Disclosures - SF4 (12 page)
This time, Jamie sat on Ryan’s lap and drew her into an embrace and held her until she seemed to have regained her equilibrium. Ryan finally looked up at her sadly. "I can't talk about it now. Can we just go have breakfast? I'm starved with the hunger," she said in her brogue, invoking a phrase that Jamie assumed was familial.
"Sure, Baby. You don't have to talk about it at all, if you don't want to. I think I know what's troubling you."
Ryan smiled at her and went to her chest of drawers to pull out an outfit. She chose a pair of well-worn jeans and a red cotton tank top, drawing on a white oxford-cloth man’s style shirt over it. She buttoned the shirt halfway and rolled the sleeves a few times, exposing her tanned, muscular forearms.
Boy, she cleans up nice
, Jamie mused as she surveyed her lanky form. Ryan took a quick glance into the mirror, shook her head briefly, and tucked both shirts into her jeans, adding a wide black belt. A pair of black penny-loafers completed the look, and as she took another glance she caught Jamie’s head nod in concert with her own. She spared a smile at her observer and placed a small kiss on her lips. "I’ll go help with breakfast while you get dressed, okay?"
"Okay, Love. I’ll be right up."
Ryan came up behind Conor as he was spooning oatmeal into a big bowl. She slid her arms around his waist and rested her head on his broad, muscular shoulder. "Thanks for the support," she said gratefully. "I had no idea this would be so hard for me."
"It's hard for all of us," he admitted as he looked over his shoulder. "I think breakfast will be the hardest time for me," he said thoughtfully. "I really look forward to starting the day by spending a few minutes with you and Da. It always cheers me up to see you and Duffy come bounding in the front door first thing in the morning."
Ryan felt like her composure was slipping yet again, so she grabbed the oatmeal and took it into the dining room. Conor had already set the table, so she set about assembling the condiments for the cereal. By the time all was ready, Jamie had come into the dining room and cast a quick glance at her lover, who still seemed shaky to her experienced eye. When Conor entered the dining room Jamie asked, "Are you free on Wednesday night?"
"I don't have any plans yet."
"I'd like to have you all come over for dinner if you're free," she said with a quick glance at her lover. Ryan was gracing her with a sweet smile, and her mood looked like it was a bit lighter.
"I'd love to come, and I'm sure Da would too. Should I ask Brendan?"
"No," Jamie replied. "I'll call him. He should have a proper invitation."
They ate their meal quickly, the turmoil having caused Conor to run late for work. Jamie insisted that she and Ryan would clean the kitchen since he had done the cooking, and he gratefully agreed. He came over to his sister and squatted down by her chair, making eye contact as he said, "We're going to miss you, Ryan, but we'll be okay. Da and I will do our best to take your place in the mornings with Duff. I know we can't give him the kind of workout you do, but I think he'll be fine."
Ryan wrapped her arms around her brother's neck and squeezed him firmly. "Thanks, Conor," she said as the tears threatened again. "I'll see you on Wednesday."
He stood up and bent over from the waist to kiss her cheek. "See you then," he said, moving around the table to give Jamie a kiss and a hug. "Thanks for the invitation, Jamie. I'll see you soon." As he left the dining room Ryan burst into tears again, dropping her head onto the dining room table with a "thunk" as the sobs shook her body.
"Honey, honey," Jamie cooed into her ear as she pulled a chair up next to her. "Tell me why you're so sad."
Ryan struggled to sit up and forced herself to take some deep breaths to calm down. "God! I hate being such a baby about this! I’m gonna be home every weekend, for pete’s sake!"
"Hey…" Jamie ran her hand through her partner’s bangs, fluffing them gently. "Don’t be angry with yourself, Honey. This is hard for you, and that’s all that matters. Now, come on, and tell me how you feel."
Ryan sucked in a shaky breath and got to the heart of the matter. "I know this sounds crazy but this feels like…well, like death to me."
