Dick by Law (9 page)

Chapter
20

 

Two Weeks Later

New York City
, New York

It was a sign.

Literally
, it was a sign--big red letters painted on a white placard nailed to a stake. It was carried by
a girl
on the sidewalk outside the TV studio
, visible through the giant plate glass windows behind the set.

SUE YOUR DICK!
That was what it said.

Simon
grinned. There he was in New York City, getting ready to walk on
to
the set of the top-rated national
network
morning show,
US AM
, and
he was already
news on the street.

SUE YOUR DICK!
wasn't the only sign ou
t there
, either
.
DOWN WITH DICKS! That was scrawled on one of them.
D.I.
L.
L. - DICK IDENTIFICATION
& LEGISLATION
LEAGU
E, read an
other.

"
Two
minute
s
!" The floor director
, a
short,
middle-aged
African-American
woman in a black t-shirt and jeans,
paced the studio,
clipboard in hand, headphones over h
er
ears.

Simon smiled at Ishi, then gazed across the room at the show's superstar hosts,
Corbett Lithe and
Nan
Gal
leon
.
Corbett, with his
blond
hair, ultra-high cheekbones, and piercing blue eyes,
perched on a stool in his sleek designer suit beside Nan, who also had high cheekbones, blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, and star quality.
They looked brighter and bolder to Simon than they did on TV, though they also seemed smaller
somehow
.
S
eeing them sitting s
o close, talking and laughing like
they did every day on TV,
felt
unreal to Simon
.

But it was
real
, all right
.
It was the culmination of everything that had happened to Simon over the past two weeks.

He
was
in high demand
these days and making the most of it
.
He'
d been interviewed by every major newspaper
, magazine,
and
TV news outfit in the country
and invited to an endless stream of parties and special events. So many phone calls had
come in that
Josie,
Chip, and Ankha had been forced to set aside their
In¢entive$
duties and work exclusively as his
full-time
public relations team.

The invitation to New York City was
the capper. You couldn't get much bigger than
US A.M.
...and to top it off,
Simon
had a huge m
eeting set for the next day
,
a
meeting with
a
serious
high-stakes
V.I.P.
player
.

Simply put, it was a great time to be Simon
Bellerophon.

T
he floor director led him and Ishi to
stools
on the set
beside Corbett and Nan.
The anchors introduced themselves and shook hands with Simon and Ishi as they took their seats.

Then, holding Ishi's hand, Simon looked around, taking in the scene.
Everything seemed to twinkle in the
heavenly radiance of the studio lights above
them
.
In front of them, c
amera lenses
gleamed
under dark hoods
behind rows of scrolling text, projected in midair.
The smell of coffee, leather, and
roses
drifted through the set
.

The floor director stood between the two cameras directly in front of Simon, listening to signals on a single-earpiece headset. She held up both hands, palm
s out, and counted down by folding down fingers one at a time: 10...9...8...7...

Corbett Lithe smiled
like an angel, all blond hair and cheekbones
.
He glanced at a sheaf of papers
in his hand, then looked up as the countdown continued.

...6...5...4...3...2...1

When
Corbett
spoke,
his voice sounded more like music than words. Simon
felt as if he were
in a dream.

 

*****

Later,
Simon
and Ishi played back
a
DVD
recording
of the interview in their
luxurious
Manhattan
hotel room
as
t
h
ey made love.
Both the DVD and the room were courtesy of the
US A.M.
show.

It was the perfect soundtrack.
There they were on the
screen, chatting with
Corbett and Nan
,
even as their images twined and twisted in the
mirror beside the TV
,
reflected from the bed in a slow storm of rhythmic motion.

"How does it feel to start a movement?" said Corbett's recorded voice.

"There's a movement?" TV Simon shrugged and smiled.

Non-TV
Simon
caressed
Ishi's breasts through her thin
silk negligee
, then
bent to circle them with his tongue.

"You seem to have struck a nerve," said Corbett. "Several organizations have sprung up, calling for dick identification.
"

"Wow," said TV Simon. "I didn't know there were
organizations
."

"There's been talk of a national dick registry," said Nan. "What do you think of that?
"

TV Simon nodded. "I do think there's value in
widespread identification of dicks. A national
registry is a good first step in
deterring dicklike behavior."

"Well, the movement certainly seems to be picking up steam," said Nan.

In the mirror and on the bed, Simon kissed Ishi's rosebud lips. He stroked her thighs softly with his fingertips,
skating ever higher on the plane of her pale, tender flesh.

It was then that she reached for hi
m and p
ulled him toward her.

"Ishi, what do you think of all this?" said Corbett. "Is Simon moving in the right direction?"

"There's no doubt in my mind," said TV Ishi.
"I believe one man can change things for the better, and
Simon is
that man
.
"

Non-TV
Simon cried out as she pulled him inside her.
His mind flooded with cascades of pure pleasure.

"Let me play devil's advocate for a minute," said Nan. "Aren't we all villains at some time or another, to some
one
or another? Isn't it possible, if a dick registry gets rolling, that
no one
will
not
be on the list?"

"I think it's a matter of establishing clear criteria for dicktitude," said TV Simon, "and empowering a
regulatory agency to vet each selection."

"This won't bog down the process?" said Nan.

"If properly implemented," said TV Simon, "I think it could speed things up."

On the bed and in the mirror, Simon and Ishi moved faster and faster, bodies crashing together in
wild pulsation. They cried out again and again
in
keening
delirious
joy
that intensified with each
brilliant
second.

