Authors: Jacqueline Wilson
She was gone nearly an hour. She came back on her own.
âI've looked everywhere,' Jude said, almost in tears. âShe could have caught a bus, she could have gone anywhere â I didn't know where to look first. Then I thought about a railway station and I couldn't find it for ages; it's way over the other side of the town. She wasn't there though. I asked if they'd seen her, I asked heaps of people, describing her, but everyone just shrugged. I truly tried, Mum.'
âI know, Jude. Don't fret, darling. Maybe she's just gone round the shops, calming herself down. She'll be back soon, you'll see.'
Mum kept trying to phone Martine's mobile, but it was switched off. Mum left messages. Jude and Rochelle and I left messages. I decided to send a special secret text to Martine telling her why I was the only one Mum let care for Sundance. I was so slow at texting that I'd only got as far as âI didn't want to tell tales but' when Mum said she wanted to try phoning again so I had to get the text cleared sharpish before she saw it.
We forgot to have breakfast. Bruce lay patiently on the mattress in the living room, but when I went to visit him I could hear his stomach rumbling. He made his
own
phone call to the lady who worked in his shop. She was called Iris, which seemed a perfect name for a lady who worked with flowers. I didn't like the sound of her all the same.
âIs she pretty, Uncle Bruce?'
âMmm, I don't know. I suppose so. Though she's no spring chicken.'
âSo she's more like a tough old bird?' I said hopefully.
âNo, no, she's very genteel.'
âWhat does that mean? Posh?'
âShe's got nice manners. Very ladylike. She's very kind too â she didn't make a fuss when she had to stay late on Saturday and she's going to open the shop for me today. She's being very helpful, my Iris.'
âIs she yours? You said you didn't have a girlfriend!'
âShe's not my girlfriend, sweetheart,' said Bruce. âShe wouldn't look twice at a man like me!' He chuckled at the idea and then winced in pain. âI think I'm going to have to ask Jude to go out to a chemist. Do they let kids buy painkillers? And we're all going to need a spot of lunch â and tea, come to that. Do you think your mum's up to cooking yet?'
âMum doesn't really cook much. We play parties sometimes and she fixes us little sandwiches and cream buns and ice cream but mostly we just go down the chippy.'
âThen I suppose that's what we'll have to do today. When I can stand up properly I can maybe fix us something.'
âCan you cook then, Uncle Bruce?'
âNothing too fancy, like, just good plain roasts and curries. I do a very tasty macaroni cheese â your mum might like that.'
âYou're a very good catch, Uncle Bruce. Iris is mad not to look at you twice. So, you've never been married?'
âNope. I don't think I'm the marrying kind, Dixie.'
âDo you think Martine will marry Tony?'
âMaybe,' Bruce said, but he sounded doubtful.
âI'd really love to be a bridesmaid in one of those long sticky-out frocks â pink or peach or lilac. No,
blue
, and then I could carry Bluebell and she'd match. I could have a proper bridesmaid's posy and she could carry a weeny raffia basket of flowers in her beak.'
âVery fetching,' said Bruce.
âMartine will be safe, won't she?'
âOf course she will,' said Bruce.
I knew he couldn't really know but I needed him to tell me even so. Mum had stopped reassuring me. She was starting to panic, phoning and phoning, while she paced around the house in her nightie and kimono.
âShall we sort out the furniture now you're up, Mum?' said Jude. âWe could get all the boxes unpacked too.'
Mum shook her head distractedly. âI don't want to make a home here. I hate it. We all hate it. And it's all my fault,' she said, tears brimming. âIt's a filthy dump.'
âIt might be a dump but it's not filthy any more,' Bruce muttered. âI cleaned it up, didn't I?'
âLook at all this scribbling on the walls,' Mum said despairingly.
âA quick coat of paint would soon sort it out,' said Bruce. âYou could get on to the council again. Or if you get no joy you could buy a few cans of paint and get the girls to help you.
I'd
do it if my back was up to it. A spot of white would brighten it up no end.'
âIt would still be a dump if you painted it sky-blue pink,'
Mum
said. âIf only I'd stayed put. It seemed so clear in the charts. I could see great changes, new opportunities; exciting challenges â but I got it all wrong. I should have stayed in Bletchworth. Even though they all called me a slag. Well. Maybe they're right.'
âYou're not a slag, Mum,' said Rochelle.
âDefinitely not,' said Jude. âI'll punch anyone who says you are.'
âOf course you're not,' I said. I paused. âWhat exactly
is
a slag?'
âOh Dixie, you kill me, you really do,' said Mum, shaking her head. âYou girls are just trying to be sweet to me. I don't know why. I'm a terrible mum.'
â
I
don't want to be sweet to you,' said Bruce. âI'm pretty damn annoyed with you, seeing as I've worked my bottom off for you and your girls and you've barely said thank you. Here I am, stuck on my back like a stag beetle, barely able to move, knowing I've got a flower shop without any flowers when the business is rapidly going down the pan as it is. But I'll tell you one thing. You're not
my
definition of a slag. A slag is a rude, rough woman, Dixie, who's got a bad mouth and rushes round drinking and chatting up all the men, and doesn't give a stuff about her children. Well, I've heard you sounding off, Sue, so I know you swear, and maybe you like a drink and going out clubbing. You've had quite a few boyfriends in your time. Maybe you don't always act like a little lady â though how should I know? But I do know one thing. Slags don't make good mums and you're a lovely mum to your kids.'
Mum blinked at Bruce, looking astonished. Then she pulled her kimono straight and tucked her hair behind
her
ears. âThank you,' she said. âThank you for saying that, Bruce. And thank you for all you've done for us. We couldn't have managed without you.'
