Devoted (7 page)

He felt the tickle of Jake’s whiskers before he felt anything else. It was a strange sensation, but one that was quickly swallowed up by the feeling of Jake’s lips on his.

They were softer than he expected. They always looked soft, but Russ assumed kissing another man would feel a bit harder than that. Something inside of him twinged. He didn’t know why he did it. They could have passed just as they were. But he kissed back.

It still only lasted a few moments before Jake drew back, but those few moments left Russ’s lips tingling, his body flushed with an immediate warmth, and his mind reeling, awash in a sea of raw emotion mixed with a sudden hint of passion.

He had the answer he’d never sought in college: He was definitely attracted to Jake.

How ironic that he’d gotten that answer at the worst possible time: Right after marrying him.

H
ours later
, Jake still hadn’t gotten over that kiss.

He’d expected it to be a quick peck. He’d tried to keep it that way because he knew if he’d allowed much more than that, he would have given himself away.

But Russ had kissed him back.

Why the fuck had Russ kissed him back?

He’d tried to rationalize it the whole way back to the office, after beating a hasty retreat from the courthouse. He must have come across as an asshole to Ray and James who invited them out for a double date sometime, but he was too afraid of what he might say or do.

That kiss…

It wasn’t the magical fairytale kiss he might have conjured in his fantasies. Fireworks didn’t go off. Birds didn’t sing. Angels didn’t descend from on high.

But it wasn’t far off.

The moment his lips had touched Russ’s, he’d felt that spark. The same one he’d been feeling for almost twenty years, whenever they touched. Or whenever Russ laughed or smiled at him in a certain way. It was the spark that loudly proclaimed “you’re fucked, bro.”

And then Russ had kissed him back, and that feeling had been magnified tenfold.

Russ had tasted exactly the way he thought he might. Rough and masculine but also a little sweet. His beard was grown out enough that it was just a soft scratch against his face, a sensation that still left tingles even now. And probably without even meaning to, Russ had taken charge. Pressing firmly against Jake’s lips, with Jake yielding so easily beneath him.

He’d broken it off before his body had started to respond; before he’d let out the soft moan that had threatened to escape him.

It was ridiculous. One taste was enough to get Jake completely drunk and yearning for more.

Now he was at Russ’s house, two pizza boxes cradled in one arm, trying to act like nothing had happened. It was just another night hanging out with his friend.

It wasn’t like they’d gotten married or anything.

As he reached for the door, the feel of metal against his chest taunted him. He shouldn’t have done it. He shouldn’t have done any of this, but he definitely shouldn’t have strung the band Russ had slipped onto his finger onto a chain to rest close to his heart.

He just hated the idea of stowing it away in a drawer, never to be seen again. Not when it meant so much to him.

Even if he knew Russ had probably done just that.

God, he was a mess. He stood on the porch, taking a moment to collect himself. Mrs. Robertson was out walking her dog, and he waved, offering a shaky smile. When he turned back to the door, though, he found it already open.

“Hey Uncle Jake.”

Ryan smiled up at him, reaching out to take one of the boxes. He looked a lot happier than the last time Jake had seen him.

It was a reminder, and definitely an effective one. He was doing all of this for Ryan. Maybe he had a few selfish little fantasies he needed to deal with, but a wave of relief washed over him as he realized Ryan was taken care of now.

“Trying out my new gig as a pizza delivery guy. What do you think?”

Ryan looked him up and down with perfect scrutiny. “You’re not wearing the uniform. You need a hat.”

“Hmm, you’re right.”

Russ came up behind his son, resting a hand atop his head. Jake’s heart skipped a beat. It took a huge effort to tamp down the ridiculous smile that wanted to make its way onto his face.

“What’s this about hats? There some sort of dress code I wasn’t told about?”

“Uncle Jake needs a hat to be a delivery driver.” And then he left, heading toward the stairs with purpose.

Jake suspected he was going to be in possession of a hat very soon.

“Hey, thanks for coming by,” Russ said, reaching out to touch his arm and guiding him into the foyer.

Was it just Jake’s imagination, or was there a bit of hesitation—maybe even shyness—in the way Russ looked at him? He must be delirious. Russ wouldn’t have taken what happened at the courthouse seriously. He’d probably stopped thinking about it right after it happened.

