Devotion (41 page)

He shook his head. "Magic blocks me from even passing my hands through, so I can't use my powers. But it's fine. We'll deal with this their way."

"But their way is
wrong
. They're all screwed up. You know what will happen."

"I do." His jaw tightened, making the muscle jump. "But there's a reason for it all, my love. Whatever happens, it's meant to be."

"Not if they're doing it on their own or … with the wrong influence."

"There's nothing we can do, Lex. We have to trust them. In the end, they'll do what's right."

Trust them?
Ha!
"You mean trust them to split us up? Because you know that's what they'll do. They want to get rid of you. This is all the traitor's doing, Tristan. There's nothing
right
about it."

"Lexi," he said, his voice lower yet still firm. He took my hands in his and pulled them to his soft lips. "Lexi, my love, none of it matters. We have to remain loyal. We have to do what's best for the Amadis. This is the best–"

"
What?
Separating us is
not
what's best. It's the absolute worst! I can't do that again, Tristan."

He pursed his lips together. "You
have
to, Lex. It's your responsibility and if you do it–and you
are
strong enough–you can bring the Amadis back together. You have to live your duty and your purpose. Even without me." He paused for a long moment. When he spoke again, his voice came out bleaker than I'd ever heard it before. "What we have …" He stopped again and swallowed hard. "What we have, Alexis … it's not real."

My eyes bugged with incredulity. Had the crazies overtaken him, too? "What the hell are you talking about? How can you
say
that?"

"Listen to me," he said. His eyes looked deeply into mine, his dark with no gold flecks, the green a murky swirl of pain and turmoil. "I need to tell you something. As soon as Lisa mentioned the stone, I remembered it all. I said I didn't because I didn't want to believe what it meant, and your knowing would only make things worse. I thought …" He shook his head. "It doesn't matter what I thought. What I wanted. It's obviously true."

"What?" His defeated tone frightened me.
How bad could it be?

"The stone, Lex, in the pendant. You and me–it only happened because of it. It's always been the stone. It had been given to me as a young child." His vision of a beautiful, golden-haired and golden-eyed woman showed in my mind, standing before us. From the perspective, I guessed Tristan to be very small. The golden woman held the triangular stone in her hand and pressed it against his chest, until it sank below his skin and disappeared. "She told me I would know when the right one came–my true love–the stone would tell me. I was to remove the stone and give it to this person, my soul mate.
Only
her, the woman stressed. Anyone else would be dangerous, perhaps fatal. But my soul mate would love me forever. For hundreds of years, the right one never came along. Not until I met you. Only then did the stone warm, whenever I was with you."

I saw the vision of him taking a scalpel to the skin over his heart, reaching in and removing the stone, then creating the pendant for me.

"Ooo-kaaay," I said, trying not to be creeped-out with where the stone came from. "You gave it to me. I
am
your soul mate. I do love you forever."

He shook his head. "Only because of the stone."

I couldn't help it. I laughed. After all, he had to have been kidding. This had to be a joke. But what awful timing for such a joke, and looking at his face, I knew he was completely serious. My jaw dropped, and I sobered. "Have you lost your
mind
? My love has nothing to do with a stupid stone."

He pressed his lips against my knuckles. "I wish I could believe that. I really do. But ever since we lost the pendant … we argue all the time."

"We've been under a lot of pressure."

"We've always been under a lot of pressure, and we never argued before. We always stood together. The stone united us."

"Bullshit," I spat. "Why are you doing this? You don't even sound like yourself. What's
wrong
with you?"

"Alexis, please don't make this more difficult for me. I
do
love you, regardless of your real feelings. And I love the Amadis. You need to do what's right for them, and
I'm
not right for them. I can't give you a daughter. I can't give you–or them–what they need."

"Tristan–"

"Listen to me. The ones who thought we were meant for each other were wrong. Rina must have interpreted the Angels' message incorrectly. I'm obviously not meant for you. I'm not the right one. We only believed it because of the stone."

"Stop talking about the fucking stone!" I yelled. "My love for you has nothing to do with it. And I will not let them separate us!"

"Don't you get it?" he growled. His eyes flashed as he lost all patience. "She only gave the stone to me so I could
trick
you into loving me."

"You didn't trick me. You can't do that to someone's feelings. You can't do that to
my
heart. I know what I feel!"

"And it can't be love, Alexis. Not true love. I. Can't. Be. Loved."

"Oh, no! No, no, no. You're
not
doing this. You're not destroying us because of your guilt." I jabbed my finger into his chest. "Stop it now, Tristan. Because I love you whether you like it or not. I love
you
. No matter what you or some stupid woman says! Besides, there's a prophecy. I've read it myself."

"Prophecies aren't specific enough. You can't be certain it means you and me."

"Then so what? Screw the prophecy. Screw the stone. There's still you and me, and I feel what I feel. I
won't
deny it. But are you? Are you denying our love? Do you love
me
?"

He growled again. "Of course, Alexis. More than anything and everything combined. Which is why I've been so selfish. It's wrong. I have to let you go, to do what's best for everyone." He pulled my arms to his chest and stepped forward so we both pressed against the bars. But our faces–our lips–couldn't touch. "Do what's right, Lex. In the end, it will be good. It's what's
supposed
to happen."

