Die Tryin' (5 page)

‘Yeah,’ Charlie replied. ‘Got a relative buried there.’

‘What about it?’ Nick XR2 asked.

‘Well,’ began Marco. ‘Once upon a time there was a bitch. Greedy, rich, selfish bitch. Absolutely minted. In fact, so minted that all she cared about were her clothes and her jewels. She had diamond encrusted necklaces, solid gold ankle bracelets, tiaras covered in diamonds, gold crowns, rings; the lot.

But, when her old man died, the old bitch went radio rental, locked herself away from society, became a recluse. From what I hear, started getting into some dark, satanic shit. Thought she was some kind of Egyptian queen or some crap. She disowned any family she had left, became a lonely old hag. All she cared about was her fucking bling and nothing else. And even when she croaked, she just couldn’t bear to part with it.
So—’

‘I can see where this is going,’ Nick Black interrupted. ‘And I don’t think I like it.’

‘Shut up,
re
!’ Nick XR2 said. ‘Let the man finish.’

‘When she died,’ Marco continued, as if he hadn’t been interrupted at all, ‘she made sure she was buried with all her jewels. Every single one of ’em. Made the funeral directors dress her up from head to toe in bling.’

‘And let me guess,’ said Nick Black. ‘She’s buried in Islington and St Pancras and you know the exact grave.’

‘Tomb,’ Marco replied. ‘She’s buried in a tomb inside a small mausoleum. And yeah, I know where it is.
And
…’ He looked them over one by one.

‘I’m gonna go and rob the bitch.’

*****

They stared at each other for a second or two in stunned silence.

Charlie was the first to speak. ‘Is this a joke?’ he asked. ‘You’re gonna rob a grave? A grave? Someone’s final resting place. A sacred place. You’re saying you’re gonna go and loot it?’

Marco stared vacantly at him for a second. ‘Yeah,’ he then replied.

Charlie looked away from him for the first time in what seemed like ages.

‘And where do
we
come into it?’ Nick XR2 asked, a suspicious look on his face as if he was only half buying what he was hearing.

‘What do you mean ‘we?’ Charlie snapped. ‘Aren’t you hearing this properly? He’s talking about robbing graves.’

‘He’s talking about free money, Charlie,’ Nick XR2 countered.

‘Re. En armatia…’
Charlie replied solemnly.

‘What isn’t a sin in life, Charlie?’ Nick XR2 responded.

Charlie sighed and looked away again, defeated.

Nick XR2 turned his attention back to Marco. ‘So, where do
we
come in?’ he asked again.

‘I can’t do it alone, otherwise I would. We gotta be at least six-handed.’

‘Six man job?’ exclaimed Nick Black. ‘Just to loot a grave?’

‘Yeah,’ Marco replied. ‘One lookout. One creating a diversion. Four doing the lifting.’

‘It’s gonna take four of us to lift the lid off a coffin?’ asked Nick Black with an incredulous stare.

‘It ain’t a coffin,’ Marco informed him. ‘It’s a tomb—a loading vault in fact—sitting inside a mausoleum; eight by four by three and a half, with a granite outer casing that, give or take, weighs around two hundred keys.
You know how heavy that is?
To get a clearer idea just picture yourself trying to pick up a sedated polar bear…’

Nick Black took another toke on his spliff and reflected. ‘Yeah, that’s pretty heavy,’ he said.

‘And you have to lift it off from the floor up,’ Marco added. ‘It won’t slide off. It’ll take at least three of us, but probably four. I don’t wanna risk getting there and realise we’re one man light.’

‘You mentioned a diversion,’ said Nick XR2.

‘Yeah. I scoped the place out. There’s a guard on the gate who can see the mausoleum from where he’s stationed. We have to divert his attention ’cos there’s a chance he’ll see us and I wanna kill all chances of this going tits up.’

‘So, you’re not just any old petty inner city criminal then,’ Nick Black noted.

Marco ignored him.

‘Why don’t you just do it at night?’ Nick Black quickly asked once he realised his quip did nothing but sent tumbleweed rolling by. ‘Then you won’t need
any
lookouts.’

Marco looked him square on, that gleam in his eye again. ‘No offence, but I don’t fancy being stuck in a graveyard at midnight with a bunch of geezers I’ve just met. Besides, you wanna go traipsing in a cemetery after dark?’

Nick Black glanced away, his mind’s eye conjuring up the scenario. The gloom, the stone angles staring at them in the moonlight, the gravestones where things below stirred once they caught a scent of their blood…

A shiver raced up his spine, and he began nodding his head vehemently. ‘Yeah, yeah, I get your point,’ he said and took another long drag of his spliff.

