absolutely
sure?”

“Yes. Want some coffee?”

Oh God please yes
, she wanted to say,
but nodded instead. “There’s a lot we need to talk about. If I’m
going to do this, I need someone I can trust to have my back.”

Kevin dumped coffee into the French press. “I
have your back. Without reservation. You know you can trust me, I’m
just a little surprised that you’d want to.”

She furrowed her brow. “How come?”

He shrugged. “I guess I just figured that
you’d want to do this on your own.”

“I tried the whole loner thing. Not having
somebody to trust, it doesn’t work. All it got me was sold to
traffickers for fifty bucks and a gun with the serial number filed
off. Screw that.”

He rested his hands on the counter, anger and
sympathy warring on his face. She hoped the anger won, she didn’t
want anyone’s sympathy. “I’ve got your back,” he reiterated.

“I know trust is a two way street. If you’re
going to put yourself on the line like this, you deserve to know
who I am.”

“I know who you are, Dani.”

“No, you don’t. You don’t know anything about
me. Not really.” She’d spent the entire walk back to his penthouse
steeling herself for this conversation. Convincing herself it was
none of his business would be easy, but she didn’t believe it would
be the truth. Or the right thing to do. “You asked me who Molly
was. I’ll tell you.”

He turned off the stove and stood with his
hands in his back pockets, the coffee abandoned. “I’m
listening.”

“She was my foster sister.” Dani paced a
short distance, figuring it might be easier to get the words out if
she was moving. “She was three years younger than me. She knew what
was happening to me but she was too young. He left her alone.”

Kevin dropped his gaze to the floor. “Who was
he?”

“The foster father.” The scents of cheap
aftershave and spearmint gum floated up from memory and threatened
to smother her. “He…” Dani shook her head. What did the details
matter? “Uh. So, Molly knew what was going on. We didn’t share a
room but she still knew.” She paused, tried to keep her voice from
shaking. “I thought I had time to figure out how to get us out, a
little time until he started going to her room at night. She was
only eleven but her body started changing. Just enough hips and
breasts to get his attention. We knew…we knew we had to do it
soon.”

“Did you report him?”

She waved a hand dismissively. “Hell, I’d
already tried that and it didn’t work. He was a real pillar of the
community type. Nobody believed me.”

“What about the foster mother? How did she
not know what was going on in her own home?”

“She knew.” Dani met Kevin’s gaze briefly
then skipped away. “She knew.”

“Jesus.”

“We were going to run away. I had a little
money hidden. We had backpacks full of clothes and some food. No
plan, really. As soon as we had an opportunity, we were going to
take it. I promised Molly I’d take care of her. That I’d get her
out before he raped her too.”

Kevin placed his hand on her shoulder and she
realized she’d stopped pacing.

“She was so scared.”

“What happened when you tried to run away?”
His voice was soft, as gentle as his touch as he wrapped his arm
around her waist. Dani held herself stiff for a moment, fighting
the urge to push away from him. She didn’t deserve the comfort he
offered. Right? Maybe it was selfish, but she needed that comfort.
Needed it so badly. She let herself relax, her back to his front,
the wall of his chest warm and solid. His words fully registered
and she realized he’d probably already figured out what
happened.

She said it anyway. “He came to her room that
night. I don’t know if he’d already planned to or if he heard us.
It was a two story house and it was easier to get out from her
window. I went first. She tossed her bag down and then she was
supposed to come down. I pick up her bag and the next thing I know,
I hear her screaming. He caught her. She was trying to fight him
off but he was too big, too strong. She couldn’t get free of him.
So it was either climb back up there and help her, and probably get
beat so bad I’d be lucky to be able to walk in the morning. Not to
mention all the other stuff that would just keep on happening, and
no one would believe me. Or I could run. Right then, run. With
Molly screaming for help right over my head. Go back in there and
get beaten and keep getting raped, or run.”

Don’t leave me.

Don’t leave me.

Don’t leave me.

