Diane Warner's Wedding Question & Answer (9 page)

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Authors: Diane Warner

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Page 70
I'd like to make my own wedding dress, but I'm not confident enough to give it a try. Is there a way I can get some help?
You might try a compromise: Pay an experienced seamstress to sew up the shell and then do all the detailed finish work yourself. After all, it's the finish work that runs up the bill, so you can save a great deal of money by sewing on the pearls, sequins, and lace. Another suggestion, by the way, is to start with a very simple, very plain ready-made wedding gown or bridesmaid's gown and then embellish it in the same way.
How many brides wear their mother's wedding gowns?
Statistics say that fewer than 4 percent of today's brides wear their mothers' gowns.
What is the most popular style of veil?
The most popular style is the
fingertip veil
which hangs just to the tips of the bride's fingers. Other styles are the
blusher veil
, which is quite short, only covering the bride's face; the
waltz veil
, also called the
ballerina veil
, which ends at the bride's elbow; the
chapel veil
which is always worn with a floor-length gown and just touches the floor; the
cathedral veil
, the longest of the veils, which trails along behind the bride, being fastened at the shoulders or waist; then, lastly, there is the
mantilla veil
, which is a large circle of solid lace or lace-edged illusion nylon that is worn loosely over the head, like a scarf. This is the style veil that Jackie wore when she married John F. Kennedy.
A few friends of mine wore their sneakers under their floor-length wedding gowns, just to be comfortable. What do you think of that?
I think it's probably a good idea, except the bride's shoes
are
seen off and on during the ceremony and reception.
 
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Depending on the length of the gown, they may be seen as she comes down the aisle on the arm of her father or as she kneels beside the groom at the altar. Then, during the reception there is usually a photo session where the groom removes the bride's garter. Also, sneakers are a little sticky on the dance floor. Some comfortable alternatives are simple ballet slippers, which were my daughter's choice, white satin bedroom slippers, or soft, roomy white flats. The main thing to remember is this: Always purchase your wedding shoes a full size larger than you normally wear because your feet will swell during the day, partly from the stress, but especially from being on your feet throughout the reception.
Is there any such thing as an affordable wedding gown? My first time shopping has left me in shockthey're so expensive!
There are several ways to have a beautiful gown without having to spend an outrageous amount. One idea is to borrow a friend's gown, especially if none of your wedding guests have seen it before. Another popular alternative these days is to rent the wedding gown; you'll be amazed to see what a fabulous gown you can rent for less than $300. (By the way, did you know that almost
all
the brides in Japan rent their gowns?) You could have your gown sewn for you, which will save you hundreds of dollars, or purchase a bridesmaid's gown in white, which will do the same. When you walk into a bridal salon you usually won't find bridesmaids' gowns in white, but if you find one you like, ask if it is available in white. Most of them are. Another ideamy favorite, in factis to check out the discount market. There are factory outlets around the country, such as the Gunne Sax outlet in San Francisco, plus there are discount brokers who can order you any name brand gown at up to 40 percent off the retail price. One of the best is the Discount Bridal Service, which is available in all cities nationwide. Then there
 
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is the JCPenney bridal catalog that offers gowns at a tremendous discount. Other discount markets are advertised in a magazine called
Bridal Guide
which is written for the bride on a budget. There are also resale shops here and there throughout the countryyou may have a good one near you that will offer a choice of used gowns.
How can I find a reputable bridal salon?
Your best source is word of mouthtalk to other brides who were recently married. Next, ask your bridal coordinator, if you have one, or search out the bridal magazines for names and addresses of stores that carry the lines of dresses advertised. Finally, check with your local Better Business Bureau; if the salon you are considering has had even one complaint, look at it as a big red flag!
I've barely gotten started with the wedding plans and I'm already a nervous wreck! How will I ever make it through seven months' worth of this craziness?
If you're already a nervous wreck, perhaps you're trying to plan a wedding that's too big or too complicated for you to handle. Here are some suggestions:
Downsize your wedding, including the number of attendants, guests, and ceremony participants and the amount of work required to decorate, feed and entertain the guests, etc.
If you can't downsize, at least delegate as many responsibilities as possible; you may want to turn the whole thing over to a full-service wedding coordinator.
Don't become obsessed with the wedding plans so that they are all you ever talk about; you'll not only wear yourself out, but your friends and family as well.
 
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Schedule time for passive and active recreational activities, from strenuous all-day hikes in the mountains to a day at the beach to a Saturday afternoon lunch and a movie.
Try to relax. Schedule weekly massages, if necessary, and force yourself to
breathe!
Deep breathing is an inexpensive, surefire way to relax. Take long, hot bubble baths or Jacuzzi soaks. Do stretching exercises.
What is a ''bridal show"?
A
bridal show
is an event, often on a Saturday afternoon, where wedding vendors in your area display their wares. Usually, each merchant has a booth that you can visit to get information about the merchant's products or services, and there are almost always fashion shows sponsored by area bridal shops. There are also drawings for free goods and services, from honeymoon trips to wedding cakes. You'll want to attend as many of these shows as possible to meet the merchants and get ideas for your wedding, and, who knows, you might even win one of the door prizes.
What about the "something old, something new" tradition?
"Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a lucky penny in your shoe." The
something old
can be your grandmother's hanky or your family Bible; the
something new
is usually the bride's gown; the
something borrowed
may be a piece of wedding attire borrowed from a happily married friend or relative; the
something blue
is usually a blue garter; and, of course, the lucky penny is worn in your shoe.
 
