Dirty Angel-BarbaraElsborg (17 page)

Some of them.

Probably.

Brody pulled up next to the owner’s vehicle in the muddy yard. After this callout, he was done until Sunday, when the practice was on the rota for emergencies.

He already knew what he was going to diagnose before he got anywhere near the pig. When the owner had called to say there were red diamond shaped lesions over the animal’s back, that the pig was hot, off her food and appeared miserable, Brody was certain it was erysipelas. He’d finished suiting up when a woman with curly grey hair emerged from the house.

“Hi, I’m Brody Sanders.”

“Dawn Gledow. Pig’s this way.”

Brody grabbed his bag and followed her. When he saw the pig, he knew he’d been right. The sow’s temperature was forty-two degrees.

“Is this the only pig you have?”

“Yes. You know what’s wrong with her?”

“A disease called erysipelas. I’ll give her a shot of antibiotics. You can give her the rest of the three day treatment in her food or water. You have to complete the course even if she looks better and she might perk up quickly. It’s important she has the entire dose.”

“Okay.”

The pig squealed when Brody injected her. “Sorry, sweetie.”

“Where’s it come from?” the woman asked.

“You have turkeys? Sheep?”

“Both.”

“And the pig has access to land they’re on or do they share space in the barn?”

“Yes and yes. In this bad weather, they’ve been inside.”

“Erysipelas can be caused by contact with bird faeces, solid muck, mouse contamination. It’s most common in straw based systems. You can vaccinate against it.” And she should have. “You have Internet access?”

“Yes. Well, intermittently.”

“Look it up. You can see what you can do to avoid possible problems. Netting, covering your feed hoppers, using cats to catch the mice. Once you’re able, you need to disinfect this area and if you can, anywhere else she’s been. Dispose of the straw carefully.”

“I’ve got a biomass boiler.”

“That’s great. You can burn it.”

“My animals all get on so well together.”

“But not all animals are meant to live together.” Was that true of him and Aden? It was of Brody and Matt, but knowing it hadn’t stopped either of them.

Brody cleaned up, disinfected his boots and was on his way back up the lane when he spotted his brother’s Land Rover parked in the gateway of a field halfway to the main road.
What the hell is Des doing here?
Nelson sat in the back, his muzzle pressed to the part-open window. Brody pulled up. When he climbed onto the gate he saw two figures at the bottom of the field heading toward the flood. His brother and Aden. Brody went after them.

By the time he was close enough to see what they were up to, Brody was also close enough to see they were wet through. Aden began wading through the water toward a sheep that was stranded under a tree. When he suddenly went in up to his waist, Brody sucked in a gasp. But Aden kept going, reached the sheep, grabbed it and set off back.

“No more,” Des said as Aden reached his side. “I don’t care what needs rescuing, Noah. I’m freezing my nuts off, and you’re wetter than me.”

“What have you two been up to?” Brody asked.

Des spun round. “What are you doing here?”

“Visiting a pig.”

Aden put the sheep down and it ran off toward higher ground. “And you couldn’t have done that earlier, you daft thing?”

“Stupid animal,” Des muttered.

“They’re not,” Brody said. “Their basal ganglia and cerebral cortex are similar to a human’s. They can recognize each other’s faces and they remember significant events for at least two years. If you make a sheep mad, it won’t forget.”

Des and Aden stared at him. Maybe that was too much information.

“Is that one going to remember Aden saved him?” Des asked.

“Yes.”

Aden sighed. “How can I ever eat lamb again?”

“Come on,” Des said. “I need a hot shower.”

They set off back up the field.

“Why are you two so wet?” Brody asked.

“We were helping Silas,” Des said. “Nelson fell in the river and this idiot went in after him. Not that I’m ungrateful. I’m very grateful, but if you’d have drowned…”

My God.
Had Aden got a death wish? The car, the barn and now this? It had been a random thought but Brody wondered if there was any truth in it. Aden wanted to die? That was why he worried about starting something between them? Or was he already dying and so careless of his safety? The lump in Brody’s throat grew to painful proportions.

When they were back at the vehicles, Brody pulled Aden to one side. “Come round tonight? Seven? I’ll cook. Not lamb. Steak and chips again. I’ll
triple
cook the chips.”

