Dirty Crown: A Bad Boy Secret Baby Royal Romance (with BONUS book - Rebel Rockstar!) (26 page)

I
watch
Jem performing with an intense pride filling my heart. She’s absolutely amazing! She’s doing Kim’s new
sexy
thing perfectly, without taking it too far—she’s achieving what her management wants without losing herself along the way, just like I suggested. In fact, she’s doing an even better job performing than I did. The tight leather cat suit she’s wearing might be a step too far on anyone else, but Jem manages to make it look sweet and seductive all at once. She’s got the balance just right, and everyone watching her is lapping it up.

“He runs his hands through my hair, his fingers caress my skin. My body lights up on fire, but nothing this good can last. He might not be forever, but this is right now…”

The crowd goes wild as she softly sings out the words from her most famous song (one that I’ve always—maybe arrogantly—assumed might be about me), and I could burst from excitement. She’s absolutely perfect, and I cannot believe that she’s mine all over again. When I first purchased her album and listened to the sad words on that track, it practically destroyed me, but now I can see that the past doesn’t matter at all. Whatever happened back then seems to be far behind us now. We may have had a rocky road, but we’ve managed to take things to a good place—and that’s made all the hardship along the way totally worth it.

I make sure I’m backstage by the time she finishes so I can envelop her in a much-needed hug. “You were phenomenal,” I gush as she falls happily into my arms. “The crowd loved you. Did you hear them? They were going wild!” She’s flushed pink with happiness, and I grab her quickly, spinning her around in the air.

“I can’t believe how well that went. I was so nervous…” she babbles as she crashes back to the ground. “I was so afraid, but then they all started cheering and my confidence went through the roof.”

“Well done,” Lola’s screech comes from behind us. “Oh, Jem, that was so amazing.” The friends hug and whisper to each other for a few seconds, but Jem quickly slips her hand into mine, ensuring that she’s keeping me with her too. It’s the little things like this that I really love about Jem—she’s so empathetic, and she always wants everyone around her to feel like a part of her world. I’ve never known anyone to have a bad word to say about her, except maybe Tonya—and that has more to do with me than Jem.

“Thank you, you two.” She stares between us, then admits that we were right to have confidence in her all along. “I couldn’t have done it without your help today. You really saved me from making a car crash of this. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been there, picking up the pieces for me.”

“You know we’ll always be here!” Lola’s grin embodies my feelings exactly. “Just remember that when I’m having my own freak out.” She laughs a little mirthlessly. “God, I’m gonna be a total joke when it’s my turn to get onstage…”

Even Jem’s tough-nut manager seems pleased with her performance, even if it wasn’t quite what she envisioned. She gives her a little stern talking to about needing
“a little more”
from her, but there’s an odd smile on her face—one that suggests she isn’t as angry as she’s pretending to be. In fact, I’m pretty sure I spot her giving Jem a wink at one point, which must be good news.

After everyone has surrounded Jem and praised her for a wonderful performance, I take her back to my room. She crashes almost instantly, exhausted from her stressful, but exhilarating, night. As I watch her sleep, softly breathing in and out, I think of how angelic she looks. She’s absolutely perfect, and I intend to make her the happiest woman alive for the rest of my life. There’s no
way
I’m losing Jem ever again, no matter what. And this time I really feel like there’s nothing that could tear us apart.

* * *

A
couple of days later
, we dock at one of the most beautiful Mediterranean islands I’ve ever seen. It looks like a fantasy place you’d see in a vacation brochure—all blue skies and white beaches. On top of that, there’s some of the most amazing wildlife I’ve ever laid eyes on—large turtles, whales, and dolphins.

Jem and I take full advantage of our time here. We slowly reconnect, building something new, something even better than what we had before. We’re familiar to one another, but it’s also important to us to start again. We’ve missed time in one another’s lives, during which we did grow in different directions, and we need to incorporate that into the brand-new us. There’s no point in ignoring that we’ve changed or things will never be able to improve. In fact, rather than ignoring it, we’re happily embracing it.

As I spend time with Jem, shopping at the quaint marketplaces, sunbathing on the beach, and swimming with the dolphins (I couldn’t leave without experiencing that joy!), I begin to forget the person I became without her—the one who drank too much, lived too wildly, and slept with women I really shouldn’t have. That wasn’t me at all. I was never the bad boy, really. I just didn’t know what else to do with myself. I didn’t know how to exist without Jem. It’s hard to admit that I became that way because of her rejection, but that’s exactly what it was. I can pinpoint the second I lost my way, and it was when Jem walked away from me for the very last time.

“This is a dream come true,” Jem comments, softly kissing my lips as we sit on the beach for what we know will be the very last time. We’re leaving in a couple of hours, and the cruise ship will slowly take us back to our real lives. “It’s been amazing—being able to just be
us
without any expectations. And in the most gorgeous place ever. I don’t want to go home.”