Jamie tried to hide her shocked look. It had never occurred to her that Ryan would equate the move of a few miles with death. She began a slow, rhythmic stroking of Ryan’s back to help calm her, and after a few moments she was able to continue. "It’s hard to express what it was like to lose my mother, Jamie. She wasn’t just a person, she was the center of our home, and when she died some of that role fell to me. There's a part of me that feels like I'm abandoning them, like she did," she choked out as another wave of emotion surged over her.
"Oh, Sweetheart," she whispered, "I had no idea that's how you felt."
"I wasn't really aware myself until yesterday," she admitted through her sobs. "They really do depend on me for some emotional stability, Jamie. I'm just afraid that the boys might leave too, and that would kill Da."
"Oh, Honey," Jamie said soothingly. "I don't think Conor or Rory have any intention of leaving home. I know they'll miss you, but it's only for this year."
"I know," she said shakily. "I just feel overwhelmed, Jamie. I haven't felt this sad in a long, long while."
"Is this what your nightmare was about?" she asked gently.
"No." Ryan shook her head, deciding that she had to come clean. "Thursday is the anniversary of when I was gay-bashed. The nightmare was about that."
Jamie’s eyes fluttered closed as she considered how many things her partner was trying to cope with at once. "No wonder this is so hard for you right now," she soothed. "Do you want to wait a few weeks before we move?"
Ryan closed her swollen eyes and considered the offer. After just a few moments she shook her head confidently and said, "No. We planned to do this now so we’ll be close for summer school and work. I think we should go ahead and go. Once we’re over there, I’m sure I’ll be fine."
"Ryan," Jamie said softly, holding her face in her hands. "I hope you believe me when I promise you that we'll come home if this is too hard for you. I’m almost ready to tell my parents about us, and I could tell them to sell the house at the same time. Might as well make it a huge announcement!" she said with a twinkle in her eye.
A soft laugh escaped from Ryan’s lips and she rested her head on Jamie’s shoulder. "Let’s table that idea for a little while, okay, Love? My stomach’s in a knot already."
Jamie nodded, standing to grasp her hand. As they went into the kitchen to clean up she said, "I want you to know that I think it's a wonderful thing that this is so hard for you. 25 years from now, I want our kids to feel the same way when they're ready to leave our home."
"At the rate I'm going we'll still be here, and they'll be crying over leaving Grandpa and Uncle Conor and Uncle Rory!"
"That would be fine with me," Jamie declared firmly, standing on her tiptoes to place a kiss on her partner’s flushed cheek.
After kitchen cleanup, they repaired to their room to pack enough for the week. "Don't you feel like you've been living in a suitcase for weeks?" Ryan asked as she tossed clothes into her bag.
"We have been for a couple of weeks," she admitted. "And I was here for a couple of weeks before that, so yeah, it does feel like we haven't been home in a while."
"I'm only planning on bringing enough to get me through Friday," Ryan announced. "Not much more than this bag will fit into the Porsche."
"That's fine. We can slowly bring things over that we need. Other than clothes, I have everything that you might need, like a hair dryer and toiletries. Is there anything else you can think of that I don't have?"
Ryan gave her the first genuine smile of the day. "Not unless you want me to bring something from my little bag of tricks," she said with a definite leer, eyebrows waggling.
Jamie was a bit taken aback. She knew that her partner had played with lots of toys, but for some reason, she had never considered that she was the owner of any of them. But she loved the twinkle in the blue eyes that gazed at her, and she wasn’t willing to dampen it. "Let me see what you've got," Jamie replied with a matching leer.
Ryan pulled out a gym bag from the bottom drawer of her dresser, setting it on the bed to unzip it. Jamie stuck her hand in and pulled out all manner of latex, rubber and leather accessories. Her eyes grew wide as she stared at the assortment, some of which left her clueless as to their purpose. "I seem to remember that you said you didn't want to experiment with toys," Ryan said with a crooked grin. "But you seem to have loosened up considerably since that little talk. Does any of this pique your interest?"