After all, it wasn’t like he was stuck in a constant state of pining the way Jake was.

“No problem at all. I figured I could at least feed you before I make you fill out a bunch of paperwork.”

He’d left all the insurance forms in the car, planning to grab them after Ryan went to bed. No need to make their little lie any more difficult than it had to be.

“Good thing. I was about to cook everybody a box of mac ’n’ cheese if you didn’t.”

“I can just dump this pizza out in the street, then. You know I love boxed mac ’n’ cheese,” he said with a grin.

Whatever Russ was nervous about, that seemed to relax him. “Yeah, I remember. I think it was all you ate for a whole year.”

“That and Cap’n Crunch.” He patted his flat stomach. “The freshman fifteen was more like the freshman twenty for me.”

Russ rolled his eyes. “Oh, please. You’ve always looked great.”

Time practically stopped as Russ reached out, touching a hand to his stomach. Jake froze, trying not to just blatantly stare at him. Russ removed his hand after just a moment, but the words lingered. Had he heard that right?
You’ve always looked great.
He meant it as a friend, though. He had to. Because the only other option was that Russ had noticed how he looked all those years ago. And the entire time since.

“I mean, for a dorky college guy,” he supplied, and Jake laughed a little more than was actually suitable for the joke.

God, he really
was
a mess. Tangled up in knots, hanging on Russ’s every word, and hearing whatever he wanted to hear. Before he put his foot in his mouth or did something else he’d regret, Jake moved into the kitchen. This time, the table wasn’t filled with paperwork and a calculator, but rather a few pieces of mail. Russ moved them, and Jake put the pizzas down.

They worked together to grab plates and cups—paper and plastic, respectively—and had the table more or less set when Ryan came back downstairs.

Predictably, he had a Cardinals cap in his hand.

“Here, you can wear this one,” he said.

Jake took it with a smile, adjusting the band on the back. He fit it on his head, and it was still a little tight. “How do I look?”

“Like a dorky college guy,” Russ said, followed by the hiss of a two-liter.

“What about now?” He turned the cap sideways, and Ryan laughed.

“Nobody wears it like that anymore.”

“Good. Maybe I can start up the trend again.”

“Be sure to swing by an audition for New Kids on the Block while you’re at it.” Russ poured him some of the soda, and Jake met his gaze with a grin.

The awkwardness that existed earlier was gone, thank God. Mostly because of Ryan. It wasn’t surprising, considering how cool a kid he was. Always easy to talk to. He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Ryan in a bad mood, aside from the obvious grief he’d felt over his mother’s passing. Even then, he’d been the optimist of the family. The ray of light shining through the darkest clouds.

It was good to see that, even now. And it immediately struck him with guilt. Ryan wasn’t the average ten-year-old. He’d been through so much. He could probably handle hearing that his father was “legally” married to his best friend.

But the moment he thought of Ryan looking at him with betrayal in his eyes, he zipped up that idea quick.

“What kind did you get?”

“Anchovies. Lots of anchovies,” Russ said.

Ryan made a face, and Jake came back to the present. No sense worrying about things that didn’t matter. They both loved Ryan more than anything. They would make sure he was protected, no matter the cost.

The three of them had spent about two hours together. After pizza, they’d watched a movie. One of those kids’ sports flicks about the outcast who leads his terrible team to victory. There was popcorn throwing at one point. Tickling, too. Ryan had gone on a binge of telling terrible jokes that he must have gotten out of some joke book. Or maybe from Russ.

And Jake had just marveled at how
normal
everything seemed.

He’d always felt out of place in this house. The third wheel when it was just Russ and Carrie, and something even further removed when Ryan came along. He knew his friends loved having him here, and that Ryan did, too, but there was always something that reminded him he shouldn’t be here.

It was still present now, but the cool press of that ring against his chest made him think things he shouldn’t. He wasn’t delusional enough to believe that because he and Russ were “married” now, he had any right to intrude on his friend’s family.

But it would make sense if he was around more. He could help take care of Ryan, and even take care of Russ since he knew his friend always put everyone else first. It was one of the things Jake both loved and hated about him. They’d need to work out all the insurance details anyway, and if—God forbid—anyone ever questioned the validity of their union, it would look better if Jake was around.

And yet even as he justified it to himself, a part of him wondered if he wasn’t just being selfish.