I wanted this to be like a movie. I wanted Mum and Bruce to look at each other and realize their love. Then they'd fall into each other's arms. Well, Bruce would have to stay put with his bad back but Mum could fall down on top of him. They'd have a long romantic film-star kiss while music played and us girls sang and Bluebell flew over their heads like a little lovebird.
Mum went off to change Sundance, wiping her runny nose with the back of her hand. Bruce shifted uncomfortably on the mattress, groaning and grunting. They weren't really
acting
like movie stars just yet. Maybe I had to give them time.
Jude went out to get aspirins and fish and chips. I went with her because I was scared she might get into a fight. Rochelle came too, on the lookout for Ryan.
We didn't see any boys, or any girls either.
âThey're all at school, lucky things,' said Rochelle.
Jude and I looked at her as if she'd gone totally mad.
âWell, it's boring just hanging out at home. I don't want to get behind. Mum should have sorted stuff out, got us enrolled at new schools so we could start today,' she said.
âOh, like she's really had the time, seeing as she had a baby on Sunday and her eldest daughter ran away from home today,' said Jude.
âYeah, well, that's not
my
fault, is it? Maybe I'll go and find the school myself. It's in Neptune Street, Ryan said.'
âSo that's why you want to go to school! Only remember, you're one of the silly little twerps in Year Eight. He's one of the macho retards in Year Eleven. I bet he won't
even
look at you in school,' said Jude. âWell,
I'm
not going near any school. I don't see why we can't simply stay off till the summer holidays and start again in September.'
That seemed like the best idea in the world to me.
15
âYOU REALLY NEED
me to look after Sundance, don't you, Mum?' I said.
âThat's right, darling,' Mum muttered.
âSo I can't go to school now, can I?'
âThat's right, darling.' Mum repeated.
I knew she wasn't really listening. She was clutching her mobile the way I frequently clutched Bluebell. Still, she'd as good as promised I needn't go to school. I relaxed a little.
Mum stayed strung up all afternoon, phoning Martine's mobile every fifteen minutes. Then she tried a change of tactics. She found out Tony's mum's number and rang her. Her hand was shaking as she dialled the number. She took a deep breath when Tony's mum answered.
âI'm sorry to trouble you, Mrs Wingate,' Mum said very politely, though she was pulling a hideous face as she said it. âIt's Sue here, Sue Diamond.'
She paused. Tony's mum was saying stuff. She didn't
sound
as if she was making an effort to be at all polite back.
âYeah, well, OK, I know we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things,' Mum said, struggling to keep her temper. âBut the thing is, I believe my Martine is coming to see your Tony today. Is she at your place right now? Can I speak to her?
Please?
She's not? You swear that's true? Oh God. Well, will you get her to ring me on my mobile the moment you hear from her?' Mum clicked the phone off and started to cry.
âWhere
is
she? What if she's lost somewhere? I'm not even sure how much money she had on her. What if she's mad enough to hitch a lift back home? What if something's happened to her?'
Bruce heard Mum crying and shouted up to her. âLook, Sue, I'll see if I can get my back strapped up in some way. Then we can go out in the van looking for her.'
He did his best, struggling off the mattress on all fours, but whenever he tried to straighten up he got stuck, hissing with the pain.
âGet back on that mattress, you silly beggar. You couldn't drive for five seconds and you know it,' said Mum. She paused. âThanks for the offer though. You're a real mate, Bruce.'
She started pacing up and down again, yawning and sighing and rolling her head around, her fluffy mules going
shuffle-slap
on the bare floorboards. Sundance wailed in my arms, wanting another feed. Mum didn't seem to hear her, though her nightie top got damp. She clutched the mobile, checking it again and again for texts, leaving her own messages.
âPlease please phone me, Martine. I'm so scared
something's
happened to you.
Phone me!
' Mum begged.
Then the mobile rang and Mum jumped, as if an electric current had sizzled up her arm. âMartine?' she gasped.
Jude and Rochelle came running. Bruce shuffled back off his mattress to the foot of the stairs. Even Sundance stopped wailing.
âShe's with you, Mrs Wingate? Oh, thank God! She met your Tony and walked back from school with him? Right, right, of course. Well, can I speak to her?' Mum paused. âWhat do you mean? Of course I need to talk to her! Stop telling me how to behave with my own daughter! I
know
she's in a state. I wonder if
you
know the full story! Now just you let her come to the phone. Please! Oh for God's sake, you interfering old bag, butt out of things and let me speak to Martine!'
Mum stopped. She shook her head. âShe's hung up on me,' she said.
She dialled again. And again and again. âNow she's not even answering.'
Mum tried Martine's mobile but it was still switched off. â
Why
won't they let her talk to me?' she wept.
âMaybe Martine just doesn't want to talk right now,' said Jude.
âAt least you know she's safe, Mum,' said Rochelle. She had her jacket on now and her best suede heels. She slipped out of the room â and a second later I heard the front door slam. Jude looked up, but she just sighed and shook her head.
I hoped Rochelle wasn't going to find this Neptune school. I busied myself with Sundance, trying to show Mum she couldn't possibly manage without me. Sundance
kept
fussing. She didn't want me rocking her or patting her on the back or whispering into her tiny pink ears. She wanted to be fed.
âGive him here, Dixie,' Mum said wearily.
âI think you really should put him on a bottle, Mum, and then I could feed him all by myself. You wouldn't have to bother,' I suggested.
âMaybe,' said Mum. It was clear she wasn't listening.
âMartine will come back soon, Mum, you'll see,' I said. âAnd then when her baby's born I could look after him too. I could be like a childminder to both of them. I could feed them and bath them and take them for walks in a double buggy andâ'