"I don't have any idea what some of this is," she admitted with a little blush. "But I can certainly imagine that some of this would be kind of fun to try. Pick out a few of your favorites and bring them along, but leave some for here, too. I don't want to have to transport this stuff every weekend," she added with a grin.
Ryan sorted through the items and picked out three that she thought would be fun to try. She grabbed another small bag and tossed them in with a big smile firmly affixed to her face.
Now I know another key to chasing the blues
, Jamie smirked to herself as they finished their packing.
By the time they reached the house, it was nearly ten o'clock. During their honeymoon, they had decided that it made sense for Jamie to take some classes during Ryan’s work hours. That would allow her to take a lighter load during her senior year, which would allow her to try out for the golf team if she decided to pursue that goal. The classes she wanted were not terribly popular, but she wanted to make sure she got enrolled, so she decided that she needed to get going. If she was successful, she would be at class from one to three, then she had an hour to kill until her four o'clock therapist appointment. "I hate to leave you here all alone," she said sadly.
"I'll be fine," Ryan reassured her. "I'll just snoop around for a while and then head over to the gym. I’m scheduled from one to four."
"You don't have to snoop, Ryan. Everything I have is yours. I hope you know that."
"I'm just teasing, Honey. I've never been here alone, so I'll spend some time trying to feel at home. Where should I put my clothes?"
"I thought you would take Cassie's room. There's a big closet in there and some built in drawers for your folded clothes."
"I get my own room?" she asked with a quizzical grin.
"Sure. I want you to have a place that's yours alone. We've got the room, so why not use it? There are two medicine cabinets in the bath. I use the one on the right, so you get the one on the left. Okay?"
"Sounds great. I'll get my stuff squared away and head on over to the gym. I'll have my pager on, so page me if you need anything. I'll expect you home at about 5:30. Do you want me to have dinner ready?"
"Let's get carryout and drink our champagne. We need to get this house christened, too, ya know."
"I anxiously await your return," Ryan replied as she bent to kiss her tenderly.
Nice room
, Ryan mused as she placed her bag on the queen-sized bed in her new room. She had never been in Cassie’s old room, and she smiled a little as she considered the chain of events that led her here.
It would frost old Cassie’s ass to know that I took over her room. I have to make sure she finds out
, she thought with uncharacteristic vengefulness.
I wonder if I should have Father Pender come over and do an exorcism before I put my stuff in here?
The room was located on the other side of the shared bath, and overlooked the driveway, rather than sharing Jamie’s view of the back yard. There were windows on only one wall, and Ryan guessed that the room would not get the nice cross-breeze that Jamie’s room was afforded.
But I bet this room is warmer in the winter. Maybe we’ll have to move over here on really chilly nights.
It didn’t take long to organize the little clothing she had been able to bring, and when she was finished Ryan started poking around the big house, trying to help herself begin to feel at home. She spent a few minutes looking at the items neatly organized in the bathroom cabinet.
Hmmm…I’ve never used any of these products…but Jamie always smells great so it shouldn’t be a problem to share them until I bring my usual stuff over
. She removed some of the items and looked at them more carefully.
Where does she get this stuff? I’ve never seen deodorant with the label in French
. Upon closer inspection, Ryan realized that she had never heard of any of the manufacturers of Jamie’s personal care products.
I have a sneaking suspicion that my sweetie doesn’t just go to Costco and buy whatever is the cheapest
, she laughed wryly, thinking of the large discount store where the O’Flahertys shopped.
Heading into Jamie’s room, she paused to take in the compulsively neat space. Every book was lined up one inch from the edge of the bookcase; every knick-knack was held down with a small dab of earthquake putty; the computer, printer and scanner were arranged on the desk to provide maximum accessibility.
We’ll get along just fine
, Ryan mused confidently. She snuck a look at the wicker laundry hamper, relieved that it was completely empty.