There’s a sadness to her tone, one that I really don’t like hearing. “Hey, hey...don’t worry.” I lift her chin with my finger and pull her face up until our eyes connect. “We can still be us, always. This has been a fun little getaway, a magical vacation, if that’s how you want to think of it, but real life isn’t going to be bad either. It might be complex, but we’ll get through it. We can really do it this time.”

A strange expression crosses her face. She seems to be mentally predicting the worst, but after a short while she nods, agreeing with me. “You’re right.” She sighs. “It’s just…these have been the best few days ever, and I really don’t want them to end. It’s so perfect here.”

I rest my head against hers, losing myself in her gaze for a few seconds. I want her to see my confidence in us. She might be afraid to leave this bubble behind, but I’m not. I know what she means, and I
do
agree with her, but I’m more excited about what the future holds for us. Now that we’ve bonded and rekindled our relationship, I’m looking forward to what’s next in my life for the first time in a very long time. She’s ended a self-destructive cycle that I hadn’t even realized I was in, and now I’m anticipating something even better to come.

“Trust me.” I smile, pulling her in close to me. “Things are going to be amazing. Just wait and see. We’re going to leave here, go back on the ship, and sing our hearts out a few more times. Then we’re going to go home, and we’re going to make things between us better than ever.”

“I hope you’re right,” she whispers hopefully against me, and I smile brightly at her words. I wish I could show her my vision for the future, the one that shows just how happy and in love we’re going to be—but of course I can’t. She isn’t a mind reader! So I’ll just have to settle for making every day amazing for her. Eventually, I hope she’ll be as confident in us as I already feel.

“I am,” I reassure her. “Just you wait.”

A
s we get back
onto the ship and leave the gorgeous, picturesque Mediterranean island behind, I have the horrible sense that something is slipping away from me. Things with Nate just felt so perfect in that small slice of Heaven, and I’m petrified that real life is going to tear us apart all over again. Nate has tried to reassure me otherwise, but I’m terrified that he’s wrong. The fear that something is going to make him leave my life forever infects my thoughts, and I can’t stop it. We lost our way once, and we made it back to one another, but there’s no guarantee of that happening twice. In fact, if I lose him again, I have the feeling that it will be forever. I don’t know if we could keep trying at something that isn’t going to last.

His words flow over and over through my mind, and I pray that he’s right.
“Trust me. Things are going to be amazing. Just you wait and see.”
I know we’re perfect for one another, and we have plenty of love surrounding us. I want to believe that it’s enough, but I know how influential outside pressures can be.

I don’t even know how our parents are going to react to us being back together, never mind the rest of the world! Nate’s fan base is huge now, and pretty fierce when they need to be, so I’m going to have to prepare myself for an online onslaught at the very least.

Although, to be honest, that’ll be the least of my problems. That won’t be enough to ruin everything for me and Nate, at any rate.

As if to prove my point, Nate’s management team calls him into a meeting almost the second we step onto the ship, tearing him from my side. Instead of using this time to be sad, to allow my negativity to grow, I head back to my room to take a nice, self-indulgent shower. There’s no better feeling than being pampered, and I can’t think of any other way to achieve that right now. Sure, there’s a spa on board here somewhere, but I’d much rather be alone.

But as I near my room, a shadow looms—one I never wanted to see again. My entire body shakes with trepidation. When he entered rehab for drug addiction all those years ago, I thought I’d never have to see him again, so having him here is a terrible disappointment. Especially since he’s involved with Lola.

“Cole,” I mutter to myself, and my heart rate kicks up a notch. I fix my eyes on the ground, hoping to not even look at him, but it’s obvious that I’m never going to get away with it. He’s only here to see me. He was never one for beating around the bush.

“Well, well, well,” he says in his sleaziest voice, stepping far too close to me and invading my personal space in the intimidating way he does best. “Little Jem-
me
back with the sad young Nate, I see.” He gives me a grin—one that probably gets him laid a lot. He’s good-looking in a silver fox type of way, but I can’t see any of that. All I can see is the grotesque man that he really is. “How is that going for you?”

“What does it have to do with you?” I snap…or at least I try to. There’s an undeniable wobble there, though. How does he always manage to have this effect on me? I hate it. I hate him. I wish I could be far more powerful and commanding around him. It sucks that he makes me so weak.

“I would have thought that someone like you would prefer a man, not a boy.” He sneers, leaning his face close to mine. He’s more wrinkled now, his skin is more haggard, but the same old Cole is still there—the one who threatened to ruin my life, the one who’s infiltrated many of my nightmares.

“Someone like me?” My heart hammers so loudly against my rib cage that I’m certain he must be able to hear it. “What do you mean by that?”

“Someone so…seductive,” he whispers, causing a wave of nausea to wash over me. He’s revolting—old enough to be my father and making comments like that. I wish someone were around to hear him! If I’d been able to prepare for this, I could have recorded him somehow, had some evidence to keep him away from me in the future.

“Hey!” A sharp-sounding female voice rings out. I don’t instantly recognize it, but whoever it is sounds pissed off as hell. I want to glance up to see who interrupted Cole before he
really
terrified me, but I can’t without catching his eye. “Why don’t you just back off? Leave her alone, you psycho.”