Two hands grabbed my waist from behind and tugged. "No! Tristan, no! I don't believe this! I'm not giving up on us!"

"Go, my love. Just go." He lifted my hands to his lips again, but the guard jerked me out of Tristan's grasp. "
I love you,
ma lykita
.
"

I love you, too, my sweet Tristan
, I called back.
Whether you believe it or not. I love you. Forever!

I didn't know if he heard my last words. The guard had me outside by then, beyond the shield, which might have severed our mental connection. Without a word, Mom took my hand and pulled me around the side of the building. She stopped and wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

I shook my head and more tears flowed. "He's giving up, Mom. He thinks it's best for the Amadis."

Mom sighed and wrapped her arms around me. I cried into her shoulder for several minutes. Then she gently pushed me back and looked into my eyes. "The trial will start soon. I assume you want to be there?"

I nodded.

"Then you need to straighten up. You can't be a mess, especially if they call on you as a witness. You need to look and act confident, not like a blubbering idiot."

I nodded again and inhaled a deep, jagged breath. Mom cleaned my face off once more and ran her hands over my hair to straighten it. Once I could breathe without hitches, she led me to the front of the Council Hall and inside. The low thrum of many muted conversations carried out from the meeting room, but Mom turned the opposite way. We entered the smaller holding room where we'd come six months ago when I attended my first council meeting.

The atmosphere then had been tense, but had also held a bit of a homecoming buzz, making the room feel bright and inviting. Now, with only Rina there and no light flooding the room or conversation filling it, the room felt dark and cold, and I almost expected to see Rina shivering in her sleeveless silk gown. She leaned against the wall, peering out the same window I had looked out that day, seeing the same village that had awed me at the time–her village, her people. I could only see her profile silhouetted against the window, but the slump of her bare shoulders was expression enough. Her sadness felt almost palpable, hanging in the air as if a dark cloud had settled in the room.

She finally turned to us, and I'd never seen anyone look so haggard. Dark half-moons shaded the skin under her tired eyes, and her bottom lip looked swollen, as if she'd been chewing on it nonstop. Considering we regenerated every night while we slept, returning to near perfection each morning, her appearance was a result of only this morning's stress. Either that or she hadn't slept. Seeing us, though, her mouth pulled into a small smile, and her eyes brightened a tad.

I should have felt sorry for her, but when she said, "Alexis, darling," and spread her arms out to welcome me with an embrace, something in me snapped. I took a step backward, pulling away from her.

"Don't 'Alexis, darling' me," I sneered. "I want nothing to do with you right now."

Her arms fell to her sides, and her eyes opened wide. "Alexis …"

"You knew about this little girl–
my
daughter
–all along. You
knew!
And you called
me
absurd for even thinking it possible."

Rina shook her head. "No. I did not know at all."

"I don't believe you! You're still lying to me, after all this. I get it, Rina. She's evil. Her Daemoni blood's too strong. I understand that you–or someone–decided she needed to be taken away. I get it. But why do you stand here and lie to me now? Why did you lie to me before, when I first heard about her? Why would you make me feel like … like such a
failure
?"

"Alexis, darling, no. That is not how it is."

"Stop lying to me! You had a secret about my daughter. Tell me the truth for once. Please, Rina, just tell me the damn truth."

She looked at her hands clasped in front of her, then up at me. Her answer came in my head, keeping her confession from powerful ears. "
Alexis, I do have a secret. A secret about your daughter. But it has nothing to do with this girl you found.
" Rina paused and I almost went off on her again. "
My secret is actually very simple compared. Alexis … I never received a message from the Angels that you would have a daughter. That is my secret.
"

My mouth fell open.
That's
all
? If that's it, why wouldn't you tell me sooner? All this time … I thought …

"
I wanted to give you hope. So you would keep trying. I wanted to give the council hope so they would not give up on you and Tristan. I tried to make them believe for as long as I could.
" Rina shook her head as she stared at the floor, then she spoke aloud, in barely more than a whisper. "But it only–how do you say–backfired? I have failed. I have failed you and Tristan. I have failed the Amadis. And now–"

"And now you're still a liar."

The door opened before she could respond, and Solomon stepped inside.

"The meeting hall is standing room only," he said. "The council would like to meet here, in private, before the trial."

"It matters little what I would like, no?" Rina asked with a sigh. Then she nodded, and Solomon opened the door wider. The council, all dressed in black robes, filed in.

Everyone stood in silence for a long moment, tension heavier and colder than a three-foot blanket of snow. The village clock tolled a single note, muffled through the window and stone walls. Rina looked at them all expectantly, but they remained silent.

"Armand, I believe you have something to say," Solomon finally said, his baritone voice sounding tired, as if he, too, had been beaten down by the council.

"Yes, I do," the short and stocky vampire said, taking two steps forward and turning to face the council who stood in a half-circle. As the chief of the Amadis police force, Armand had probably been the one who'd taken Tristan into custody. My mouth soured with hatred as he straightened his spine and cleared his throat before making his announcement. "I believe we need to temporarily remove Katerina Camilla Ames from the role of matriarch."