Gotta love a girl that does her laundry before she goes on a trip.
A good-sized television and VCR were located on a shelf in the built-in bookcase. Noticing that neither device was plugged in gave Ryan another cause for enthusiasm.
Thank you, God, for not making her a TV addict!
Surveying the twin towers of CDs next to the ultra-elegant Bang and Olufson stereo, she amended her praise,
You could have made her have better taste in music, God, but I’ll forgive you for one little error in an otherwise perfect package
.
At least she has a lot of classical selections. I don’t know much about classical music, but I’m sure I’d like it a lot better than the rest of this stuff!
She was halfway down the stairs when the rear doorbell rang. Although she sped up, by the time she reached the door a delivery van was already pulling out of the drive. A double deadbolt was installed on the sturdy door, and it required the use of a key to open it from either side.
That’s a good idea for preventing burglaries, but a bad idea for fires or earthquakes
, the firefighter’s daughter mused.
With only two exits on this floor you could be stuck in here if your keys were upstairs. Ahh
, she amended, spotting a key hanging from a hook just far enough away so that a burglar could not break the window and reach it.
My princess already thought of that little detail.
Slipping the key into the lock, as she swung the door open, a bag of groceries practically fell into the house.
What the…?
Stooping to pick up a pair of bags, she hefted them into the kitchen and placed them on the counter, repeating the action until all six bags were retrieved. Each bag was clearly labeled "Web Van.Com".
She buys groceries on the Internet??? Oh no,
she decided immediately
. That’s got to be more expensive than going to the store.
She set about getting all of the purchases organized, with the job taking quite a while, since she had to learn where everything was kept. But when she was done, she felt much more familiar with everything, and she was happy that she’d had a little time alone to snoop.
By this time it was nearly noon, so she decided to get dressed for work and take off.
Why didn’t I bring my motorcycle? It’s a good two and a half miles to the gym. Now I’ve got to run to get there and then I’ll be sweaty all afternoon. Damn, I don’t even have my Roller Blades.
Grumbling about her lack of foresight, she headed up to her room to change into running clothes. Stripping quickly, she was in the middle of hanging up her jeans and white shirt when she heard Jamie fumbling with the lock on the front door.
Darn, she must have been too late registering to get the classes she wanted.
She padded out into the hall, stark naked, calling out, "Miss me?"
"AAAAHHHH!!!!" cried the shocked young Latina who stared up at her like she’d been electrocuted.
"AAAAHHHH!!!" Ryan cried simultaneously, slapping her knees together as she tried to cover her nakedness with her arms. "Who are you???"
"Quien es usted?" the young woman cried.
That doesn’t sound like Gaelic
, Ryan muttered to herself as she considered the only foreign language in which she was fluent.
Why couldn’t I take Spanish like all the other kids in high school? Noooo, I had to take Latin
. After a beat she asked herself,
Why are you standing here having this discussion with yourself, while a stunned woman is staring at your naked body?
She dashed into her room, struggling into some Lycra shorts and a sports bra, adding her "Women Power" polo shirt. Grabbing socks and her shoes, she ran back to the hallway, surprised to see the woman standing in the exact same spot, staring up at her.
She approached the poor woman carefully, almost amused at the wide eyes that still looked a bit glassy. Extending her hand, she pointed at herself and said, "Ryan."
The woman nodded, looking more composed as she parroted, "Maria Los," and accepted Ryan’s handshake.
"Do you speak English?"
"Not very good," she haltingly replied, looking regretful. "Habla usted
español
?" the young woman asked.
"No," Ryan replied, offering the same regretful look. Trying to communicate without words, Ryan mimicked putting the key in the door. "Do you have a key?" she asked needlessly, since that was the only way the woman could have gained entrance.