“Oh, little Tonya Becker,” Cole replies, and I freeze in shock.
Tonya
? Does he really mean the Tonya I had a run-in with not so long ago? Is he serious? Is that who’s rescuing me right now? Why the hell would Tonya want to do anything to help me? She hates my guts. “Why don’t you mind your own business? You always were a jealous bitch.”

“Fuck off,” she spits, to which Cole laughs nastily—but luckily it seems to do the trick. A few seconds later his unbearable presence moves away. As his footsteps retreat, I look up quickly, but all I can see is the mass of black hair walking away from me.

That really
was
Tonya—how strange!

I wander aimlessly into my room, my mind whirring at a million miles an hour. It just makes no sense that the woman who hates me most in the world, who is
desperate
to get her hands on my boyfriend, would stop Cole from making me uncomfortable. Of course, I’m grateful she showed up before things really got ugly, but I still can’t work out why. I feel like I’m missing something obvious, something important. It’s driving me crazy.

* * *

N
ate comes
by my room an hour or so later to find me still a trembling mess. I can’t quite recover from being left alone with Cole—and I’m still stuck as to why Tonya helped me. When Nate asks me what’s wrong, I
almost
spill the secret I’ve kept for years…but I stop myself at the last second, afraid he’ll see me in a different light. There’s a reason I’ve kept this to myself, a good one, and I don’t intend to go back on it now.

“I saw Cole again today, and he was being a dick.” I leave the most important part of the story out. “He shook me up a little, but then, weirdly, Tonya defended me and he left me alone.”

“Hmmm…that
is
weird,” he agrees. “But maybe it’s okay. Maybe it means she wants to make amends, or be friends with you.” There’s such a hopefulness to his tone that I can’t bear to crush his optimism.

“Yeah,” I agree, knowing it isn’t true. Nate has no idea about the complexities of female friendships, and there’s no point in trying to explain it now. Women don’t just help their enemies for no reason, and there’s no way she would have suddenly decided that she wants to be my friend! To me it’s completely obvious, but men don’t understand underlying meanings. “So how did your meeting go?” I change the subject quickly, wanting to talk about anything else in the world.

“Well, it was okay, but Paul is
insisting
…”

As he tells me all about his day and the way his management team wants to progress his career, a tingly sensation overcomes me. He looks more than a little stressed about all the work that’s ahead of him, and an idea begins to form in my mind of how I can help him to relieve the stress.

Nate has always managed to distract me from the bad things in my life. He has a way of making me feel good about myself when I need him the most, and I find myself wanting to do the same for him. Whenever I used to fantasize about him when we were together before (and even when we were apart), I always imagined myself giving him the most amazing oral sex he’d ever had. But since I didn’t fully know what I was doing, I didn’t ever take it there.

Now that we’ve actually had sex, and I feel a little more confident in my sexuality, I have no idea what’s still holding me back.

Nothing.

In fact, I want to give it a try.

Nate loves me, so I’m sure he’ll guide me if I go wrong. I don’t think a little stumbling will be enough for him to toss me aside anymore, anyway.

No, it’ll be fine. I’m going to do it.

I suck in a few deep breaths and prepare myself before leaning forward and placing my lips on his, allowing all the passion I feel to flow through me as we kiss. I slide my hand down his sculpted, muscular body, growing increasingly excited at the prospect of what’s to come. He doesn’t seem to realize where I’m going with this, not at first, not until I slowly unbuckle his pants.

As I free his thick, throbbing erection from his jeans he groans loudly in anticipation, and knowing that I turned him on so much makes me want to take things to the next level even more. I wrap my hand around him and slide it up and down, feeling every inch of his cock. Then I shoot him a quick glance to tell him how much I desire him…and slip to the floor between his legs.

I wrap my lips around him.

At first my movements are jerky and nervous, but I quickly learn that he likes me to move my head at a rhythmic pace while flicking my tongue all over him. I experiment, taking him in farther and farther, right to the back of my throat, until he becomes a crumbling mess under the power of my mouth.

“Oh, God,” he moans loudly. “Fuck, Jem. You’re gonna kill me here.”

He halfheartedly tries to pull me away, as if he wants to move on to sex, but this isn’t about that for me. It excites me just to watch the power I have over him, and I’m not ready for it to end. In fact, the way he’s filling my mouth up, and the way he’s sweating and trembling with pleasure, is satisfying me in a way that not even an orgasm could at the moment.

Nate swears violently and tugs on my hair as he loses control, and soon my mouth is filled with his sweet, salty passion. I swallow it down quickly.

“I love you,” he gasps, gripping on to me tightly. “I really love you so much.” He wraps me in his arms like he never wants to let me go, which makes me smile brightly. “You’re absolutely amazing.”

“I love you, too,” I reply quietly. “I always have, and I always will.” I glance up at him, but his eyes are still half shut in pleasure. There are so many things I want to tell him in this moment, but I push them to one side, allowing him to enjoy the bliss for a few moments longer, before life gets crazy all over again.