After Ryan went to bed, he and Russ sat at the kitchen table talking about insurance claims.

“You’re sure this will go into effect before his surgery?”

Jake nodded, flipping a page in the packet he was reading. “Yeah. The policy change will be active starting the first of the month.”

“And they’re not going to consider this a pre-existing condition or some bullshit like that?”

“They can’t. Not legally. If they do, I’ll fight them on it.”

He was the picture of health. He’d paid far, far more into insurance than insurance had ever covered for him. If they put up a fight about this, he
would
win. But thankfully he didn’t expect it would be that much of an issue. At worst, they’d get tangled up in a back-and-forth after the surgery date. By that point, Ryan would already have had the treatment he needed.

Russ seemed satisfied with that, and filled out a form. Out of nowhere, he laughed, and Jake looked up at him. He was poised above the “Last Name” column.

“We weren’t supposed to change our names or anything, were we?”

It took him a moment to realize what Russ meant, then he laughed, too. “Look at you going all Neanderthal. There are modern couples who don’t do that, you know.”

Russ snorted in that endearing way he knew his friend hated. It may not have won him any popularity contests, but it was cute as hell.

“Whatever, man. We’ve already fucked this up. I should have carried you over the threshold.”

“I’d like to see you try!” Even as he taunted, a thrill ran up his spine.

Yes, please.

“You don’t think I could do it? I’ve lifted cabinets that weigh twice as much as you.”

“Yeah, but you’ve never carried those over the threshold,” he said with a grin.

Russ laughed. “Not true. Though mostly I just shove them through the door. Not a whole lot of carrying going on.”

“Duly noted.”

Russ was quiet for a moment, though there was a smile on his face. It stuck this time, and Jake felt a wash of warmth come over him. He wasn’t responsible for it. Not really. But it was nice being witness to it. They hadn’t been able to just joke around like this in a very long time.

“So is this how you imagined your wedding night going?”

Jake was sure he hadn’t heard him correctly. There was no way Russ was casually asking him about his—
their
—wedding night. But when he looked up again, he saw that spark of mischief in his friend’s eyes. Right. He was joking.

Not that Jake would have given him a serious answer, since that answer was probably something like:
Except for the part where instead of sitting here talking, you push me up against the wall and kiss me like you can’t live without me for another second.

And it only got more heated from there. Jake had definitely thought about it. Even before he’d come over here, he’d thought about it. The fantasy played in his mind once more. Ryan would be at a friend’s house. Just for the night, so they could be as loud as they wanted. Russ would lead him to the bedroom and push him down onto the bed. He’d use those big, rough hands all over Jake’s body. That smart mouth would be put to way better use, too.

And Jake would absolutely worship him. He’d never begged for another man to fuck him before, but he knew he’d beg for Russ if that’s what he wanted. And that moment when Russ filled him would be sheer bliss. The cresting of every feeling he’d kept bottled up inside for years.

But of course it was just a fantasy. Even if it presently made Jake’s pants feel a little too tight, his skin flushed and his collar seem driven to choke him.

Christ. Russ was staring at him, too. He’d probably just been sitting there, not saying a damn thing for the last few minutes.

“Not exactly,” he managed, leading his words directly into a throat clear.

“Hey, it’s cool. I’d have that same reaction imagining me naked, too.”

For a moment he thought Russ might be torturing him. But that look of mischief remained, and he had to laugh it off as much as possible.

“It’s the dad bod,” he said, knowing damn well that if Russ had a dad bod, it was a damn good one.

Russ leaned back in his chair and patted his stomach. Jake almost rolled his eyes. It was still flat, twenty years later.

“Better have more pizza, then. I might as well own it.” Russ took out a nearly cold piece of pizza, and Jake was thankfully spared from having to answer any more questions about his ideal wedding night.

That didn’t keep him from thinking about it, though. He must have read the same paragraph five times trying to focus.

When Russ spoke again, he held his breath. But his friend’s tone was oddly somber. Serious.

“Jake… why these rings?”

He looked up, afraid he’d been caught; that somehow Russ could see the chain under his shirt. But no. Russ had his own gold band in his hand. The sight of it made Jake’s heart skip a beat.

“I know what they mean to you.”

He should have known that Russ would realize where they were from. Russ had helped him with the search, after all, and had even offered to loan him the money to buy them back from their new owners.