"So what you're saying," said Corbett, "is
that the way to a more civilized society is by institutionalizing the use of derogatory obscenity
?
"

"Why not?" said
TV
Simon. "
We have a precedent now, so let's strike while the iron's hot."

Non-TV
Simon and Ishi worked harder on the bed
, b
lind to their sur
roundings, deaf to the
TV interview that
had gotten them so turned on in the first place.

"This could be the start of a drive for something better," said TV Simon.

"
And you don't anticipate a backlash?" said Corbett. "You don't think this plan will encounter resistance?"

TV Simon shook his head. "
I think this is just what people have been waiting for."

It was then, just then, that Simon and Ishi final
ly got where they were going. Together, they exploded in a burst of swirling ecstasy
.

And slowly, ever so slowly,
they
started the long, sweet drift back down to Earth.

 

*****

Chapter 2
1

The Next Day

"
Blow my mind
," said Jim Gable, the acquisitions editor for
Lightborne Books. "Surprise me."

Simon cleared his throat. He tried not to think about the fact that he was sitting across from a publishing big shot at a table in
one of the most exclusive restaurants
in Manhattan.

This was the other reason he'd come to New York--the meeting with
a high-stakes
V.I.P. player
. If things went well, Simon might actually walk away from lunch with a book deal.

All he had to do was make a good impression.
"I'm thinking of a combination memoir, manifesto, and
anti-dick handbook
.
"
Smiling, he reached for his water glass and took a sip from it.

"Very nice." Gable fiddle
d with his black-framed glasses
, which he was always adjusting
. He was an impeccably groomed middle-aged man with silver hair and
a skeletal face, all bones and
beak and
hollows
.
"I like the three-pronged
approach."

"We were
thinking
of
adding a
pop-up
feature
.
"
Simon
shrugged.
"
B
ut maybe that'd be pushing our luck."

Gable laughed
loudly, and people looked over from nearby tables
.
"A
pop-up
feature in a
dick
book. Now
that's
genius."

Glad the joke had worked,
Simon
relaxed a little
.
Looking around at the people who'd been watching Gable laugh, he saw
that
they were all looking elsewhere.
They all
loo
ked like
mover
s
or shaker
s to him
, right down to the custom-tailored suits on the men and the elegant, chic
outfits and enormous jewelry on the women.
"There'll be p
lenty of humor, of course. We
want the book to be very accessib
le, to get our message across.
"

"Tell me more." Gable bent to slurp a spoonful of wild mushroom soup
from a fine china bowl
.

"We'll include a guide to dick spotting," said Simon. "Plus
this special bonus:
legally designate the dick of your choice with our helpful step-by-step instructions!"

Gable chuckled. "Now
there's
something we can market."

"It's all about making the world a better place," said Simon.
"We already know about global warming. Now let's take on
global dicking
."

Gable laughed again. "Title?"

"'
Dicked Off
,'" said Simon. "
'No More Dicking Around, America.'"

"Great!" Gable nodded enthusiastically. "That's great stuff! You've sold me, Simon!
"

"Thanks." Simon smiled. "I'm glad you like it."

"Are you kidding?" Gable raised his glass of chardonnay. "I'm ready to make a deal."

"Let's do it." Simon's heart pounded with excitement. Just one day after appearing on the
US A.M.
show, he was about to make a book deal with an editor from a major New York
publishing house.

"
What does your agent have to say about all this?" said Gable.

"I say show me the contract," said Ishi.

Simon grinned. Ishi was the complete packag
e:
girlfriend, traveling companion, interview partner, and now literary agen
t. It turned out she knew
a
lot
about the business fr
om growing up the daughter of a
famous
mangaka
comic book creator
.

"I'll send it to your hotel th
is afternoon," said Gable. "We're
ready
to move quickly on this."

Ishi nodded. "We'll need time to review the terms."

"Of course." Gable finished his soup and dropped the spoon in the bowl with a clink. "
May I ask if you're
meeting with any other publishers while you're in town?"

Ishi remained coolly enigmatic. "
We do have a busy schedule
today and tomorrow
."

Gable raised an eyebrow. "But you'll make time to look over the contract and get back to me."

"We're on the same page, Mr. Gable." Delicately, Ishi raised her teacup and had a sip.

"
Let me know if there are any developments, will you?" said Gable. "If you need any additional information."

"Thank you
," said Ishi.
"We'll do that."

Simon gazed at her in w
onder. S
he'd been right about
everything
. She'd told him before the meeting that
Gable
didn't much care what the book was
about
, as long as it had Simon's name on it and
the word
"dick" in the title. She'd also said Gable would pay plenty to strike while the iron was hot, before Simon's notoriety faded.

"So when will you expect the manuscript?" said Ishi.

Gable grinned. "To be honest, we'd like it
tomorrow
."

Simon
's eyes flew wide open
.
"
Excuse
me?"

"But we're prepared to wait," said Gable. "A
little
while. Two weeks would be ideal."

Simon was about to say someth
ing about how two weeks wasn't much better than overnight...but
Ishi kicked him under the table
, and he kept his mouth shut
.

"Not a problem,"
s
aid
Ishi
. "Assuming we're compensated for the short turnaround
."

"I think we can work something out," said Gable.

Ishi leaned forward and stared intently at Gable. "Just out of curiosity," she said, "are we talking
high
six figures here?"

Gable leaned forward, too.
"More like mid.
How does that grab you?"

"That depends on how the rest of our trip go
es," said Ishi
. "I can't predict the future."

"I don't suppose you'll tell me where you're going next?" said Gable.

"Straigh
t to the top." Ishi's eyes spar
kled as she met Simon's gaze. "That's all I can tell you."

 

*****