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What is a "removable skirt"?
There is a trend toward a bridal gown that has a removable long skirt, leaving a shorter (sometimes
quite
short and sexy) skirt underneath, more suitable for dancing at the reception.
What is "bustling"?
This is the alternative to the removable skirtanother convenient way to dance in your wedding gown. The train of the wedding gown is pulled up in back and attached at the waist with buttons, hooks or ribbons, creating an attractive, natural-looking bustle. This gets the train up off the floor so that it doesn't get stepped on while the bride is walking or dancing.
What about my makeup for my wedding day? Shouldn't it be a little exaggerated because of the photography?
Yes, but be careful. There was one wedding I attended where the bride hired a professional makeup artist who overdid it to the point where the bride didn't even look like herself. In fact, I was embarrassed for her because she came down the aisle smiling radiantly on her father's arm, obviously confident and pleased with the way she looked when in actuality she was so overdone she almost looked like a clown. Take it easy: Add a little extra eyeliner and eye shadow and a darker shade of lipstick, but be very careful with the rest of your face. The biggest mistake I see is
way
too much blusher!
I would like to have my bridal gown preserved. How do I go about it?
The first step is to be sure your gown is cleaned as soon as possible after your wedding day. The tendency is
 
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that, once you've survived the big day and gone off on your honeymoon, the wedding gown loses all its "Cinderella" preciousness and is left hanging folded over a hanger in Mom's closet for weeks, or even months. What should happen is this: Have someone, probably your mother, take your gown to the dry cleaners as soon as possible after the wedding. That way, any spots, perspiration stains, and dirt can be attacked while they are still relatively fresh. Then, once cleaned, the gown should be stored in an acid-free box with acid-free tissues.
I have a lot of fears about my wedding day, but one of the worst is that everything will run behind schedule and the guests will sit waiting and waiting for the ceremony to begin. What do I do if this happens?
Don't panic if you fall behind schedulethe ceremony will wait for you. I've attended dozens of weddings that ran late and they weren't disastrous, we just sat and soaked up the ambiance and the lovely music. Try to remain flexible and calmand remember to smile! It's your day, and we'll all wait on youdon't worry!
What's the worst thing you've ever seen happen to the bride on her wedding day?
There was one bride who broke her leg on a ski weekend with her fiancé three days before the wedding (how she had time to go off on a holiday so close to the wedding, I can't imagine), and one of the local florists tried to cheer her by decorating her crutches with white satin and fresh flowers. What seemed a disaster at the time had a happy ending, and what great wedding photos! Another bride was so nervous she forgot
all
her underthings, plus her wedding shoes. One of her bridesmaids offered her a spare pair of white heels, but, alas, there were no extra "frillies" to be
 
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had, so she walked down the aisle bare-legged, and did anyone know or care? Of course, not! So, don't worry about anythingif the unexpected should happen, just smile and enjoy your day in spite of it. As long as you and your fiancé finish up the day as husband and wife, how little it all matters anyway. Don't you agree?
 
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Chapter 8
The Groom
Some friends want to give me a bachelor party, but I feel awkward about it, This is my second marriage and, basically, it's the same group who threw me my last bachelor party. Should I say, "Thanks, but no thanks?"
Absolutely not! You're not married at the moment, so you're very much a bachelor and deserving of a night out with the boys. Although this traditional party originated as a gathering together of all the groom's friends as a sort of "goodbye to your bachelor days," it has evolved into a fun time when all the men involved can get together before the wedding, including your friends, members of your wedding party, father, and brothers. Let your friends make the plans, and then . . . enjoy!
How do I choose my groomsmen and ushers?
Choose your groomsmen from among your brothers, the bride's brothers, your cousins, or your best friends. You
 
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can even choose your father to be your best man, if you like. Your groomsmen may also double as ushers, or you may have both groomsmen and ushers, in which case you will need one usher for every 50 guests. If you do decide to have your groomsmen double as ushers, this is fine except that you may want to have at least one actual usher to be on hand near the back of the church to seat any last minute arrivals as you and your groomsmen are assembling in the side room in preparation for the processional to begin.
It seems that at every wedding I've attended lately, whether the wedding is during the day or evening, the men wear tuxedoes. Is this always necessary?
Actually, formal wear is only required for a formal or semiformal wedding, or a wedding after 5 p.m. Otherwise, you may wear a dark suit or, if it is a summer wedding, a linen jacket over dark slacks or a navy jacket over white slacks. For a very formal wedding you may be required to wear a cutaway coat with striped trousers or a black tailcoat with black trousers. One popular trend is to wear navy blazers with white trousers (works well for an outdoor wedding). Most men already have these hanging in their closets, but if they need to purchase them, they will be practical additions to any man's wardrobe that can be worn again and again. By the way, most stores offer a
groom's special
whereby the groom gets his tuxedo rental for free if all the groomsmen order their tuxedoes from the same store.
Would it be worth it to purchase a tuxedo?
Many grooms think it is a wise investment to purchase a tuxedo. If you are considering this, be sure it is a classic black, one-button, single-breasted one that won't tend to go out of style.

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