‘Anyway,’ Marco continued. ‘There’s plenty of the good stuff to go round, so the extra men won’t make a big difference to each man’s cut.’

‘How much we talking exactly?’ enquired Nick XR2.

‘You like caviar for breakfast?’ Marco answered with a wry smile. ‘Look, a lot, yeah? Like I said before, greedy bitch. I know for a fact there’s a ring on her middle finger sporting an emerald the size of your left testicle.’

‘Well, that’s no good to us ’cos he’s got raisins for testicles,’ Nick Black said.

Nick XR2 grabbed his nuts. ‘The word you were actually looking for was meteors,
re
, believe me. Get it right.’ He turned his attention back to Marco. ‘This all sounds pretty straightforward so far, but what’s the catch? There’s gotta be a catch somewhere.’

Marco smiled wryly. ‘All right, here’s the deal. Fifty percent of profits are mine. The rest you split between you.’

‘Fifty?’
Nick XR2 exclaimed. ‘Come on, Marco. There’s four of us, plus one more makes five. Splitting the pot fifty-fifty means we lose out. Seventy-thirty and we’re in.’

Marco chuckled. ‘Remember: I’m the man with the plan. Without me, you lot ain’t getting nothing.’

‘And without us, you ain’t getting nothing either,’ Nick XR2 reminded him.

Marco digested it, weighed it up, then: ‘All right. Sixty-forty and we’re cool.’

Nick XR2 slapped his thighs. ‘Done!’ he said.

Charlie jumped to his feet. ‘I can’t believe I’m listening to this shit!’ he exclaimed. ‘You lot can’t be serious about this. To rob a grave is bad bad bad, man. Bad fucking karma. That shit is gonna come back and bite you, believe me.’

‘Oh, cut the superstitious
skata
, Charlie,’ Nick XR2 said, with a groan. ‘Listen to what he’s saying. This bitch was someone with more money than sense,
re
. And it’s pretty obvious to me that she only gave a shit about herself and nothing else. Besides, what good are the jewels doing her at the moment? Fuck all, that’s what. Imagine what we could do with them; living breathing human beings.’

‘I don’t like it,
re
…’ Charlie responded, his voice loaded with apprehension.

Nick XR2 tutted out loud. ‘What do you think, Tone?’ he then asked. ‘You been quiet. What do you think about all this?’

Tony sighed and drained the last of his Stella, crushed the empty can, and belched. ‘I say what the fuck. Could be a laugh.’ Charlie rolled his eyes and spun away in defeat. ‘However,’ Tony continued. ‘I
am
just a little bit sceptical about why he’s come all this way to do this on his Jack Jones. Where are your boys? Why ain’t you getting them involved? Why find a bunch of desperate Greeks to do this for you?’

Marco stared him face on, a stern look etched on his face. ‘Would you trust someone who ate his own dog, bumped off his own gran for inheritance, or sold his mum’s wedding ring to score a gram of skag? No, neither would I, so I never asked any of my mates to get on this with me.’

Tony shrugged and reached for another Stella. ‘Fair enough.’

‘Besides, I’d rather not get on something like this with friends,’ Marco added. ‘Causes…
friction
. In my opinion, it’s better to get on shit like this with people who know little about me, and me little about them.’

‘So what, we’re gonna give each other aliases like Mr. White and Mr. Pink then?’ Tony asked with an air of sarcasm.

‘Little bit late for that, Tony,’ Marco said and gave a half-wry, half-gleeful smile.

Tony ignored him and gulped more beer.

‘If this is all true,’ Nick Black said. ‘then how come no one else has had the jewels? How do you know they’re still there?’

‘Cos no one knows they
are
there,’ Marco instantly answered. ‘If you don’t know that something exists, how can you even know to start looking for it in the first place?’

‘How do
you
know about it then?’ Nick Black enquired.

Marco sighed and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a piece of folded paper and handed it to Nick Black, who took it, opened it up and read out loud what was printed on it.

‘I,
blacked out name
,
revoke all former wills and testamentary dispositions made by me and declare this to be my last will and testament. I appoint,
blacked out name again
, to be executers of this will and wish to leave my estate and personal effects to the crown, other than any items of jewellery or gold, which I wish to be placed inside my tomb where my late husband is already buried…’
Nick stopped reading and looked at Marco. ‘This is a will,’ he said.

‘A photocopy of a will,’ Marco replied.
‘Her
will.’

‘How did you get it?’ Nick Black asked.