An endless loop of Molly screaming for help
had played like background music in Dani’s dreams ever since that
night. She’d run then but she couldn’t run from her dreams, the
nightmares full of screaming and suffocation and a dozen different
kinds of shame that all burned like brands into her skin. She
carried those things with her always.

“So I ran. I was so scared, and I hated him
so much. I hated being so damned powerless all the time. He did
that to me and she let it happen and no one believed me because
everyone thought they were such good people. I couldn’t go back in
that house. I loved Molly and I wanted to get her out of there, but
I couldn’t go back in that house. So I ran.”

Kevin’s arms tightened around her. On some
level, she felt his embrace. Mostly she felt the sickening choke of
hatred and self-loathing pressing down on her until she could
barely breathe.

He said, “How old were you?”

“Fourteen.”

He turned her around so they were facing each
other. “You were a child.”

She kept her gaze on the center of his chest
because couldn’t stand to look him in the eyes. “I knew right from
wrong.”

He cupped her face in his hands and lifted
her head so she was forced to meet his gaze. “You were a child, and
everyone failed you.”

“I failed her.” Her voice cracked and broke
but she kept the tears at bay.

“You were a child.” He stroked her cheek then
spread his fingers in her hair. “You can’t spend the rest of your
life punishing yourself for a split second decision you made at the
age of fourteen.”

“Maybe not. Maybe I need to make up for
it.”

“So this is why you do what you do? Run
headlong into danger when you hear someone screaming for help,
because a part of you always hears Molly in that moment.”

Dani nodded. A lump of emotion clogged her
throat and she couldn’t have spoken even if she’d wanted to.
Instead, she leaned against Kevin. Whether she deserved it or not
wasn’t a question she wanted to think about right now. She took the
comfort he offered and let it fill her up. For the first time in
forever, she could feel the telltale warmth of a light in the dark,
see its blurry golden edges flickering in the black.

“I thought you were supposed to be a dumb
pretty boy,” she murmured.

He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her
tight. As if he knew she wouldn’t break. “That’s my alter ego,” he
said. “My secret identity is the dorky guy in glasses who paints
and isn’t quite as dumb as everyone thinks he is.”

Dani stepped out of his embrace but took his
hand in hers. “If you want out, at any time, just say the word.
I’ll never hold it against you.”

“Dani.”

“I killed men in Lincoln Heights. I know
you’re not comfortable with that.”

“I don’t think you are, either.”

“No,” she admitted. “But I have to live with
it. You don’t.”

“You don’t have to kill, Dani. There’s got to
be a better way.”

“Bessonov may not give me a choice. If it’s
him or me, him or Tatiana or some other innocent, I’m putting him
down.”

“You can live with that?”

Dani shrugged. It wasn’t something she wanted
to give much thought to. “What am I supposed to do, let him kill me
or some other girl? I already screwed up and got Masha killed. I
don’t want that to happen again.”

“I don’t want that to happen, either.” He ran
his hands through his hair and blew out a breath in frustration. “I
just wish there was a better way.”

“So do I. If I can find one, I’ll take it. I
promise you that.”

“So what happens next?”

“Tonight I talk to Housecat again, see if
he’s had any luck finding Tatiana. I need a shakedown run.”

“A what?”

She explained about shock overload. “I need
to make sure I’ve recovered. Physically, and also test out the
interface.”

“And in the mean time?”

“I need some sleep. I’m still sore and my
head hurts. I need to be in better shape when I go back out there,
so I’m going to sleep for a few hours.” She paused, wondering if
she was being presumptuous. “If it’s still okay for me to stay for
a while.”

“Of course it is.” His mouth curved into a
smile. “So, superhero, what do you want your sidekick to do while
you’re sleeping?”

“Don’t call me a superhero. It’s
embarrassing.”

Kevin held up his hand and ticked off points
with his fingers. “Superior strength and speed. Enhanced senses.
Various little odds and ends through gene therapy and cybernetic
implants. Those are your superpowers.”

Dani sighed. “I don’t like calling them
superpowers, but yeah. I guess so.”

“I’ve got superpowers, too. Devastating good
looks. Irresistible charm. A trust fund and a no limit credit
card.”