He held his breath but Aden’s reply came quickly. “Okay.”

Brody climbed back in his vehicle and when he looked in the mirror, he saw a wide grin on his face.

Brody was still smiling when he opened the door at six fifty. Early was good. It showed Aden was keen. But it wasn’t Aden. Brody’s smile vanished as he stared at the six feet four guy with steel grey hair and piercing blue eyes standing in front of him.

“Hello, Brody.”

His voice churned Brody’s gut and made his heart rate double. How many times had he heard Matt say his name? How many ways? Memories flooded back until he couldn’t speak, move, or barely breathe. How could he still want him and yet be desperate for him to leave? He tried to persuade himself this wasn’t happening, that he was imagining Matt being here on his doorstep. This was the closest to crazy he’d ever been.

“I’ve finally left her,” Matt said. “I’m yours for good.” He gestured to the bag at his side as if that proved something.

Once upon a time, those had been the words Brody longed to hear. He’d always thought they’d be the secret to unravelling the knot in his stomach that formed the moment Matt Frazer-Hamilton first touched him. Brody had believed they were the words that would make him happy, and now he knew he’d been fooling himself—that Matt was fooling him.

“Aren’t you pleased to see me?” Matt looked uncertain, a rare expression for him, his forehead creasing as he frowned.

Brody clenched his teeth, annoyed by Matt’s presumption he could just turn up and everything would start all over again, even though that was exactly what had happened over and over.
I don’t want him anymore.
He exhaled at the thought, and relief rushed over him like a cool sea breeze on a hot day.
I don’t want him anymore.
Every time he thought it, he felt better.

“Brody? Say something. You’re worrying me.”

“Remember what happened last time we were together?” Brody cleared his throat to take the rasp from his voice. “I asked you to stop and you didn’t. You nearly killed me.”

Matt gave a short laugh. “That was the whole point. That was what you wanted me to do.” He took a step toward him and Brody didn’t move. “You came so hard.”

Brody began to tremble and dug his nails into his palms.

“I’ve missed you so much. I can’t wait to touch your skin, taste it, breathe you in.”

Matt took another step and Brody moved to block him, shrugging off Matt’s hand when he reached for him. His head pounded so hard, he felt sick.

“I want you forever,” Matt whispered. “This time will be different.”

Brody had heard that so many times. He’d loved hearing that, the feeling of being so wanted, but Matt had suffocated his emotions, made sure they focused only on him. Brody could see that now.

“How did you know I was here?” he asked.

“I saw you on TV.”

Brody bit into his cheeks. He’d known it was a mistake. He should have refused to take part.
Stupid.

“If you didn’t want me to find you, you shouldn’t have let them film you.” Matt’s lips quirked in that knowing smile. Brody had once loved that the guy knew him so well, now he hated it.

“You know how many veterinarian practices there are in the UK?” Matt said. “Over five thousand. I was working my way through the list and then I saw you on TV. One telephone call kindly answered by some kid, one of your nephews I suppose, and I learned you were here. I was shocked you’d come home. Made up with Des, have you? We’ll move from here. You don’t need to live near that wanker.”

“Go away. I told you we were over and I meant it.”

But Matt shouldered his way into the cottage and strode down the hall. Brody went after him, caught his arm and jerked him to a halt. He stepped in front of him to stop him going further, and kept his voice even. “I want you to leave.”

“Hey, what is it?” Matt stroked Brody’s arm and Brody shrugged him off. “You know you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I need you.”

“You’re the worst thing that ever happened to me.” The guy’s heart was black and poisonous.

“You don’t mean that.”

Matt’s smile incensed him, but Brody kept going. “Yes, I do. You keep coming back into my life, wrecking it, and walking out again.”
Because I let you.
“I’ve had enough. I came here to get away from you. There was a reason I didn’t tell you where I was going. We’re done.”

“No we’re not. We can be together now.” Matt dropped his bag, grabbed him and pushed him against the wall, plastering his body against Brody’s.

Brody didn’t want to feel anything except revulsion but it was harder than he thought to turn off feelings that had been part of him for so long. Matt cupped Brody’s cheek, stroked his face with his thumb and Brody almost turned into the caress before he came to his senses and jerked away.

“I don’t want you in my life.”