‘I just did. Look, I’ve been totally up front with you lot, told you the truth, and backed it up with evidence. So, you lot in or what, ’cos if not I’ll find myself another bunch of volunteers. I’m sure there’s plenty round here…’

Nick XR2 showed him his palms. ‘No, no. We’re interested, just wanna know what we’re dealing with before we give you our word.’

‘Well, I’ve told you what’s going down. Now, I wanna get this done ASAP before someone else
does
find the stash first. I’m talking the next few days. I got a buyer, so everything’s set. But, you’ve all gotta be up for it and I don’t think your mate here is.’ He cocked a thumb towards Charlie as he spoke.

‘Charlie’s in,’ Nick XR2 stated, provoking Charlie to spin round and face him.

‘Am I?’

‘Yeah, you are. We’re all in.’

Charlie gave Nick XR2 a stern stare. Nick XR2 ignored him.

‘Good,’ said Marco. ‘But, we’re a man short. Know any other upstanding citizens such as yourselves who’ll be up to the task?’

Nick Black contemplated; Charlie shook his head; Tony swigged more beer.

‘I know someone,’ Nick XR2 said. ‘I’ll get him on board, but I’ll make sure he gets a smaller cut than the rest of us.’

Marco slapped his knees. ‘Good,’ he said. ‘I’ll give you my number. You call me tomorrow when you’ve all resolved your differences and let me know if you’re definitely in.’

‘Will do,’ Nick XR2 said as he shook Marco’s hand, who then went to Nick Black to shake his. He then put his hand out for Charlie, who hesitated for a second before reluctantly shaking it. That suspicious expression never left Charlie’s face for even a second.

‘She’s long dead,’ Marco told him in one last attempt to win him over. ‘There won’t be a problem.’

‘If you say,’ Charlie replied, but didn’t look so sure.

Marco then moved over to Tony, who was lying on his side like
Jabba the Hutt
, cans of Stella dotted around him. He wasn’t getting up for no one, and so Marco squatted down and put out his hand. Tony stared at it.

‘No hard feelings,’ Marco said to him.

Tony glanced downwards before nodding. He shook Marco’s hand firmly. Nick Black was relieved. Especially for Marco.
Prick didn’t know how close he came…

He shook his head and puffed his cheeks.

‘Isn’t that Maria?’ Charlie then said, and Nick Black’s eyes immediately darted to where he was staring. He found himself looking at the fair again just like Charlie when he first spotted Marco. But, no matter how hard he scanned the area, Nick Black couldn’t see Maria at all. ‘And who’s she with?’ Charlie asked.

Nick Black’s eyes widened.

With?
That implied she wasn’t alone. It also implied she was with a bloke. A bloke
with
her. Not good. No, no, not good at all. Not with Tony around.

Nick Black stared over at Tony who was now up on his knees, his neck craned, that brow furrowing as fast as icicles melting in the desert sun, telling Nick Black that he was brewing again.

Twice in one night? Jesus Christ…

He turned his attention back to the fair, squinting his eyes to try and spot her quick before Tony did, hoping that Charlie was just mistaken. But, unfortunately, he wasn’t. Nick Black finally spotted her. She was down there. And she really was
with
someone. They were holding hands, laughing together as he fed her candyfloss.

Nick Black put a hand up to his forehead.
Jesus…

‘WHO THE FUCK…!’ Tony shouted, throwing his can of Stella away, sending frothy beer flying all over the place. He jumped to his feet and made his way down there faster than a lynx on heat.

‘What the fuck did you have to go say that for, Charlie?’ Nick Black berated him.

‘Because it was the truth. She was there. There. In front of me. Right there. I can’t lie,’ Charlie gibbered.

Nick Black huffed. ‘He probably wouldn’t have noticed her if you kept your mouth shut.’

Charlie just looked away.

‘What’s going on?’ Marco asked, looking confused.

‘It’s Maria,’ Nick Black informed him. ‘Tony goes apeshit over her.’

‘Girlfriend?’

‘No,’ Nick XR2 replied. ‘Sister.’

Marco squinted to get a good look at her. His eyes widened. ‘Bloody hell, she’s a proper sort!’ he exclaimed.

Nick XR2 looked at him and nodded.

‘And that, my friend,’ Nick Black began. ‘is the fucking problem.’

*****

Nick Black quickly got to his feet. ‘We better stop him from doing anything stupid,’ he said before racing after Tony. ‘Hey! Tone! Wait!’ But Tony was in no mood to listen. He didn’t turn around, or even break stride.

Nick Black managed to catch up with him and clap a hand on his shoulder. ‘Wait Tone!’ Tony simply threw his hand off and marched on like a cyborg that had overridden its circuitry. When he was like this, there was no stopping him. None.