Regrettably, Ryan was no Marcel Marceau, and Maria Los had no idea of what she was attempting to ask. "Lo siento, pero no entiendo," she offered. "Vengo a limpiar la casa," she said, lifting her bucket filled with cleaning cloths. "Es usted la…amiga…de la Señorita Jamie?" The young woman wasn’t sure if this tall stranger was another roommate or just a visitor. It was clear that Cassie, the blonde devil, had departed the house some weeks earlier, and she sincerely hoped that this woman bore no resemblance to her predecessor if she was a roommate.
Ryan nodded, understanding that the woman was there to clean, recognizing Jamie’s name as well as the word "friend". "Sí, Jamie’s amiga," she agreed, figuring the full extent of their relationship was not something Maria Los needed to hear.
Now both women nodded and offered smiles, their scintillating conversation at a standstill. Ryan was just about to say "adios" when she heard her partner’s tread on the stairs.
Jamie…you got some s’plainin to do
, she mused to herself in her admittedly awful Spanish accent.
The grinning blonde burst through the door, smiling sheepishly at Ryan and offering a quick, "Sorry", as she greeted Maria Los affectionately.
The young woman began to babble, "Lo siento mucho, Señorita Jamie. No
sabía
que tenia visita. Entre a la casa sin tocar y
sorprendí
a su amiga."
I’m very sorry, Miss Jamie. I didn’t know you had a visitor. I entered the house without knocking and I surprised your friend.
The young woman was blushing furiously, and Jamie spared a glance at her partner who was rocking back and forth on her heels, whistling a little tune as she rolled her big blue eyes at the ceiling.
"Esta per
fectamente bien, Maria Los. Está
usted bien? Se ve molesta."
That’s perfectly all right, Maria Los. Are you all right?
You seem upset.
"No, no," she said quickly. "Es que su amiga… no estaba…ella no
estaba…
preparada para visita."
It’s just that your friend… she wasn’t…
prepared for a visitor.
Her blush deepened, and Jamie’s mind reeled at the possible scenarios that flashed through her mind.
Please, God, let it not be something that will scar Maria Los for life!
"Qué
es, Maria?" Jamie asked gently, placing a reass
uring hand on her shoulder. "Qué pasó
?"
Ryan was tired of being left out of the conversation, and she could tell just by their body language that they were discussing her, so she decided to cut to the chase. "I was naked, Jamie. I heard the key in the door, I thought it was you, and I came out into the hall completely naked." Now her blush rivaled Maria Los’, and Jamie bit back a laugh.
"Completely naked?"
Ryan nodded.
"Completamente desnuda?" she repeated in Spanish.
Maria
nodded.
"Bueno! Eso le dará
algo para decirles a las muchachas cuando llegue a
la casa en la noche!"
Well! That will give you something to tell the girls when you get home tonight!
Jamie laughed easily, and her relaxed posture allowed Maria Los to shed some of her anxiety.
The young woman laughed nervously saying, "Nunca he visto a una mujer
como ella…
es una actriz?"
I have never seen a woman who looks like that…is she a movie star?
"No," Jamie lau
ghed. "Ella es estudiante tambié
n. Pero es bastante
extraordinaria, no es así
?"
She is a student also. But she is extraordinary, isn’t she?
"Oh, si!" Maria Los nodded enthusiastically, relieved that Jamie was
taking this so well.
"Su amiga tomara el lugar de Miss Cassie en la casa?"
Oh please, oh please
, she prayed.
Will your friend be taking Miss Cassie’s place in the house?
"Si, Maria Los. Cassie se fue para siempre."
Cassie is gone for good
. The young woman's smile became nearly radiant, and Jamie wondered again what had transpired between the two women. Maria Los would never reveal the
source of the tension that obviously existed between them, and Cassie's
flippant remarks about the young woman were not revealing either. It was
obvious, however, that Maria Los was jubilant about the change.
"Ryan es
una mujer muy, pero muy am
able. Le garantizo que no tendrá
problemas con
ella."
Ryan is a very, very nice woman. I guarantee she will treat you well.