“Yes you do.” Matt hadn’t taken his gaze from Brody’s face. “You are everything to me.”

Before Brody could move, Matt had wrapped a hand around his neck and pinned him against the wall. Not too tight to breathe, but tight enough to frighten him.

“I was never everything to you. You have a wife and kids. You sucked me in before I realized just what that meant. You made me lo…”
Oh God, I did love you, but not in the right way.

“We still love one another.” Matt smiled. “You are the only one I’ve ever truly loved, the only person I can be myself with. Time spent away from you was torture. I lived for the day I could be with you forever. Now that day has come. I’m yours.”

He loosened his hold and Brody gulped air. Despite his confusion and pain, Brody was distressed to still feel a pull in his groin, an ache, a visceral need and he hated himself for it, didn’t understand why it was happening. His body wanting when his head didn’t.
No, no, no, no. Make him leave.

“Stop messing around and let’s go to bed.” Matt slid his hand over Brody’s cock and massaged him through his chinos.

Brody grabbed Matt’s wrist and yanked his hand away. “Did she find out you preferred guys and throw you out?”

“No.” Matt’s mouth turned down in disappointment. “You know I’m bi. I’ve never hidden that. But I’ve never been with another man. I was faithful to you. I only ever wanted you.”

Matt’s was the first hand to touch him in a sexual way, the first hand other than his to bring him to orgasm, the first to cause him pain, the cruellest hand and the kindest. Brody’s heart pounded as more memories flooded back. This time the bad overwhelmed the good. Then Matt’s mouth was on him, not on his lips, but on his face, his shoulder, biting, gnawing as Matt kept telling him how much he wanted him. “Brody. I can’t wait. I’ve missed you so much.”

I don’t want this.
The sexual thrill had gone. The last vestiges of any affection shrivelled and died. Matt wasn’t listening, his mouth and hands were growing increasingly violent, and fear surged.

“Stop it.” Brody tried to push him away. “Get the fuck off me.”

Matt’s hands were all over him, tugging and yanking at his clothes. “I need you right now. Here. This minute. We fit together. We’re meant to be together.”

“Let me go.” He pushed at Matt, but the guy didn’t move and Brody’s stomach churned as memories of a week ago bubbled to the surface.

Matt fumbled with the buttons of Brody’s shirt, ripping at them in impatience and Brody heard them pinging on the floor.

“No,” Brody said. “Matt, stop.”

“You don’t mean that.” He sank his teeth into Brody’s chest above his nipple and Brody yelped as he broke the skin.

“That hurt. Get the fuck off me.”

Matt licked at the blood, pushing his arm back against Brody’s throat, pressing him to the wall. “See what you made me do?”

Brody choked as he struggled to get free.

See what you made me do?
Those exact words had echoed in his head since the day Matt had first uttered them, thirteen years before. Brody had been shocked, but in awe of being wanted so much.
I’m not a kid anymore
.
I know better. I deserve better.
Matt mashed the side of his hand against Brody’s mouth and Brody tasted blood.

“Please. I love you so much.” Matt dug his fingers hard into Brody’s side, pinching him, nails ripping his skin.

Kind and cruel. No, just cruel.
How could he ever have mistaken Matt’s touch for kindness?

Matt moved his arm from Brody’s throat and he sucked air into starved lungs. “I need you to leave. It’s over.”

When Matt continued to ignore him, fear slid closer to panic. He pushed his thigh between Brody’s legs, forcing him harder against the wall, his hand massaging Brody’s cock.

“I’m divorcing her.”

Matt’s other hand squeezed Brody’s side so hard, that a groan burst from Brody’s mouth. “The kids can come and stay.”

The pain made Brody retch. He knew Matt was thinking he was just playing hard to get, that he’d give in, but he wouldn’t. Not this time. Matt’s hands and mouth and leg were weapons. The guy squeezed and twisted and bit and pressed. He liked hurting, causing injury and pain, and part of Brody had liked it too, though the sometimes exquisite pleasure didn’t make it right. Brody had let himself get hurt by guys he picked up, but he wasn’t stupid enough to believe it was healthy. Matt wasn’t healthy. There had been a time when Brody wanted everything Matt offered, pain and pleasure, because it kept them together, kept Matt still wanting him, but not anymore.